How to build a good foundation?

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

Ok I am going to try and make this short haha... I was seeing a guy around the month of May. Anyways he ended up moving to Calgary, and we hardly talked for about 3 months. Anyways I was totally head over heals for him.

So now he is back home and wefinally got to to hang out Friday ngiht. So we talked alot about what happend while he was away, and why he was so distant adn whatever. Anyways we decided that even though in our hearts we both wanted to jump into something, we decided, because it gave us a peace, that we were going to build a foundation/friendship first.

Now I am wondering.... first of all what do you guys think of that and second of all do you have any pointers for me? Like on building a solid foundation?

I see a huge change in him... its amazing (for anyone who may remember my old posts... its the youth pastor) anyways... like b efore there was no sence of commitement... we would hang out wheever....liek we would go maybe 2 weeks without seeing eachother... now he really wants to make an effort. Like Friday night we hung out and then lastt night he called me just to say hi, and then tonight he hung out wiht my group of friends. And we made plans for later on the week.

He;s really great because he is the first person I have ever really felt comfotable talking about my faith with... I donno how to explain it... its great!

Anyways I really care for this guy. But ultimatly I want God's will to be done!

Thanks guys!

 

[LifeInYou]

*is happy for you*


My advice.........keep things light for as long as possible. Experience lots of situations together, some with just the two of you, others with lots of people there. I have a peculiar desire about the word "dating" and that is....I wish it didn't exist. I guess I feel it sets up situations for awkwardness. Be up front with one another about any flaws or quirks you both might have. It might save some valuable time. Other than that.......enjoy yourselves and keep us posted on any progress.


LifeInYou

 

[Hewitt]

Don't let yourselves plan too far ahead. Just remember that this guy is your brother in Christ and you want to know him more. If you go into this friendship with the purpose of preparing for courting, then you aren't going to get the most out of it. Be real, and don't have any alternative motives.

 

[DaveKerwin]

If you want to keep it as a friendship, the be very attentive to guarding your heart. If you are friends, then there is no romance. DO NOT give this man your heart.

I would email back and forth for a few weeks/months. Get to know him as a person, what he likes and does not like, what his passions are, what he thinks about church and ministry, etc. Really get to know each other. Just talk with him like you would your male cousin. But I would keep it mainly over email for the sake of keeping it platonic.

Being friends first is nice, if you can actually do it.

 

[Warrior Poet]

Oneness (marriage)
Intamacy
Exclusiveness
Friendship

Its just like that imagine those four as a pyramid, with oneness on top, meaning sexual, and physical, mental, all in the realm of marriage, its at the top and is the last thing achieved.

Next down is Intamacy, this doesnt consist of anything sexual/physical, but about how open and where you let that other person into your world, shaing dreams, hopes, fear, wants, needs, faults, strenghts. Intamacy and romance in this sense are almost coexisting, you can be very romantic and intimate which out ever having sinful physical contact. This is achieved or needs to be before the Oneness ever takes place.

Next down and second from the base is Exclusive, at some point you have to come to the realization that you want to be or are supposed to be with this person. I think this choice comes from knowing who this person is and the things you like about them, the time spent together is fun and what you are looking for in a mate, and here is where alot of times it will make or break a relationship, if one person is not ready for that step then it is impossible to move up the pyramid.

And at the base, friendship. That is exactly where it should be, any and all healty relationships are based on friendship. I dont think this means you have to be friends before dating but you have to be friends real freinds, before moving up the pyramid. Friendship as the base is something that is not easliy destroyed, and many times is very easy to build. Trust, honesty, loyalty and the things you pride yourslef on in being a friend and wanting in a friend are what you need to have/be. That foundation is solid and even through the tough spots remain, when the rest of the pyramid collapses, that foundation can save what you have as long as its been in place and is real.

Love, Trust, Friendship, its a trinity, and its very hard to have one without the others.

To many times now adays we skip parts on this pyramid, that will lead to an enevitable collapse.

Warrior Poet

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

Forget about a relationship. Totally forget the idea.

Become best friends first. Your partner should be your best friend. If you take your eyes off of a relationship then I think a friendship will come a long a lot more easily. I started dating one of my best friends. I'm not afraid to be me around him. I don't worry about impressing him. He's seen me when I've look totally disgusting and it didn;t matter to him and it didn't matter to me either. Just be friends at first, without the thought of a relationship.

 

[fry]

If you want to keep it as a friendship, the be very attentive to guarding your heart. If you are friends, then there is no romance. DO NOT give this man your heart.

I see things a lil different. For sure take things slow and get to know each other that's a given. But as for who you fall in love with and who you give your heart to well that's something you cant control. You can in a sense put up a wall and keep people out, but shutting people out of your life gives no glory to God. If its his will let it be, as long as you both live through him you cant go wrong. I'm not saying jump right in overlooking the friendship step. Its just the part that says "DO NOT give this man your heart" that bugs me. Because if its Gods will you have no need to hide anything from him most importantly your heart. So as for the most important advise I think you will receive in this topic, pray for the Lord to guide you, listen and see what he sends your way and follow.

God Bless
-Sean

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

Wow guys, thank you all so much! Honestly I was expecting everyone to tell me to run far away!

Warrior Poet... thats amazing advice. I am really going to take the time to read over it again, and really meditate on what you said.

And Fry, you talked about putting up a wall around my heart... and I am affraid that is what I have done. I am so scared about getting hurt again... however with Mike, that wall crumbled, but I am still so scared. I have had so many horrible past relationships... I guess I am just so scared that I am going to be left broken hearted....

 

[desi]

Finish the 6 months away from boys which you said God led you to, in another thread a week or so ago. Then go for it!

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

Thats my plan! I love how God ties all these things together!!

 

[JahRawks]

Friendship should most definately start first, and I agree with Liz, hehe, she might be my girlfriend, but honest, I do have my own opinions , but yeah, build up a foundation of friendship first, it's amazing what God does through friendship, I built up my current relationship for a while before I allowed myself to get into the relationship, I never intended for it to turn into an actual long-term relationship when it started out, God just let it happen that way, but yeah, build your foundation on trust and on friendship, love him as a friend for who he is, even when you do see his faults, every one of us has em, some just try to hide em more than others, just be there for him if he needs you, just be a best friend to him, anywho, that's my 2 pennies worth hope it helps -Nathan

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

Thanks guys.. your a great encouragement.

Is there any specific things you can suggest? Oh another thing, do you guys think I should let him come to me? meaning waite for him to email me or for him to call me? I just always feel like I am bugging him.... bah boys!

I really wish that God wouldnt have given me the ability to like them.... Its too frustrating!! And I always end up getting hurt....

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

Lol, I went to him. I told him I liked him. Then when we got together (500 miles apart) I made all the first moves. ALL of them! Holding hands, kissing, cuddling. I did it all.