How Important Is Getting Married To You?

[angelsaroundme]

There have been studies that show the fewer siblings one has the less likely they are to get married. It makes sense because siblings are where many people get used to being around someone of a similar age and perhaps relying on that person. I'm an only child of an only child. Between that and my social difficulties I've adapted to being more okay with the solo life. Rather than marriage my hope for meaningful living is to have a positive impact on the world and to get closer to God.

 

[bèlla]

There have been studies that show the fewer siblings one has the less likely they are to get married. It makes sense because siblings are where many people get used to being around someone of a similar age and perhaps relying on that person. I'm an only child of an only child. Between that and my social difficulties I've adapted to being more okay with the solo life. Rather than marriage my hope for meaningful living is to have a positive impact on the world and to get closer to God.

You raised an interesting point. I have two siblings but my brother went away for high school. I often felt like an only child. But practically speaking its been that way since I was eight. I'm comfortable being alone and doing things on my own. I'll go to a restaurant or see a movie without a companion. And I'm okay with that.

My daughter is an only child and she's the same. I didn't grow up dreaming about my wedding day and nor did she. That's an interesting perspective. Thanks for sharing.

~Bella

 

[Sir Robbins]

^ it's interesting indeed and I suppose it depends on the quality of the relationships with your siblings.. I have 2 younger brothers (1 is just 1 year younger and the other is 6 years younger). I never got along with them and the middle one drove me so nuts I wished desperately to live alone. My father further enhanced this with a long list of dreadful habits, obligations, yada yada yada. If you get along with your sibling, great! I get along with him now that he's 1000 miles away

 

[emett22]

Reading some of the posts about being 30 or over and not married frightens me half to death. I'm working very very hard to earn a good living, it'll be another year and a half I'd say until I finished my finance degree. But man, being 30 something and not married sounds very sad

I don't understand the people who say they expected to be married because that's what everyone does, like it's a societal expectation or a self esteem thing. I've always WANTED to get married, soooooooo much lol I don't care what everyone else thinks about it, I actually want it because I see how awesome it is!

 

[Sir Robbins]

Reading some of the posts about being 30 or over and not married frightens me half to death. I'm working very very hard to earn a good living, it'll be another year and a half I'd say until I finished my finance degree. But man, being 30 something and not married sounds very sad

I don't understand the people who say they expected to be married because that's what everyone does, like it's a societal expectation or a self esteem thing. I've always WANTED to get married, soooooooo much lol I don't care what everyone else thinks about it, I actually want it because I see how awesome it is!

If I sat down and the thought stayed in my mind, I'd feel the same about myself. Sad... It isn't what I wanted or hoped for but my experiences and health have led me to choosing an alternative lifestyle and it's sadly one that is lonely but I manage.

 

[bèlla]

^ it's interesting indeed and I suppose it depends on the quality of the relationships with your siblings..

They've had no impact on my mindset. My father expected me to marry. But he didn't account for my mother's family or their influence. He didn't understand my nature. But they did.

I never wanted an ordinary life. I wanted extraordinary experiences. I'd select a companion along those lines. I don't have a pressing desire for marriage because dating meets my needs. As we devolve as a society the idea is less appealing.

Finding a believer is hard enough. Now we have gender binary, woke, and what's to come. Heck!

~Bella

 

[bèlla]

What is the reason for dating if not to get married? If you are just interested in just being around someone because you like talking with them and discussing, isn't that being just friends?

Most relationships don’t lead to marriage. You’re discovering one another and determining if the bond is sustainable long-term. I’m gauging his character, commitment to God, maturity, and complementary outlook and mission.

Singleness is a trying affair for some. They have a greater emotional assignment to companionship than others. Some feel an absence or void of sorts. But I don’t. I’m complete in this state. He adds to the whole. My life and heart aren’t centered on a man. He isn’t my orbit. God is.

I don’t believe marriage will solve my problems or make me happy. That’s unrealistic. I built a vibrant life without a companion and I’m content. And I don’t want someone with that outlook. That hole is too deep to fill. Only God can.

If God desires me to marry, I can wait for the right alignment. Because He’s true to His word. There’s little need to fret or rush. He’ll accomplish His purpose. But I won’t get ahead of Him or be swayed by emotion. You can’t operate in fear or scarcity. That’s not appealing.

~Bella

 

[ThisIsMe123]

It is kind of interesting that Christian women, well, men, too...but I figured it was Christian women that had an interest, or even a strong interest, for marriage, since it is rather uncharacteristic if you didn't have an interest in it.
That the only reason for not getting married, would be that if you plan on taking a role of a nun or priest. lol

Where I live, most Christians I've met, by their mid 20s, they had been married by early 20s. Were probably engaged in there teens (19, 20) to their high school sweet hearts.

I knew a woman I had an interest in in college that said she said she wasn't allowed to date. That the boyfriend had to be over at her parents' house...with HER. Chaperoning. Very strange arrangement there, esp. as a young adult.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

What is the reason for dating if not to get married?

Wanted to supplement my previous post with this one...Christians had this end game of, "You should date with marriage in mind". With those resisting marriage, even in the Christian community, it doesn't remain consistent with that mindset. At least from what I'm reading here on the message boards.

Also, I think men are getting more disappointed in women not wanting to marry as men are typically the pursuers, with women saying aloud, "I don't need a man" or "I am happy alone". I knew a Christian woman like this...she said she had a guy friend that never made a move on her because of it...finally, he broke, and told her his true feelings. They wound up dating as a result, and later marrying. It was like "Why didn't you say anything sooner?" but he thought if he did, it would botch things if he didn't give itenough time.

Eventually, there was a tipping point in that case.

 

[bèlla]

Life is a series of compelling arguments. Whenever you want to sway someone's opinion you need to demonstrate why its worth their while to consider your perspective. Marriage is no different. She needs to recognize your value as a partner and what her life would be without you. That's the whole of it.

The rising success and financial prosperity women are experiencing is impacting the marriage market. Many are delaying or forgoing nuptials or holding out for a companion with similar earnings.

~Bella

 

[Isle of Avalon]

I used to stress about not being married but, of late, I'm more relaxed about it.
I quite like the freedom to come and go and do my own thing without having to account to anyone.
I'm not saying I'll never marry. If the right person comes along then that's fine. I don't go to pubs and clubs and haven't been to church for a while, for personal reasons regarding health etc, but I meet quite a few people while out walking my dog so you never know what will happen. You just have to trust in God as his will is best for his people.

But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4v19).

 

[Mak33y]

Reading some of the posts about being 30 or over and not married frightens me half to death....

lol I don't care what everyone else thinks about it, I actually want it because I see how awesome it is!

I think being married at the right time with the right person would be awesome, but to be married just for the sake of it's awesomeness is not wise. I've rarely see married couple say that being married is awesome, I think yes it is great to have someone who would complement your character who is a suitable companion, but marriage takes a lot of work let alone keeping it. I'm just saying don't let it dictate your happiness or your self worth, if you find a good partner better, just sayin, also don't be afraid If it's for you, it's for you. Trust God and always ask for his guidance.

 

[Sunshinee777]

As important that God sees it for me, if He sees I don't need to get married I won't and it's not then important to me.

 

[DragonFox91]

Extremely important to me, no question. I know that might sound not Christian enough, but what can I say? Is marriage not a good gift from God? Obviously it's not if he wants me to be single my whole life, but I'll confess I'm terrified of that thought.

It is kind of interesting that Christian women, well, men, too...but I figured it was Christian women that had an interest, or even a strong interest, for marriage, since it is rather uncharacteristic if you didn't have an interest in it.
That the only reason for not getting married, would be that if you plan on taking a role of a nun or priest. lol

Where I live, most Christians I've met, by their mid 20s, they had been married by early 20s. Were probably engaged in there teens (19, 20) to their high school sweet hearts.

I knew a woman I had an interest in in college that said she said she wasn't allowed to date. That the boyfriend had to be over at her parents' house...with HER. Chaperoning. Very strange arrangement there, esp. as a young adult.

LOL I'm so late in responding to this, but what can I say, I wasn't a member of the boards back when it was posted

The bolded is very strange to me & something I've noticed too, especially at one of the churches I go to now. The church seems to skew my age but everyone & younger my age looks married w/ kids aside from the 5-8 others in the 'singles ministry' class.

It's strange to me b/c dating can be taboo thing for Christians until they're 18-19 years old, so these people are, as you said marrying someone they met in high school, or marrying someone they met a year or two after they graduated high school.

As a Christian, I didn't have that luxury. The primary church I went to growing up, the women my age were unbelievers & therefore not attractive to me. They didn't even appear to try. The church group I went to in college, also couples who had met in high school & I didn't think I'd be compatible long-term w/ the 2 or 3 who weren't in relationships.

 

[bèlla]

Dating isn’t taboo in all circles. The practice is relatively new. I asked relatives in their sixties and seventies. Christians dated in the past.

I didn’t hear any of that growing up. I’m certain if we were told God was writing our love story or to kiss dating goodbye my grandparents would have taken action if my parents wouldn’t. They didn’t support extra religious teachings and we didn’t have friends who lived that way. Nor did my mother or her siblings.

I dated in high school. So did my friends. We went to dances and parties. My parents met in high school. My grandparents were childhood friends. And my aunts met their companions in college.

There’s a continuum of interactions with the opposite sex. Perhaps that differs for some denominations. But I didn’t encounter them.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

 

[DragonFox91]

The RCA church I went to w/ my family was very lax, so much so that the 5 girls there in my class were unbelievers. The Baptist church I went to w/ my friend was very strict - the boys & girls were separated for classes & events.

Is it any wonder I didn't meet a church girl growing up????

Then in college the ministry I attended, the women had met their boyfriends in high school.

So here I am stuck! & then, for example, I go to the church by me w/ the "singles" ministry & see all the couples that met in their high school or college church groups, & it's like......frustrating.

 

[Ceallaigh]

As important that God sees it for me, if He sees I don't need to get married I won't and it's not then important to me.

Hear hear.

 

[Sunshinee777]

The RCA church I went to w/ my family was very lax, so much so that the 5 girls there in my class were unbelievers. The Baptist church I went to w/ my friend was very strict - the boys & girls were separated for classes & events.

Is it any wonder I didn't meet a church girl growing up????

Then in college the ministry I attended, the women had met their boyfriends in high school.

So here I am stuck! & then, for example, I go to the church by me w/ the "singles" ministry & see all the couples that met in their high school or college church groups, & it's like......frustrating.

I thought you can meet people everywhere? I don't believe highschool is the only place to meet your "the one".

 

[DragonFox91]

I thought you can meet people everywhere? I don't believe highschool is the only place to meet your "the one".

Yes, but it's a lot harder b/c you have to filter thru the ones already married or dating, plus all the other different demographics.

 

[bèlla]

I’m uncertain if most people met their spouse through church in days past. I suspect greater distractions have lessened socialization making church the primary option for some.

If you routinely went outdoors and played with friends or participated in extracurricular activities in school and elsewhere you’d encounter peers. That’s in addition to children of your parent’s friends and others you might meet during family outings.

Yours in His Service,

~bella