How Important Is Getting Married To You?

[Antari Zephyr]

I'm 30 years old now, as of July 15th. Growing up, I felt like if I had not married by age 25, I would be just feeling pathetic. I don't feel that way now. How do you feel? Does it feel like you need to marry in order to feel happy in life? I would love to get married, myself, and I know I'd be happier, but I don't feel it is a requirement now.

Also, if you are in some sort of situation where you are unlikely to marry, does that scare you? An example is my situation. My health is bad. I won't mention all of it here, and I'm not looking for pity or whining. I''m just saying I have to live with my parents, and can't work. I also have memory problems. So marrying would be tough to imagine.
How do you feel about that? Maybe you don't have enough money to support a relationship? Or maybe it's your health? Does that get to you badly?
It gets to me a bit, honestly, but I don't cry over it or anything. I understand why some do, though, as I used to.

 

[Sir Robbins]

PPMS (primary progressive multiple sclerosis) sufferer here. I went celibate back at 16 (6 years before my diagnosis) but didn't really choose it as a definitive path until about 6 years ago (when diagnosed). My main decision was based on constant pain, difficulty with things that would be a turn off to potential partners, etc. I don't want to deal with another person in general and though I get lonely at night and in the mornings, I'm fine once I get out and about but I'm generally not a social person so I don't meet people either outside car clubs (99% are guys).

 

[AnnaDeborah]

Not important and it's become less and less so as I've got older. I'd never say that I'd 'never' marry because how do I know God might not want me to in future, but I'd definitely need a very clear sign that this is what I should be doing.

P.S. As a forum newbie, can someone explain to me what 'Face the Board' is and how it differs from the general 'Singles Only' section?

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

We have some male members here with health conditions who were never able to work who are married, so it's possible to get married even though you can't work. But I think in modern society marriage isn't as important as it once was. It has changed tremendously since I was a boy till now when I'm almost 30 myself. I'm sure I planned on marriage and things like that when I was 10 because that was the expectation during that time. But a radical change has made it where marriage is just an option now not expected or demanded.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

I also used to tie my value and worth as a human being into getting married or being with a woman.

our society programs us to think like that but it's actually isn't that big of a deal.

I could take it or leave it.

 

[Mr. Lobster]

I'm 26 and would love to marry one day.

However I will not be rushed into this. It's one of the biggest decisions we can make in our lives if we take ourselves and (God willing) our future children seriously. Rushing will only result in a massive mistake.

 

[MariaJLM]

Not at all. I genuinely don't think I'm called to it. I've never had interest in relationships, dating, sex, etc. Even as a teenager. I even remember feigning crushes just to try to fit in with my peers.

 

[sunshineforJesus]

I would like to get married someday but seeing as im 39 and still single
I'm not counting on it happening any time soon,and am cool with waiting on Gods timing.

 

[sunshine100]

I'm 36 and would love to get married someday,but I don't know if that will ever happen,if it does then that's great and if it doesn't then that is ok.

I'm 30 years old now, as of July 15th. Growing up, I felt like if I had not married by age 25, I would be just feeling pathetic. I don't feel that way now. How do you feel? Does it feel like you need to marry in order to feel happy in life? I would love to get married, myself, and I know I'd be happier, but I don't feel it is a requirement now.

Also, if you are in some sort of situation where you are unlikely to marry, does that scare you? An example is my situation. My health is bad. I won't mention all of it here, and I'm not looking for pity or whining. I''m just saying I have to live with my parents, and can't work. I also have memory problems. So marrying would be tough to imagine.
How do you feel about that? Maybe you don't have enough money to support a relationship? Or maybe it's your health? Does that get to you badly?
It gets to me a bit, honestly, but I don't cry over it or anything. I understand why some do, though, as I used to.

 

[Christopher M Pruitt]

I would like to get married someday but seeing as im 39 and still single
I'm not counting on it happening any time soon,and am cool with waiting on Gods timing.

Same here. I have neither health nor money, and can't take care of myself. I'd like to marry, but I feel I would be a huge burden since she'd have to do all the work and deal with my memory loss. So for me, I won't marry unless God arranged it in some way.

 

[Messerve]

Personally, I feel like I'm surrounded by sexual innuendos and blatant perversion all week, so it makes marriage very unappealing... Not that marriage is all about a sexual relationship or is dirty, but I just hate how everything involving a man and woman (if even that) always revolves around sex. I mean, there is more to life, people!

For now, I'm just happy living life and pursuing my own interests and hobbies and getting involved in ministry. If I meet "that one" along the way, great! And if not, I'm pretty sure I'll live.

 

[Antari Zephyr]

We have some male members here with health conditions who were never able to work who are married, so it's possible to get married even though you can't work. But I think in modern society marriage isn't as important as it once was. It has changed tremendously since I was a boy till now when I'm almost 30 myself. I'm sure I planned on marriage and things like that when I was 10 because that was the expectation during that time. But a radical change has made it where marriage is just an option now not expected or demanded.

Not seeking pity or anything, just mentioning this.
Actually, that's my problem. I can only stand up for about 5 minutes in an entire day or my lower back injury pinches my spinal cord, then I am paralyzed from 30 minutes to 5 days. So I lay down all day or use a wheelchair.

I also have unknown illnesses my original dad was going through hospital to hospital demanding they figure it out.
There's also fibromyalgia, for me it's very advanced. Because of it and other pain I have been on the highest end of legal opiates for 10 years. I'm disabled & on SSI, which is just $500 a month, most of which goes to meds, doctors, my chiropractor, etc, leaving me with about $40. So I feel if I dated and then married I'd be unable to support my wife, she'd need to be working hard. That seems unfair to me, I don't want to do that to a woman. Then there are kids, I can't pass on what my dad passed onto me. All but 8 of my teeth are fake as they fell apart despite great hygiene just like my dad.
I also have 20/300 vision, legally blind. I can see about 3 inches without contacts, and just about 10 feet with them. I can't tell the difference between my parents despite their size difference unless they're close. So I can never drive, meaning if
I married my wife would have to do all the driving, all the work, and even at home I couldn't move much.
I also have grand mal seizures, severe chronic insomnia where I cannot sleep at all for 3-6 days (not 1 minute) unless I wear myself out, which I can't due to my spine and a damaged shoulder, or take very strong muscle relaxers in a dose that doctors say is lethal, but just as the time a car hit me at 40mph when I was on foot & I didn't have a single scratch or bruise (this happened 2 times, bad traffic here) I see that God protects me from many things. I never get a cold, a flu, or anything other than pneumonia which I always recover from in record time.

There's more, but I'll spare you all.

So I understand about men having health issues. I just feel that marrying a woman and having ALL that & more on her shoulders would be too much for her, and even if she was okay with it I would still feel bad.
But thank GOD they've found a way to fix 1 of the main illnesses I have trouble with. I only need to put on some weight 1st, & with a fast metabolism & no appetite, that's tough.

But whatever happens, I know God has a plan for me, for all of us. If He didn't, we wouldn't be here.

 

[HamoNinja]

Hey brother Antari...

At the end of the day, with everything that you have had to endure and gone through health wise... being a fellow 'single' male now at 42 going on 43 this year... I too had the idealistic concept that I would be married before I hit 25, so much for that idea lol

But for real, I used to consumed with being married, then looking for a potential g/friend, mate, wife etc I realised that at the end of the day, what should be my focus is our Jesus!

I grew up with a poor example of what married life was supposed to be from my parents... abusive, violence and superficial love... I set out early in my life that I would find a wife and put to an end to the curse that was evident throughout both my parents families regarding poor specimens of marriage...

But you know what? As much as I was so focused and it was so important to get married and be married... I was taught and prompted by my beautiful god-father who reminded me that being married is more then just being with someone, it's about sacrifice and compromise... and whole lot of listening... he shared with me Proverbs 31:10-31 and revealed that as much for us males seeking this type of godly woman to be with and to want to live the rest of our lives with on this earth... That we equally are to aim to have such qualities and also attributes that would make us just as attractive to the opposite sex and worthy for a woman of God to even want to be with in return...

All I know these days... as some of the brothers have commented on already... with all of our ailments, quirks, failings.... at the end of the day... our focus should be on Jesus as we strive to work out our salvation with fear and trembling daily... to stay the course as we strive to walk the narrow path focusing on Jesus...

He knows what is best for each and everyone of us (and I know that it's easy to say, but some days whoa! You know what I mean)... meeting women, being friends with them, however that looks like... I believe from my own personal experience and intent in my own heart... that we Men should do all that we are capable of doing at this point in time... to be all we can be for our Dear Lord and Savior in these last days... to be available for His will and His call on our lives... if and when the opportunity for a woman He has prepared for us is required, He will put our paths to connect and if not...then let us embrace our Jesus to be the one to cling to until He takes to be with Him in Paradise...

Believe it!

Bless you brother...

 

[Marioshroomed]

As a teen I never thought about it. And all through my 20's I listened to the platitude of "you'll find someone when you least expect it". Never happened. Never even came close. So when I turned 30 I tried my damnedest so strike up conversations with girls and try to get one to be my friend.

Never happened and now I am stuck and think this may just be it for me. Not too happy about that because I have wanted a daughter to name after my grandmother and a son to name after myself. But this boat's been sinking for so long there's no point in plugging it anymore.

 

[Jason195]

I don't find a need to be married but just once I'd like to have a girlfriend at least. I've never had a girlfriend in my nearly 39 years of life. I pray to God daily about finding a female who will accept me for me...And I have yet to find one. I sometimes wonder if God will ever allow me to date.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I'm 30 years old now, as of July 15th. Growing up, I felt like if I had not married by age 25, I would be just feeling pathetic. I don't feel that way now. How do you feel? Does it feel like you need to marry in order to feel happy in life? I would love to get married, myself, and I know I'd be happier, but I don't feel it is a requirement now.

Also, if you are in some sort of situation where you are unlikely to marry, does that scare you? An example is my situation. My health is bad. I won't mention all of it here, and I'm not looking for pity or whining. I''m just saying I have to live with my parents, and can't work. I also have memory problems. So marrying would be tough to imagine.
How do you feel about that? Maybe you don't have enough money to support a relationship? Or maybe it's your health? Does that get to you badly?
It gets to me a bit, honestly, but I don't cry over it or anything. I understand why some do, though, as I used to.

I was hoping to get married by my 30s at least, I'm in my late 40s, never happened. I'm not too thrilled about that fact to be quite honest. Esp. when your friends are coupling up around you. Doesn't help with the holidays coming up.

Unfortunately, we live in a superficial society, even among Christian circles.

"I want a guy that loves the Lord! Oh...he's not 6 feet tall? Nah, I'll pass! lol!" (Just an example).

I was rather irritated recently that a "Christian" women put in her profile a meme that said, "What do you call a man that's under 6 feet? Friend zoned"

So at the most, I'm friend zoned by a lot of women.

They like me, I make them laugh, I make for a good sound board when their relationship problems are in a tizzy, but they get kind of put off when I ask them out, "Oh...Um..I didn't expect him to do that...um....bye!" or "You're a great guy...for another woman!"

Or, "You're such a great guy, how is it you're still single...you're such a great catch!"

I say, "Well, how about dating me?"

Her: "um...great catch for...some other girl than myself".

I must be missing that animal magnetism or feelings of chemistry or romance "bone" in my body.

 

[Cross Over the Lake]

It’s important to me as long as God is the one putting that desire in my heart. Which isn’t the case at the moment. That doesn’t mean it won’t happen for me, in fact I believe it will. For now though it’s nice to just let my faith be a priority, if I happen to connect with someone along the way would be a very nice bonus check!

 

[bèlla]

One of the benefits of sharing my days is realizing the outcome of living intentionally and designing a life around my gifts and talents. It’s an oasis of beauty with a steady current of peace and happiness that flows without end.

I want to maintain that and build a world with someone who cultivated the same for himself. I won’t exchange my utopia for chaos or drama. It would never last.

Someone who knows his place in God and his worth. He’s seeking a companion who recognizes his specialness and longs to see him at his best. He desires the same for her. And they put their hands to the plow for the sake of the Lord and one another.

A three strand cord of His making. It’s not about what I can do for him or he can do for me. But what we’re doing for God and the union through His grace and guidance.

~Bella

 

[ACandleInthe Shadows]

I know enough to know that being married or in a relationship won't solve all my problems. That one person can't fill all my needs. That marriage can be a challenge and a lot of work. I've learned that through my relationships.

But, I would still be very sad if I never married in life. I'd find other things though.

 

[Ronit]

As a teen I never thought about it. And all through my 20's I listened to the platitude of "you'll find someone when you least expect it". Never happened. Never even came close. So when I turned 30 I tried my damnedest so strike up conversations with girls and try to get one to be my friend.

Never happened and now I am stuck and think this may just be it for me. Not too happy about that because I have wanted a daughter to name after my grandmother and a son to name after myself. But this boat's been sinking for so long there's no point in plugging it anymore.

I know what you mean