I know how the OP feels. Ive been a Christian for over 20 years. Ive had health issues for over 20 years which affect my work life, my social life and for the last few years have meant I cant go to church. I just about to manage to keep on working but can do little else. Every time I think I am starting to get ahead something out of my control happens to drag me back down. When I am doing better at work and start moving up I keep getting moved to awful jobs In my working life I have been through 19 company restructures and similar, 18 of which have been detrimental to my career and 1 neutral. I have been moved to jobs working for really bad managers and bullies on numerous occasions, usually by people higher up who dont know the people involved. Several times its been to a lower paid job where I am allowed to stay on the same salary but have it frozen so I dont get any pay rises if I stay there. When I start feeling like I am getting back on my feet it just happens again, or something will happen that takes any money I have been able to save.I barely get by when I see most people around me going on holidays and having money for some luxuries. It never ends.
I've been through every emotion you could imagine with God through all this for decades. It feels that when I get in a place that is better with God, when I am most in love with Him, prepared to give everything for him I get a barrage of "bad luck" until I am totally beaten up by it.It seems that God does not want me in a position where I am even able to earn what I should be able to in the world. He wont protect me against attack. He wont respond to my love. He wont give me any blessing.
Over the years numerous people have said to me that they cant believe the amount of things that happen to me, whether it work, things like the car or home having problems that keep taking all my money to the point it feels like God wants my tithe and every other spare penny I have.
Im not after advice because Ive heard it all before, Ive done it all before and nothing helps, nothing makes it any better.
Ask God what you are being taught, and wait until you get an answer.
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