When it comes to loving each other, by not arguing, this can have me more consciously making a choice of my will.
Years ago I ran across an exercise that remained with me. It asked the reader to record their thoughts for five minutes and articulate them. Then play it back and listen. The purpose was to illustrate the power of words and the necessity of choosing them carefully.
There are things we should never give utterance to. Strife is a no holds barred opportunity to release frustrations that are better left unsaid. We wound one another in a fit of anger and the ramifications are great.
Someone must relent and stand down. Someone must determine not to go for the jugular. I don’t remember when I became aware of its impact on my mindset and the necessity for avoidance. But I know the outcome is never good. One wrong thought begets another and the spiral continues.
But as I grow and be more prayerful, I am now more ready not to get started arguing, in the first place. I watch out for how I could give in. Or, if I get started, I might just stop at the start or in the "middle" of it and pray and maybe apologize for being dominating and controlling with her.
I think a lot of this comes down to respect and seeing the other as an ally and not a threat. Winning is the aim of argument and the price is rarely worth the fallout.
I used to talk to someone whose personality was serious and firm. We were similar in our approach but I am more extroverted and spirited. But in 13 years of acquaintance we’ve had disagreements twice.
The absence of strife is primarily for the reasons shared. We both capitulate. And to his credit his patience and willingness to hear my heart has had a greater impact than I realized. That is a loving response.
As soon as anything starts in me to get me bitter, this is all I need to know. I need to stop and wait for God to get rid of it, before I do anything else.
I think its important to move beyond that feeling by acknowledging my struggle peaceably and the issue I’m having difficulty setting aside. I prefer to engage my partner in problem solving and seek his input.
Especially if something occurred that created the issue I’m wrestling with. I don’t sweep things under the rug. We hammer it out along with prayer.
So, by praying and letting her speak for herself, she helps me to be more about compassion being how and why I do things. This is included in the correctional custody with compassion part
Correction is an important part of my relationships though I rarely discuss it. I have no interest in someone who will give way to all my fancies. Or one who’d crush my spirit. It’s a delicate balance and I don’t want to be mishandled. But it’s equally important that we’re growing and giving attention to problems and not ignoring them.
However, there is another element of this that can’t be set aside. I don’t command him and I’ve met few men who respond positively to force through a woman’s hands. Gentleness and kindness are the best avenues for affecting change in my companion.
Bearing in mind his manhood and never trespassing upon it to make a point. And the bottom line in all of this is my willingness to follow him. If I can’t heed his will and I’m unwilling to set aside my own for the greater good the relationship cannot stand.
But there are times she is losing it, complaining especially. And I offer that she needs to do better, but remind her that I know there are times I need her to help me stop selfish stuff.
I like this. It develops admiration and self-correction over time. You want to behave and give him pleasure. At least that’s the impact it has on my character. Humility and surrender are an outgrowth of good instruction as is mindfulness. I like being a good girl. ;-)
So, I am not to lord myself over her to control her, but welcome and encourage her to be guided by how God rules her in her heart with His peace. So, I am loving her, by challenging her to make sure she always does what God has her doing, then see if this includes me in her life
Some men are more overt in their leadership and others are akin to the invisible hand. But whatever their approach it must be undertaken in love and suitable for their companion.
This conversation has blessed me a great deal as has the thread. The Lord has been refining me for several years and there were moments of struggle as I grew accustomed to a new way of relating with the opposite sex.
He put me in the presence of someone who wouldn’t exploit my vulnerability, malign my faith, or belittle my feelings. I had the ability to work things out and was never turned away. We sacrificed for the other. I am seeing his anew through our dialogue.
I am honored by your transparency. You’ve given me hope that my constitution has its complement in Christian circles. I have never encountered a believer who evoked the things I shared in this thread. And it must be compelled.
But I am strengthened to know that He has fashioned another that will provide the love and guidance I desire. Thank you for blessing me.