How do you express/feel love?

[com7fy8]

No one can satisfy all our wants and needs. But when we view our service to the other as unto the Lord we can keep our hearts and expectations in check.

So, included in how we love someone is how we do not put demands and expectations on the person, but I trust God to decide and guide if and what my companion does or does not do.

Even if the person is wrong and does need correction . . . this needs to be done God's way . . . not merely quick-fixing the person's behavior so I can get what I dictate. And the person needs a real change, in order for the correction to be real and not only an outward change of acting without real change of character. It needs to be good for him or her.

But God does use us. If what we do is "unto the Lord", it is a seed being sown, for how the Lord is able to grow it

And in our process of learning how to love someone close to us, like this, this now has us developing and becoming more ready to love any and all others.

And yes we will find people more able to love, than we are . . . because they are more mature in Jesus. But as we learn and grow with our close companions, now we can be ready for more genuine love sharing with others. And be a good example for those who are not ready to share well with us; be there for them with good example to feed them . . . trusting . . . knowing God is able to give the increase, after we have sown.

 

[Sir Robbins]

is it bad to say I don't feel love? I express through donating my time but that's about it. I have gone so long without any kind of physical touch and so on I've almost gotten to the point of rejecting it and being repulsed by it. I don't even know or remember what it's like to be hugged of whatever..

 

[bèlla]

I would say there are things which come to mind, which need to be simply kicked out . . . not to get attention, at all. They are anti-love; so they are not my problem.

True. That is what the exercise was meant to reveal. Entertaining wrong thoughts often has a negative consequence. This is why we’re told to cast them down and to fix our minds on the things the Word suggests.

On the other hand, if my paranoid imagination brings a person with a bad representation of the person, I need to not trust that Satanic accusing and criticizing of the person.

This is why we ought to take the matter to God first before addressing the person or seeking outside opinions. Invariably things are said in the heat of frustration which casts the other in a negative light.

I have been deeply impacted by the practice of oversharing and it disturbs my spirit. I’m left with many things I shouldn’t know which cast the person in an unflattering guise.

I am probably more tight-lipped than most about my relationships. I think its best if both agree on a friend or two whose wisdom and walk make them suitable confidants. I don’t believe it is appropriate to violate his privacy to get things off my chest.

Even if it might be true, I need how God has me seeing and responding to someone. I need to represent that person, in caring prayer for him or her ! ! !

Yes! Constant prayer created a fountain of love that became agape over time. Love exceeded every offense. None could stand. Prayer was the remedy for their removal.

Our discourse brings to mind a few quotes from The Respect Dare. It is a great book and I recommend it for all pursuing marriage.

Why not be proactive, sow into the relationship, and give a man his greatest need rather than sitting around crying, complaining, and being miserable, wishing for the other person to change?

When we do that, when we die to our own selfish interests, find contentment in our relationship with God, let go of the expectations we have of the other person and concentrate on giving to them, an amazing thing happens. We become content and find out we no longer need our laundry list of demands met in order to be happy—and then the relationship grows and improves dramatically.

She learned that it is not all about her, what she wanted and needed. She learned that she can be content in all circumstances and that her joy did not depend on what her husband did or did not do.

Respect is the oxygen that he requires in order to function, flourish, and be the best husband and person he can be. Respect is necessary even if he has not necessarily “earned it.”

 

[bèlla]

So, included in how we love someone is how we do not put demands and expectations on the person, but I trust God to decide and guide if and what my companion does or does not do.

Expectation is the bane of any relationship and often leads to grumbling and discontentment. I discovered its danger years ago and adjusted my mindset.

We are going to disappoint the other. Our best efforts will fail. But I must maintain a consistent belief in his goodness and desire for my best in spite of his shortcomings.

I have found in my walk with the Lord that giving is an excellent combatant. When I give of myself unselfishly and offer to assist others with nothing in return; my wants and needs are invariably met in unexpected ways.

Even if the person is wrong and does need correction . . . this needs to be done God's way . . . not merely quick-fixing the person's behavior so I can get what I dictate. And the person needs a real change, in order for the correction to be real and not only an outward change of acting without real change of character. It needs to be good for him or her.

I really like your approach and miss having the same. Your methods develop a holy surrender that isn’t commonplace. Yielding is easy for me. I don’t know why. But I suspect some part of me respects the good that comes from surrendering myself to Something greater.

While discomfort is odious to most; sufferance is wondrous for my soul. The reshaping yields a better me. Even when pain occurs. The fire scorches for a time but the beauty that follows is worth it.

And in our process of learning how to love someone close to us, like this, this now has us developing and becoming more ready to love any and all others.

It is. That is the lesson the Lord is taking me through at present. Giving of myself to another and the world.

And be a good example for those who are not ready to share well with us; be there for them with good example to feed them . . . trusting . . . knowing God is able to give the increase, after we have sown.

I have sown much. It is my hope that the harvest is plentiful for all those I encountered and the few I’ve had the privilege of impacting in a large way.

 

[com7fy8]

Yielding is easy for me. I don’t know why. But I suspect some part of me respects the good that comes from surrendering myself to Something greater.

"Therefore submit to God." (in James 4:7)

It depends on what we mean by surrender. If a soldier surrenders, he might not get much. But if he submits and defects . . . he can become a citizen, even become part of a family With my lady, I loved her by letting go of any expectations I had, but I also trusted her and was submissive in how I shared with her, not pushing anything. But I did offer things and make requests. At first, she said no she did not want me to come to see her. But I worked with that, and in short time I'm invited to meet her family.

Of course, I first spent a year checking her out, while sharing in groups along with her. But even then we got more and more sharing with each other. But even after that, she did not take me up on my first invitation. But after I supported her about this, things moved pretty quickly. But first there was the year of investing and observing while sharing and praying for all God really wants.

I think of how our pastor's wife tells him he can not really love her the way she needs to be loved, unless he first loves God the most.

I didn't want what she had or what she could do. I valued how she was a Jesus person and how she related in sharing prayer and the word. And I understood I needed to always feed how kind and helping she is with various people, and welcome how she shared with others, or else she would not be who she is, any more, if she became only for me.

So, if surrender means just letting go of everything, this can leave out learning how to be submissive with God and relate and share . . .

"submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21)

I see, here, mutual submission. So, I love her and others by staying ready to be mutual while sensitive and submissive to our Father in His peace > Colossians 3:15. And I hold to staying in how God rules us in His peace, and I pay careful attention to if and however anyone tries to violate this and control me.

One person, like I say, will let me take him over and tell him everything, but I'm not loving him by letting him do this. Plus, it could be a trick >

"They zealously court you, but for no good; yes, they want to exclude you, that you may be zealous for them." (Galatians 4:17)

To me, "to exclude" can mean to isolate me for someone's own use. So, part of loving her is I do not isolate her with me. Even if we might get along well with each other and very much enjoy being with each other . . . I need to keep her free to love others, and also make sure I am doing other things with other people. Because God is all-loving > "if you love those who love you, what reward have you?" Jesus says in Matthew 5:46.

And the submission needs to be mainly to God, discovering then how He has us relating . . . in sharing with Him.

 

[bèlla]

It depends on what we mean by surrender.

I don’t think that’s something we define ourselves. But rather a place we are led by God. It is part of our sanctification.

With my lady, I loved her by letting go of any expectations I had, but I also trusted her and was submissive in how I shared with her, not pushing anything.

I think that’s important once you’ve committed yourself to one another. I don’t mind being pushed. As a matter of fact, I want to be stretched. There must be an equal measure of gentleness and prodding. I don’t need to be coaxed or kid gloved. No tiptoeing either.

Oftentimes men are made to feel their masculinity is wrong or should be diminished to something softer and less assertive. I don’t want to neuter him. I want to experience the entirety of his manliness in its natural state. Our modifications should be borne of God.

But I did offer things and make requests. At first, she said no she did not want me to come to see her. But I worked with that, and in short time I'm invited to meet her family.

The cessation of ones no is a serious turning point. It is an alignment of wills and oneness in purpose. It takes a while to reach that point and the vulnerability is beautiful.

Of course, I first spent a year checking her out, while sharing in groups along with her. But even then we got more and more sharing with each other.

I have engaged with men I met online but I don’t have the unction to go that route. Its a lot of work and many of the qualities I’m seeking require contact beyond this space.

But first there was the year of investing and observing while sharing and praying for all God really wants.

I feel its best for a man to address the matter in prayer before making contact. It is easy to get carried away and convince yourself of this and that. However, the Lord always discusses my prospects in my quiet time but He rarely mentions anyone (that isn’t a prospect) in that context.

I can say with certainty that person isn’t here. It remains to be seen when our paths will cross. But they will I’m sure.

I didn't want what she had or what she could do.

I think this is the best statement you’ve made thus far. That is rare. Most are self-serving and considering what the person can do for them. They aren’t exploring how they can add to the person’s life and better them in some way.

I’m most attracted to the bones. Everything else is a bonus. I rarely recount the spoils. It’s always a quality within that gives me pause or brings me to a deeper state with God. The one who drives me to my knees on his behalf is more valuable than the one who gives me gifts.

I needed to always feed how kind and helping she is with various people, and welcome how she shared with others, or else she would not be who she is, any more, if she became only for me.

I have been focusing on self-care all year. When I’m dating once more I plan to take some time away. Not only for he and I; but to regenerate my mind. I’ve been serving others for several years. I need TLC.

So, part of loving her is I do not isolate her with me.

I need a balance of quality time with my companions and others. But he will get the lion’s share whenever possible. I have given much of myself in the past but I’m in a different season now and it drains me to do so. I have things on my plate that were not there and they require time and energy too.

I would like to develop a small group of intentional connections whom we share with. The Lord has pulled me away from many things and placed me where He wants me. My schedule is full and fulfilling.

And the submission needs to be mainly to God, discovering then how He has us relating . . . in sharing with Him.

Submission to God is easy. He always does what’s right. But submission to my spouse is another matter. That’s a refining fire. And one I wouldn’t reject. While it occurs as unto the Lord you are dealing with imperfections and sin that test and try your heart. You’ll know where you stand when that happens.

I think you have created a wonderful bond. I don’t sense the Lord is asking me to do the same. But I think its nice to see the varied ways He leads us to connect to execute His plans and purpose.

 

[com7fy8]

I think its nice to see the varied ways He leads us to connect to execute His plans and purpose.

God is our Creator, not a copier

 

[timewerx]

Curious how its different for others..

I am almost incapable of romantic feelings and love is one thing I have almost no feelings for.

How I express love is simply through actions and I can only comprehend it through logic.

And can only love a person I can trust. A person who can help me find what I seek (even if this help is indirect).

I will make that person feel secure and happy even if often, I don't share those emotions. I could be smiling even though I'm feeling nothing.

Regardless of what I feel or the lack of it, this love is real to me.

This is how I know that love isn't defined by emotions nor feelings. If one day we actually managed to invent AI (Artificial Intelligence), it might as well be capable of loving even if it feels nothing.

 

[Norbert L]

Inspired by a thread that asked for proof for love.

I think many know how my mind interprets love. Curious how its different for others.

Try to be as psychologically and emotionally descriptive as possible.

As for the type of love like romantic or platonic both, are fine. Although since this is singles I think most people would be interested in the romantic angle.

There are three rings that represent the path to achieving love. There's the engagement ring, the wedding ring and finally the suffering.

 

[Noxot]

For me how one loves is associated with the question of "what is your being?"

I believe that at our deepest core we are made out of God which means we are made out of his love.

the more I am the Divine idea that God conceived of in eternity of me, the more I am loving.

So being and goodness and love is all the same thing to me and therefore I must simply be myself in order to love. whatever main personality traits I have are generally going to be the way I express love. as I develop God puts this and that different Spirit near me that they may be a source of development for myself one way or another which further defines how I will love.

Hell is anti-being and heaven is being. The further away from myself I become the more I cease to exist.

So I guess thinking about things is one way I love. If I get a feeling of meaning or purpose or natural flow then I know I am loving.

 

[public hermit]

I express love by seeking to do what is in the best interest of the other person. Sometimes (many times?) that means not doing anything at all. It really depends on the situation. But, for me, love seeks what is truly good for the other person, just as I naturally seek what is truly good for myself (Mark 12:31). Even if I were romantically inclined, my love would be expressed in the same way. At least, that is what I learned from Jesus. He did what was in my best interest.

 

[GospelS]

I express love in quietude and reverence. I guess they are synonymous to love but that's what I do. I'm not sure if i know any other way. I would probably discover for myself when love happens to me.

 

[com7fy8]

the romantic angle.

I think romance can be like the cart behind the goat . . . if you try to steer the goat toward what is in the cart, everything will be backwards and go off the road, quickly.

 

[bèlla]

I had a notification because @Ronit liked my comment and I laughed. I've referenced my post on several occasions. Something spilled out I didn't expect. God pointing me towards it is amusing given the circumstances.

I've learned love is easy when a spiritual burden is present. It offsets the flesh and enables us to go beyond ourselves for the other. I discovered the necessity of seeking the same in my relationship. Prayer is the linchpin. But it isn't a constant. That's where mindset comes in.

I have been exposed to ideals well beyond the threshold of the perspective I held in the past. I see the impact of its influence. Hitting reset was a must. A poignant recollection led me to that point. It reinforced the necessity of aligning my will with His.

My love is sacrificial. Sometimes that bothers me. But I love yielding. It feeds something within me. Reading the post was a gentle reminder of where I am. God heard my prayers. He knew what I needed. Embracing it took time. But I have.

~Bella

 

[MarkBerela]

I think that if you do not work on loving the Lord with your whole mind, soul, and body, then you can’t express true self-sacrificial love to another human being. So work on love for the Lord, and then God’s design for person-to-person love will follow naturally.

 

[philadelphos]

So, included in how we love someone is how we do not put demands and expectations on the person, but I trust God to decide and guide if and what my companion does or does not do.

Even if the person is wrong and does need correction . . . this needs to be done God's way . . . not merely quick-fixing the person's behavior so I can get what I dictate. And the person needs a real change, in order for the correction to be real and not only an outward change of acting without real change of character. It needs to be good for him or her.

But God does use us. If what we do is "unto the Lord", it is a seed being sown, for how the Lord is able to grow it

And in our process of learning how to love someone close to us, like this, this now has us developing and becoming more ready to love any and all others.

And yes we will find people more able to love, than we are . . . because they are more mature in Jesus. But as we learn and grow with our close companions, now we can be ready for more genuine love sharing with others. And be a good example for those who are not ready to share well with us; be there for them with good example to feed them . . . trusting . . . knowing God is able to give the increase, after we have sown.

My mum and most of her housewife lady friends are like this. Impossible, immature, dramatic, opinionated, authoritarian dictators... ... ... It's most annoying and frustrating. And with old age it worsens like having a delusional brat as a child. - I once described her mentality/approach back to her as if she were living life sticking bandaids on everything, then attempting to run a race, the marathon of life, to find out that bandaids are of course all peeling off everywhere. All the temporary manipulative quick fixes are falling apart. Yet this remains her approach to everything. Unlikely to change. She's an elder sister, and treats her siblings and staff this way. No one likes her. - The saddest part is that she barely sees it, so when I pour out all I have onto her, love, affection, attention, she doesn't understand it. Oblivious. She thinks efforts and gestures are a pointless, waste of time, money, etc. She's a materialist and narcissistic self idolater, so in her mind, it's her (dictated) way or else. So I suppose love is like a language, mutually understood by both parties.

 

[philadelphos]

Inspired by a thread that asked for proof for love.

I think many know how my mind interprets love. Curious how its different for others.

Try to be as psychologically and emotionally descriptive as possible.

As for the type of love like romantic or platonic both, are fine. Although since this is singles I think most people would be interested in the romantic angle.

Love is in deed, not talk. i.e. Telling someone you 'love' them is empty if actions do not support the claim. It would be a lie.

Professionally, I 'love' my work. And I explain to my clients that a lot of 'love' goes into my work. My blood, sweat, and tears. That I've been training for decades to deliver the product. That I think about their project constantly, and come up with ideas that no one else has thought about before, innovations, and better ways to do things. That I spend more time on work that with my own family. That my product is effectively more of a community service and a gift than a purchased product because if I were to invoice them for the total amount of times and efforts put in the bill would be overwhelming. And it's all for them, so without saying it, and spelling it out, I effectively demonstrate (in other words) how I 'love' my clients and why they should pay the bill. - And they sense this. Constant gratitude. Gifts. Thank you notes. etc.

I know a couple of others who have the same philosophy to work, and they have excellent reputations, constant referral work, and never need to advertise or beg for work.

Mt 22:39, "Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself."

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

According to Chapman's 'The Five Love Languages' my primary mode of expressing love is giving gifts. I've also been known to give words of affirmation by poetry and other means that some may find sappy. But that's me

 

[philadelphos]

According to Chapman's 'The Five Love Languages' my primary mode of expressing love is giving gifts. I've also been known to give words of affirmation by poetry and other means that some may find sappy. But that's me

Lol. Never look a gift horse in the mouth.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Lol. Never look a gift horse in the mouth.

Huh?