My wife asked me to leave. I did so, and now I am finding out all types of information about her and another guy. No one on her side has an idea, or are completely fooling themselves. I have been blamed for everything that led to the split, and she has told my kids, who are all very young, that I was to blame for everything. I know the truth, my family knows, and my pastor knows. I am undoubtedly being drug through the dirt to whomever she decides to tell, whether at the church, her friends, or anyone who will listen. My dilema, this is driving me nuts. How do you cope with all of this stress? How do you deal with the gnawing feeling that you get when you think about it? I know about leaning on God, and I do. I am trying to stay on the high road for my kids, but there are days I really just want to blow the whole thing up in her face, and watch the mayhem insue. I want to contact his wife, and let her know what is going on. I mean, they have kids, too. How do you cope? I am going to start school in the fall, so I know that it will help me to stay busy. I hope that some of you out there have been where I am, and can give me some advice.
God bless you all.
5kidsdad
***D***E***J***A***V***U***
Hmm...I'm on the "other side" of this now, so hopefully I can encourage you a bit. And honestly, it will take you awhile to "cope" with this.
I came from "nothing/nobody". I was taught that my word, work ethic, and character was everything. That was all threatened when my ex started spewing all sorts of negative false stuff around, or that's how I felt. I've come to learn that those that really know you, will figure out for themselves what's going on. Those that dont have clue but are against you, well...that's their character flaw and more than likely will not/wont have been different no matter what is being said. There are just some of those out there who thrive on criticism/judging. You could be God himself and they would still find something to say or think negative of you, so that's out of your control. Go ahead and try to let that one go. I KNOW, I KNOW....but still.
Another option? Confront her/her lover:
---> that will only fuel the fire and give people something more to say against you. You might feel better for the moment, but we are nobody's judge, and it will not change things. As for letting his wife know, I'm not quite sure where that would end up. You might, and I've seen it several times, become the bad guy even to her. You might cause this guy to distance himself from your wife, but would that really fix the problem? The issues lies with your wife. If it's not him, it will be somebody else. Save yourself the anguish and time, not to mention possible jail time and causing them to become even closer. Let that relationship go where it will without you in the picture. With kids involved, be ready to have all sorts of legal problems thrown at/on you if confrontation turns physical. You dont need the added stress that might damage the perception of how responsible you are and your rights as a parent.
- Surround yourself with support.
- Avoid unneeded contact with her.
- Keep busy on new or neglected hobbies.
- Enjoy those babies every second you can.
- Let EVERY decision consist of you having some time to yourself to really think on it before acting. (How will this HELP? How CAN this turn out? Is this best for the -kids? Will I be a better person because of this? Will this be pleasing to God?)
- Keep your head up and you smile at every person you question or not
- Never talk negative about thier mother. Never. Be thier "safe" ground, their CONSISTANT support, and thier rest.
- SLEEP
I know this is soo hard. God I know, but I promise that you will be able to look back and see that all of this will seem minor and it won't bother you nearly as much. You will become confident in who you are and what you are capable of being. Your kids will learn to have thier own opinions. Hopefully thier mother will change her ways where they will not view her negatively, but if she doesn't then they will still have you as their role model.
I hope this helps some, if not, then maybe it bored you enough to sleep...which as you can see is something I found out is one of the most important things to do to be able to handle all of this stress.
Good luck, and God Bless
