How do I move on?

[Johnnz]

Make yourself your priority. Ultimately, you can have life with God now and a wonderful eternity. Your abuser might find God mote than a bit bothersome when they meet.

Make your young life count. Your parents weren't the best you could have had, which is very sad, but life can begin afresh with love, support and your own determine to be a victor rather than a victim.

John
NZ

 

[MelWright]

Im going to enjoy my life, im going to move out, sort myself out as soon as possible. Your right, ive wasted too much time being a victim.

 

[MelWright]

Just a quick update, ive been doing really well. Had a good week. Not had a bad day yet. Im feeling a lot stronger, I think ive made a breakthrough since that last post about not being a victim anymore .

 

[Cheyenee]

I was raped at 17. I am now 33. Have you been to rape counseling? This was the smartest thing I did.

That is the most amazing thing about God. He has this spectacular way of turning all bad to good. In every situation, if you let him, God always gets the glory in the end. This was my first, among many lessons yet to come to find my inner strength and to build my faith in who Christ Jesus is in me. He will never leave nor forsaken us, he says. He is our great healer and strength. He restores our soul, and makes it pure and whole again. I can’t tell you why we go through what we go through. Looking back 15 years later, I see the reason God brought me through this valley. The incredible story to this is that I never blamed God. I kept my eyes on him and his faithfulness. For some reason, I did not find it difficult to do. God blessed me with a gift of the Holy Spirit that day, a gift of strength and faith. You see, He knows the end from the beginning. Though at the time we can’t see why we are put where we are, just keep your eyes focused on Him, and allow yourself to be lead by faith and not by sight. Then you can be brought to the most breath taking mountain top views. You can look down and see an eagle soar, and you can see the greatness of God’s creation. That is what he did through my healing time after the rape. He brought me up to the top of a mountain to restore my wounded heart.

Don’t get me wrong, it was not all roses and cup cakes. I went through hell. I mean the real kind, not just figuratively speaking. I came face to face with Satan himself that night, and for many other nights thereafter. The closer I was drawing to God, the more satan planed his attack. The more strength I had to fight, the more devious his schemes would get. That is the simple fact about who the enemy is. He is not this big ugly beast with red horns breathing fire at us. He is sneaky, and at most times very charming. He knows how to get us to fall right where he wants us to. That is why it is so important to know Gods word and to listen to God’s voice which is in you. That gut voice that tells you this is not right, I wouldn’t go there, or get out now! Listen to it. Trust me, your gut instinct is always right.

 

[MelWright]

I did a bit of councelling when I was at college. Not loads but I find it hard to talk in person so stopped going.

Thank you for that, im really trying to find God again and ive been struggling so that really helped me reading that.

I know what you mean about going face to face with the devil, its an awful thing to go through. I do get flash backs, remembering wahat happened but they have been getting better slowly. Less often. I think ive made this hard on myself because I lost sighte of God. I lost sight of whats right and wrong. Im doing a lot better now than I was though. Talking on here has helped me a lot, I cant do face to face so computer is much better. I

 

[Cheyenee]

I know it is hard to see the full picture right now. God knows the end from the beginning. I know that you get sick of hearing people say Oh, it will get better...just keep praying...lean on God. yes, this is all true. I myself believe that you should fully lean on God. But we are still human. And when you get violated like this, a natural response is anger. Do not deny yourself the anger. With God’s help, allow yourself to deal with it. One thing that helped me was that I started praying for my attacker. Oh, let me tell you, when god gave me that advice, I said right back NO WAY!! This guy just stole my innocence and you want me to pray for the jerk! Well, God sure knows his stuff, and he was right. Praying for him gave me freedom.

So often we put on this masquerade in front of others. We smile pretty as they give us advice, nod and say they are right, and tell everyone we are doing just fine. The truth being, when you are by yourself, you know your true feelings. It is just you and God. Talk to him, even yell at him. He is our ultimate fried and healer. You should be able to talk to him about everything. He will answered, believe me, he does talk back. Cry to him, shout to him, you can trust him with your feelings.

Christ knows about fear and rejection. When he walked this earth so many people rejected him. They mocked him and planed his death behind his back. Talk about deceit. God came to earth as a man to show us he knows are pain first hand.

 

[MelWright]

Thats very true. People give you advice and even though you dont have a clue what they are talking about or how to do it you smile and agree because we feel like we should understand and know what they are saying. I know ive done that a lot, people dont realise how difficult it is to take their advice. Does he really answer? Ive never got anything back.

Anger is a natural response, yes. Another ive had is self pity. A feeling I really dont like. I hate it. Pray for him? He did it 3 times!! ANd another one the 4th. Theres no way im praying for him, 3 times is enough for him tobrealise what hes doing wrong. He dont care. Theres no way I could ever forgive him.

 

[MelWright]

Please help me someone. I saw the guy who raped me all those times. I cant cope, dont know what 2 do. I dont need a drink, i dont need a drink. Im trying to tell myself. I cant cope.

 

[MelWright]

Please? Anyone?

 

[BelindaP]

Sorry, sweetie. I should have checked yesterday when I saw you had posted again.

You can beat this. You are stronger than he is. What he did was a coward's work, and you are brave. Don't give in to the temptation to drink, because that means he wins. You are no longer a victim, but a survivor, a very strong survivor.

I'm asking Jesus to come sit with you tonight. Try to find comfort in His care.

 

[MelWright]

The last couple of nights have been really tough. Ive got through them though and I havnt drunk. Proud of myself. Thank you for the support.

 

[Mobiosity]

Please help me someone. I saw the guy who raped me all those times. I cant cope, dont know what 2 do. I dont need a drink, i dont need a drink. Im trying to tell myself. I cant cope.

Since you know he's still in the area, please, PLEASE, PLEASE go the the police and tell them what happened. They have artists who can take your description of the creep and make a credible similarity. If this guy has attacked you, he'll be attacking other women; they may have other victims who need your corroboration.

Please, go to the police and let them do their job for you.

 

[MelWright]

Ive spoken to the police. Ive given the best description I can and ive been told that on my description and where I live, theres buses and trains going everywhere and theres so many people, they will do what they can but chances are very slim.

 

[Divinah]

Amen! Do not let him continue to victimize you. Do not perpetuate what he's done into your life and the lives of you children and family. God Bless!

 

[MelWright]

Thank you. I just feel like ive gone through the pain of talking about it to the police for no reason. Waste of time.

 

[MelWright]

And now my youth worker at my church is punishing me for it.

 

[BelindaP]

How is he/she doing that?

 

[MelWright]

Someone asked her to ask me if I would be a leader at sunday school for the kids as im a Brownie leader and they think im really good with kids. My youth worker told them I said no without even asking me. Just because she saw me drunk ONCE she thinks I shouldnt be able to do it. So much for 2nd chances. Shes gone and stuck her nose in to something that was nothing to do with her. Im so so angry with her, she had no right. She doesnt think to talk to me about it first. Ive spoken to her about things in confidence and found out that shes been talking about me to loads of people in the church about me behind my back. Im so disappointed in her.

 

[Johnnz]

That's tough. But I reckon she is right about Sunday School. You need a bit more time to become more settled within yourself.

John
NZ

 

[DarlaH]

*hugs*

I'm afraid I don't have any advice on how to deal with your youth worker (aside from talking to them about why they're talking behind your back).

I do have one question; Have you considered taking some sort of self-defense class, or asking a friend who's good at fighting to teach you how? I know that learning to defend myself helped me after I was assaulted. It put the power back in my hands, so to speak.