How do I make this work?

[Otter63]

Let me say upfront that I love my husband and I'm committed to him. We have been through a great deal together and I intend to continue with him til death do we part.

My struggle is with our sex life (or rather lack of). His interest in sex has been waning for years and now he has Congestive Heart Failure and can't take anything that might help. He also takes meds now that will make it impossible.

I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with this. It's bad enough that the lack of sex makes me feel unwanted, but I'm only 53 and there isn't anything wrong with my drive. It's just something I'm going to have to live with, but if someone has any helpful thoughts, I would welcome them. Thanks.

 

[archer75]

You'll get better replies on here, but here are my suggestions, for what they're worth (in no way do I mean to say that this is not difficult because it really really really is):

-exercise
-try to maintain other forms of intimacy with your husband
-find a way to talk with your husband (if you haven't) about sex things he may be able to be interested in that he can do with you that you would find worthwhile
-whatever your prayer practice is like, try to deepen it. A million ways to do this, I'm sure you will find one (advice on here or elsewhere or from someone in person).

 

[Otter63]

Thank you for your response. I appreciate it and I can see a good deal of value in what you've said.

 

[archer75]

I think this is a problem not only for you. I hope others will kick in their thoughts on the matter. Also, you may find old threads with useful information, since I think this may have come up before. Maybe someone who knows will link to some of them.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Yeah there are a few threads a month about lack of sex for either men or women. They all have some really good advice. I can tell you for me I am only 35 and our sex life has faded. But I've just grown to accept it since theres not much else I can do for now. Its still frustrating at times but I know its totally my wifes fault.

 

[Dave-W]

-find a way to talk with your husband (if you haven't) about sex things he may be able to be interested in that he can do with you that you would find worthwhile

I agree with this. There is a website run by Paul and Lori Byerly on Christian marital relations called themarriagebed [dot] com. They have a good number of articles and teaching resources and a discussion forum not unlike this one.

I would highly suggest 2 related teaching articles based on 1 Cor 7; one is called "Sexual Stewardship" and I do not recall the name of the other one; but they have links from one to the other. Read them, print them out, discuss with your husband, and pray.

I would link directly to the articles, but that site is blocked on my work computer due to the sexual nature of the site; and the fact that as a ministry they ask for donations and this site does not allow links to sites asking for $$.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

^ That is a REALLY good site for chistian couples ^

 

[johndoo]

Medically speaking, there is still hope.
The vacuum pump is an option for ED.
CHF doesn't absolutely mean that he isn't a candidate for testosterone.
A sex therapist can guide you for all of sexuality
A urologist or endocrinologist or anti-aging doctor may be able to guide you about hormones.

 

[evoeth]

First question: does he want to do anything about it? Have you talked to him about that?

 

[Otter63]

Thank you all for your responses. Getting this feedback was immensely helpful! I'm feeling nervous though with the emails that are coming (I unsubscribed but they still come) that my husband might find out about this post and it would upset him I'm sure. I don't like hiding something from him so I'm going to bow out. Again though, I can't tell you how helpful this has been and how much I appreciate the responses. God bless.