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Featured How do I get my friends to stop avoiding me?

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by Lanae, Dec 6, 2017.

  1. eleos1954

    eleos1954 Member Supporter

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    No disrespect ... don't touch anyone (friends) unless they touch you first. Respect other peoples "space". If one is standing any closer than a arm's length, that's too close (unless of course circumstances make that impossible, crowds, elevators etc.). Also, never go to a persons work place, never.

    God Bless.
     
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  2. rambot

    rambot Senior Member

    +3,146
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    Touching without purpose and without permission is generally seen as unnerving for most people Lanae.
    Do you crave physical human contact or is it just really hard for you to make friends? Because if it is the latter, you should look and see what kind of social opportunities there are for people who have the same interests as you.
     
  3. Kenny'sID

    Kenny'sID Well-Known Member Supporter

    +2,689
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    The touching/tickling?...I think she gets it already. :)

    As far as her being saved or not...this early in the game, "Christian" listed there on her profile is good enough for me. There just isn't enough to go on to assume anything else. :)

    I do think she is lonely though. :(
     
  4. Open Heart

    Open Heart Messianic Jewish Catholic

    +3,464
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    Celibate
    The way you get them to stop avoiding you is to begin respecting their boundaries. They don't want you touching them, especially tickling them. There are rare moments, like an emotional goodbye, or someone crying, where it is okay to give a goodbye hug. Otherwise you are too close. Even thinking of going to someone's work to confront them shows you have serious problems with boundary issues.

    This may be bigger than a forum can help with. My guess is that social skills is a big weakness for you, and that this has been a lifelong problem. You are not alone, and it doesn't make you a bad person. We all have our weaknesses.

    My suggestion is that you find a long term life coach or counselor to learn some practical skills. We all have stuff to work on. For example, I'm a loner, and have to learn better how to make friends in real life because I don't know how to take it from "Hi how are you" to "we should have coffee." I have a therapist who helps me role play situations, and then I try them out in real life.
     
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  5. Lanae

    Lanae New Member

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    Thank you. I found a center call Triangle Life coaching center near my apartment across the street. I set up an appointment for it tomorrow at 9am
     
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  6. redleghunter

    redleghunter Abide Boldly! Supporter

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    The above is not cool.
     
  7. Tom Farebrother

    Tom Farebrother Well-Known Member Supporter

    +2,527
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    Some people really don’t like being touched, I’d suggest being careful with people’s personal boundaries/invading personal space until you know them well, and know (from them) what they are comfortable with.
     
  8. Brian Mcnamee

    Brian Mcnamee Active Member

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    You cannot get them to do anything. 1st you crossed the line by tickling them so it seems you have been to touchy with several individuals. You have then rationalized your behavior as Im just kidding which even if it is true does not take into consideration how you made them feel. If they all started avoiding you at once they probably talked over the similar experiences and decided you are someone that is a bit off. If you want to attempt to repair the friendships you should 1st apologize to them for not respecting their space and tell them you miss them at church and simply ask if they would like to come again. I assume you have their numbers and can text or email them a simple message. They have to choose to want to hang out with you.
     
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  9. LoricaLady

    LoricaLady YHWH's

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    I would be very offended by someone tickling me. You are getting into their personal space, really disrespecting them. Also, it is not your job to get them to go to Church and that too seems intrusive. To show up at their place of work would be the biggest intrusion of all, seems to me.
    I suggest you get some good books and/or good websites on developing social skills and practice in the mirror or with a smartphone or whatever is helpful.
     
  10. 2Timothy2:15

    2Timothy2:15 Well-Known Member

    +712
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    Philippians 4

    8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

    9 Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.

    10 But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly, that now at the last your care of me hath flourished again; wherein ye were also careful, but ye lacked opportunity.

    11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.

    12 I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.

    13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
     
  11. Jenniferdiana

    Jenniferdiana Well-Known Member Supporter

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    You seem like a friendly person..
     
  12. unfinishedclay

    unfinishedclay Newbie

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    Hi Lanae. How many female friends do you have?

    I think 2 or 3 good female friends is key to good company. Especially if they share your value for laughter and especially if they offer a common goal of integrity.

    Any good female friends?
     
  13. Lanae

    Lanae New Member

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    I have slot of female friends at church and slot of male. Friends at church also. I used to tickle some of my male friends but I don't do that anymore
     
  14. unfinishedclay

    unfinishedclay Newbie

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    Amen
     
  15. All4Christ

    All4Christ +The Handmaid of God Laura+ Supporter CF Senior Ambassador

    +3,898
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    Married
    I had a friend once who was too touchy feelly for me. I asked her to give me a bit of space, and she did that for me :) Now we are really good friends, but she is respectful of my space and time. Don’t push anything, generally speaking, don’t touch people without permission (a tap on the shoulder may be fine if you can’t get someone’s attention - but I’d avoid even that with your friends that asked you to stop touching hem), and be friendly to them. Don’t push the friendship. If they need space, give it to them - and know that God will always be there for you no matter what happens with friends here on earth. Pray to God when you feel lonely.

    I agree with some others...a pet may be really good for you . Before my black lab passed away, she was a balm to my soul many times. She was always happy to be very close and was a constant companion to me.
     
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2017
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  16. Yoona86

    Yoona86 Newbie

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    if you know it is the tickling and touching that is turning them away from you, then maybe stop doing it, but their facial expression and body language should give you a clue in terms of what they are comfortable with

    as far as getting them to come back to church, if they are avoiding you, then it is best to give them some space for now, as such it is not a good idea to show up at their work place
     
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  17. Lanae

    Lanae New Member

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    sooo kool. I will never going to touch or ticklie, message them everywhere all over the internet, bombard them with text messages, email or call them out of the blue ever again for the rest of my life.
     
  18. fat wee robin

    fat wee robin Newbie

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    You are a fast learner .:hug:
     
  19. SolomonVII

    SolomonVII Well-Known Member

    +3,570
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    CA-Greens
    It is not often easy making friends, and a lot of us end up doing all the wrong things before we stumble on the right way to meet people. A smile and a hi are probably more effective greetings in the long run than a tickle and a touch. Other than that, the best way to get people interested is to be interesting. Develop your interests and then you will have something to share.
     
  20. Truthfrees

    Truthfrees Well-Known Member Staff Member Purple Team - Moderator Supporter Recovery Team CF Senior Ambassador Angels Team

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    @Lanae

    wow you are awesome

    you heard the advice and went for it full steam

    what an inspiration to see someone change so fast

    God Bless you

    praying for you
     
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