How Can I Win A Friend Back?

[Aquatic Waves]

Prayer will help. Closure may not give you the answers you want. It could encourage you to fight harder.

It took several discussions for our situation to be resolved. I watched her behavior and the arguments she used to justify her actions and the hurt she felt from my response. The whole thing sounded crazier by the minute and I knew that would be my fate if I relented.

I'm sorry who are you referring to? Your former friend?

 

[bèlla]

Your probably right. I just wish she would had told me "I can't talk to you for while or anymore"

It’s possible she didn’t realize it at the time or doesn’t want to have the discussion in light of her demands.

The fretting is only making you more anxious and that won’t depart until you let it go. You’re looking for answers that haven’t come. You can’t keep this up. You’ll drive yourself mad.

Yes, I was addressing my former friend in that comment. Settling things isn’t easy and there’s usually more hurt involved.

 

[Aquatic Waves]

I'm just mad at myself bc I knew I screwed up big time. I wish I can go back in time and prevent this that it happened. She said I had a good heart but I'm messed up. I feel now I have a cold heart

She told our acquaintance friend that "she still thinks of me" but I have a feeling it was just to pacify both of us

 

[Aldrin25]

Do you mind sharing your story??

Sure, but I'll make it short and simple.

That was wayback 2012, I was a lost at that time, I'm into network marketing that time, he's under me, then I was the treasurer at that time to our group, I stole money there.

2015 I came to know Christ, the Lord transformed my life, I was trying to reach this guy from 2015 to 2019(last January) to ask forgiveness and I told him that Christ totally changed me but he didn't forgive me. He accuse also that I was the one who sent them a message, message contain lot's of offensive words, like just trolling around.

He was my bestfriend around 2013-2014..He wasn't a Christian, so I don't expect much you know...I just accepted it and I have a clear conscience in the eyes of the Lord. =)

 

[Aquatic Waves]

Error

 

[Sparagmos]

Yeah I know but it won't be fair to them imho

What steps have you taken to address your anger issues, or whatever causes you to be mean to people you care about?

 

[Aquatic Waves]

What steps have you taken to address your anger issues, or whatever causes you to be mean to people you care about?

I see my therapist on a weekly basis. She's getting through to me about this but unfortunately it's too late to make it up to my former friend

The problem I had with my former friend as that she was much older then me. Almost like a mom figure. I went to the same school as her daughter. I reached out to her a year after my mom died and we got close. Me and my mom's relationship was rocky. She cared about me but at the same time she will knock me down. I also had a rocky relationship with my grandma. There were times me and my friend would argue but instead of seeing or hearing her, I saw/heard my mom sometimes. And sometimes my grandmother too. I would say things that I meant to say to my mom/grandma and not my friend. Which my friend knew the story. Plus there was a time her daughter did something stupid to me that I refused to talk about her with my friend for a while. That's was becoming another problem I had between our friendship. My anger was getting worse b/c of that. Then that day of what I told her, it was a mixture of a me drinking a little, memories of mom/grandma, and what she said to me that made me snap so nastily. That's when I blew it. I'm trying all my effort to get her attention and explain I really do want to change now and I'm tired of fighting. And make it all about her and not me to not sound selfish. But she's not responding to me. I have no clue if she blocked my number or is just ignoring my messages. There were times we didn't talk for a whole year. However, I truly believe this is it. It's over

 

[Aquatic Waves]

Sure, but I'll make it short and simple.

That was wayback 2012, I was a lost at that time, I'm into network marketing that time, he's under me, then I was the treasurer at that time to our group, I stole money there.

2015 I came to know Christ, the Lord transformed my life, I was trying to reach this guy from 2015 to 2019(last January) to ask forgiveness and I told him that Christ totally changed me but he didn't forgive me. He accuse also that I was the one who sent them a message, message contain lot's of offensive words, like just trolling around.

He was my bestfriend around 2013-2014..He wasn't a Christian, so I don't expect much you know...I just accepted it and I have a clear conscience in the eyes of the Lord. =)

You must had been hurt when he didn't accept your apology. I'm so sorry

 

[Aldrin25]

You must had been hurt when he didn't accept your apology. I'm so sorry

It's ok...and it's ok for me, I've accepted it, The Lord provided me a lot of Christ Followers...true best friend. =)

Don't worry about your situation, everything will be fine, just continue to walk with the Lord =)

 

[ChicanaRose]

However, I truly believe this is it. It's over

And so move on from her and focus on doing better in your future friendships.

 

[Sparagmos]

I see my therapist on a weekly basis. She's getting through to me about this but unfortunately it's too late to make it up to my former friend

The problem I had with my former friend as that she was much older then me. Almost like a mom figure. I went to the same school as her daughter. I reached out to her a year after my mom died and we got close. Me and my mom's relationship was rocky. She cared about me but at the same time she will knock me down. I also had a rocky relationship with my grandma. There were times me and my friend would argue but instead of seeing or hearing her, I saw/heard my mom sometimes. And sometimes my grandmother too. I would say things that I meant to say to my mom/grandma and not my friend. Which my friend knew the story. Plus there was a time her daughter did something stupid to me that I refused to talk about her with my friend. That's was becoming another problem I had between our friendship. My anger was getting worse b/c of that. Then that day of what I told her, it was a mixture of a me drinking a little, memories of mom/grandma, and what she said to me that made me snap so nastily. That's when I blew it. I'm trying all my effort to get her attention and explain I really do want to change now and I'm tired of fighting. And make it all about her and not me to not sound selfish. But she's not responding to me. I have no clue if she blocked my number or is just ignoring my messages. There were times we didn't talk for a whole year. However, I truly believe this is it. It's over

I’m glad to hear you’re getting therapy, good for you! I would trust her advice on the matter. It sounds like the dynamic of the friendship might not have been a healthy one.

 

[Aquatic Waves]

And so move on from her and focus on doing better in your future friendships.

I know but it's hard. I just want her to give me 1 last chance and proved that I changed

 

[Aquatic Waves]

I’m glad to hear you’re getting therapy, good for you! I would trust her advice on the matter. It sounds like the dynamic of the friendship might not have been a healthy one.

It wasn't healthy only b/c when we argued. I wish I can go back in time to prevent this from happening. I feel I can't move on due to both sadness and fear

 

[Aquatic Waves]

It's ok...and it's ok for me, I've accepted it, The Lord provided me a lot of Christ Followers...true best friend. =)

Don't worry about your situation, everything will be fine, just continue to walk with the Lord =)

Thank you but it will be difficult for me. I been praying to the Lord for him to have her contact me once more. Even if it's brief

 

[Aquatic Waves]

As a last option. Do you guys think I should write her a letter? A neighbor suggested that to me just now

 

[ChicanaRose]

As a last option. Do you guys think I should write her a letter? A neighbor suggested that to me just now

No. You've already reached out to her and she gave you no response.

That "no response" is her response to you. Listen to @LaBèlla's wise advice.

You do not need her to give you one last chance. God has already forgiven you, and has given you a chance to pursue new healthy friendships. Take the opportunity that God has given you and do not count on your old friend's return.

 

[ChicanaRose]

I know but it's hard. I just want her to give me 1 last chance and proved that I changed

She clearly wants to move on and focus on taking care of her family and the crisis at hand.

If you are constantly pursuing her against her wishes, she will never see you as a changed person, because a changed person would be respectful of the time and space that someone needs.

 

[bèlla]

Have you considered the possibility that your attraction to her is related to your mother and is codependent to some degree?

Friendships end each day. But the energy you’re investing and unwillingness to let go is the sort of thing you find in relationships. Not a best friend or connection on that level.

There are limitations for friends and boundaries you can’t cross that a person may tolerate from a companion.

I’m questioning if this is healthy for you at all. It’s feeding an obsessive compulsive reaction that isn’t good and could end with more hurt and pain for you both.

You can’t force anyone to respond. After a while they’ll feel pestered and if it continues they begin questioning your sanity.

No matter what you’re told you won’t quit. You keep finding a reason to hang on to her. Healthy relationships can’t thrive under those conditions. That’s common behavior from stalkers and you don’t want that label.

God has provided counsel for you and we’ve all weighed in. But if you refuse to listen you’ll suffer the consequences. And that may involve legal measures if you won’t stop messaging her.

 

[Aquatic Waves]

Have you considered the possibility that your attraction to her is related to your mother and is codependent to some degree?

Friendships end each day. But the energy you’re investing and unwillingness to let go is the sort of thing you find in relationships. Not a best friend or connection on that level.

There are limitations for friends and boundaries you can’t cross that a person may tolerate from a companion.

I’m questioning if this is healthy for you at all. It’s feeding an obsessive compulsive reaction that isn’t good and could end with more hurt and pain for you both.

You can’t force anyone to respond. After a while they’ll feel pestered and if it continues they begin questioning your sanity.

No matter what you’re told you won’t quit. You keep finding a reason to hang on to her. Healthy relationships can’t thrive under those conditions. That’s common behavior from stalkers and you don’t want that label.

God has provided counsel for you and we’ve all weighed in. But if you refuse to listen you’ll suffer the consequences. And that may involve legal measures if you won’t stop messaging her.

Yes but I want to change our friend mother/daughter relationship to completely friendship and to only contact each other occasionally since we are both going through tough times now. Not daily like we did before

I know but this was all my doing to end the friendship. I feel like she now thinks I was a toxic and fake friend to her. I blame myself everyday for my actions

I understand that 100% but I wasn't a companion if that's what you think. I was her friend but it was then becoming more mom and daughter relationship

Funny that you brought that up b/c I actually do have some sort of OCD that's why I'm acting like this. It's difficult to control.

She knows me for years and knows about my anxiety

Your right. I don't want to become a stalker to her. But I just want to ask 1 thing which bothers me. If she can forgive other people who hurt her and was willing to talk to them again, why can't she do that to me????? I ask God that all the time

I just wish she would had been truthful if she was straight forward with me on that day to tell me that she cannot deal with me anymore and to leave her alone. She didn't. We left off as a cliffhanger not knowing if our friendship is open or over

 

[Aquatic Waves]

No. You've already reached out to her and she gave you no response.

That "no response" is her response to you. Listen to @LaBèlla's wise advice.

You do not need her to give you one last chance. God has already forgiven you, and has given you a chance to pursue new healthy friendships. Take the opportunity that God has given you and do not count on your old friend's return.

If you don't mind me asking. Has anything like this happened to you with losing a friend?