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How Can I Win A Friend Back?

Discussion in 'Memorials & Grief Support' started by Aquatic Waves, Jul 11, 2019 at 4:13 PM.

  1. Aquatic Waves

    Aquatic Waves Member

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    It's been 9 months that my friend hasn't contact me. There was a time several years ago we didn't talk for a year and that was mine own doing. I reached out to her and explained that I needed a break from her and I'm sorry that I didn't tell her from the start. We made up. Then a few years ago we got into an argument and ended up not talking for another year. This time it was both our faults. She said something to me that ticked me off and vice versa. But I was the better person by reaching out to her. Not only that but I was having a feeling that something was wrong at home with her. So I took a chance by texting her. She responded and sadly she told me her husband was diagnosed with lung cancer from smoking. She forgave me again. However back in October 2018, we argued again but now this was all my fault because of what I told her. She was mind blown of my words and felt betrayed. I apologized many times and was truly sincere about it. She last said to me "give me several days to calm down". Next thing I know, she didn't reply to my texts or answer my calls. At first I thought she got sick or something happened to her husband. But I found out from an acquaintance friend (who knows her too) that "she cannot talk to me now and doesn't know when she will accept my apology". I continued to call and text her still but no luck. I know I cannot force anyone to forgive me if that's how they feel. But she was part of my life. And I don't want to keep annoying her with the contacting. The thing that bothers me the most is that she's not letting me know if she's ok at least. She and her husband are sick so that worries me. I just hope 1 day she will indeed forgive me and if she still needs more time, I understand. But something tells me that she is truly done with me and it's all my fault. If anybody can give me advice or suggestions of how to win her back, please share.
     
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2019 at 3:49 PM
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  2. Aquatic Waves

    Aquatic Waves Member

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    Bump
     
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2019 at 3:52 PM
  3. ChicanaRose

    ChicanaRose Well-Known Member

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    Well, you can't really "win" a person back, as she is not your possession. You just have to respect her choice as an individual if she does not want to resume a friendship. If you are worried about her, pray for her. God can, and will watch over her. You can trust Him.
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2019 at 6:13 PM
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  4. Sparagmos

    Sparagmos Well-Known Member

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    What did you say to her that upset her?
     
  5. Aquatic Waves

    Aquatic Waves Member

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    I was drinking a little that day and I said something about her health. I was a screw up when it came to that
     
  6. Aquatic Waves

    Aquatic Waves Member

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    I understand that but I just want her to at least let me know that she's ok. I have a feeling she will only call me again if it's an emergency. Like god forbid her husband passes away. Which that can be any day.
     
  7. LaBèlla

    LaBèlla Well-Known Member

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    It is probable given the strain she’s under that your relationship and its challenges would be too much. If I were in her shoes, my mind would be fully invested in my spouse. Not a topsy-turvy friendship.

    She doesn’t need the stress or drama right now. Maybe when things calm she’ll reach out. But give her some space and let her come to you.

    In the meantime, pray for self-control and how to respond when you’re upset in love. So you won’t repeat this cycle anymore.

    I walked away from a 16-year friendship for similar reasons. We’ve argued 4 times. Nevertheless, you have to treat others with respect and cool down before you say something you can’t take back. The price may be higher than expected.
     
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  8. ChicanaRose

    ChicanaRose Well-Known Member

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    I understand you are worried about her, but if she doesn't want to contact you, respect her wishes.
     
  9. Aquatic Waves

    Aquatic Waves Member

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    I'm sorry to hear about that. May I ask what happened?
     
  10. Aquatic Waves

    Aquatic Waves Member

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    I do. I just don't want her to tell people that what I did and I'm a bad person b/c I'm really not. Yes I can say hurtful, mean, and sometimes horrible things but friends do hurt each other. That's life. She had hurt me in the past so I had to temp set my boundaries with her til I was ready to contact her again. Which she understood. But from what I said and it was real bad, I feel now that she and her whole family hate me. Regardless how many times I apologized to her.
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2019 at 9:47 PM
  11. LaBèlla

    LaBèlla Well-Known Member

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    So, you’re worried about your reputation and how others will see you if they know what occurred? And this is driving your efforts during a time of great duress for her?

    And you are excusing your behavior too?
     
  12. Aquatic Waves

    Aquatic Waves Member

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    Ok I probably worded this the wrong way and I didn't mean to sound selfish or sound excusable. How do I correct my words?...................

    Give me a little bit to word it right
     
  13. LaBèlla

    LaBèlla Well-Known Member

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    She forgot herself and lost a friend in response.

    I was preparing to meet someone and wanted a few days to relax. We spoke several times per day and she was aware I would be out of touch. But if she needed to reach me she knew how.

    Instead of doing other things during that time. She fed on anger and allowed it to grow. When I messaged her 4 days later she unwound. No plea to cease would make her stop.

    After endless accusations and an hour long tirade she called. But I didn’t answer. She had another outburst. But I wouldn’t relent or establish an unhealthy pattern in my relationships.

    The notion of a woman married with children behaving as she did is not acceptable. The belief that she was entitled to my time and presence was part of the problem. But the deeper issues related to the consequences of her choices.

    If a friend believes that my life is too perfect and resents me for that and my time is spent focused on God’s purpose. What will she feel as I progress? How will she handle my growth?

    I am single and never married. I’ve raised a child. I’m in a season where my attention is fixed on Him. But I’m not ashamed of what He’s done or the things I’ve forsaken to reach this point. It was the truth I glimpsed beneath the anger that sealed her fate.

    I must have companions who are good to and good for me.
     
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2019 at 11:59 PM
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  14. Aquatic Waves

    Aquatic Waves Member

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    I guess I'm having a hard time letting her go and maybe I guess this part of me is being selfish. As for my reputation. If they do say whatever about me to others, I can admit my faults over and over again to people. Sorry idk what else to say. You did have a point and I realized I was wrong of what I typed in. Now I feel worse
     
  15. Aquatic Waves

    Aquatic Waves Member

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    I'm sorry that this happened. Do you still miss her?
     
  16. LaBèlla

    LaBèlla Well-Known Member

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    Pressing the issue right now won’t help. You must accept your medicine with grace and allow the Lord to comfort you. The time apart will allow you to feel the hurt and develop better behaviors.

    Strife is cancerous and it will destroy everything you value if you give place to it in your life. There’s nothing you said that day. No principle of rightness that equates what you’re feeling now.

    It wasn’t worth it. Remember that.
     
  17. LaBèlla

    LaBèlla Well-Known Member

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    No. I forgave her but I would never allow her back in my life. The person whose happiness for you hinges on their own isn’t good. And it isn’t love.
     
  18. Aquatic Waves

    Aquatic Waves Member

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    Do you think I should give her more time to heal? Or let her go for good? Again I apologize for sounding all me of having the fear that she and her family talking about me to other people

    Twice I had dreams of her. Idk if it's telling me to move on or she will contact me again 1 day when she is ready
     
  19. Aquatic Waves

    Aquatic Waves Member

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    Bump
     
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2019 at 3:56 PM
  20. Aldrin25

    Aldrin25 New Member

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    We're in the same situation, but me, I've done wrong in my best friend 6yrs ago, I already apologize with all my heart, but they won't accept it. They are unbelievers.

    But the Lord spoke to my heart that I already done with my part, He will deal with them.

    We cannot control people's mind, there's also a purpose why the Lord allowed that kind of thing even you have done wrong.

    I would suggest to let the Lord deal with her but always open your door for her if in the future she change her mind.
     
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