How can I tell my wife that weight is an issue in our relationship?

[I Art Laughing]

Overeating and food abuse is a form of passive aggression? Who'duv thunk it?

I woulld be curious what the root of this aggression might be and find out why she is not interested in taking care of herself and being pleasing to you as her spouse, is it an overemphasis on food or is it an underemphasis on relationship?

"Letting herself go" is a tool in the "I'm unhaaaapy, make me haaaaapy" toolbag wherein you have to walk around on eggshells in order to "lead" your wife into a place of greater "happiness". It can be a means of transferring responsibility for her joy from herself to you, if she is doing that there is no way you can make her joyful. This can become a vicious cycle, especially if you strive to "reward" her with love (shower her with rewards for her problem), and reinforce the negative behavior by so rewarding it.

Leadership and love won't stimulate self-destruction in their loved ones, they won't encourage something that is harmful even if it costs them. True love is sacrificial, she probably won't "like" it in the short term.

Pray and seek the will of God. Follow after Him and be willing to do what He tells you, even if it costs you.

 

[SharonL]

I have fought the weight battle most of my life. I can tell you that the way foods are prepared and what they put into the foods are what causes a lot of the weight gain. Doctors just do not have time to mess with people and explain what is going on.

My addiction to sweets has been my downfall - the diabetes another - I got a book - I don't think we are allowed to name it - anyway - in it it says you have to become your own doctor and I agree. I am on my 5th week of self policing what I eat - I have totally broken my sweets habit and my husband and I have been eating healthy - my sugar count is at an even level.

This has been many hours of research - but I am telling you each time you go to a doctor, they just throw another pill at you - not the answer. I take 9 a day. Weight is not always 'letting yourself go' - you reach a point of giving up, which is what I had done - I'm losing weight, sugar level lining out, blood pressure going down. Please don't give up on her - my husband never gave up on me - I tried every diet, exercise program, etc - and every time I went to the doctor - another pill.

It is easier for some than others. But weight receives more negative thoughts and remarks than a drunk or drugie.

 

[JRSut1000]

As a woman, I'm not saying it's easy. I've witnessed my mother trying dieting for years and years and still has trouble no matter what she eats or doesn't eat. I wanna say there's a core reason her matabolism isnt kicking in like it should. BUT she does look better than when I was growing up and she tries.

I think herein lies the determining factor. Does a person try a little bit then give up? Or do they keep trying to at least maintain some level of personal health. Only the woman can know this for sure, but the only person (other than maybe a best gal friend) who can know is her husband.

The responsibility for anything is always on the individual. We can't blame someone else, we cant even blame hormones or illness on everything. Because as long as we're responsible for our actions, we should be doing something to at least TRY to stay or become healthy. There's so many options out there. No one ever said perfection needs to be attained, but at least we can try to live a healthy lifestyle that cares about GOd, others, and yes self (our bodies are sanctuaries of the LORD after all).

 

[dallasapple]

I completely agree with Sharon..its not neccessarily how MUCH we eat(that of course factors in and does MATTER) but WHAT we eat...including the fact a LOT of processed foods pack a LOT of calories usign unealthy ingredients and the actual servign size wouldnt/doesnt come close to fillign you up..So we might eat 3 X the serving size which still wouldnt in VOLUME be 'over eating" but its too many calories in one sitting..Not to mention some of the ingredients for instance "partially hydronated oils" should not even be ingested by humans its to my knowledge not even found in nature its oil that has been chemically altered by man and our bodies have no idea what to do with it..my understanding is a dietician would recomend we eat ZERO grams a day of that(idealy it should NOT be in your daily diet thats for sure)..its otherwise known as "trans fat" and even products that claim ZERO 'trans fat" it can in fact be a ball faced lie..the government allows that if its less than .5 grams per serving they can claim zero..so they make the serving sizes ridiculously low in order to blatantly lie..not only that .5 if you are eating multiple food products a day(even if you follow the serving size guidlines) that have even small amounts it quickly adds up..Its in most peanut butters for example..a servign size of peanut butter is like 2 tbls..Its in most BREAD...its in other seemignly ?O.K" to eat products like granola bars..and in things like gum...So you fix lets say a peanut butter and banana sandwich(sounds healthy enough right?).. and a granola bar for lunch ..and you happen to chew gum ..in one day just with that ONE meal(and a piece of gum)..you can be eating 2 grams of trans fat.Non dairy creamer?Same thing serving size 1 TEASPOON(ridiclous) you have 2 cups of coffe that morning with a tablespoon(not a HUGE amount a REASONABLE amount) of non dairy creamer in each cup..add that for the day you have ACCIDENTALLY ingested 5 grams total of trans fat a fat that we shoudl eat ZERO of remember?.And sadly thats just ONE example of some of the foods we think are O.K and they are NOT..not only that if you notice thats not a LOT of food was my point but its WHATS in it..can wreak havoc on your metabolism and mess up your ability to process the foods you eat efficiently...causing you to build fat..not just on your rear end..but the fat is in your arteries and organs..which of course leads to diseases..and just an overall feeling of 'blah" ////Sticking with trans fat ..what it does is causes us to BUILD cholesterol and LDL(bad fat) and it LOWERS our HDL (good fat) levels..its workgin AGAINST your body..not just simply a bad fodo we shoudnt eat much of..it is an enemy liek a foreign invader working in oppostion of how our bodies are designed to process.

sorry for the "trans fat " rant..I just happen to agree with Sharon that you have to be the FOOD police..and sorry but you can not TRUST the labels you have to LEARN how to read the ingredients list and be able to identify hidden POISONESS ingredients..

The best rule of thumb i have learned with like Sharon COUNTLESS hours of reading..(my husband was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes 3 years ago..and of course the doctor prescribed pills there was little to no info on diet..he did tell him to excersize thats crucial as well)...Im very petite no weight problems here but my cholesterol was over 250(should be well under 200)..and my LDL was was 159(shoud be under 130)..and my blood presure was starting to read high..(of course I did drink to much (in fact heavily0 i quit that but also had to address my diet the quitting drinking helped but my levels didnt go all the way to normal...IS..WHOLE foods..whole foods isnt just the name of a grocery store..LOL>>>The more processed food is the more likely our bodies dont even KNOW how to process it..the more liekly it is to have these hidden no no ingredients..the less nurtreint dense it is calorie for calorie and more likely to be a higher calorie food item if you eat a NORMAL amoung of it which can be double tripple what THEY(the liars) consdider a serving size..

I swear that i read the back label of a Ben and Jerry's ice cream carton and the servign size was "1/4 a cup"..Go look right now at a 1/4 measuring cup..its about 4 "bites" of ice cream and thats what they call a "serving"..NOT..Even 1/2 a cup is modest..so you arent thinking "Im a glutton" if you eat DOUBLE the servign size ..but you have to DOUBLE the sugar double the fat and double the calories and its too many in one sitting especially if its a "desert' so its on top of the calories you just ate for your dinner..its how many calories we eat in a sitting too..not just a day..our bodies will start to store calories as fat I beleive I read within 3 hours after each time we eat and don't use those particular calories witin 3 hours..

BLAHHH!!! LOL!!...Yes Im a "foodie" ...

Dallas

 

[JRSut1000]

Oh yeah, I agree too. It's not just about the "how much" but also the "what". It is harder in today's society to eat healthy, especially if we're on the go. But it's not impossible. There's a lot of diets out there and a lot of it depends on our bodies and metabolism. Sometimes supplements are necessary, sometimes it is a matter of portion control, and many times it's the type of selection.

 

[dallasapple]

As a woman, I'm not saying it's easy. I've witnessed my mother trying dieting for years and years and still has trouble no matter what she eats or doesn't eat. I wanna say there's a core reason her matabolism isnt kicking in like it should. BUT she does look better than when I was growing up and she tries.

I think herein lies the determining factor. Does a person try a little bit then give up? Or do they keep trying to at least maintain some level of personal health. Only the woman can know this for sure, but the only person (other than maybe a best gal friend) who can know is her husband.

The responsibility for anything is always on the individual. We can't blame someone else, we cant even blame hormones or illness on everything. Because as long as we're responsible for our actions, we should be doing something to at least TRY to stay or become healthy. There's so many options out there. No one ever said perfection needs to be attained, but at least we can try to live a healthy lifestyle that cares about GOd, others, and yes self (our bodies are sanctuaries of the LORD after all).

Yes how we eat what we eat and how much of it is a lifestlye not a "diet" not a temporary thing we pay close attention to only when its obvious our eating style has cuased us to "gain weight"..We aslo have to be responsible as with anythig else (liek smoking for example) our kids are learning from us..It breaks my heart when I see these little kids who are litterally obese to a point they have high cholesterol and are pre-diabetic when they are 10.. and the parents who usually are overweight too will say "it genetic"..Im sure thats "a factor' but the fact is 60% of Americans are overweight and something like 1/2 of thsoe are in the morbidly obese cateragory..I dont think that we had a sudden "surge' of genetically overweight people suddenly "appear" in the last even 50 years..If 10% of the popluation was overweight 100 years ago..Im sorry Im not buying it that "genetics" caused tht # to go up to 60% in 2 or 3 generations...

Its predicted if nothing changes..one in THREE children born today will develope type 2 diabetes in thier lifetime..and I dont think they mean when they are 80...and by the way you dont get type 2 diabetes and that "causes weight gain"..beign overweight is a cause..(actually your DIET is a cause and many with poor diets become overweight)..The correlation between obesity and diabetes is someone overweight is at a much higher risk to DEVELOP diabetes not the other way around..Im nt sayign once you have type 2 diabetes it doesnt possibly makes it easier to put on more weight..but its far from "typical' for a person with a healthy diet and who maitains a reasonable weight and exersizes to 'develop diabetes' and because of that become obese....Im also not saying a thin person cant get diabetes(type 2 adult onset)..but you are at much LOWER risk and its still most likely diet related....obesity is a "risk factor" to develop diabetes same as heart disease..and its a HUGE increase in risk factor too not subtle...

My son is "pre-diabetic" now ..hes 29...hes about 100 lbs overweight smokes and doesnt excersize enough..they have FLAT OUT TOLD HIM he is givign himself diabetes..they are not saying 'well yoru dad has it must be "genetic"..they are advising him "do somethig now' before its too late..and they are speicifcally saying what he eats is causing it..Tis is typical with diabetes..not the other way around that hes a diabetic and becasue of that he gained to much weight..

Dallas

 

[JRSut1000]

Great post, Dallas!

 

[dallasapple]

Oh yeah, I agree too. It's not just about the "how much" but also the "what". It is harder in today's society to eat healthy, especially if we're on the go. But it's not impossible. There's a lot of diets out there and a lot of it depends on our bodies and metabolism. Sometimes supplements are necessary, sometimes it is a matter of portion control, and many times it's the type of selection.

corrected post accidentally doubled it ..see below..

 

[dallasapple]

Oh yeah, I agree too. It's not just about the "how much" but also the "what". It is harder in today's society to eat healthy, especially if we're on the go. But it's not impossible. There's a lot of diets out there and a lot of it depends on our bodies and metabolism. Sometimes supplements are necessary, sometimes it is a matter of portion control, and many times it's the type of selection.

right..i think you are pretty much 'dooming yourself' for example if you eat 'fast food" on ANY kind of regular basis..

The fact of the matter is high calorie(per ounce) high fat high sugar foods ARE addictive..its an "explosion of the feel good chemicals similar to during [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse](but nto as good if you ask me LOL) when we eat super high fat super high sugared foods.I learned that our brains "reward us' for eating..for survival reasons its not just our stomach growling irriating us so we eat..while we are eating and right after we get a burst of chemicals in the brain sort of a "reward" feeling to encourage us to keep doing that..So with the way we have MADE our food today..and how easy it is to eat super fat super sugared high calorie foods its not a "disgrace" that you do it..its in fact a survival tool..its that our BRAINS dont know that WE have tampered withthe food..our brain doesnt shut off the "feel good" chemicals because its in actuallity harming us or an overload..it just REWARDS..food is food and the higher caloire highest fattening is what our brain WANTS us to go for..just back in the 'day' that would be a FIG TREELOL!!..not a "whopper with large fries and a strawberry shake"..we also had to WORK harder to get out food..now its a drive through on the way to work while making calls..

Anyway the 'super burst" we get from are UNATURALLLY high caloric (fat and suger to be exact) foods..DOES become addictive..So we "crave" that food..you dont get the same "super burst' from say an apple and a 1/2 cup of raw unsalted almonds....even though an APPLE and the almonds is what we need..and sends the message to the brain 'food is in the stomach" and we DO get a "reward" its just nothing in comparison to a meal with 20 grams of fat and 50 grams of sugar..IOW we are "
messing with our brains' when we eat this food that in one meal..has 1/2 a days calories and 3x the amount of fat and sugar we should eat in one day(or at the very least NOT for ONE meal)...and once it leaves our stomachs?Well stomach empty equal "growls " and hunger pains so naturally we "refill it' even though we have EXCEEDED the amounts of sugar and fat arleady for the day we should ever eat..we are hungry as we should be..doesnt mater that we have "extra fat" resserves our tummies and our minds are ready too eat again..

IOW ALL OF US are at risk and HIGH risk if we eat the high fat high sugared foods to become addicted to it..its not because we are gluttons or lazy or bad ...its because our BRAINS are wired to give a HUGE reward (all be it temporarily like [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]) to eat the highest calorie foods..which is sugar and fat..all be it sugar and fat arent ENEMIES per say..its getting HIGH amount in one sitting(becasue we have TAMPERED with our food to make it that way) filling the stomach up for one meal..then of course we need to eat several more times that day..

Thats only ONE angle..LOL!!dont even want to get into gentetically modified foods..or the hormones and antitbiotics we EAT in our food..(and pesticides) WAHHH!!!

Dallas

 

[JRSut1000]

Now im craving apples, thanks! But that's a really good point about how the brain 'rewards' certain eating behaviors/selections. If it's the wrong kind of food, its most likely what we'll want the most of.

In regards to the original poster, he hasnt responded in a while. How is the situation and has anything we've said helped you figure things out a bit or at least be able to jumpstart some ideas?

 

[dallasapple]

Now im craving apples, thanks!

Your welcome! Eat Fujis!(the most nutritious!)

Dallas

 

[JRSut1000]

Maybe it will cancel out the breakfast sandwich...and oatmeal...and cookie...and candy I had thus far today... Yeah I know, even pregnanc isnt an excuse to go nuts.

 

[dallasapple]

Maybe it will cancel out the breakfast sandwich...and oatmeal...and cookie...and candy I had thus far today... Yeah I know, even pregnanc isnt an excuse to go nuts.

(((HUGS))))...eat more apples and oatmeal WILL help the other cravings..ONLY problem with sugar is especially pregnant we women run risk of gestational diabetes..Eat MANY apples and lots of oatmeal and its still 1/2 the amount in most candies and will "fil you "...((((HUGS))(Oh adn bursh twice a day for sure..candy and pregnancy ???make for BAD teeth...

Oh and try buying frozen blueberries (unsweetened)...and throw that in your hot oatmeal..(extra vitamins and "super" antioxidents and more fiber(fiber fills us and makes for healthy digestion )...they melt and COOL the oatmeal down at the same time!

You need CHOCK full of vitamins..

Dallas

 

[JRSut1000]

I just satisfied my 'cravings' with a coconut milk and blueberry and protein powder smoothie. Very yummy!

Yeah, I'm definitely aware of GD. I ended up having to take the 3 hour test with my last pregnancy, thankfully it came back okay. But I'm hoping to be much more careful this time around.

And so the OP knows, none of us here are perfect when it comes to dieting (okay, some a few are pretty close!) but I'm sure we've all made mistakes when it comes to keeping healthy and caring about our bodies.

 

[dallasapple]

I just satisfied my 'cravings' with a coconut milk and blueberry and protein powder smoothie. Very yummy!

Yeah, I'm definitely aware of GD. I ended up having to take the 3 hour test with my last pregnancy, thankfully it came back okay. But I'm hoping to be much more careful this time around.

And so the OP knows, none of us here are perfect when it comes to dieting (okay, some a few are pretty close!) but I'm sure we've all made mistakes when it comes to keeping healthy and caring about our bodies.

Yes mam no doubt I know Ive abused my body..We live we LEARN..Im grateful to God Im still willign and able to keep on trucking..Lord have mercy on us..YES he does!

Dallas

 

[SharonL]

I just satisfied my 'cravings' with a coconut milk and blueberry and protein powder smoothie. Very yummy!

Yeah, I'm definitely aware of GD. I ended up having to take the 3 hour test with my last pregnancy, thankfully it came back okay. But I'm hoping to be much more careful this time around.

And so the OP knows, none of us here are perfect when it comes to dieting (okay, some a few are pretty close!) but I'm sure we've all made mistakes when it comes to keeping healthy and caring about our bodies.

If you eat nuts with your fruit, the sugar will not go into your cells, especially for diabetics.

 

[JRSut1000]

The only nuts I really like is peanuts or macadamia (if they are in white chocoalte cookies). lol.

 

[dallasapple]

If you eat nuts with your fruit, the sugar will not go into your cells, especially for diabetics.

YES NUTS and BEANS a staple for ANYONE and especially good for diabetics helps them regulate blood sugar even hours after its eaten..

Add protein and FIBER to sugar we absord it SLOWER (loads) into our bloodstream slower..helps NOT have super spikes ...thats why FRUIT in moderation is GOOD not bad for diabetics(becasue fruit(whole fruit NOT JUICE) naturally contains fiber and water too)..same with beans that are LOADED with fiber..not just 'starch"..

Dallas

 

[JRSut1000]

Oh well Im good with beans as I LOVE chili!

 

[dallasapple]

The only nuts I really like is peanuts or macadamia (if they are in white chocoalte cookies). lol.

Try raw almonds..eat them with a sliced chilled apple..you MAY learn to love them AND they have omega 3 the fat thats in fish..but you dotn have to eat fish to get it(pregnant women need t be careful with fish ..the mercury)..same with walnuts..try some fresh (raw not baked and salted) walnuts with some slcied apple or even dried fruit..(I make trail mix)..you like I sadi MAY "learn " to like it..(walmnuts also have omega 3)..

Dallas