How can I stop lusting after my best friend?

[SanHarver]

Hello all this is my first time here. I'm a 20 year old guy a college student. I've never had a girlfriend and don't expect to ever get married because I've always been incredibly shy and rather strange. Currently I'm a virgin and expect to remain so for the rest of my life. The college I go to is a secular college because it's much less expensive but I have a really great friend who happens to be a girl. She's a really devout Christian and so we get along well together. She's sooo pretty too she's got blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair and has a really nice and kind personality. She's a great friend to me and we hang out a lot. Trouble is I can't keep my mind from drifting toward sinful thoughts about her. Often I imagine hugging and kissing her and occasionally more than that. I try to shut these thoughts off ASAP but it's really hard. A few times she actually has hugged me not in a sexual way but it still led me toward impure thoughts. I know we should flee from sexual immorality so I thought maybe I should just get her out of my life but she adds too much to my life and is the best friend I have. How can I quit having these thoughts about her but still be friends with her?

 

[Devin P]

Advance. Ask her out.

 

[Devin P]

 

[Devin P]

Supposed to be sebastian from the little mermaid, figured I'd clarify. Looks kind of like him, and kind of not. I couldn't find a meme with the actual crab from the movie, so that'll do.

 

[Another Lazarus]

How long have you known her ?
If you are interested with her bodily beauty it wont last forever.
woman's beauty will fade very quickly after 40's.

 

[Doug Melven]

Talk to her about it. Keeping things secret will hurt you.
And if she wants to just remain best friends, the best advice I can give would be for you to think of her as your sister. That should stop any lustful thoughts.

 

[Ancient of Days]

Theres an old saying: You can have whiskey as your best friend, you can have a dog as your best friend but if a woman is your best friend you will end up drunk and kissing your dog. Let her know how you feel about her. You are attracted to her emotionally and physically and that is normal. Deep down I think your struggling with the lust because you are keeping a "secret" from her by not being honest about how you really feel. You may be keeping it inside because of a fear or two. Fear of being vulnerable or possibly a fear of being rejected if you tell her and she doesn't feel the same way. Lifes all about taking chances. Pray about it first and see what God tells you. If you get the green light from the Lord let her know how you really feel. DONT PROCRASTINATE! Strike while the iron is hot. Remember that life isn't fair or unfair, its just life...

 

[Kit Sigmon]

Hello all this is my first time here. I'm a 20 year old guy a college student. I've never had a girlfriend and don't expect to ever get married because I've always been incredibly shy and rather strange. Currently I'm a virgin and expect to remain so for the rest of my life. The college I go to is a secular college because it's much less expensive but I have a really great friend who happens to be a girl. She's a really devout Christian and so we get along well together. She's sooo pretty too she's got blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair and has a really nice and kind personality. She's a great friend to me and we hang out a lot. Trouble is I can't keep my mind from drifting toward sinful thoughts about her. Often I imagine hugging and kissing her and occasionally more than that. I try to shut these thoughts off ASAP but it's really hard. A few times she actually has hugged me not in a sexual way but it still led me toward impure thoughts. I know we should flee from sexual immorality so I thought maybe I should just get her out of my life but she adds too much to my life and is the best friend I have. How can I quit having these thoughts about her but still be friends with her?

Who you kidding?
if the girl is regularly chatting you up, hanging out with you, hugging on you...where I'm from, you're dating and she's your girlfriend...
but I'm from the south and that's how it is lol!

 

[AudreyKate]

I've been in that same situation before and it would really help if you'd open up to her. Keeping things in secret would surely make things worse and having the enemy know that you like her, it will enjoy tormenting you with this lustful thoughts and might even provoke you to doing something bad about it...

When you feel the urge, think of 1 Corinthians 10:13. It says 13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

Other suggestions:
Avoid being alone together as much as possible
Keep yourself busy with the Word of God
Ask for God's strength to resis the enemy always

 

[Jess Lee]

You do well by trying to shut those thoughts away.
Pray to God about it and cast those lustful thoughts away in the name of Jesus Christ.
I am in relationship, not yet married, and the Lord showed me in dream not to think about lustful thoughts.
The more you obey God’s will, the more God will clean us from it.
There is no temptation beyond what we can bear, is read in the Bible.
Also, maybe, unlike what you planned for yourself, God might have a plan for you.
Pray about this.

 

[Sketcher]

Is there a good reason why she shouldn't be your girlfriend?

 

[joshua 1 9]

Hello all this is my first time here. I'm a 20 year old guy a college student. I've never had a girlfriend and don't expect to ever get married because I've always been incredibly shy and rather strange. Currently I'm a virgin and expect to remain so for the rest of my life. The college I go to is a secular college because it's much less expensive but I have a really great friend who happens to be a girl. She's a really devout Christian and so we get along well together. She's sooo pretty too she's got blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair and has a really nice and kind personality. She's a great friend to me and we hang out a lot. Trouble is I can't keep my mind from drifting toward sinful thoughts about her. Often I imagine hugging and kissing her and occasionally more than that. I try to shut these thoughts off ASAP but it's really hard. A few times she actually has hugged me not in a sexual way but it still led me toward impure thoughts. I know we should flee from sexual immorality so I thought maybe I should just get her out of my life but she adds too much to my life and is the best friend I have. How can I quit having these thoughts about her but still be friends with her?

You can not communicate these feeling with your best friend but you can come on here and talk to strangers about it?

I got a feeling if you did marry her that sex may not work out, exp in the long run. So she may end up living a celibate life and you seem to want a lot of time to yourself so she should be willing to agree to that also. You would need marriage counseling for sure and there is a good chance you and her would not make it through the counseling and you could lose your best friend. A good friend is worth a lot so try to find a way to work things out with her so you can go on being friends. Just tell her how important your friendship is and how you do not want to ever lose her as a friend. That your worried you may risk that friendship if you strumbled your way into a more serious relationship with her.

That is my thoughts for whatever it is worth.

 

[Dave-W]

Hello all this is my first time here. I'm a 20 year old guy a college student. ... How can I quit having these thoughts about her but still be friends with her?

You are 20. Single guy. Virgin. Hormonal.
Your girl is about the same age. Beautiful. Sexy. (Don't deny it) Wonderful personality.

And your God given hormones are kicking in. That is ENTIRELY normal, and since HE did that wiring, He is not going to make those feelings go away. Or the thoughts about sex. You are like a guy who has been hungry for a very long time and now a wonderful meal is set out in front of you. Would you not think of wanting just a taste? This is actually quite similar.

 

[FireDragon76]

Why would you want to try to suppress perfectly normal feelings? You're in love and that's just the way it is.

Don't spiritualize this, you're just shy. Get over being shy and join the rest of the human race. And it's complete nonsense that a friend can't be a lover. That's the modern way relationships really work long-term, people actually like each other beyond money or sex.

 

[joshua 1 9]

How long have you known her ?
If you are interested with her bodily beauty it wont last forever.
woman's beauty will fade very quickly after 40's.

The women you love is always beautiful.

 

[joshua 1 9]

[Staff edit].

I think it is ok to let the women be the first one to share her feelings. Just make sure she is comfortable telling you how she feels. My son was surprised once he had a girl that he would go places with. It turned out she liked him a lot more then he thought. She saved little items from the times they were together. One day she showed him all that stuff and it really shook him up to find out how she felt about him.

 

[gym_class_hero]

San, post her picture so I can properly assess the depths of your sin...




KIDDING! The thoughts and feelings you have are normal. What you do with them is what's important. She sounds like every young Christian man's ideal for a young woman. God bless you.

 

[Boaz308]

Hello all this is my first time here. I'm a 20 year old guy a college student. I've never had a girlfriend and don't expect to ever get married because I've always been incredibly shy and rather strange. Currently I'm a virgin and expect to remain so for the rest of my life. The college I go to is a secular college because it's much less expensive but I have a really great friend who happens to be a girl. She's a really devout Christian and so we get along well together. She's sooo pretty too she's got blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair and has a really nice and kind personality. She's a great friend to me and we hang out a lot. Trouble is I can't keep my mind from drifting toward sinful thoughts about her. Often I imagine hugging and kissing her and occasionally more than that. I try to shut these thoughts off ASAP but it's really hard. A few times she actually has hugged me not in a sexual way but it still led me toward impure thoughts. I know we should flee from sexual immorality so I thought maybe I should just get her out of my life but she adds too much to my life and is the best friend I have. How can I quit having these thoughts about her but still be friends with her?

What you are experiencing is one of the most normal things on the planet earth. Sometimes these things work out and sometimes they don't. I know, that's is not helpful information. It's possible, that you are in the friend zone with her and it's very possible that she is just as shy and likes you back. How can you know. Well there are ways to start subtly flirting. Buy her a gift and tell her you were just thinking about her, you can do some small things with out just dumping your heart out to her all at once. Of course, that could work too, but I do know that can be scary.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

Repressing lustful thoughts and feelings makes them more intense, I would not advise to repress emotions as this has no value in restraining sensual indulgence. (Colossians 2:20-23)

 

[YJM]

San, post her picture so I can properly assess the depths of your sin...

I agree.

We need to discuss this in more detail

Seriously - tell her how you feel and ask her out. The worst that can happen is you get a "no" and if the friendship is as good as you say, then it will survive.

The worst that can happen....you delay and delay and some other guy sweeps her off her feet...imagine how sickening THAT would be.