Brandon Mather
Member
- Apr 4, 2020
- 12
- 21
- 30
- Country
- Canada
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Single
But something doesn't feel right. I still feel evil in my heart, like God has left me.
God hasn't left you. Its physically and spiritually impossible. I'm going through my own spiritual battle. I invited dark things into my life, and now i'm suffering for it. But God reached out to me, showed me that what I was doing was not okay, and that the end of that path would lead me to hell.
Plus, from what I understand, the nature of god is not some being that lives outside of space, but he's the very meaning of what it is TO BE. Do you still exist? Are you moving, breathing, living? Then god has not left you.
There's a famous literary line, can't say for sure where it comes from. Goes something like this:
"The line between good and evil runs down the center of the human heart."
We all have the capacity for evil. We all have the capacity to lose control. It happens. We're sinful creatures.
Maybe reach out to a catholic priest in your area, and they may refer you to an exorcist that works with the church, get their opinion. There is a lot of information on the internet, but the priests say that a lot of that is exaggerated and unreliable. And a lot of the time, mental health is the real issue that needs to be addressed. What you might need is to learn what triggers those episodes of lack of self control. Pray to Jesus, ask him to help you spot them. It might take a while before you realize what's being pointed out to you, or it might be immediate. Have patience with yourself, and trust God to know what's best for you. Slow change is the best change. It lasts.
I have a question, how do you follow the scriptures? Do you question WHY what you're doing is a sin? Understanding the weight of your decisions might help you learn to better regulate your actions. Who do you hang around with? Do you spend a lot of time with the community that gathers at the church?
God hasn't left you. He wouldn't. He couldn't. He loves you WAY too much.
I wrote down a line that stood out to me while reading the New Testament:
"Be joyful in hope and patient in affliction" - Romans 12:12
Have patience in this affliction. Believe that with God's help you can overcome this. We are powerless on our own.
And remember, whenever you need the encouragement:
"...Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me." - 2 Corinthians 12:7
Even Paul would acknowledge the sinful nature of the flesh, and God gave him a reminder. This is a warning and is also good news.
"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful, he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide an escape so that you can endure it." - 1 Corinthians 10:13
Paul's escape was the thorn, the reminder that his Gift was from God, for God's glory, not his own. But I think that perhaps the lesson can be applied here as well.
One more thing. If this guy can do it, so can you.
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