How can I know I am saved

[Simon129]

Thanks Elicia. I agree that prayer works best.

I try my best to be kind, clean the house to his liking, cook his meals the way he likes, get his water/coffee, get his shoes if we're going out, make his snacks, take out the garbage, do the laundry, pick up his dirty clothes, do the shopping, along with any other requests that he makes because I believe as a wife he is my first priority after Jesus and I take care of him.

But I did keep quiet the day he grabbed my neck and head to move me over, a week ago approx, but we weren't even arguing.

I have tried to keep quiet when he yells insults at me. In the beginning it was easier. Even yesterday I resisted and was able to keep calm trying to reason with him for awhile but he kept coming back at me with more. The more he hammered at me verbally, something he said at one point hit home and I started hurting inside...I know that's when I start responding back.

I know I need to walk away if I can onto another level of the house, maybe that will help. If I am not in his vicinity he can't say anything to me that will get that hurt starting inside. He could follow me but he'd be tired after awhile if I am 3 floors up. I made the mistake yesterday of working in the room next to his office yesterday. Too close when he's upset.

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I am sorry to hear that your husband discourages your faith in Christ. I hope you will persevere and get encouragement from this forum. Will pray for you.

 

[Helga1027]

I am sorry to hear that your husband discourages your faith in Christ. I hope you will persevere and get encouragement from this forum. Will pray for you.

Thank you.

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[Helga1027]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds like you are not in a safe situation. Please, I urge you to talk to someone and get help. You should not be living in fear of your own husband. I'm praying for your safety.

We spoke today and he said he would never hit me. He said that even when his former girlfriend years ago before he was saved was so bad, she threw chairs, she threw eggs on the carpet, she threw plants ....he never hit her.
He just took her by the neck up against the wall and told her to stop.

Do you think that is a good sign it won't get worse? I don't do those things.

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[Poppyseed78]

We spoke today and he said he would never hit me. He said that even when his former girlfriend years ago before he was saved was so bad, she threw chairs, she threw eggs on the carpet, she threw plants ....he never hit her.
He just took her by the neck up against the wall and told her to stop.

Do you think that is a good sign it won't get worse? I don't do those things.

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No one can predict his actions in the future.

How do you know he is telling the truth about his ex? It sounds to me like he's just trying to make himself sound better than he is.

Also. Why is he grabbing you by the neck? You're not violent. So let me get this straight. He grabbed his ex by the neck when she was violent. You are not violent. Yet he gives you the same treatment?

I don't know what to say. I think this is sad. I think you deserve better. I'm praying for you.

 

[Helga1027]

No one can predict his actions in the future.

How do you know he is telling the truth about his ex? It sounds to me like he's just trying to make himself sound better than he is.

Also. Why is he grabbing you by the neck? You're not violent. So let me get this straight. He grabbed his ex by the neck when she was violent. You are not violent. Yet he gives you the same treatment?

I don't know what to say. I think this is sad. I think you deserve better. I'm praying for you.

Thank you. It's very discouraging. He said he spent an hour praying this morning about how to reach me, ex. make me understand. He wants me to erase all my recordings and notes... he texted me scriptures ....saying I am making provision for future justification in case of divorce: that I am planning for the worse. He said the Word of God tells you to make no provision.......

He says I have no fire, no drive.. I told him in a previous discussion that I have nothing to do, all I have to wake up for is housecleaning, cooking. He has goals, work where people praise him.

I said I will try to get up early to pray/read my bible (I always prefered it in the evening ), do cleaning chores earlier, etc... I am willing try this to see if it will help. I do admit that if it's something I don't like, I procrastinate.

Initially he didn't even remember the neck incident and when he did remember he minimizes it by saying I was lying when I said my neck hurt afterwards.

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[Poppyseed78]

Thank you. It's very discouraging. He said he spent an hour praying this morning about how to reach me, ex. make me understand. He wants me to erase all my recordings and notes... he texted me scriptures ....saying I am making provision for future justification in case of divorce: that I am planning for the worse. He said the Word of God tells you to make no provision.......

He says I have no fire, no drive.. I told him in a previous discussion that I have nothing to do, all I have to wake up for is housecleaning, cooking. He has goals, work where people praise him.

I said I will try to get up early to pray/read my bible (I always prefered it in the evening ), do cleaning chores earlier, etc... I am willing try this to see if it will help. I do admit that if it's something I don't like, I procrastinate.

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I think your husband is starting to see your discontent with his cruelty and is worrying that you might leave him. This is why he wants you to erase your recordings and notes. If he wants you to stay with him, then he should be the kind of husband Jesus described. One who loves his wife.

For him to expect you to be a homemaker who is passionate about her life, then he has to show some appreciation for what you do. It sounds like you try to make a comfortable home life for him. Any employee who is demoralized by management has a very hard time taking joy in his or her tasks.

I read so much sadness in your words. I want you to be happy. Keep praying. I still think it might help for you to talk to someone from your church about this, or a family member. Do you have any hobbies, anything you are passionate about? I think that it would help you build up your confidence to have activities aside from just housework (although there definitely is great value in housework as well). You are a beautiful creation of Christ. No matter what your husband, or anyone, says, Jesus loves you.

 

[EmmaCat]

He was in the basement while I was upstairs on the top floor. Thank you for your prayers

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Okay, phew! Go see what I said in your other thread about your marriage, please.

I think you're saved, but that's just me.

Your friend
Emmy

 

[kangaroodort]

From what I have read here, your husband's actions are clearly sinful and you should not try to justify them. He is trying to make you feel guilty so he can continue to get away with abusing you (and verbal abuse is as sinful as physical abuse). Do not buy into that. And the way you describe things, you sound like more of a slave than a wife to me. I don't know everything that is going on, but from what you have revealed here, this is not a healthy marriage at all. Grabbing a woman by the neck and pushing her against the wall is also sinful, regardless. And threatening you with his fist in your face is totally unacceptable. As others have noted, you need to seek help. And if you church thinks that sort of behavior from your husband is OK, you need to find another church. May God give you the courage, wisdom and help you need to address this. I will be praying for you.

 

[kangaroodort]

If you are trusting in Christ for salvation, you are saved.

 

[1213]

...I went to a major christian ministry conference this year and met the top man most call a prophet of God who has been in ministry for years. He said the prophet anointing was upon me. Does this confirm that I am saved? Wouldn't he know?

Sorry, I don’t think that confirms it. And actually, if you would have “prophet anointing” from God, I believe you would know it without some man saying it. And I think you would then also know are you saved or not.

I know that according to the Bible, eternal life is for righteous. But I don’t know are you righteous.

These will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.
Mat. 25:46

 

[juergen]

May I make a recommendation with regards to how your husband treats you?

The examples you gave of your husband's behavior are textbook examples of someone with a Personality Disorder. There are several kinds of disorders, each one has a different dynamic and each one needs a different approach. They are serious business, they get worse over time, and if untreated, they destroy the relationship, and the people within the relationship.

Maybe you'd like to open a new thread about this over at the Personality Disorder subforums at this site: Personality Disorders

I have been in past relationships with people with personality disorders, and your post sent shivers down my spine.

 

[Helga1027]

May I make a recommendation with regards to how your husband treats you?

The examples you gave of your husband's behavior are textbook examples of someone with a Personality Disorder. There are several kinds of disorders, each one has a different dynamic and each one needs a different approach. They are serious business, they get worse over time, and if untreated, they destroy the relationship, and the people within the relationship.

Maybe you'd like to open a new thread about this over at the Personality Disorder subforums at this site: Personality Disorders

I have been in past relationships with people with personality disorders, and your post sent shivers down my spine.

What kind of disorder could it be? I sometimes wonder why no one else sees or picks up on anything wrong with him, either in the natural or the spirit. Or maybe they do but say nothing. He has had people come against him in the past but said it was the devil deceiving them, etc...

I will look online to see. He's very good at giving a good impression.

He also puts in my face the mess my life was before we married compared to him as an indication of how the way I think is wrong. He's been successful in his life, he got out of debt young.

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[juergen]

What kind of disorder could it be? I sometimes wonder why no one else sees or picks up on anything wrong with him, either in the natural or the spirit. Or maybe they do but say nothing. He has had people come against him in the past but said it was the devil deceiving them, etc...

I will look online to see. He's very good at giving a good impression.

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I'm not a therapist but it sounds like a type of disorder in what is called "Cluster B". I am copying and pasting this from Personality Disorder

Antisocial Personality Disorder. People with antisocial personality disorder characteristically act out their conflicts and ignore normal rules of social behavior. These individuals are impulsive, irresponsible, and callous. Typically, the antisocial personality has a history of legal difficulties, belligerent and irresponsible behavior, aggressive and even violent relationships. They show no respect for other people and feel no remorse about the effects of their behavior on others. These people ware at high risk for substance abuse, especially alcoholism, since it helps them to relieve tension, irritability and boredom.

Borderline Personality Disorder. People with borderline personality disorder are unstable in several areas, including interpersonal relationships, behavior, mood, and self-image. Abrupt and extreme mood changes, stormy interpersonal relationships, an unstable and fluctuating self-image, unpredictable and self-destructive actions characterize the person with borderline personality disorder. These individuals generally have great difficulty with their own sense of identity. They often experience the world in extremes, viewing others as either “all good” or “all bad.” A person with borderline personality may form an intense personal attachment with someone only to quickly dissolve it over a perceived slight. Fears of abandonment may lead to an excessive dependency on others. Self-multilation or recurrent suicidal gestures may be used to get attention or manipulate others. Impulsive actions, chronic feelings of boredom or emptiness, and bouts of intense inappropriate anger are other traits of this disorder, which is more common among females.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder. People with narcissistic personality have an exaggerated sense of self-importance, are absorbed by fantasies of unlimited success, and seek constant attention. The narcissistic personality is oversensitive to failure and often complains of multiple somatic symptoms. Prone to extreme mood swings between self-admiration and insecurity, these people tend to exploit interpersonal relationships.

I think in terms of this specifically, you'll get a lot more mileage in the Personality Disorder forum, immediate support from people who are going through the same thing that hang out there.

EDIT: I edited the beginning of the quote. The complete name of the first disorder is Antisocial Personality Disorder.


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[Helga1027]

I'm not a therapist but it sounds like a type of disorder in what is called "Cluster B". I am copying and pasting this from Personality Disorder



I think in terms of this specifically, you'll get a lot more mileage in the Personality Disorder forum, immediate support from people who are going through the same thing that hang out there.

EDIT: I edited the beginning of the quote. The complete name of the first disorder is Antisocial Personality Disorder.


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My husband does everything exceptionally well, not just I would say it .

He's not someone that one would think has any issues and his opinion is highly sought by others.

Someone who doesn't live with him would say he's a bit impatient at times but not often, and would see him as a caring, funny, intelligent individual. I have never seen him treat others as he treats me and he never yells in public, well in the car being the exception.

Mind you now that i think of it my mom did ask him before we were married something about .. if he would let me make some choices of my own.

Of course I never asked anyone their opinion.

I sometimes think he is working on me to get me to do stupid things like banging my hand on the desk so that he could say...see she's the one that has issues.

I don't know if you read my post where I mentioned about his ex throwing plants, etc.... I am starting to wonder if perhaps he did the same to her, crazy arguments until she lost it. I doubt she just woke up and started throwing things. He said she told him it was her thyroid but maybe he was pushing her verbally too to the point where she exploded.

I know....I was usually a calm, rarely get angry person but when I did get angry it was for a good reason (my mom's words about me). If someone told me I would be so angry as to bang my fists on a desk 2 years ago, I'd think that person crazy.

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[juergen]

My husband does everything exceptionally well, not just I would say it .

He's not someone that one would think has any issues and his opinion is highly sought by others.

I don't doubt it. There are highly talented people with all kinds of issues. It happens with some disorders that people who suffer from them take on a false self (whole or in part), which leads them to project an image they're really not. It normally turns out to be an image other people respond positively to. This doesn't negate their natural talents nor their achievements. Some of them are brilliant people. Certain sides of them though, are facades.

I have never seen him treat others as he treats me and he never yells in public, well in the car being the exception.

Does he yell at you in the car or just at the traffic?

Mind you now that i think of it my mom did ask him before we were married something about .. if he would let me make some choices of my own.

Yay to moms who keep an eye open for their kids! Mine does and I don't notice half the time. It sounds like she noticed something.

I sometimes think he is working on me to get me to do stupid things like banging my hand on the desk so that he could say...see she's the one that has issues.

It could very well be. I know that a reaction to your comment would often be "well, you're the one who is losing her temper." The thing that makes this complicated is that a person that fits in with the criteria of a disorder is really good at goading.

I don't know your husband, and I haven't been privy to intimate details of the troublesome moments you mentioned. And even though I've had similar experiences, I am personally biased by these experiences, so please take my opinions with a grain of salt.

I don't know what disorder, if he has one, he has. If it's Borderline Personality Disorder, he's probably doing this:

The goals of the most troublesome of the behavior exhibited by people with BPD, for reasons I discussed here and here, is to cause in their targets one of three reactions. The first two of these invariably lead to the third.

from Responding to “Borderline” Provocations—Part I

I don't know if you read my post where I mentioned about his ex throwing plants, etc....

It's really really difficult to not react. I remember having one with an ex-girlfriend. I don't want to get into the details of it, just that I was surprised how from one second to te next, she turned something else on me, which changed the conversation, and which in some way makes crazy emotions happen inside that you don't understand well. But, you do notice how to get angry while you're trying to figure out what just happened.

I don't think that he does this out of malice, and this is generally accepted in professional circles. There are issues that make him feel a certain way which makes him behave a certain way.

Please do hop over to the other sub forum for this. People way more informed than me and with different experiences could chime in.

Personality disorders are mental disorders for which people that have them (and people who are involved with these folks) need help and support. It's not standard behavior stuff.

EDIT: added some in the first paragraph.

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[juergen]

These things you feel about yourself that come from the things he says to you and about you, they are not true. Over time one can become convinced they are when they're not.

Persons have lost just about any control over themselves once they start employing bullying tactics and threats of violence. Grabbing the ex by the neck, grabbing your sweater by the neck, threating to punch you, influencing your opinions and requestions you erase your notes...do you guys have kids?

This is hardly "discouraging one from his faith."

 

[juergen]

I'd like to add this: I don't think he's evil. He might feel really bad about this after reacting like he does. The paragraph above by itself paints a very limited and negative light on who he is as a person, which is not the intention. But these are not actions that should be left unattended. Issues are being put into the relationship that destroy livelihoods over time.

 

[MrsBrit]

When my husband argues with me, he often says things like you are not saved, you're an angel of light, demonic agent, etc...

He even said he was praying Saturday night and knows why the Lord spoke certain things to him. He said numerous times that he wanted me to lead prayer meeting but the Lord told him no.

I am tired. He has been verbally abusive for the years we've been married and a bit physically by threatening to punch me in the face a few times and grabbing my sweater at the neck with his fist in my fave. I now am having difficulty not responding in kind back to him.

The only thing I could hold on to was the Lord during this time . That the Lord was with me. The reason I stay is because of the Lord.

Is my husband right about me?

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Your husband is a bully! He is verbally abusive towards you and has threatened you with physical violence and now he is chipping away at your faith. Your relationship with God is between you and Him it is not for your husband to decide that you are not saved, that your relationship with God is not good. He is manipulating you by whatever means he can.

I urge you to confide in your Minister ASAP do not allow your husband to treat you this way. Jesus respected women. I don't believe the sort of behavior your husband is displaying is Christian by any stretch of the imagination.

 

[MrsBrit]

When my husband argues with me, he often says things like you are not saved, you're an angel of light, demonic agent, etc...

He even said he was praying Saturday night and knows why the Lord spoke certain things to him. He said numerous times that he wanted me to lead prayer meeting but the Lord told him no.

I am tired. He has been verbally abusive for the years we've been married and a bit physically by threatening to punch me in the face a few times and grabbing my sweater at the neck with his fist in my fave. I now am having difficulty not responding in kind back to him.

The only thing I could hold on to was the Lord during this time . That the Lord was with me. The reason I stay is because of the Lord.

Is my husband right about me?

Sent from my SM-G900W8 using Tapatalk

Your husband is a bully! He is verbally abusive towards you and has threatened you with physical violence and now he is chipping away at your faith. Your relationship with God is between you and Him it is not for your husband to decide that you are not saved, that your relationship with God is not good. He is manipulating you by whatever means he can.

I urge you to confide in your Minister ASAP do not allow your husband to treat you this way. Jesus respected women. I don't believe the sort of behavior your husband is displaying is Christian by any stretch of the imagination.

 

[MrsBrit]

When my husband argues with me, he often says things like you are not saved, you're an angel of light, demonic agent, etc...

He even said he was praying Saturday night and knows why the Lord spoke certain things to him. He said numerous times that he wanted me to lead prayer meeting but the Lord told him no.

I am tired. He has been verbally abusive for the years we've been married and a bit physically by threatening to punch me in the face a few times and grabbing my sweater at the neck with his fist in my fave. I now am having difficulty not responding in kind back to him.

The only thing I could hold on to was the Lord during this time . That the Lord was with me. The reason I stay is because of the Lord.

Is my husband right about me?

Sent from my SM-G900W8 using Tapatalk

Your husband is a bully! He is verbally abusive towards you and has threatened you with physical violence and now he is chipping away at your faith. Your relationship with God is between you and Him it is not for your husband to decide that you are not saved, that your relationship with God is not good. He is manipulating you by whatever means he can.

I urge you to confide in your Minister ASAP do not allow your husband to treat you this way. Jesus respected women. I don't believe the sort of behavior your husband is displaying is Christian by any stretch of the imagination.