My husband does everything exceptionally well, not just I would say it .
He's not someone that one would think has any issues and his opinion is highly sought by others.
I don't doubt it. There are highly talented people with all kinds of issues. It happens with some disorders that people who suffer from them take on a false self (whole or in part), which leads them to project an image they're really not. It normally turns out to be an image other people respond positively to. This doesn't negate their natural talents nor their achievements. Some of them are brilliant people. Certain sides of them though, are facades.
I have never seen him treat others as he treats me and he never yells in public, well in the car being the exception.
Does he yell at you in the car or just at the traffic?
Mind you now that i think of it my mom did ask him before we were married something about .. if he would let me make some choices of my own.
Yay to moms who keep an eye open for their kids! Mine does and I don't notice half the time. It sounds like she noticed something.
I sometimes think he is working on me to get me to do stupid things like banging my hand on the desk so that he could say...see she's the one that has issues.
It could very well be. I know that a reaction to your comment would often be "well, you're the one who is losing her temper." The thing that makes this complicated is that a person that fits in with the criteria of a disorder is really good at goading.
I don't know your husband, and I haven't been privy to intimate details of the troublesome moments you mentioned. And even though I've had similar experiences, I am personally biased by these experiences, so please take my opinions with a grain of salt.
I don't know what disorder, if he has one, he has. If it's Borderline Personality Disorder, he's probably doing this:
The goals of the most troublesome of the behavior exhibited by people with BPD, for reasons I discussed here and here, is to cause in their targets one of three reactions. The first two of these invariably lead to the third.
from
Responding to “Borderline” Provocations—Part I
I don't know if you read my post where I mentioned about his ex throwing plants, etc....
It's really really difficult to not react. I remember having one with an ex-girlfriend. I don't want to get into the details of it, just that I was surprised how from one second to te next, she turned something else on me, which changed the conversation, and which in some way makes crazy emotions happen inside that you don't understand well. But, you do notice how to get angry while you're trying to figure out what just happened.
I don't think that he does this out of malice, and this is generally accepted in professional circles. There are issues that make him feel a certain way which makes him behave a certain way.
Please do hop over to the other sub forum for this. People way more informed than me and with different experiences could chime in.
Personality disorders are mental disorders for which people that have them (and people who are involved with these folks) need help and support. It's not standard behavior stuff.
EDIT: added some in the first paragraph.
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