how can I discern between these feelings that could be Satan attacking me in a weak spot, being misled by my own feelings or desires, or God/Holy Spirit leading me to pursue something with her given I have a strong desire to date, be in a relationship and get married someday.
I really liked Bella's post. Following on from that, I'd like to get more specific. It's not wrong to have strong feelings. I believe God gives us the ability to experience these feelings as a gift; all good things come from the Lord. But, we also need to recognize just how easy it is to lose control of good feelings.
I talked to a young man who said he had found his soul mate, he was
very sure of this because he could
feel it so powerfully. When I asked how he knew she was really the one, he said they were able to talk on the phone for hours without getting bored. I was shocked at just how shallow his reasoning was. I mean, being able to talk and get along is good, but certainly not enough to justify a lifelong commitment.
It's easy to believe that the power of our feelings is enough to overcome any obstacle, but it really is not. I spoke to a different young man who was a strong Christian. During a volunteer project in a 3rd world country he became involved with another volunteer, a young woman who was an Atheist. He told me they got along very well and that they had this kind of comfort around one another where it felt like they had already been married for years. He admitted that her atheism could be a problem, but he explained that she was there, in the 3rd world, helping the poor which was consistent with what Jesus taught and he believed this, along with the strength of their feelings, was enough to overcome their religious differences over time.
It didn't work out that way. When the project ended they went their separate ways but still stayed together. However, it soon became clear that they had different life goals. He moved on to another volunteer project while she wanted him to get a job and support her. She had done her volunteer time and was ready to move on to normal life whereas he felt called to continue volunteering. He explained what happened during their breakup, which I won't go into here, but it was very sad.
One issue that can help to lend a bit of clarity is to recognize that in Christianity, there is no divorce and remarriage; you get one shot. I realize that is very unpopular, but it is what Jesus taught. That means you need to be very careful about how you select
the one, but you should also keep in mind that, while marriage is not wrong or forbidden, both Jesus and Paul did strongly suggest that celibacy is the superior option. It may not be for you, and that's okay, but it's something worth praying about.
Really, there is no such thing as soul mate or that one special person. It sometimes happens that people click in the beginning, but there is no relationship that just works without any effort. The relationships that last the longest only do so because of hard work and sacrifice.
It sounds counter intuitive, I know, but you need to prepare a list of information, at least for a start. What are her views toward God and Jesus? What are her spending habits? What are her political views? What are her views toward helping the poor or going into all the world to preach the gospel? What are her hobbies? What's her relationship with her family like? Does she want kids, or not? What are her life goals?
She herself may not have thought much about the answers to these question; most people don't, but you need to do so for yourself, and, if you're thinking about spending your life with her, you need to encourage her, gently, to also think about these things.
There is a concept when shopping that you should only buy what you want. Often the temptation is to go for something which is close or to impulse-buy only to later discover that it's not really what you wanted. I'm sure we've all experienced that before. How much more important is it to avoid that kind of impulse shopping when it comes to a life-long partner. Only buy what you know you want after careful consideration.
Spend time with her as a friend, keeping in mind that you need to discern more about these important issues, first, while keeping your feelings in check. The worst thing you can do is to emotionally commit without knowing what you're committing to. This is where the phrase, "Love is blind" comes from. It's always presented as this wonderful, romantic thing but it's not romantic at all; it's foolish. The power of your feelings should never blind you.
Good luck and stay prayed up.
