How can I handle feelings of attraction and romantic desire while seeking God's will

[bèlla]

"What I found most appealing wasn't physical. It was their principles and substance."

Very refreshing to hear...

Thank you AOD.

This line was priceless. "Remember that sick people attract sick people."

Well stated. When you're healthy you can spot sickness a mile away. And you avoid it.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

 

[christiansoccerplayer]

One issue that can help to lend a bit of clarity is to recognize that in Christianity, there is no divorce and remarriage; you get one shot. I realize that is very unpopular, but it is what Jesus taught. That means you need to be very careful about how you select the one, but you should also keep in mind that, while marriage is not wrong or forbidden, both Jesus and Paul did strongly suggest that celibacy is the superior option. It may not be for you, and that's okay, but it's something worth praying about.

Jesus made an exception if one's spouse cheated on them, they could divorce them and remarry. But if I go by the original point of no divorce and remarriage in Christianity, then I am definitely screwed as the divorce rate is high. I have ZER0, let me repeat, ZERO, desire for celibacy (so I guess if that's a sin to passionately desire {I'm don't mean idoltary} marriage and I have not confessed and repented of it, I suppose I will have to give an account at the Judgement Seat of Christ) . I don't feel called to go to remote parts of the world on missionary trips or other dangerous things only an always-single person could do. So I don't feel bad about wanting marriage based on Genesis 2:18, 1 Corthinians 7, (and based on my understanding of Proverbs 18:22, I do not have favor with the Lord). I just don't understand why everyone else who wants to gets married either gets married or encouraged to while I am not. If God truthfully does not intend for me to get married, then I can only surmise He has planned an early departure from this world for me. I just wish if I am truly supposed to forsake marriage, He would find it fitting to let me know for sure instead of me always feeling the desire for a something God has called good for people (am I just the pathetic exception?) I have no wish to spend a long lifetime without a partner

 

[John Helpher]

I have ZER0, let me repeat, ZERO, desire for celibacy (so I guess if that's a sin to passionately desire {I'm don't mean idoltary} marriage and I have not confessed and repented of it, I suppose I will have to give an account at the Judgement Seat of Christ) .

Well, like I said it's not wrong to want to be married or to marry. You might be being too hard on yourself about that. I only mentioned the celibacy thing as something to consider; it sounds like you have considered it and you're pretty set on marriage. Ok.

I don't feel called to go to remote parts of the world on missionary trips or other dangerous things only an always-single person could do.

All Christians are called to be missionaries. That's what it means to be Christian i.e. go into all the world teaching others to obey my commands (Matthew 28:19-20). That's not a suggestion. It's a command. You can still do that with a wife; it just means you need to be all the more careful about choosing wisely. You don't have to go to remote parts of the world, though you should be willing to. The main thing is to stop using your time working for money and the things money can buy and start working to promote the kingdom of Heaven whether it be helping the poor or promoting obedience to Jesus' teachings on the streets, or online, or where ever.

 

[christiansoccerplayer]

All Christians are called to be missionaries. That's what it means to be Christian i.e. go into all the world teaching others to obey my commands (Matthew 28:19-20). That's not a suggestion. It's a command. You can still do that with a wife; it just means you need to be all the more careful about choosing wisely. You don't have to go to remote parts of the world, though you should be willing to. The main thing is to stop using your time working for money and the things money can buy and start working to promote the kingdom of Heaven whether it be helping the poor or promoting obedience to Jesus' teachings on the streets, or online, or where ever.

I have to eat and so I work to have money to buy food. I already try to help the poor and promote teaching of Jesus. Just the though of a lifetime of singleness is a major distraction

 

[christiansoccerplayer]

Thankand s to all who have given advice. I apologize if some of my responses sounded sharp or even a little confrontational. A lot of the ideas and advice is a little difficult for me to comprenhend and other pieces of advice feel like a sharp blow to my heart and confidence but the truth hurts; I respect everyone's opinions and consider all of them legit. Thank you again to all who have responded to my original post.

 

[bèlla]

I have to eat and so I work to have money to buy food. I already try to help the poor and promote teaching of Jesus. Just the though of a lifetime of singleness is a major distraction

It is important to connect with the Lord and seek His input on our lives. What He requests of one does not hold true for the next. Our experiences, gifting, and makeup play a significant part in our purpose.

Most aren’t called to the mission field or full-time ministry. The majority function as beacons of light on the job, school, neighborhood, and so on.

Are you part of a local men’s group or willing to join one to meet godly men?

Yours in His Service,

~bella

 

[christiansoccerplayer]

It is important to connect with the Lord and seek His input on our lives. What He requests of one does not hold true for the next. Our experiences, gifting, and makeup play a significant part in our purpose.

Most aren’t called to the mission field or full-time ministry. The majority function as beacons of light on the job, school, neighborhood, and so on.

Are you part of a local men’s group or willing to join one to meet godly men?

Yours in His Service,

~bella

No, I am not and have a unique church situation as I attend church about 70 miles from where I live so I only go to Sunday service (I usually stay with family in the area so I don't have to drive that every Sunday)
Thanks

 

[bèlla]

No, I am not and have a unique church situation as I attend church about 70 miles from where I live so I only go to Sunday service (I usually stay with family in the area so I don't have to drive that every Sunday)
Thanks

You may want to start a thread requesting suggestions for online groups and resources for Christian men. Given the demographic, you should receive a lot of feedback.

There’s also a private men’s forum on the site. You can request access here.

@Cormack, This is right up your alley if you’re willing to chime in.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

 

[Endeavourer]

I'd recommend you read the book Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders. It will explain to you how to temper your attachment to the other person until you know more about her.

Dr. Harley recommends dating several people with a "freeloader" mindset. That doesn't mean being a jerk, it means initially looking at the candidate in terms that are all about you - am I attracted to this person and will she work for me? You want to date several people just to make sure your mindset it truly 'freeloading' while evaluating the person.

Once you have dated a person a few times, analyze whether or not you are ready for a rental relationship with that person - things are pretty good and if they stay this way I might stay here for a while.

Never become a buyer until the day you marry. Always be willing to back out until your wedding day if you see things that will make the relationship difficult for you.

Here is a link to a used copy in Ebay for $3.73 with free shipping:

Buyers, Renters & Freeloaders: Turning Revolving-Door Romance into - VERY GOOD 9780800718138 | eBay

 

[Cormack]

You may want to start a thread requesting suggestions for online groups and resources for Christian men. Given the demographic, you should receive a lot of feedback.

There’s also a private men’s forum on the site. You can request access here.

@Cormack, This is right up your alley if you’re willing to chime in.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

That’s very neighbourly, cheers Bella.

 

[bèlla]

That’s very neighbourly, cheers Bella.

My pleasure Cormack. Maybe a pointer's thread is in order.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

 

[Paul4JC]

To OP...

Infatuation is deceptive (been there many times, even on the mission field in 3 different countries!) You should have asked on first meeting if she was a Christian. Big mistake. Now if she's not, you wasted a lot of time and energy for nothing.

God will lead you to the right person if you trust him to do so. Now are you looking for what you want, or for Gods best for you? I didn't marry till 35, (20 years ago, met my wife). A good friend was 46 when he did. Will pray the same for you. God bless. [Pro 18:22]

(We don't get a say anything in the singles forum so this is nice.)

 

[christiansoccerplayer]

Here’s an update: I talked to her on Sunday and to be blunt, I fell short of my goal of asking her on an actual date and just asked if we could meet up at Starbucks and just hang out casually and have a coffee which she said yes. Then after being around her and some of her other friends/teammates, I got the gist that we are probably not each others types (and I’m probably above her preferred dating age range); it also seems like (from overhearing conversations) her ex wants to work things out although it sounded like she wasn’t ready and it seemed there were other guys she was into in. I just decided we are better off as platonic friends; I will still go through with our casual coffee meetup (unless she backs out) and may not ask to hang out again unless she wants to and just see her at the league games. I think we will be continue to be casual friends and I do not expect it to go any further than that unless God has something else planned but right now I just cannot see more than a friendship; I am looking forward to getting to know her a little more.

 

[christiansoccerplayer]

And to add, I feel I’ve likely friend zoned her although should the situation ever change, I would take her out of the friend zone.

 

[christiansoccerplayer]

To OP...

Infatuation is deceptive (been there many times, even on the mission field in 3 different countries!) You should have asked on first meeting if she was a Christian. Big mistake. Now if she's not, you wasted a lot of time and energy for nothing.

God will lead you to the right person if you trust him to do so. Now are you looking for what you want, or for Gods best for you? I didn't marry till 35, (20 years ago, met my wife). A good friend was 46 when he did. Will pray the same for you. God bless. [Pro 18:22]

(We don't get a say anything in the singles forum so this is nice.)

Thank you for your prayers

 

[bèlla]

I'm glad you took action and have more to go on than before. You sound settled.

As far as meeting someone, we're in different places spiritually. Oftentimes when a person says God led them to their companion they neglect an important part. They may be more yielded relationally than the next. Meaning, they're sensitive to the Lord's leading and willing to act. They aren't wedded to a perspective or type to the point where a difference would mean no.

Sometimes God puts people together for a holy work. Derek Prince demonstrates that in God is a Matchmaker. But for most, its a combination of prayer, hope, and interactions. Through their experiences they choose the best fit. They may offer thanks for their companion. But they don't say God united them.

Many believers said God led them to their spouse and they're divorced. Including authors writing on the subject. If you don't feel a prompting that she's the one. Don't feel bad. Most people don't.

Yours in His Service,

~bella