Long reply warning....
I'm a 38 year old pastor who grew up in the church. I don't remember how old I was when I heard about it, but it was probably around the age of 10. It was at a Bible Study at the church I grew up in, which was very small, and someone had mentioned the unforgivable sin, and the way that Jesus described it, and instantly, awful and vicious blasphemous thoughts flooded my brain, and fear flooded my heart.
For years I struggled with feeling terrified, and had no reason to believe that anyone felt like I did. I feared that if I verbalized what had gone through my head, that I would be committing the sin itself, and so therefore, I was alone. But I would have pockets of time - sometimes years - where it would go away for the most part, but it was still in the back of my mind.
I went to a Christian College, and two friends were discussing it, and seemingly concluded that it was essentially calling something that was good - bad. This stuck in my head for quite some time, and not long after, I found myself in a position where a thought popped into my head "if you do this, you will not enter the Kingdom".
For years this was like a plague, as I wrestled with the question of where that thought came from, and guilt because I had followed through with the action after hearing the thought go through my head.
Then I remembered my friends' conclusion that it was calling something that was good - bad, as I had considered the possible sources of the thought. I spent many sleepless nights trembling and when doing some research online, I came across a website that described this sin, and a somewhat comforting statement that "if you're afraid that you may have done it, you haven't." While that helped a little bit, it wasn't quite enough to conquer the fear.
This went on for years, and I would again, have pockets of time where it would go away slightly, and what I noticed (and still do today), is that when my fear that I have committed it in the past is overcome, the intrusive thoughts come through repeatedly. It tends to happen in cycles. I'll get to my conclusion on that matter momentarily.
I suffered with a certain kind of addiction that many people (mostly guys) have, and in the middle of acting out this addiction, the fear of this sin would haunt me, especially after I didn't stop when it went through my head. A few years ago, I had a nearly full-blown panic attack, which I probably should have been hospitalized for. And this was right after one of those pockets of peace. It came out of nowhere, a sucker punch. A past sin had come to mind and instantly I was seized with fear that, I couldn't be forgiven for it.
The twisting of the scriptures where this sin is mentioned are so easy to do. Many (myself included of course), misunderstand the context, or ignore it altogether. We assume that it is possible for a Christian to commit this sin, when it isn't. A good friend of mine reminded me that "if you're worried about it, you're fine". Again, this helped a little, but because I didn't understand why that was true, I had a hard time believing it.
Before we get there, let's remember the context. Jesus was talking to people who had just witnessed Him casting out a demon, and they hated Him so much, that they said the most preposterous thing they could think of. And He used plain logic to dispel that myth, that Satan couldn't drive himself out. Their hearts were so hardened toward Him, that they refused to believe that He was who He said He was, and nothing would change their minds. Furthermore, they had an audience. They weren't just thinking it to themselves, they were verbalizing it and trying to get people to believe it.
Key point, and this is incredibly important: it is extremely doubtful that when Jesus made this statement, they felt any fear at all. Why? Because they didn't believe in Him.
If you're afraid that you have committed the unforgivable sin, you haven't. Because I understand the meaning of certain verses now, I understand how and why this statement is true.
John 6:37 - All those the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away.
John 6:44 - No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws them, and I will raise them up at the last day.
Romans 2:4 - Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?
Titus 2:11-12 - For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. 12 It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age.
1 Corinthians 12:3 - 3 Therefore I want you to know that no one who is speaking by the Spirit of God says, “Jesus be cursed,” and no one can say, “Jesus is Lord,” except by the Holy Spirit.
Every one of these verses tells us that we are 100% powerless to come to Jesus without God leading us to Him. And how does He do that? Through the Holy Spirit.
Now, what sense would it make for the Holy Spirit to guide us to Jesus if we were unforgivable? He wouldn't. It's illogical. Instead, let's look at the mindset of those who (probably) HAVE committed this sin, or at least what their life becomes.
Romans 1:24 - Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another.
Romans 1:26-32 - Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. 27 In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error. 28 Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done. 29 They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed, and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, 30 slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; 31 they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy. 32 Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.
Now - obviously these verses are speaking of homosexual relationships, but ultimately, I have come to believe that this is what happens when someone commits the unforgivable sin. They lose all reason, and they have no desire to return to God. They essentially lose all moral reasoning, and have a seared conscience. The person is shutting the door - not God. He simply grants their wish.
2 Peter 3:9 - The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead, he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.
He doesn't want ANYONE to be excluded from the Kingdom, but His commitment to allowing our free will gives us the opportunity to say no to Him. This leads to the idea that Hell is locked – but from the inside.
And at the end of the day, the unforgivable sin is either 1. a verbal curse (which ultimately comes from contempt for them) that essentially rejects the Holy Spirit, which really rejects all three, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. 2. walking so far away from God that we can't hear His voice any longer.
Picture yourself standing still, and you are talking to someone who is walking away from you. The person keeps moving, but you stand still. Eventually, that person is going to get out of range, where they can't hear you anymore. If you have fear of God in any way, shape, or form, you can still hear Him. And I believe that God can USE this fear of being unforgivable to get your attention, but once you return to Him, those fears should prove to be illogical.
Jesus refers to Satan with the nickname "The Accuser". Satan will do everything in his power to convince you that you are too far gone. So, this fear is irrational, but God can still use it for good.
Genesis 50:20 - As for you, what you intended against me for evil, God intended for good.
There is a bit more that I could share, but I can tell you that logically, I now know that it is literally impossible for me, or any other genuine Christian who wants to please God, to commit this unpardonable sin. The way that I overcame this a few years ago, was by writing the verses above and different events to prove that the Holy Spirit was active in my life, over and over again. It was like writing sentences in school when we got in trouble. It begins to sink in.
Think about it this way. The verses above (and there are many others), tell us the promises of God, and we tend to read one sentence out of context and assume that it applies to us, when it doesn't but the many do.
So back to this cycle. For me - it starts with a fear or a doubt of my salvation. My mind will repeatedly go back to a particular sin, or even several, to convince me that I'm lost, and can't be saved. When I use the verses above or this one:
1 John 1:19 - If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
All. Not some. Not a little bit. Not most. All.
So when I use these verses, I start to feel at peace, and then the other part of the cycle begins again. My mind is flooded, yet again, with blasphemous thoughts. I have coping mechanisms, by shaking my head, or just using Jesus' name, and sometimes they help, but at other times it feels like it just perpetuates them and makes them worse.
So why does this happen? Because your enemy, your accuser, and the deceiver is desperate. As humans, there is a healthy pride that we have that keeps us from kicking people when they are down. Your enemy doesn't share this healthy pride. No. He is a coward, and believe it or not, he is afraid of you. Why? Because you are a threat to him. And if he can get you to doubt your salvation, you may fall into despair, give up, or at the very least, not be the light that God has called you to be.
Now, as I finish this forever long post, I can tell you that again, like a sucker punch, the enemy came and hit me from behind with this fear - yet again a few weeks ago. In the last 2 years, I have taught lessons on this, and felt that I had overcome it, and it returned. However, I can say that because of the practices that I learned to defeat it the last time, it is far less anxiety inducing, because I have trained my heart and my mind to reject the lies.
We can either believe the truth of the Bible, or the lies that Satan tells to twist them into meaning something they don't mean.
I would apologize for the length of the post, but one of the most comforting things that I have come across, are the details in the stories of others that match my own. YOU. ARE. NOT ALONE. Do not believe the enemy when he tells you that you are. He is the accuser. He is the deceiver.
I truly hope from the bottom of my heart that this helps. I want to use my testimony to help others who have been in the dark places that I have, as I feel that's what God is calling me to do.
So spend time in John 6, and write the key verses down over and over again until you believe them.
Your creator loves you dearly.
