Hook me in 20 words or less

[Proud Christian 2]

The Yeti was gaining. I could feel it's breath. It was then, I realized that I was running towards a giant snake.

 

[Proud Christian 2]

I ran. It jumped. It pinned me to the ground and began nibbling at my flesh. Why was mom acting so weird today?

 

[jimmyl]

As far as I know, my name is Colin.


(This was the actual first line of a story I wrote. Is that cheating?)

 

[sunstruckdream]

As far as I know, my name is Colin.


(This was the actual first line of a story I wrote. Is that cheating?)

I love this!
And I don't think it's cheating

 

[Inkachu]

I was beginning to realize this was an odd sort of school. The sort where children vanished and reappeared in strange guises.

(22 words)

 

[Jesus4Life777]

The streaker had hurdled the fence and was making his way to 2nd Base. I felt ashamed of my twin brother as I watched in utter embarrassment.

 

[Foreshadow]

One of the other writing sites I belong to [Absoutewrite] has a very interesting and fun writing exercise going called 'Hook me in 20 words or less'. The object is to create a one line opener designed to grab a reader's attention, and make them really, REALLY want to read more. It's good practice to come up with short, catchy first liners, because slow or boring openers are common problems for unpublished authors. So I thought we could try it here, at CF, providing anyone is interested. To start off, here is an opener I thought up:

“I’m not a vampire,” Alia drawled, with a lazy smile. “I just have unnaturally long incisors…that’s all.”

Ok I got one.
John looked at his bloody hands. He did not know where he was. He had only one memory. He cried.

 

[Tariel]

The night of the murder was when I finally learned that my friends were capable of having bad ideas.

 

[loveiseverywhere]

They said it would be easier after the first. They lied.

This one is good.

Here is one I read in a book about writing hooks. It's called HOOKED.

He was so mean that whatever side of the street he was standing on became the bad part of town.

 

[Inkachu]

I eased one eye open. Yup. That eighteenth century magician was in my bedroom again.

 

[Tinkerbell33]

I was slowly starting to realize what she had meant when she said, "I am not like other people, I'm different".

 

[TexasBluebonnet]

Just how early she realized she wasn't like other people is hard to say. But once discovered, it was only a matter of time before others learned the aweful truth.

 

[TexasBluebonnet]

They were always with her. There was no escape. She knew this time there would be no way out.

 

[Tariel]

He never considered murder a good conflict resolution strategy, but sometimes--often--he had no choice.

 

[trt]

Give me your hand, he says to her as she is struggling, on the ledge to keep herself from falling to her doom.

 

[childofmercy]

Somewhere in the deep recesses of her mind the cobwebs started to tear, sending dazzling shards of truth searing violently ...

 

[bluwaterz]

"It is time...

 

[nikkipompom]

The sadness she felt brought her to the very act of...

 

[Ninjitsu14]

As the door opened, we stood stupified as the legend we had come to save had rotted away.

 

[Ninjitsu14]

The ghosts clung to me, tearing at my soul, as I struggled to draw the Spectre Sword from it's resting place.

21. So close. I feel like continuing it, though.

The gnashing and clawing of teeth and hands ripped at my soul for what seemed an eternity, until a hole was torn, and subsequently torn open. The ghosts rushed into the hole, and then everything went black.

Upon awakening, I was conscious of a new entity in my mind, seperate from my own thoughts, at the very back of my mind.

"We have selected you to weild us." the entity spoke. The voice was old and snake-like, but it sounded like multiple voices at once. "We are Legion, the thousands of souls sealed within the Spectre Sword. Use us as you see fit. But know that the day you perish in battle, your corpse will belong to us, and your soul will be fed to us, as well."

"Indeed. I shall reep destruction upon the world that has ousted me." I replied, a grim smile on my face. Legion bellowed an evil laugh, before agreeing to the terms, and the Spectre Sword and I were bonded forever afterwards. The sword could not leave my posession afterwards.