Homosexual marriage...what to do???

[bshoe421]

well i work with someone that is homosexual and i really consider him a good friend! he is such a nice person and is always willing to help me out when needed! well here is the thing....he will be getting married next year, actually a few weeks after me, well i don't really know if its considered a marriage or whatever to men getting married is.

my question to everyone is should i go to this wedding because he is a good friend or should i not because it would be considered supporting that lifestyle (which i do not). im just torn because he is a great friend and i don't want to hurt his feelings by not going.

i know that this is not for a year but ever since he told me he was getting married this question has been eating away at me. any help will be greatly appreciated!

Thank you!

 

[wanderingone]

Did he send you an invitation? It might be eating you up inside for no reason and if he's a great friend isn't he aware that you don't approve of him?

 

[Maren]

I'm curious, if you were invited to an atheist friend's wedding, or some other friend whose lifestyle you don't approve of, would you still go?

 

[bshoe421]

no he hasn't sent any invitations yet but he has already told me that im invited and showed me the guest list. he knows that i am a strong christian but we really never discussed about Christianity and homosexuality, im a big people pleaser and try to avoid conflict as much as possible so im not one to say to him that i disapprove of his choices, i know that i should witness to him, but that is a hard thing for me.

also i believe that he is one of those people that is a believer but does not believe that homosexuality is wrong. its just a tough thing for me. i try to be the best christian i can but i know that i should be witnessing to him...

 

[bshoe421]

I'm curious, if you were invited to an atheist friend's wedding, or some other friend whose lifestyle you don't approve of, would you still go?

honestly i would have to take that on a case to case basis...i have friends that are not believers and i would still go to their wedding, nothing like that has come up yet, but im sure it will in the future. this is just one of those cases that im not sure about.

 

[Skaloop]

my question to everyone is should i go to this wedding because he is a good friend or should i not because it would be considered supporting that lifestyle (which i do not). im just torn because he is a great friend and i don't want to hurt his feelings by not going.

If you won't go for the reasons you have stated, I'd say you're not that great of a friend. His happiness and the celebration of his love should be more important than your personal view on the nature of that love. It's about the person; it's not about the one thing he does that you don't like. He's obviously your friend for reasons other than his homosexuality, so try focusing on those things.

 

[bshoe421]

good point!

 

[DeathMagus]

I'd say that at the very worst, you're simply going to the wedding of someone you feel is a sinner. That's not really any different than going to the wedding of anybody else - since everyone's a sinner.

 

[bshoe421]

never really thought of it that way!

 

[selfinflikted]

In before "Don't go to the wedding, omgz0rz! You will BURN IN HELLZ!!!1one".

EDIT: On a serious note, go to the wedding. The guy's your friend. You'll feel horrible if you don't.

 

[Rebekka]

I'd say that at the very worst, you're simply going to the wedding of someone you feel is a sinner. That's not really any different than going to the wedding of anybody else - since everyone's a sinner.

I agree with this.

If you choose not to go, do you realise that this might be the end of your friendship (as people can be pretty offended when their friends or family refuse to come to their wedding)? And if you do realise this, do you think it's worth it?

 

[bshoe421]

thank you all! you really make some good points that i haven't even thought of!

 

[Lynden1000]

Why not just tell the truth and say that you don't support same sex marriages? If you really believe that someone is doing something terribly wrong, there's no harm in telling them so. It's not the same as being mean about it.

I've had friends who were involved in extramarital affairs and wanted me to meet their new lover. I had no problem saying "I don't think I can do that because I really don't support what you're doing."

I like to think they respected my honesty.

 

[LittleNipper]

I'm curious, if you were invited to an atheist friend's wedding, or some other friend whose lifestyle you don't approve of, would you still go?

This is a difficult question but different in a way. One may approve of marriage as an institution; however, the homosexual union is not a biblical marriage by any means. It is not the freindship one is against, but the abuse of an institution thought to be inspired by GOD. Our church would not marry two people of totally different religious perspectives even if they were male & female...

 

[selfinflikted]

This is a difficult question but different in a way. One may approve of marriage as an institution; however, the homosexual union is not a biblical marriage by any means. It is not the freindship one is against, but the abuse of an institution thought to be inspired by GOD. Our church would not marry two people of totally different religious perspectives even if they were male & female...

Yes and they have every right to deny them that. However, the state does not. That's our whole flippin' point.

 

[DeathMagus]

This is a difficult question but different in a way. One may approve of marriage as an institution; however, the homosexual union is not a biblical marriage by any means. It is not the freindship one is against, but the abuse of an institution thought to be inspired by GOD. Our church would not marry two people of totally different religious perspectives even if they were male & female...

Sure, Nipper - and you as a Christian could very much not even consider two homosexual friends of yours "married" by your definition of the term. But if you had a homosexual friend who sent you a marriage invitation, wouldn't you still want to attend a major event in a friend's life that will make him/her very happy - especially since they specifically invited you?

One of the roles of friendship is to assist one's friends in avoiding making bad decisions. If they decide to go through with one anyway, however, a true friend should show their support for their friend's decision and happiness, even if they disagree.

 

[Maren]

This is a difficult question but different in a way. One may approve of marriage as an institution; however, the homosexual union is not a biblical marriage by any means. It is not the freindship one is against, but the abuse of an institution thought to be inspired by GOD. Our church would not marry two people of totally different religious perspectives even if they were male & female...

But you don't attend weddings typically because you approve of marriage as an institution, you go because you are supporting a friend. You aren't even approving of their spouse or their lifestyle, again, you are supporting a friend in an event that is important to them.

But since you don't like this question, would you go to the marriage of a person who divorced their previous spouse for reasons you didn't approve of? Per Christ, their marriage is just as sinful, and invalid, as a gay marriage (both being a form of sexual sin).

 

[keith99]

I'd say that at the very worst, you're simply going to the wedding of someone you feel is a sinner. That's not really any different than going to the wedding of anybody else - since everyone's a sinner.

Do those who belong to churches that feel their church is the only true faith decline to go to the weddings of others? Or to put it differently do Catholics, Mormons and JWs decline weddings where the others faiths are different? Would you decline a wedding invitation from a Hindu? That sin seems more serious, worshiping a false god.

But the reason behind your problem is sound. It is worth thought.

But could the same not be said about eating and drinking with sinners? Was not Jesus accused of the same thing? Was the Centurian whose servant was healed a Christian? Nothing points that way, and some things indicate he was not.

I thnik your concerns are more appropriate for one performing the ceremony. In that case there is a real concern of implying the church condones the situation. Thinking along those lines I'd say this is a slam dunk if the ceremony is a secular one. Your question only surfaces at all if it is a Christian ceremony (unless you would pass on a Jewish Friends wedding).

In any case if you do decide to decline I think it is best to explain beforehand to your friend. If you decide to accept yet are still bothered you might want to talk to your friend and express your concerns. Done well that could in the long run strengthen the friendship. E.g. tell him that yuor faith does not approve of homosexuality and you do not want ot be misunderstood but do want to attend an important event in his life. (If you do take that route better sooner than later, meaning at least a couple of months ahead of time, not anywhere near the stress of an event).

The decision is yours and yours alone. You are the one who has to deal with the consequences.

Oh you might read some of Paul's writings of eating meat sacrificed to idols.

 

[Maren]

I agree with this.

If you choose not to go, do you realise that this might be the end of your friendship (as people can be pretty offended when their friends or family refuse to come to their wedding)? And if you do realise this, do you think it's worth it?

I apologize for the off topic post, just wanted to say I like the Elegy on the loss of two dead cats you've quoted in your signature. I only wish that I remembered Dutch better (it's been almost 30 years since I spoke it).

 

[quatona]

well i work with someone that is homosexual and i really consider him a good friend! he is such a nice person and is always willing to help me out when needed! well here is the thing....he will be getting married next year, actually a few weeks after me, well i don't really know if its considered a marriage or whatever to men getting married is.

my question to everyone is should i go to this wedding because he is a good friend or should i not because it would be considered supporting that lifestyle (which i do not). im just torn because he is a great friend and i don't want to hurt his feelings by not going.

i know that this is not for a year but ever since he told me he was getting married this question has been eating away at me. any help will be greatly appreciated!

Thank you!

You mention thrice that he´s a good/great friend. I´m wondering what your idea of (good/great) friendship is.