High Standards

[peaceblossom]

This what I'm wondering and please forgive me if I sound like a snob; it's not my intention:


Is it wrong to have high standards? Not perfect standards, but high mind you. That's to say I know what it is to settle and to give into situations and people because of a lack one thing or another. But after doing so and learning from my mistakes (and still learning), I want the very best that God has for me in everything, not just be with someone or have something for the sake of just liking them or because of common interest. I'm still working on things about me that I feel can be better, but there's a part of me that wants to be everything God calls me to be for him and my future husband. Is this in some sence wrong on my part? What are your views on having high standards?


Personally I find myself ranting about not being involved with anyone (read my journal for proof), but I know deep down, I don't want to be in any relationship that would hurt me or have me rethinking my commitments to God. And that's not to say that I turn my nose up at people whenever I am approached (if ever), but sometimes you know what some people are after and you know when someone really wants to be your friend and get to know you for "you".

So what is your take on all of this?

 

[Living4Him03]

High standards are great, as long as they are God's standards, not society's standards. It would definitely be shallow if you were so picky that you put society's standards on a guy and if he didnt' add up you refused to get to know him. God will bring a guy into your life you can get to know who will have more than just common interests and cuteness if you just have faith that He will. You don't want to settle. Plenty of people have settled and thus the reason we have such a high divorce rate (not that that is the only reason, but it is a major reason I think).

 

[stonetoflesh]

There's nothing wrong with having high standards, but L4H03 has a good point-- whose standards are we using? Common interests are overrated as a standard, I think; it's all about communication, honesty and shared faith. (Don't get me wrong, it's nice to have one or two shared/similar interests-- that's not the point though!)

Everyone has their faults, everyone will be lacking in some way; it's a matter of discerning whether or not we can look past those and accept those flaws as part of the whole person...

 

[eutychus]

I have high standards that any guy I date has to be solid theologically, of good character, and virtuous. Those are the basics that make a Christian marriage work, and a person shouldn't lower his or her standards for a date (the guy you date is a potential husband, after all).

 

[peaceblossom]

The standards I'm referring to are the standards that God wants us to follow. Remaining celibate until marriage, hanging out in groups instead of putting yourself into one on one dating situations that may make things uncomfortable. Those are the standards that I'm trying to get feedback on. I was told that my standards were too high and that if I lowered them that someone would consider asking me out. But if I have to compromise the things that I hold dear to me and put myself in harms way, moreso with God just to be with someone, I don't think it's worth. Is that wrong?

 

[Living4Him03]

There is nothing wrong with wanting to marry a virgin. I personally do not find that a big problem unless he has repeatedly had sex and continues to do so and does not repent. That is different than regretting past mistakes and turning from them. Don't compromise your convictions just to get asked out. God will give you the desires of your heart. As far as group dating, that can really get more complicated than it seems. It is not without its own problems and hurt. You could get the impression a guy likes you that you are going on these group dates with, only to discover that he likes someone else. One on one dating is not frowned upon in the bible and there isn't too much about it because in those times dating wasn't really something that was going on. I dont think one on one dating should be frowned upon unless the two people on the date are doing things that they shouldn't or are putting themselves in tempting situations.

 

[startingover]

I'm all for high standards. DO not settle for less than what God intended for you!

 

[eutychus]

The standards I'm referring to are the standards that God wants us to follow. Remaining celibate until marriage, hanging out in groups instead of putting yourself into one on one dating situations that may make things uncomfortable. Those are the standards that I'm trying to get feedback on. I was told that my standards were too high and that if I lowered them that someone would consider asking me out. But if I have to compromise the things that I hold dear to me and put myself in harms way, moreso with God just to be with someone, I don't think it's worth. Is that wrong?

Oh, I'm sorry for the misunderstanding! As to the speech, yeah--I've received that one before! However, you should never lower your standards for those types of things. God will bless you with a guy who has the same goals, and he will arrange things from there!

Until then, good luck trying to talk sense into the people who are telling you to do otherwise.