Hi I'm new here! (going through weird times..)

[ThrivenotjustSurvive]

Hi all, I used to be on this forum, many years ago (talking 10 years now!) so no one will now know me.. but I'm Hannah.
I turned the magical 30 last March, and, well, I feel like I'm almost having a midlife crisis! Well not quite.. but my situation briefly is as follows..

I got married back in 2012, then unexpectedly found ourselves expecting a baby after we had only been married a year and a bit. This wasn't what we expected but I know it
was all God's perfecting timing and we love our daughter to bits.
Anyway, I have struggled on and off for years with anxiety issues, and I got really bad in the pregnancy with it (despite a good pregnancy otherwise) and since I had my baby I've had fatigue and weakness, that initially seemed to get better, but then got worse. I am being checked out by the drs and I think it's probably down to frazzled, exhausted nerves.

But to add to this I just feel kind of weird. It's as if I have suddenly realised where I am in life -it's the 'middle stage' isn't it? I was always hopelessly romantic and wanting to get married to someone I loved. I love my husband, but I keep having this down feeling that things aren't quite what I expected.
It sounds awful and I know it probably sounds very childish but a short while ago I woke up one day and thought 'that's it -I'm married now.. I can't go back'. I keep having thoughts of my first love, from 12 years ago.. sadness because the way that ended must have made him think I didn't care. I know it sounds ridiculous, I obviously wouldn't entertain thoughts of him now (he is married too and lives in another country!) except that what I have with my husband doesn't have the 'feeling' I had with him. I can't share with him in ways I wish I could.
I feel like I'm at a low point - and maybe the enemy is trying to trouble me with those thoughts.. or maybe it's because I'm at this stage and it's making me look back and wonder.. either way, I want to be grateful and content, because I am so blessed. Just wanted to share this really, and see if anyone understands what I am going through..

Sorry this islong, thanks for reading!

 

[mnorian]

Hi all, I used to be on this forum, many years ago (talking 10 years now!) so no one will now know me.. but I'm Hannah.
I turned the magical 30 last March, and, well, I feel like I'm almost having a midlife crisis! Well not quite.. but my situation briefly is as follows..

I got married back in 2012, then unexpectedly found ourselves expecting a baby after we had only been married a year and a bit. This wasn't what we expected but I know it
was all God's perfecting timing and we love our daughter to bits.
Anyway, I have struggled on and off for years with anxiety issues, and I got really bad in the pregnancy with it (despite a good pregnancy otherwise) and since I had my baby I've had fatigue and weakness, that initially seemed to get better, but then got worse. I am being checked out by the drs and I think it's probably down to frazzled, exhausted nerves.

But to add to this I just feel kind of weird. It's as if I have suddenly realised where I am in life -it's the 'middle stage' isn't it? I was always hopelessly romantic and wanting to get married to someone I loved. I love my husband, but I keep having this down feeling that things aren't quite what I expected.
It sounds awful and I know it probably sounds very childish but a short while ago I woke up one day and thought 'that's it -I'm married now.. I can't go back'. I keep having thoughts of my first love, from 12 years ago.. sadness because the way that ended must have made him think I didn't care. I know it sounds ridiculous, I obviously wouldn't entertain thoughts of him now (he is married too and lives in another country!) except that what I have with my husband doesn't have the 'feeling' I had with him. I can't share with him in ways I wish I could.
I feel like I'm at a low point - and maybe the enemy is trying to trouble me with those thoughts.. or maybe it's because I'm at this stage and it's making me look back and wonder.. either way, I want to be grateful and content, because I am so blessed. Just wanted to share this really, and see if anyone understands what I am going through..

Sorry this islong, thanks for reading!

Hello TNJS;
sometimes we need to get your eyes on Jesus; so we don't see our own problems as overwhelming; He is the answer to all problems. One of the best ways to get close to Him is; music. May the Lord Jesus guide you here as well as in the world; and may you find friends and what ever you need from the Lord here. I do have a question for you; do you like music--Praise & Worship music? Well we have a new forum here at CF just for P&W music and at the top is a directory of other Christian music threads around CF; come and take a look!

Praise and Worship Music

To The

 

[musicalpilgrim]

Just wanted to share this really, and see if anyone understands what I am going through..

Hi, welcome to the forum...

so good to have you with us...yes, I identify with how you feel, it happened to me in my thirty's...I had a lovely husband and two lovely children and something was missing in my life. I had been to church all my life, but then I read about this being born again in a magazine...whatever that meant, it wasn't mentioned at my church...and then, 'baptism of the Holy Spirit' what was that!?!

Well to cut a long story short, I searched for more of the Lord in my life and he gave me so much more. Looking back he was calling me for a long time, but I didn't know it. He showed me the meaning of love by what he did for me on the cross. I was able to love my family more deeply, and I had so much love overflowing to share.

I think the Lord is calling you into a deeper relationship with him, I pray that the Lord will bless you richly and reveal himself to you. That he will draw your family together with strong ties of love, and grant you both the rich experience of knowing him with real certainty and clear understanding.

 

[Andrewofthetribe]

Hi all, I used to be on this forum, many years ago (talking 10 years now!) so no one will now know me.. but I'm Hannah.
I turned the magical 30 last March, and, well, I feel like I'm almost having a midlife crisis! Well not quite.. but my situation briefly is as follows..

I got married back in 2012, then unexpectedly found ourselves expecting a baby after we had only been married a year and a bit. This wasn't what we expected but I know it
was all God's perfecting timing and we love our daughter to bits.
Anyway, I have struggled on and off for years with anxiety issues, and I got really bad in the pregnancy with it (despite a good pregnancy otherwise) and since I had my baby I've had fatigue and weakness, that initially seemed to get better, but then got worse. I am being checked out by the drs and I think it's probably down to frazzled, exhausted nerves.

But to add to this I just feel kind of weird. It's as if I have suddenly realised where I am in life -it's the 'middle stage' isn't it? I was always hopelessly romantic and wanting to get married to someone I loved. I love my husband, but I keep having this down feeling that things aren't quite what I expected.
It sounds awful and I know it probably sounds very childish but a short while ago I woke up one day and thought 'that's it -I'm married now.. I can't go back'. I keep having thoughts of my first love, from 12 years ago.. sadness because the way that ended must have made him think I didn't care. I know it sounds ridiculous, I obviously wouldn't entertain thoughts of him now (he is married too and lives in another country!) except that what I have with my husband doesn't have the 'feeling' I had with him. I can't share with him in ways I wish I could.
I feel like I'm at a low point - and maybe the enemy is trying to trouble me with those thoughts.. or maybe it's because I'm at this stage and it's making me look back and wonder.. either way, I want to be grateful and content, because I am so blessed. Just wanted to share this really, and see if anyone understands what I am going through..

Sorry this islong, thanks for reading!

Have you spoken with any of the elders from your church?

 

[ThrivenotjustSurvive]

Hey, thanks for the kind replies! I haven't spoken to any of them, no. I feel very embarrassed to tell them about the marriage stuff -as it is only my head that is creating an issue.. and my husband works for the church and is very involved. I used to be more involved before I had my baby.
After the break up with the guy I mentioned years ago.. that was when God really got a hold of me. I have grown up in a very devout Christian family and thought I was a Christian until after that break up.. I know it was right because I gave it up to God, and the next day things broke and I never saw him again (it was long distance). I grew an awful lot there, and am thankful for how God has led me.
I never felt 'in love' with my husband, but I know I have been blessed with -the best guy for me.. it's just the, 'feelings'. I think you are right mnorian and musicalpilgrim in that I need to get closer to Jesus.. this is a tough time because I can't currently get out and do much due to the weakness and fatigue, also making it harder to be the mum I think I need to be to my little girl, I am finding it hard to be joyful amidst all of this.

 

[Andrewofthetribe]

Is your husband a follower of Christ, does he cherish and uphold your families values, does he seek a righteous path. Sit him down and wash his feet , let him know he his head of the household. Ask if you may kneel beside him and hear his cries to the Lord, together you shall feel the presence of our Lord Jesus Christ and together you shall love each other as the Lord asks of you both. What good is a tree if it doesn't bear good fruits? Let you and your husband unite in the power of our Lord and take this testimony to your church, they will rejoice and see the the good fruit born of our Lord. Let the whole world see your strength together united in Christ our Lord.
Repent the spirits of adultery within you and go to your husbands chambers, take with you an apple and pray together, let this apple be thine fruit of your desires, kneel on the floor together and offer the apple to your husband, let him take a bite and look upon your temple, feel the spirit of your husbands desire and then say unto him " may I take a bite of your desire ? Bite into the apple and let your husband see your desire, let him see the lust upon your heart and you will both become one. Praise Jesus our Lord and saviour.

 

[musicalpilgrim]

this is a tough time because I can't currently get out and do much due to the weakness and fatigue, also making it harder to be the mum I think I need to be to my little girl, I am finding it hard to be joyful amidst all of this.

I believe these suggestions in your mind are just from old Satan, reject them in Jesus name...and don't upset your husband with them, believe me he could be devestated!

Get on with the wonderful life of getting to know the Lord Jesus. A lot of your energy is going on anxiety, give it all to the Lord, don't go off feelings at all. Your health is similar to mine, I can't get out very much because of health, but I obey the command of the Lord and love my husband. It is what you do...I have the house comfortable for him, cook his favourite meals, listen to him telling me about his day. The Lord will pour in the love if you create the structure of obedience by showing your love in very simple, practical ways.

Sing Christian songs to baby, and tell her how much you love her, and the Lord Jesus, she needs her mum's love, and smiles.

I pray for you, and will hold you and your family before the Lord.
I do say again, reject the mischief making of Satan, and don't let him cause trouble.

 

[ThrivenotjustSurvive]

Thank you musicalpilgrim.. I will try and do this! Thanks for the advice, it is good to get some Christian perspective when I don't really know who I can talk to about this for fear of sounding silly/like a bad wife.

 

[Goodbook]

Hey
Sorry you feeling this way, was your former bf a christian or one now?
I think maybe you just need to learn to let go and forgive as now you have a wonderful husband and he deserves all your affection and reverence. After all the former bf didnt ask you to marry him did he? His loss. Even if he did you didnt choose to stick with him did you?

He may be with someone else just give it to God. We live by faith not feelings so dont rely on feelings too much. Eg i can be having a rotten day and feeling low but it doesnt mean God hates me.
All the promises of God are yes and amen.

 

[LoveDivine]

My thought is that it's unfair to compare your first relationship with your current one. Your first relationship is going to seem way more exciting because you didn't have the stress of adult life, motherhood, and other anxieties to bog it down. It's very easy to romanticize or idealize a previous relationship, especially if it came to a sudden end and you didn't have a lot of closure.

I also wouldn't discount the role that stress and anxiety can play in this situation. Life is going to seem or feel blah when you are stressed or sleep deprived. It's common for new moms to feel that way. I don't think you should be under pressure to force yourself to feel anything. Rather, I think it might be more effective to have realistic expectations for your marriage and family life and realize that some days you are going to feel weary and anxious. I think if you realize that you would probably feel this way about any man when you are exhausted and anxious, you'll realize that this phase of life will pass. I'd focus on appreciating all the times your husband helps you and realize that he may also feel slightly overwhelmed being a new parent. Maybe if you think of the two of you as a team trying to survive and beat the exhaustion, you'll feel closer to him

My other thought is that you should get your iron levels checked. Many women are anemic ( especially after childbirth). I have to take iron pills. If your iron or B12 levels are really low you will feel exhausted and confused. Chronic fatigue and weakness is going to make you have a more bleak outlook on life.