In this I don't know where to start. This will probably be more than you want to read.
I met this girl on a website called myspace, (I'm sure pretty much all of you have heard of it) in late 2004. I was attracted to how great she was in her faith. She sounded like a really powerful Christian. We became great friends and hit it off real well. Later, I began to drift off and not talk to her as much as I do with pretty much all my friends I meet online. This was during the beginning and through the summer of 2005. Later on, I started to talk to her again in about October. Then, we became something much more. I never realized how great she was and i never would have known how much she would help me.....I was really glad I started talking to her again. That was how we began and this is where the story begins.
As we got closer, we started to be more honest to each other. We shared everything with each other and realized how alike we were. Anyways, it got to the point where she finally decided to tell me something about her past. She told me that she wasn't a virgin. The first thing I wondered was if this was before she was a Christian (because she became a Christian only two and a half years ago and she is 16 years old)
She said no.
I asked when.
She told me it was earlier this summer...the summer of 2005.
(this was after I met her and during the time I wasn't talking to her)
I didn't understand. I didn't know why she would do that with someone. I didn't know what would make her do it.
She told me the story of how she met this guy on myspace that she was attracted to because he said he was a Christian. They became close in about a month and then he started pressuring her to do that with him. She told me in that time, she was weak and she had no friends to go to and all she wanted was to "be loved" so eventually, one night, she gave in. She told me that she was confused and that she wasn't very strong in her faith at that time. This completely crushed me.
I'm a very jealous person. I wasn't upset necessarily because it was wrong....but because I absolutely hated it that someone has been with her in that way and it wasn't me.
We talked about it and she told me specifics like they pretty much had clothes on and the only thing they did was "the one thing" that makes you not a virgin. That helped me a little but I still had problems thinking about it. I hated that guy and I never met him. It wasnt fare to me.
Why does he get rewarded for being the poisonous, no good, hypocrite he is? He got something Ive never had from her because he doesnt know how to control himself and he caused a sister in Christ to stumble. Its not fare at all.
It didnt end there either. She told me about other events from her past where she was really close (physically) with her ex-boyfriend. She said they though they loved each other which made them want to be close. She told me about how they did practically everything EXCEPT the one thing that makes you not a virgin, which means he has seen her in about every way. She told me about how they would lay in bed together without clothes on, and then they would get carried away from there. These were the thoughts that I absolutely hated. I didnt know which guy to hate more.
She says that she was s different person in that time because she had only been a Christian a few months so she didnt know very much. She says that Ive helped her to become a better person and thats why she hasnt made those mistakes with me. Im happy that she has become a better person. But Im always tortured with these thoughts. Sometimes I think its the devil doing this. I always want to know more about what happened. I always want to know specifics because I want to if its better or worse than how I picture it happened. She really hates it that I cant get over it. And she gets upset every time I mention it. She says she has mostly forgotten all of it and that it is not in her heart anymore, its not a bother anymore because she has been forgiven by God. Purity is exactly what I want in her mind. But I find it hard to believe that she forgot most of it. I would really love it if it could all be erased from her mind because when we are married, I really want it to be a new experience for her. No matter how far fetched it sounds.
What I want to know is: should I just try to forget it even though its so hard? Is this the devil just getting to me? Am I just being selfish? Should I just have a sit down with her, get out all of these things, put it all on the table and have her answer everything Im wondering, no questions asked?<(that is what I think would really help) Or should I not mention it to her anymore because it just reminds her of the past she is trying to forget?
When were married, is it possible that she can clear her mind so much that it will be a new experience for her when we can share each other as man and wife?
Sometimes I feel the only way I will feel better is if she becomes closer to me than she was with either of them. But I know that this is just the devil. I know we are going to get married, and I hope I can get over this before then.
That is my little problem.
P.S I would really appreciate it if I had your prayer, whoever is reading this. I need it badly.
I met this girl on a website called myspace, (I'm sure pretty much all of you have heard of it) in late 2004. I was attracted to how great she was in her faith. She sounded like a really powerful Christian. We became great friends and hit it off real well. Later, I began to drift off and not talk to her as much as I do with pretty much all my friends I meet online. This was during the beginning and through the summer of 2005. Later on, I started to talk to her again in about October. Then, we became something much more. I never realized how great she was and i never would have known how much she would help me.....I was really glad I started talking to her again. That was how we began and this is where the story begins.
As we got closer, we started to be more honest to each other. We shared everything with each other and realized how alike we were. Anyways, it got to the point where she finally decided to tell me something about her past. She told me that she wasn't a virgin. The first thing I wondered was if this was before she was a Christian (because she became a Christian only two and a half years ago and she is 16 years old)
She said no.
I asked when.
She told me it was earlier this summer...the summer of 2005.
(this was after I met her and during the time I wasn't talking to her)
I didn't understand. I didn't know why she would do that with someone. I didn't know what would make her do it.
She told me the story of how she met this guy on myspace that she was attracted to because he said he was a Christian. They became close in about a month and then he started pressuring her to do that with him. She told me in that time, she was weak and she had no friends to go to and all she wanted was to "be loved" so eventually, one night, she gave in. She told me that she was confused and that she wasn't very strong in her faith at that time. This completely crushed me.
I'm a very jealous person. I wasn't upset necessarily because it was wrong....but because I absolutely hated it that someone has been with her in that way and it wasn't me.
We talked about it and she told me specifics like they pretty much had clothes on and the only thing they did was "the one thing" that makes you not a virgin. That helped me a little but I still had problems thinking about it. I hated that guy and I never met him. It wasnt fare to me.
Why does he get rewarded for being the poisonous, no good, hypocrite he is? He got something Ive never had from her because he doesnt know how to control himself and he caused a sister in Christ to stumble. Its not fare at all.
It didnt end there either. She told me about other events from her past where she was really close (physically) with her ex-boyfriend. She said they though they loved each other which made them want to be close. She told me about how they did practically everything EXCEPT the one thing that makes you not a virgin, which means he has seen her in about every way. She told me about how they would lay in bed together without clothes on, and then they would get carried away from there. These were the thoughts that I absolutely hated. I didnt know which guy to hate more.
She says that she was s different person in that time because she had only been a Christian a few months so she didnt know very much. She says that Ive helped her to become a better person and thats why she hasnt made those mistakes with me. Im happy that she has become a better person. But Im always tortured with these thoughts. Sometimes I think its the devil doing this. I always want to know more about what happened. I always want to know specifics because I want to if its better or worse than how I picture it happened. She really hates it that I cant get over it. And she gets upset every time I mention it. She says she has mostly forgotten all of it and that it is not in her heart anymore, its not a bother anymore because she has been forgiven by God. Purity is exactly what I want in her mind. But I find it hard to believe that she forgot most of it. I would really love it if it could all be erased from her mind because when we are married, I really want it to be a new experience for her. No matter how far fetched it sounds.
What I want to know is: should I just try to forget it even though its so hard? Is this the devil just getting to me? Am I just being selfish? Should I just have a sit down with her, get out all of these things, put it all on the table and have her answer everything Im wondering, no questions asked?<(that is what I think would really help) Or should I not mention it to her anymore because it just reminds her of the past she is trying to forget?
When were married, is it possible that she can clear her mind so much that it will be a new experience for her when we can share each other as man and wife?
Sometimes I feel the only way I will feel better is if she becomes closer to me than she was with either of them. But I know that this is just the devil. I know we are going to get married, and I hope I can get over this before then.
That is my little problem.
P.S I would really appreciate it if I had your prayer, whoever is reading this. I need it badly.
sorry for the ramblings.
.
