Your not the only one who feels like this at times.
Let me ask you something, how can you develop a relationship with someone and enjoy the company of them if you believe they are just waiting to throw you in hell and punish you.??
My fear for condemnation and fear that God doesnt love me or whatnot has done me the same thing. It keeps me away from the Lord.Your not evil James. Give God some time to work on you, I didnt love God when I first came to Him. It took a long time for me to fall for Him. even still I have problems with praying..
Im constantly asking God to change me, its a process. Your not evil and God is not going to throw you into Hell. He loves you, you must believe that. Has he ever gave you one single reason to possible think that?
Im curious, why did you come to God? Did you grow up knowing God through your family? Did you come to Him through fear of Hell, was it because you wanted to change?
It really doesnt matter how you did, God called you. But if you did come through fear give God some time to work on you
I came through fear personally and it took alot of work to change my heart.