Help! I hHate being married!

[LinkH]

Here are some other things to keep in mind. Young women in the Bible were often married in their teens, maybe before 19.

Rebecca was a young 'damsel' when she married Isaac. She consented to go with Abraham's servant. We don't read of Rebecca changing her mind a few months after she got married and leaving. It wouldn't have been right for her to run out on Isaac if she regretted having gotten married young, or began to rethink her decision to say 'yes' to go with Abraham's servant and marry Isaac.

Many people believe Mary was a teenager when she was with child of the Holy Ghost, and married Joseph, (who 'knew' her not until the baby was born.)

If a mother has a child young, she shouldn't just say, oops, I shouldnt' have done that. I'll just not be a mother to my baby or feed her anymore. If a father has children, he shouldn't say, Oh, I made the wrong decision. I was too young. I won't support my children anymore. If a husband or wife marry young, they shouldn't say, uh-oh, I was young and made the wrong decision. That doesn't cancel their marriage or cancel their vows.

People in this situation need to be encouraged to embrace the blessings God has given them and be faithful to the Lord.

And what God has joined together, let not man put asunder.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

MOD HAT ON

Before we go any farther, I need to remind people of the Statement of Purpose for the Married Couples forum. You can follow that link, or it's in a sticky thread at the top of the forum. It states that in this forum, divorce may not be promoted except when there is physical danger. Anyone contemplating divorce may discuss it in the Recovery forums instead.

This is just informational. Thanks for your cooperation.

MOD HAT OFF​

 

[ValleyGal]

Link, if you had read my post, you would see that I do not advocate divorce, and offered advice in keeping with scripture. But imo, to tell someone that she's basically stuck in the marriage and she better get used to it - especially not knowing the whole story - lacks compassion and mercy. Words of encouragement bring hope and healing. Words of law bring condemnation and hopelessness. I make every effort to offer hope and encouragement....and a restored marriage.

 

[LinkH]

Link, if you had read my post, you would see that I do not advocate divorce, and offered advice in keeping with scripture. But imo, to tell someone that she's basically stuck in the marriage and she better get used to it - especially not knowing the whole story - lacks compassion and mercy. Words of encouragement bring hope and healing. Words of law bring condemnation and hopelessness. I make every effort to offer hope and encouragement....and a restored marriage.

I haven't said she was 'stuck.' Being married to someone who loves you is a blessing, not being 'stuck'.

I was thinking of your 'intolerable' comment. If I were in her shoes, I might consider the feeling of being 'stuck' intolerable, but that wouldn't be the right way to think about it.

 

[Avniel]

Wow, did you get left at the alter or something dude? It's nobody's fault, these things just happen sometimes. Nice compassion btw.

Nope I actually married the woman I've been dating from the time I was 17 I'm now 27 years old that her holding my lil mama. Sooooo....huh yeah about that. But I'd rather that then to have someone marry me that never wanted to be married to me. Being left at the alter isn't even really a bad thing you have to say I do or I don't. If the answer is an I don't at least it's honest.

So you mean to tell me that someone can say "yes" I will marry you, pick out a dress, setup a wedding, stand their in front of family and friends and say I do.....when they know the real answer is I don't. Not only bring confusion into a new marriage but also bringing confusion to a person that wants to be with them for the rest of their life.......but that's not ones fault?

Right, when she said I do she actually was sneezing and it just sounded like an agreement to marry ()

Compassion for her or the guy that thought she wanted to be with him for the rest of their lives....who am I supposed to be compassionate for?

 

[Avniel]

I haven't said she was 'stuck.' Being married to someone who loves you is a blessing, not being 'stuck'.

I was thinking of your 'intolerable' comment. If I were in her shoes, I might consider the feeling of being 'stuck' intolerable, but that wouldn't be the right way to think about it.

That's a lack of accountability.

 

[ValleyGal]

Link, in your post 14 it appears you are using a scripture out of context to guilt the OP into not leaving her husband because the Bible says so. Imo, that is a form of manipulation. The OP says she regrets her choice. She is likely feeling "stuck" as she also felt "stuck" to say yes when he proposed in front of family. She has not gone along with this marriage on her own volition. Before you start citing arranged marriages, I get that, which is why I suggested that the OP try to work it out and give it a fair fighting chance. But don't guilt her into staying - especially because you don't know all the whole situation.

Just because you think being in a marriage with someone who loves you is not being "stuck" doesn't mean she doesn't, especially if she wants an education and a career. She has already expressed her dissatisfaction of being a wife and employee of a job she really doesn't want. That says to me that she feels stuck, whether he loves her or not. It isn't about her husband. It's about her.

 

[LinkH]

Link, in your post 14 it appears you are using a scripture out of context to guilt the OP into not leaving her husband because the Bible says so. Imo, that is a form of manipulation.

If that is the case, then you were engaging in manipulation yourself when you wrote this.

She's married. She's having regrets. But she's still married. The Bible does have instructions and commands for married people. It's not manipulation to point that out.

The OP says she regrets her choice. She is likely feeling "stuck" as she also felt "stuck" to say yes when he proposed in front of family. She has not gone along with this marriage on her own volition.

That's not a good way to think about it, or to encourage her to think, that it was not done on her own volition. Regrets or worries or not, she went along with it, did not speak up. She said, 'yes' and agreed to take the man as her husband. He's her husband.

If you make an agreement to something because you don't have the nerve or courage to say 'no' then you still went along with it. If you make a vow because you feel under pressure, you made the vow. Going forward, she can learn to have more courage. But that doesn't make it ethical to break her vows or to sin against God by departing from her husband for no good reason.

I suppose it's possible that a man could gather a woman's family together to propose to pressure her into it. But it's unlikely. If that were his motivation, she still has the ability to say no, and the obligation to if she weren't going to seriously commit.

But don't guilt her into staying - especially because you don't know all the whole situation.

Suppose someone came on the marriage forum and wanted to murder their spouse, and said that would be a sin and quoted scripture, and someone else posted in response and said you shouldn't 'guilt' or 'manipulate' someone into doing what's right by quoting scripture. I know it's a much more extreme example, but the same principle applies.

Just because you think being in a marriage with someone who loves you is not being "stuck" doesn't mean she doesn't, especially if she wants an education and a career.

I know she feels that way. The issue is the attitude of the heart, though, that leads to that feeling. When you marry, you have to embrace the responsibilities that go along with it, part of which is staying with your spouse.

She has already expressed her dissatisfaction of being a wife and employee of a job she really doesn't want.

The employment issue is something that could change. She could also share her feelings with her husband. Maybe he'll cook some at night or they could re-arrange things in their life in regard to her job.

 

[sdmsanjose]

By Christian

I'm so stuck, I dont even know what to pray for.

I got married when I was 19 and I've been married little over a year now. Before I was married I was in a relationship with my now husband for just under 4 years, I never wanted to get married and I had always planned on ending it but then he proposed in front of my whole family, his family and all of our friends, so I 'felt' i had to say yes in order to not embarass him. I kept trying to end it but then a wedding date got set and plans were in place. I remember having to hold back tears of regret walking down the isle and thinking 'what hav i gotten myself into'. Now one year later I am still so so unhappy and regret my decision every day. I love him, I care for him, I have feelings for him, I'm attracted to him...I just didnt want this. I want to be his girlfriend and live at home with my mum and dad. I didnt even get to finish my education because i had to start working to support the household ( no i cant go back into it because i dont have any money to go back) so i spend my days working and my evenings cooking and cleaning. Its just all so messy and tiring; i'm battling so so hard with regret, 'could have, would have, should haves' all the time.

Please, if you dont want to reply just say a quick prayer for me to grow into this role as a wife.

If your husband loves you and is not abusive to you then you have a choice.

You can leave him and go home to live with your parents but it seems that the Bible does not support that. Can you or anyone find where that is allowed in scriptures? If you do not care what the scriptures say abut that issue then it is a moot point.

You made a free will choice and now you want to take actions that will make your husband suffer. These ladies may very well be correct that you need to learn to say no but that was not your husband’s fault and now you have a choice of living up to your vows and husband or leaving him and go live with your parents.

My wife and I both got married about the same age as you and we did not finish our education either. We both finished our education later in life. You are very young and have a lot of time to finish your education. I had regrets when I was in my twenties because I had it made as a single person and I found with marriage I had responsibilities that were just so messy and tiring. I hated the work I had in the cotton gin, then in the machine shop out in the desert that had snakes and scorpions come into the shop at night. I wanted to be single again and go to college in my father’s brand new Chevy that he let me use. My parents had a college fund that would have put me through college without me working and I longed for that life again but I lost that life in my twenties because I decide to get married.

I made a free will decision to marry my wife and now I had a child and could no longer play sports and be the jock that gave me a lot of attention. I no longer could enjoy the college life. My single friends would ask me to go with them t have fun but I felt obligated and trapped with a wife and child. I know about resentments.

Long story short, I stayed with my wife and child, went back to college at night, got a better job, and learned to be a family man rather than a jock and a single man that had fun at parties and other single men things. I am so glad that I stuck it out and did what I thought God wanted me to do even though I had resentments back then.

If you have played any sports you know that the first innings or first quarter of a game does not tell the story about winning, it is the complete game and how you play your game in the second, third, and fourth quarter that counts. By what you said I just do not see how you leaving your husband will help you in life. I am not just talking about how your husband will be hurt I am talking about how you will be hurt. If you disappoint yourself again you will just be piling more bricks on your back. Adulthood, marriage, and raising a family is not like being a teen ager and never will.

I know that you are struggling and that shows that you have character. You care what God thinks or you world not be posting on a Christian site and asking for prayer. Do not look at life just for the current period or the next few years. Your life is going to last more than 60 more years if you are average. You do not have to spend you whole life cooking and cleaning you can change that and you can change that in the next several years. Will it be hard? YES but life is hard sometimes rather you are married or single.

If you have a good husband you may want to rethink your situation. You can do as I did when I was your age and tell God that I am tired of being resentful and I will no longer ne resentful by an act of my free will. I also said that I realize that I was the one that made the decision to get married and not finish college and If God did not get me out of my mess that I created then I would just accept that and not be bitter any more. Within two years God opened up an opportunity and I went back to college and got a job that I have had for decades and my marriage and family life is so very good and I thank God and many other people that he sent to me to help me.

Hardships in life make you either bitter or better. You have free will choice and that can change a lot of things. Yes God can do wonders but you have your part to do.


If your husband is abusive or an adulterer or things like that then my advice above does not fit. My advice above was in the event that your husband is a decent man and you just want to leave him, go back to live with your parents and go ask to school.

Do not think that I am condemning you because I was you many years ago and my life turned around to become so much better. That is what I pray for you. You can change things with your free will and God loves a humble, contented, obedient, and faithful heart.

Stan

 

[tall73]

If your husband loves you and is not abusive to you then you have a choice.

You can leave him and go home to live with your parents but it seems that the Bible does not support that. Can you or anyone find where that is allowed in scriptures? If you do not care what the scriptures say abut that issue then it is a moot point.

You made a free will choice and now you want to take actions that will make your husband suffer. These ladies may very well be correct that you need to learn to say no but that was not your husband’s fault and now you have a choice of living up to your vows and husband or leaving him and go live with your parents.

My wife and I both got married about the same age as you and we did not finish our education either. We both finished our education later in life. You are very young and have a lot of time to finish your education. I had regrets when I was in my twenties because I had it made as a single person and I found with marriage I had responsibilities that were just so messy and tiring. I hated the work I had in the cotton gin, then in the machine shop out in the desert that had snakes and scorpions come into the shop at night. I wanted to be single again and go to college in my father’s brand new Chevy that he let me use. My parents had a college fund that would have put me through college without me working and I longed for that life again but I lost that life in my twenties because I decide to get married.

I made a free will decision to marry my wife and now I had a child and could no longer play sports and be the jock that gave me a lot of attention. I no longer could enjoy the college life. My single friends would ask me to go with them t have fun but I felt obligated and trapped with a wife and child. I know about resentments.

Long story short, I stayed with my wife and child, went back to college at night, got a better job, and learned to be a family man rather than a jock and a single man that had fun at parties and other single men things. I am so glad that I stuck it out and did what I thought God wanted me to do even though I had resentments back then.

If you have played any sports you know that the first innings or first quarter of a game does not tell the story about winning, it is the complete game and how you play your game in the second, third, and fourth quarter that counts. By what you said I just do not see how you leaving your husband will help you in life. I am not just talking about how your husband will be hurt I am talking about how you will be hurt. If you disappoint yourself again you will just be piling more bricks on your back. Adulthood, marriage, and raising a family is not like being a teen ager and never will.

I know that you are struggling and that shows that you have character. You care what God thinks or you world not be posting on a Christian site and asking for prayer. Do not look at life just for the current period or the next few years. Your life is going to last more than 60 more years if you are average. You do not have to spend you whole life cooking and cleaning you can change that and you can change that in the next several years. Will it be hard? YES but life is hard sometimes rather you are married or single.

If you have a good husband you may want to rethink your situation. You can do as I did when I was your age and tell God that I am tired of being resentful and I will no longer ne resentful by an act of my free will. I also said that I realize that I was the one that made the decision to get married and not finish college and If God did not get me out of my mess that I created then I would just accept that and not be bitter any more. Within two years God opened up an opportunity and I went back to college and got a job that I have had for decades and my marriage and family life is so very good and I think God and many other people that he sent to me to help me.

Hardships in life make you either bitter or better. You have free will choice and that can change a lot of things. Yes God can do wonders but you have your part to do.


If your husband is abusive or an adulterer or things like that then my advice above does not fit. My advice above was in the event that your husband is a decent man and you just want to leave him, go back to live with your parents and go ask to school.

Do not think that I am condemning you because I was you many years ago and my life turned around to become so much better. That is what I pray for you. You can change things with your free will and God loves a humble, contented, obedient, and faithful heart.

Stan

Please take this advice, from his years of experience.

 

[Hetta]

Stan, that's a great post. Very loving and generous. I hope that the OP has stuck around and gets to read that one.

 

[sdmsanjose]

Tall73 and Hetta
thank you for your compliments and encouragement!

I hesitated to tell you all my resentments and feeling in my early marriage as it was not real Christian like. However, the good book does say that “The truth will set you free”
Additionally, I hope that Christian2011 can benefit from something in my post.

Now that I can see that you guys are not gong to judge me and I feel safe with you guys I wall also tell you that I had to get married as I got my girlfriend pregnant. I DID NOT want to get married but she did. In my world back in the old days we were taught that if you got a girl pregnant then you marred her.

So I am a bit like Christian2011 in that I got married because of pressure. Then I wanted to go back to being single and get away from my responsibilities and go back to college and have fun.

Thank God my parents FORCED me to go to Sunday school and summer church camp because that later kept me from running away from my responsibilities and hurting a young woman by leaving her. When I was young I was taught that when you face life crises you turn to God and trust Him. Thankfully I believed that and when I got myself in my own jam the Biblical influence that I was given as a child did have an affect. Knowing my selfish nature, had I not had the influence of my Biblical teachings, I would not have married her or left her after I married her. My life was great as a single man.

The moral of my story is

Proverbs 3:5-6

5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.</SPAN>
6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths



My life with my wife is very good and I am grateful to God, my parents and others. My life has been blessed for decades by God, my wife, my parents, my children and grandchildren. I know a lot of peole that wished that they were back in their twenties but not me. God has chiseled me into a less selfish man after my age in the twenties and I like myself much better now.

 

[Tammy]

Excellent advice, Stan....thanks for sharing your story!

 

[Forest Wolf]

LinkH,

Please re-read your Bible. There are allowances in the Bible for women to depart, or divorce, their husbands.

It is not in keeping with the mercy and love of the great Rabbi to dismiss and condemn another Christian in this forum because you do not know the scriptures they apparently do so as to afford advice here.

The demeanor of many here, the harsh tones directed at this poor young woman who is suffering and thought to find comfort here, is appalling. What is equally so however, is in what I've noticed about some Christians. You all are suppose to be the flock that follows the great Rabbi and his teachings.

What happened to the love? Yeshua commanded that you love one another as you love him.
Maybe before you post angry words meant to stab someone in their heart for the reading of them, you'll remember that and ask yourself, would I say this to Christ?
How would you feel if Christ were to read what you are saying in this thread? And in other threads here?

I've read the Christians holy book. And guess what? He does! Christ knows your heart. Everything you write in these forums, if you are Christian, the great Rabbi knows. And he then knows you.

Be kind to one another. Those of us who are not of the faithful flocking to the Rabbi's robes watch you and how you treat each other in his name. You're all showing all of us what it means to be infused with the sacred spirit, the great spirit, the holy ghost.

How you all act toward one another shows those who are not Christian what it means to be one. And what it does to people who do to one another.

Dear Christian2011, I've been married for a very long time and I'll tell you marriage takes work. If you are miserable sharing yourself with someone else you have to learn why. If you want to remain friends with him, as you said in the OP, then it isn't something about him that you want to leave forever.
It sounds like it is something in yourself that you haven't made peace with yet.

It is no sin in your faith to take time to walk with god and listen to his sage advice. If you need to find the quiet away from your husband, do so. No one can tell you you must suffer in order to be married properly in the eyes of the god that loves you and knew you before you were born.
If god wants you to suffer how can he then be love? When god is love he is all things love. And love is kind. Love is patient. Love is gentle. And love takes time.
Jesus, the great Rabbi, was the Torah made human. Divorce is not impossible.

Choose wisely young one. Nothing can surprise an eternal power that knew your life time before you were born into it.The creator in your scriptures tells you all things happen for his glory. All things happen according to his predestination of them.

You can not surprise your god. Follow your heart. Because when the sacred spirit and the kingdom of god lives there, maybe you can see what tugs your heart toward a solution is god hoping you'll answer his prayer and obey.

Peace be still.

Christian2011,

Please ignore the advice of the young poster whose post is posted below. In the Bible, the Lord commanded, "Let not the wife depart from her husband.'

When you are 80, you should want to look back on your life and see that you've served God faithfully, not that you pursued your own carnal happiness. It is good to have joy in serving the Lord, and not in disobeying him.

It's not so common in the west these days, but multitudes of brides have married at 19 or younger and have lived good, joyful lives with their husbands. Nineteen is not too young to marry. You are married woman. Walk faithfully in that state as a woman of God.

 

[LinkH]

This is not directed to the OP.

It grieves me to see the state of this culture, to see how weak families are, marriages are, and how often and freely the unmarried fornicate, and how common adultery is. Pointing out what Christ said about marriage, and saying we must take it seriously, is considered unloving, judgmental, or hateful.

Encouraging young people, struggling with their responsibilities, to disobey Jesus and hurt their spouse is not loving. It is not unloving to point out what the Lord expects of married Christians, and to encourage them to believe God and walk in the grace that God provides.

Many of the words of the Messiah are very heavy, and hard to hear or read, but they are not unloving.

This is a heavy saying,
Matthew 18
5 &#8220;Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, 6 but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.

Tempting the little one to sin with empathetic, spiritual sounding talk is still bad. It's still not showing the love of God.

 

[LinkH]

LinkH,

Please re-read your Bible. There are allowances in the Bible for women to depart, or divorce, their husbands.

Show me one scripture. If you are from a Messianic background, and are familiar with Torah, you know the divorce certificate was given by the man to the woman.

In this case, though, we aren't talking about adultery or fornication. We aren't talking about difficult moral issues that Jesus did not directly address like domestic violence or drug abuse. We are talking about a person who married young, misses the freedom of singlehood, and has some regrets about her decision.

It is not in keeping with the mercy and love of the great Rabbi to dismiss and condemn another Christian in this forum because you do not know the scriptures they apparently do so as to afford advice here.

If someone comes on the marriage forum telling a young impressionable spouse to leave their spouse for no good reason at all, why shouldn't I respond strongly against that? How is it mercy to let someone be encouraged to make a foolish mistake and ruin their marriage in their youth?

The demeanor of many here, the harsh tones directed at this poor young woman who is suffering and thought to find comfort here, is appalling.

Maybe one post was a bit harsh toward the OP. I don't consider mine to be harsh, but I do take a clear stand that couples shouldn't split up over regretting marrying young, or because on party didn't feel up to saying 'no' before the wedding.

What happened to the love? Yeshua commanded that you love one another as you love him.

Yeshua is full of love. But He spoke the truth in love. He taught that if a man put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and married another, He commits adultery. He taught that he that marries her that is put away commits adultery. He taught that in love. The words were heavy to hear, but He spoke them in love.

He told a crowd 'Except ye repent, ye shall also likewise perish." He said this in love.

Paul relates the commandment of the Lord, "Let not the wife depart from her husband."

Is standing idly by while another receives bad advice that can hurt their marriage love? Leviticus says Do not despise your brother in your heart. But rebuke your neighbor frankly, lest you share in his sin." Love and being easy-going isn't always the same thing. If allowing your brother to continue in sin while saying nothing is despising your brother, how can we call that love?

Maybe before you post angry words meant to stab someone in their heart for the reading of them, you'll remember that and ask yourself, would I say this to Christ?

Another question is, what would Christ say to this person? Paul related commandments of the Lord when he said, "Let not the wife depart from her husband." Do you think Jesus is going to tell a wife to leave her husband when he has done nothing wrong? Is Jesus going to encourage a wife to divorce her husband, whose 'crime' was proposing to her publically and marrying her?

How would you feel if Christ were to read what you are saying in this thread? And in other threads here?

God knows every word we right here, and we will all stand before Him some day. That's a sobering truth. I'd sure rather be on the side that encourages the young person thinking of leaving a faithful spouse to stay faithful, work on the marriage, and find strength in God to stay, than on the side that says divorce is okay. I wouldn't feel comfortable encouraging the person to divorce if I had to stand before God on the day of judgment and give an account for the idle words.

If you need to find the quiet away from your husband, do so. No one can tell you you must suffer in order to be married properly in the eyes of the god that loves you and knew you before you were born.

I think anyone who marries suffers some. It doesn't have to be horrific suffering, but we all need to be long suffering. I went to a wedding today. The preacher gave a sermon and said that there are three rings that come with marriage, the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and suffe-ring. Then he spoke of the need to have long suffering in marriage. When the man causes the wife difficulty, she should have long-suffering. When the wife causes the husband difficulty, he should have long-suffering.

Even Paul said they that marry will have trouble in this life. Maybe he had the idea of caring for a spouse during persecution in mind, but marriage itself has difficulties and suffering.

So yes, someone can tell a married person you have to suffer to be married properly in the eyes of God. Who doesn't experience some kind of suffering in marriage, some argument, some difficulty with the in-laws, some misunderstanding? It happens, and so do the great joys of a new marriage.

And the Lord has said, "Let not the wife depart from her husband." and "Let not the husband put away his wife."

If god wants you to suffer how can he then be love?

That reminds me of some atheist's objections to the existence of God.

Here are a couple of verses from I Peter 4
13 But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.
...
19 Wherefore let them that suffer according to the will of God commit the keeping of their souls to him in well doing, as unto a faithful Creator.

That is a difficult verse. The Bible tells us that God is love. Yet, part of His plan involves using suffering to mold Christians. Christians are to rejoice in their sufferings. The Bible also teaches that they that suffer with Christ will reign with him.

When god is love he is all things love. And love is kind. Love is patient. Love is gentle. And love takes time.

Love also does not delight in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth, (from the same passage.)

Divorce is not impossible.

Pinching babies at the mall while their parents aren't looking is not impossible.
Intentionally stepping on elderly women's toes is not impossible.
Putting a stumbling block in front of a blind man is not impossible.

But none of these things are ethical either. Neither is hinting that divorce is acceptable to a young person adjusting to marriage who is contemplating leaving a faithful spouse.

 

[ValleyGal]

OP, just know that not everyone believes like Link does. Not everyone believes like I do. Just know that you should live according to your own beliefs. Romans 14:14 says "I am convinced, being fully persuaded in the Lord Jesus, that nothing is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for that person it is unclean." Additionally, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ. Additionally, Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial. So don't let anyone try to tell you you're doing some grave, ghastly unforgivable sin if you were ever to divorce. I'm not saying to go and get divorced just because you're unhappy. Work at falling and staying in love with your husband, but if all else fails, there is no condemnation....and you need to be convinced in your own mind about what God wants.

 

[LinkH]

Wow, this forum keeps turning into a worse and worse place for people to get marital advice. People come out of the woodwork to give advice based on the thinking of this present evil age. Too many sticks in the straw. I feel bad for people who come here sometimes.

When we face difficulties in life, we are supposed to walk in a way that pleases God. When we suffer, we are to rejoice in the midst of suffering. We aren't to sin or disobey Christ.

When a young person is in a marriage to a faithful spouse and regrets marrying young, we as Christians should encourage that person to be a good husband or a good wife, to appreciate their blessings, to be thankful for the blessing they've received. We aren't supposed to nudge that person toward betraying their spouse, to use posts as a platform to advance some unbiblical theological agenda for another thread.

This is someone's marriage we are talking about. I'd hate to be a person who told a person like this it was no big deal to get a divorce, or to write some worldly philosophy about getting a divorce because marriage is supposed to be slavery, and then meet her 10 years down the road, divorced after I'd nudged her in that direction, on her third husband, regretting foolish and sinful marital decisions. I'd hate to stand before God and have to give an account.

I'd also hate to give advice like that, and a few months down the line, see a post from the husband on the forum, as people try to comfort him after his wife left him.

Some of these posts can do a lot of damage.

I read a sermon from Leonard Ravenhill about the 'Mush god'-- the type of God politicians mention to bless their endeavors, the type of god many people believe in who isn't holy, who doesn't require anything of people. Some of the posts remind me of that sermon.

God is holy, and He commands His people to be holy. Those of us who are Christ's, can, through the Spirit, live in a way that is pleasing to God. The Bible says, "If ye walk in the Spirit, ye will not fulfill the lusts of the flesh." It also tells believers that when you are tempted, God always provides a way of escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

Jesus said to His listeners that he that commits sin is the servant of sin. He said if the Son shall make you free, you shall be free indeed. Romans 6 says 'for sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under the law, but under grace." We have grace to empower us to please God.

When I read the words of Jesus, I do NOT read, "Go ahead and sin. It's okay, because God loves you."

God made us to live in a way that pleases Him. When difficulties come, when suffering comes, we are to remain faithful and do as He desires. The Bible warns that in the last days, men will be lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God. When difficulty comes, we should not be pleasure seekers, or disobey God because that's the easy way out. When the crowds gathered around Stephen, he held firm to His faith. The apostles counted it joy to suffer for Jesus' sake. When we read these examples, how can we tell a believer it's okay to betray their spouse when their only 'suffering' comes from their mindset, from the thoughts in their own head?

We were made to please God. Divorcing over thoughts like those described in the OP doesn't lead to happiness. In the short run, it's possible there could be some enjoyment in the decision, but probably not. Walking in the Spirit is what brings true happiness. As believers, we find true fulfillment in serving God. It is a great joy to see God at work in your life, using you to minister to others, and being a blessing.

 

[LinkH]

Romans 14:14 says "I am convinced, being fully persuaded in the Lord Jesus, that nothing is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for that person it is unclean."

He was talking about food. The context is eating vegetables and not meat, probably because of uncertainty about the origin of the meat. The Old Testament also describes certain animals as unclean for Jews. It doesn't call divorce 'unclean.' He's not talking about divorce or separating from one's spouse.

Regarding marriage, Paul related commandments of the Lord, "Let not the wife depart from her husband." For the husbands, he said, "and let not the husband put away his wife."

I am really disappointed in your advice in this thread, particularly in this post. I know people in the forum differ when it comes to some aspects of divorce, but this is a really simple case. There is no evidence of wrong-doing from the husband. The poster married young and agreed to it, both at the engagement and the wedding from what she said, keeping her fears to herself, apparently. Now she has regrets over marrying young.

If the theory that divorce happens because of sin is true, what are you encouraging, subtly, with your posts?

Additionally, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ.

Romans 8:1
There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.

There is some textual variation in this verse. But it is important to read the whole context. This is a chapter that talks about overcoming sin, and living above it, not indulging in it.

Hebrews 12 tells us that God chastises ever son He receives. I Corinthians 11 shows us that chastisement can include illness and sleeping (physical death.) Hebrews tells us that it is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

Jesus didn't save us so we could be carnal and disobey Him, or gently encourage others that it is okay to do so. He was named Jesus because 'He shall save His people from their sins' not in their sins.

Additionally, Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.

Betraying one's spouse and disobeying God is not beneficial.

Also notice that some translations put this in quotes, as if it were a saying of the Corinthians that Paul were responding to.

Would you quote this verse or the verse about no condemnation for someone wanting to disown his own small baby? What about someone who wanted to go around punching strangers in their noses?

So don't let anyone try to tell you you're doing some grave, ghastly unforgivable sin if you were ever to divorce.

Is divorce the unforgivable sin? No. But why tell someone it's okay to sin at all?

I'm not saying to go and get divorced just because you're unhappy. Work at falling and staying in love with your husband, but if all else fails, there is no condemnation....

You don't finish the sentence. The implication seems to be no condemnation if a woman divorces her husband for no reason at all except for the dialogue going on in her own mind and her own emotional struggles about past decisions.

Why subtly suggest that not staying with her husband is okay? It goes against the commandment of the Lord, "Let not the wife depart from her husband." Why not just encourage her to love her husband? You are older than she is. That is what the Bible instructs you to do.

I know this post and the past few posts are a bit confrontational, even for me. But how would it be right to stand idly by while people hint to a young wife whose a bit discontent with the changes of newly married life that divorce is no big deal. This should be a place where people receive comfort and encouragement from the word of God, not more of the philosophy of the world. They can turn on the TV for that.

 

[ValleyGal]

Link, rather than always picking arguments about everything I say, why not leave my stuff alone. You have your opinion, I have mine. I am just as entitled to give mine here as you are - without the constant bickering and picking apart. It is up to the OP as to whether I have anything valuable to say. Just as it's up to the OP to figure out whether you have anything valuable to say.

Sometimes I wish some people would experience divorce so they are more qualified to talk about it's challenges. I find it interesting that those who have never been divorced are the ones preaching to stay in marriages that are unhealthy, unhappy and/or unholy. This woman was not joined by God...this woman felt quite pressured by her fiance and her community. It is not necessarily even God's will. I happen to know what that's like from my last marriage - it lasted a month due to the physical violence after we married escalating from "an accident" to nearly killing me - all in a month. So until you know this woman's situation, don't judge her and tell her she is now condemned to live the next 80 years in a marriage that likely was not joined by God to start with.

Again, to the OP, take what you need from these posts, and leave the rest. I apologize for my part in arguing with other posters on this thread. You came here looking for help, and you have probably been scared off for the arguing among the regulars. It was not the place to do this.