Help an atheist.. erm, Buddhist.. erm, Christian (?) out!!

[majorgen]

HELP ME! My prayer most nights is "God, just give me faith, cos I don't believe in you!"


Hi mrtsc

First of all God hears every single word you say. So believe me, He heard your prayer, as simple as it is. Sometimes He waiting to see if you really want what you are asking. So if you want to have faith and more of it and to have answers for you questions, just ask and mean it. He'll show you. He also knows your heart and your ways. He's the only one Who truly knows you, better than yourself, friends or family. He knows the paths you take and your thoughts. Simply trust Him. I too was searching for answers and I thought I was close to the Lord, but He showed me a thing or two and still doing so. God is very patient with you and He does love you, but not knowing when your death may happen or if we are still alive when the tribulations come, we can be caught off guard and be forever seperated from God's presence. If you can tell me, is there other Almighty Being that would be willing to allow His one and only Son to die for us humans because of our sins or wrong doings? To provide a perfect sacrifice in which we can be able to be saved from an eternal death. So many gods out there, so many religions, but which one would you prefer? Scary, isn't it if you chose the wrong one.

Something to think about, please read on.


Pathways


Where are you going my child?
Do you really know?
I see you in your wanderings
Making detours as you go.
Do you not realize
Where this path is taking you?
Yet I desire you to draw near to Me,
In everything you do.
Have you considered this other path?
It's not difficult to know.
It may be straight and narrow,
It's the only way to go.
Only a few have found it
And many will pass it by.
For many paths will lead to destruction,
But this one is safe for you to try.
Now, if you're willing, then come follow Me.
For I AM the Way, the Truth and the Life.
And those that follow and believe in Me,
Will receive My gift of Eternal Life.

Matthew 7: 13 John 14: 5-6
Romans 6: 23

CEE - JULY 2001 written
NOW AUGUST 8, 2005


Maybe this one you can relate to. Please read on.


HIGHWAY TO HEAVEN


There is a highway
That's straight and narrow
No map is needed
Just a willing heart to follow.
With good instructions
And guidelines in hand
You'll find the way
With truth and life's plan.
Sometimes there's signs
That will lead you astray,
Exits and detours
Showing the wrong way.
There's route 666
A hazard to avoid,
It will cause you to lose
All life gets destroyed.
And if you get lost
You can make a U-turn,
To end this journey rejoicing
For there's no return.

CEE - AUGUST 2003 written
NOW - AUGUST 8, 2005


God has given us a will to chose and a will to know. Just use the faith He has given you and keep on asking, seeking and knocking for Godly wisdom and truth about Himself. He will reveal Himself to you if you really want Him to.

Once was lost, now saved in Jesus' name. Take care.

 

[mrtsc]

Okay, majorgen, all that is fine, but it seems like asking for faith and all of that is just convincing yourself it's true. When you ask for faith, which I'm guessing you've done some time in your life, what convinces you Christianity is the truth? Something good happening that you figure would not have happened otherwise? Please share.

 

[majorgen]

Hi mrtsc It takes two things to happen for truth to be revealed. First to believe it's true and to have the faith to receive the truth. Just like the people Jesus healed for various reasons. They first had to believe in what He, Jesus said and to have the faith in Him to receive from Him. That's why in His own home town, many couldn't believe the things He said, so not many were healed for they saw Him as a carpenter's son, not the Son of God or the Savior that was mentioned in the Old Testaments. If you doubt in your heart or waiver, faith will not exist. Sometimes it takes other situations in other people's lives to convince you that these things are true and they really do happen. Nothing dramtic happened in my life, but only what I have read, heard, seen what happened in other people situations in our church and with the missionaries overseas. God has done things in my life to convince me that I can trust Him and all of this is a learning process. God said, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, things will happen, and a mustard seed is very small. But if you think you have the faith but don't believe, it won't happen either.

At our church we would get updates on the missionaries overseas. These are the people who are really putting their lives on the line for the Lord. How they would be protected by the Lord when He would send His angels to surround them from their enemies and they would scatter. Underground meetings where people would meet and gather for bible study and prayer and be lead by the Holy Spirit to a certain location, otherwise they would be put in jail or shot. These people at one time didn't know the Lord either, but somehow for some reason they too found truth in His Word and the faith to recieve. It's not head knowledge. God's Word dwells in our hearts and it starts to change us and sets us free from sinful bondage. When this happens, the truth of God's Word will start to reveal things about yourself, about God Himself and starts to rebuild a new beginning with a new heart and a different awareness of life. Instead, of asking for faith, maybe you can start asking, "Lord reveal the truth about Yourself and Your Word and promises to me". If you really want this kind of truth, God will guide you to it. But, will you believe? God is patient, but we only have so much time to live, before our time is up. Just remember this, God loves you, but hates the sin that He sees in our hearts.

 

[mrtsc]

Hi mrtsc It takes two things to happen for truth to be revealed. First to believe it's true...

I don't understand that at all. The truth is revealed after I believe it's true? That makes no sense to me. Why should I think something is true before the truth is revealed?

 

[Sojourner<><]

I don't understand that at all. The truth is revealed after I believe it's true? That makes no sense to me. Why should I think something is true before the truth is revealed?

I think that people come to the truth in different ways. Look at St. Thomas for instance. He didn't really believe until Jesus had died, come back and asked him to touch the mortal wounds in His body. But then Thomas REALLY believed.

Other people just hear the gospel and they know that it is the truth because they seem to be "preprogrammed" for it.

Here are some quick questions that you should ask yourself:

Do you believe in one Almighty Creator God?

Do you believe that Jesus Christ was sent by Him?

Do you accept the words spoken by Jesus Christ?

If you need more proof to feel like you really believe, I would call on his name and ask Him to show you.

If you know you believe, then I would go get baptized.

 

[shayd]

Well, I don't know if this will help you, but I think you and I are probably very similar, mrtsc. I am a computer programmer, an analyst by trade, to a fault perhaps. I am not a Christian but that is a long story; I'm one of those people who is ready, but is putting it off for whatever reason and will be greeted with 100 posts of "don't put it off, you could die at any moment" any time I mention it. I have been a liberal democrat hippie... I have been a staunch hardcore conservative republican... And I have likely been everything in between as well. My own testimony (if a non-Christian can have a 'testimony' about how they know they are coming to Christ, even though they have not yet arrived) would go somewhat as follows.

Every Christian asked to defend his faith will turn to the Bible and begin quoting scriptures that prove the correctness of the religion. My biggest hang-up for years was that this holds VERY little sway with someone who doesn't believe in the Bible's God-inspired nature, now does it? (I have this book that says you should do what I say, 'cause I'm Elvis... 'Prove you're Elvis' .. It's here in this book... etc) I let this dilemma hang me for maybe 10 years... I allowed it to stand completely in my way. No Christian would EVER tell me how to get past my problem, they would just say "Read the Bible."

Now, as a free-thinking analyzer of facts reading this, I would hope you might see that there is one simple action that could turn me either way. In order to put any faith (excuse the intentional pun) in any Christian argument, I would have to believe that the book they put forth as their evidence was true. Once I FINALLY came to that realization, things got exciting. I would read about the historical and archaealogical evidence of the Bible and if it did not convince me, then I would shun this belief system and move on... if it did convince me, then I was in for a different experience.

I read Lee Stroebel's "The Case for Christ" and I found the book to be a very strong argument for at least one thing if nothing else. The Bible is unique. The Bible is completely different from any other book in the world and is beyond compare in its cohesion over multiple authors, the way it has found its way into every country and language and in so many other ways. To me, this book (The Case for Christ) alone was enough to make me decide that the Bible was not a creation of man, but an inspired creation of God delivered through man. Maybe I was easy to convince. Since then I have been reading Joshua McDowell's New Evidence that Demands a Verdict and I find that it is, as well, a fascinating read. I become more sure of the uniqueness, correctness and most importantly, the Godliness of the Bible every day.
I have prayed the whole time because I believe there is SOMETHING out there.. SOME God... I almost always have. I think in that case, praying that this God of whatever type it may be give you guidance and bring you to the truth and help you accept whatever truth is shown could not possibly be a bad thing. It was shortly after I started praying thusly that I happened onto my conclusion that I needed to know whether the Bible was what it was claimed to be. As I read the books I mentioned, I continued to pray for the truth to be made known to me.

Someone mentioned reading John, but I'm sure you've been pointed to the Bible before. If/when you become convinced that the Bible is what Christians claim it is, reading John (for me it was important to read it with someone else who had read it and studied it before... they pointed out many things I would not have noticed otherwise) becomes a GREAT experience. John said so much with so few words. In some cases there are phrases he uses that, if studied, bring all sorts of truths out... no author, save for God, could have constructed some of the writings in the Bible, but I feel John is the best example; this incredible writing went even further to prove the divine-nature of the Bible to me.

Since then, I have battled with not really understanding WHY I need salvation... Am I that bad a person? Do I really think I'm born with original sin? Well... look to the Bible and you get the answers for those questions. Then, well, I'm sure Heaven is nicer than Hell, but am I REALLY that scared of Hell? Again back to the Bible... "Wailing and gnashing of teeth" doesn't sound fun to me...

It is my belief that once you believe the Bible is the inspired word of God given to man and recorded and completely preserved over time (there is evidence for this preservation as well, read the books I mentioned earlier) then the journey to Christianity becomes much easier... suddenly the suggestions to read the Bible and the verses you read therein hold a much more significant meaning.

I hope nothing more than that this post will help you along your journey and ease some of the pains... whichever way you go (to Christ or away from Him), I am glad to see that there are others out there who truly question and put the Word to the test. I hope that your journey from here is short, pleasant and ends at God.

 

[Lisa0315]

I hope nothing more than that this post will help you along your journey and ease some of the pains... whichever way you go (to Christ or away from Him), I am glad to see that there are others out there who truly question and put the Word to the test. I hope that your journey from here is short, pleasant and ends at God.

As much as I would love to, I promise I won't try to convert you.

But...You are so close. If you had to sum it up in one reason, what is holding you back?


Lisa

 

[mrtsc]

Shayd, my biggest problem with what you just said was something you admitted - "Maybe I was easy to convince." I've had the same problem. I went into Mere Christianity almost wanting to be convinced, so, of course, after reading any argument that had a bit of logic I was saying "Yes, yes, of course! God IS real, that makes sense!" but after the 'religious high' wore off I saw the book did little to convince me. Could the same thing have happened to you when reading the books you mentioned? Have you considered reading any books that offer scientific answers for the 'questions that demand an answer'? Not trying to be snide, just wondering if perhaps, in your desire to believe in Christianity, you kind of let your logical mind wander a bit and ate the stuff up without applying the normal thought process.

 

[Windmill]

I hope you will one day realise that there are not just 2 sides - that things aren't actually as black and white as you see them now. And that a default of believing in the bible is both ignorant and dangerous.

Regarding prayer. If God is limited by whether we believe, then what sort of God is that?

Christianity isn't about wanting to believe. It is about humbly setting out on a journey into the great unknown of God. Knowing that whatever glimpses we may get of God, are but a slender and distorted view of God's reality.

If you have "given your heart to Christianity", I suggest you rescue it back. Give it to God for sure, but not a frail human institutional model of faith expression.

O___O well okay.

1) It is not an ignorant nor dangerous decision. I've come to the conclusion the bible in the infailable word of God through many things. Also, I can listen to reason... but it never seems enough to spur me away from te bible also, there IS black and white. Something is pro bible, something is not. It just so happens, pro bible wins...

2) Of course God is not limited by what we believe! He can do anything. Answer our prayers. But, if we do not believe it, how can one see it....?

3) *Sigh* I never said I knew exactly what God is like. In my other posts, though you've never read them, I ask others, what God is like. I'm so young, I know little, and for the past 2 years, I've only seriously starting taking my walk with God... well, seriously. The bible says God is a loving God who loves me. The bible says God is all powerful and can and will answer prayer. The bible says I can do anything as long as I have faith with Gods power. The bible says many things, but whatever that bible says about God... is the only things I'm willing to claim are defiantly like him

4) I've given my heart to christianity yes... but I'm still having trouble giving my life. In my mind, I've made my decision, what is right, what is wrong, what I need to do, etc etc. I know its true, I know its real. But putting it into practise is hard. I'm working hard on it, you know..? I don't go around screaming and crying to God, because that isn't my style, but I'm slowely starting to want to be like Jesus, rather than feel I have to. Yay!

 

[Windmill]

Shayd, my biggest problem with what you just said was something you admitted - "Maybe I was easy to convince." I've had the same problem. I went into Mere Christianity almost wanting to be convinced, so, of course, after reading any argument that had a bit of logic I was saying "Yes, yes, of course! God IS real, that makes sense!" but after the 'religious high' wore off I saw the book did little to convince me. Could the same thing have happened to you when reading the books you mentioned? Have you considered reading any books that offer scientific answers for the 'questions that demand an answer'? Not trying to be snide, just wondering if perhaps, in your desire to believe in Christianity, you kind of let your logical mind wander a bit and ate the stuff up without applying the normal thought process.

Look, I've hit year 10. You know what that means around here? It means they're starting to hit us with evolution etc, and trust me, its going to get much, much worse. This is a cruisy year. Next year... I'm in for it. I've already lost some marks in earth science as my teacher felt I do not "understand" the evolutionary way of thinking dinosaurs died and the ice age and the contients drifting etc etc because I brought up creation... but never the less.

You sound like the christian that got bought on the idea that christianity was this lovely nice thing and God loves you and he's going to make your life awesome blah blah blah. Spiritual high type of stuff. You know, I've never been on a spiritual high, sad as it is, or if I have, its been minor. The reason why is generally to make sure my logic is still there

What are these "logical" arguments they bring up? Are you sure they're very logical? Because, I go through life analysing and having a cold, cynical logical view on everything (I'm an INTJ ) And christianity is the most logical solution I've come up with

How can you expect to be loyal to christianity, if you're in it because it feels good? Explains life after death, gives you hope etc. Does that sound like a very strong base to you? It sounds weak to me. Though I'm still building my base, I'm trying to not base it on feel-good things. Because, when everything stops feeling good again... what do you do?

 

[shayd]

Shayd, my biggest problem with what you just said was something you admitted - "Maybe I was easy to convince." I've had the same problem. I went into Mere Christianity almost wanting to be convinced, so, of course, after reading any argument that had a bit of logic I was saying "Yes, yes, of course! God IS real, that makes sense!" but after the 'religious high' wore off I saw the book did little to convince me. Could the same thing have happened to you when reading the books you mentioned? Have you considered reading any books that offer scientific answers for the 'questions that demand an answer'? Not trying to be snide, just wondering if perhaps, in your desire to believe in Christianity, you kind of let your logical mind wander a bit and ate the stuff up without applying the normal thought process.

Fair enough. This is both an expected and a welcomed reaction. When you come to the end of all analyses of any Christian writing, you will find one thing that is difficult for the analytical mind to accept. Ask ANY apologist (is that a word?)... ask any priest, minister or other man of God... ask any Jesus Freak... I can lead you to what, in my opinion, is good solid proof that the Bible is unique. I don't think someone could deny, after reading what I have, the fact of uniqueness. But at the end of the day, there is NO scientific 'proof' that Jesus was the Son of God and our saviour. There is no amount of studying or reading that will eventually bring you to a paragraph that says "... And recent genetic evidence proves that Jesus Christ of Nazareth is our saviour.... good day."

You can prove the existence of a man named Jesus from Nazareth. You can prove the uniqueness and well-preserved nature of a book that serves as his biography which states within that he performed many miracles. You can read about men who had nothing to gain and EVERYTHING to lose by proclaiming the truth of the gospel, and yet they refused to deny Jesus. These are things you can prove... things documented by the early critics of the Church and disbelievers as well as ancient Christians. These are the sorts of things you can prove. You cannot prove the nature of Jesus.

There are SOME arguments that you merely have to size up both sides, and make a decision regardless of the fact that neither side was completely proven to you. To bring up an oft used argument, show me scientific explanation of what was there before the Big Bang and what caused it. People who have accepted that theory have looked at all the existent evidence and decided that despite the inadequacies of the theory, that is what they choose to believe.

With the incredibly historic nature of Christianity and the various facts about it, I have conceded that it's either Christianity, or no religion at all. Given that scope, I don't think that my desire to know more about Christianity and to learn the most I can about it, its history, the contexts of the various actions of the church, and the archaelogical evidence from the time of Jesus is just a self-created quest designed out of my own struggle for meaning. My desire to do and learn these things, and the comfort I feel when with other Christians, in the house of God, is the 'proof' that I believe I was looking for. I have lived for years with no God or at least an uninvolved one, and I've read the evidence to that ends... and nothing has made me WANT that to be the truth or made me WANT to continue learning more about that.

I'm sorry if my thoughts seem somewhat scattered as I am at work and am frequently going between this window and others. I hope you find what you're looking for and don't discredit your desire to believe as an impedence but welcome it as a helpful sign (perhaps proof even) that not only is there more out there than can be scientifically proven... but also that you are moving in the right direction and are being given a little help.

Rick

 

[shayd]

As much as I would love to, I promise I won't try to convert you.

But...You are so close. If you had to sum it up in one reason, what is holding you back?

Lisa

Let me preface this by saying that I totally expect the "that's no good reason, you can't base your faith on that, yadda yadda yadda" ad infinitum response, so if you feel you need to give that reponse, feel free... I won't hold it against anyone.

I have been to SO many bad Churches in my time as a devout non-believer (i mean, argumentative and abrasive towards the idea of Christianity) and my recent times as much more willing subject. I REALLY want to find a good church. I want to find a church where the Sermons are at least sometimes applicable, but always well-thought-out, the worship services are enjoyable and not uncomfortable (I'm sorry, my personal belief is healings, rolling in the aisles and screaming out random stuff in gibberish-speak is NOT Holy) and there are people I can spend time with. Currently, I work, then I go home to wife and 4 dogs, and we sit around; sometimes I play on the computer. This is not very conducive to learning about God. I want to find a church that has a group of young married Christians that I can go bowling with, or do Bible studies with, or that I can ask questions of or that I can go to an all-night restaurant with at 2am when we all have nothing to do the following day and want to discuss an issue that has been burning in us for a while.

I know I would be lucky to find all of those, but I'm really afraid that becoming a Christian and not having any Christian friends that I see on any regular basis would be a bad thing. I've done what I can on my own... I've studied and read and prayed and God has brought me too him... but now, I want others around. So each Sunday, we try a different church... not even looking for the PERFECT church, (like, i realize that no matter where we go, there'll be a couple (or more) members who are not good Christians and sermons we don't agree with, and the like... and that's okay) we just want to find one we can call our own.

So that's sorta what I'm waiting for I guess...

 

[WashedClean]

I REALLY want to find a good church. I want to find a church where the Sermons are at least sometimes applicable, but always well-thought-out, the worship services are enjoyable and not uncomfortable (I'm sorry, my personal belief is healings, rolling in the aisles and screaming out random stuff in gibberish-speak is NOT Holy) and there are people I can spend time with. Currently, I work, then I go home to wife and 4 dogs, and we sit around; sometimes I play on the computer. This is not very conducive to learning about God. I want to find a church that has a group of young married Christians that I can go bowling with, or do Bible studies with, or that I can ask questions of or that I can go to an all-night restaurant with at 2am when we all have nothing to do the following day and want to discuss an issue that has been burning in us for a while.

I know I would be lucky to find all of those, but I'm really afraid that becoming a Christian and not having any Christian friends that I see on any regular basis would be a bad thing. I've done what I can on my own... I've studied and read and prayed and God has brought me too him... but now, I want others around. So each Sunday, we try a different church... not even looking for the PERFECT church, (like, i realize that no matter where we go, there'll be a couple (or more) members who are not good Christians and sermons we don't agree with, and the like... and that's okay) we just want to find one we can call our own.

So that's sorta what I'm waiting for I guess...

You sound a lot like my husband. He told me, "I could pray the sinner's prayer, but it wouldn't be sincere, so what's the point". God won't force Himself on anyone. I appreciate your candor and honesty and I certainly am not going to try and convert you. That's the work of the Holy Spirit anyway.

Have you looked for a church that offers the Alpha course? I know many seekers have been blessed by it. Here's a link to their site http://alphacourse.org/. I'm sure there's a church in your area that you and your wife could attend that's offering this.

God bless!

WashedClean

 

[GreenPartyVoter]

Have you tried taking some quizzes to gain some sort of starting point? If you can narrow down what you believe or have questions about, it might help you.

http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Olympus/2961/liberal.htm

 

[kit]

When it comes to Bibles. I have to say that I really enjoy the Inspired Version. It is printed by the Community of Christ and is the version that the early Latter Day Saint movement felt inspired to compose.

I didn't find that Christianity had a place for me. Gay people are not welcom. I converted to Buddhism about 12 or 13 years ago. The law of Karma is much more logical than an arbitrary God deciding moral questions that don't necessarliy relate to the humans that are involved.

There are nice aspects of Paganism as well. Wicca, Druidism, Aesatru, and other European Pagan religions do make a lot of sense as well. They offer a religious experience that is quite rational and logical with our world.

 

[linssue55]

I'm 17, so within the past few years I've started to make up my mind on all the important things (basically religion and politics) and have yet to have a constant position for more than a few months. I've 'been' every combination of liberal/conservative/ libertarian + atheist/Buddhist/Christian and still haven't settled on anything. It's absurd - sometimes I'm a Christian and an atheist at different parts of the same day. I'll read a column from my favorite conservative columnist (Jonah Goldberg) and be like "Yeah, of course!" and then read an article on infidels.org and be like "Yeah, obviously God is not real for all these reasons!" You have no idea how frustrating it is when you have so many changes of heart! It's especially frustrating because I don't like to think of myself as the type of person who is on both sides of every issue, so I like to attribute my 'changes of heart' to my age.

A few examples of my mental dialogues:

"Why give my whole life to a God I'm not even sure exists? I'm not supposed to touch because a cloudbeing says no?"
"Yeah, but so many people I respect believe in Him! Even people considered to be very intelligent!"
"Yeah, but look at Falwell and those guys... I don't hate gays, and all the ones I've met seem very nice... How can I respect myself while saying they shouldn't be able to get married?"

"Buddhism is so much more logical than Christianity! The Buddha even suggested his followers try out everything he said in their own lives to see what worked for them and to see the truth for themselves! By comparison, Christianity is so dogmatic and based on the supernatural!"
"But Christianity is so much more of a complete and satisfying religion!"

"The government shouldn't be able to touch our guns or make us register them... Just look at the 2nd Amendment!"
"Yeah, but times certainly were different then! You needed to have a gun ready to go fight the Brits! It was a completely different society, and certainly some safety measures and registration requirements can't hurt!"

"If we don't pay income taxes for Social Security, what will happen to the poor? I don't think private charity could do the job as well..."
"But Americans are very charitable! Plus, why should the government be involved in wealth redistribution... I want to keep most of the money I make!"

And on and on, for every possible issue. HELP ME! My prayer most nights is "God, just give me faith, cos I don't believe in you!"

What I'm asking for from anyone who read this (I'm sure you were at least somewhat amused; even I can see the humor in the situation) is some concrete suggestions. What I mean by that is please don't tell me "pray, God will change your heart soon enough" or something. Give me things to read - Bible verses, essays from converts to Christianity, essays on doubt.. anything you think would be a help to a confused adolescent!! I'd also love to hear from people who have had similar experiences!

Thanks!

I have a question? Has there ever been a point in time when YOU ACCEPTED THE LORD JESUS CHRIST AS YOUR LORD AND SAVIOR??

 

[BlessedVegan]

All I have to say is...don't choose your religion based on what "intelligent" people think. Don't choose it based on what seems to be satisfying. You have to choose based on what you believe to be true. I know it's not neccacarily that easy to know waht you believe, but it's what you have to base your decision on. If your interested in Christianity I'd reccomend some books like "Case for Christ" and "Case for Faith" by Lee Strobel (the spelling is probably wrong). Also for me reading about biblical prophecy helped convince me the Bible is true. Do some research. And pray

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

You have to choose based on what you believe to be true.

Totally. You are alive so far, you are doing something right. What is it I wonder? And can u identify any specific things in others that echo them? There's the begining of Church. If what you have seen in "Christian Church" doesn't sit right with you, try to identify what you are seeking and look for it around you. If God is at work for the good of all - like Christians are supposed to believe, isn't it fair to say you'll find God as you seek out like-minded community? I'm sure this can be construed as heretical, but the issue is identifying your needs and the needs of others and those of God and meeting them. If orthodox Church doesn't work, is there another way?
Hmmmmmn......

Always willing to be PMed. Flan out.

 

[mrtsc]

I think I'm comfortable with being a Catholic again, if anyone was wondering. If anyone felt like saying a quick prayer for me, I'd appreciate it!

 

[Windmill]

I prayed Though this is not the forum for it, I personally do not believe catholicism is the correct belief, but if it keeps you in the church, then so be it.

Good luck on your spiritual journey =) I think you need to accept Jesus as your savior, and realise that you are a sinner and need to be forgiven next, then get baptised. That will be the real step towards getting close to God, in my opinion