Hello all again..

[princess34]

Hello all again...I know a posted a post similar to the one I posted a few months ago, but I just want to share about a recent similar experience..Ok, as I stated in my previous post, I have always had issues with people comparing me to others and telling me, "You are too quiet." Well, the other day I attended an event and a lady told me, "You better start talking." She told me that she heard that I was a quiet person who never speaks from my brother's friend. Now, that was my first time meeting her and I know nothing about her and she knows nothing about me, so I was thinking to myself,"Who are you to tell me these things"?. She then called me "lame" and told me that she is going to take me out someday. Also, at one point she got in my face and said, "Talk!"... I just get tired of some people telling me I am quiet, as if I am a weirdo. I never judge others based on their personality, so why do people do this to me? I became slightly upset on the inside when the lady told me this the other day. Am I wrong for getting upset internally? Of course, I never say anything to others when they tell me this, that is why I like to share my feelings with others online. I sometimes feel worthless, "different", and as though I am not understood. I feel like I always give others the benefit of the doubt because I am a humble person (as I have been told) and feel bad if I were to tell them to leave me alone or that I did not like their comment, but it is like they do not show any restraint when they tell me such things. If I were to tell people that they are loud and talk too much, I would be considered rude, so why do people feel the need to tell me that I am "too quiet" or never talk. I consider it equally as rude, but maybe that is just me. I feel as though I can think clearly and am more attuned and intuitive when I am not chattering all the time. I feel as though some people just talk unnecessarily, whereas I speak when spoken to or when I feel the need to. What do you guys think? Am I justified for feeling this way? Just when I start to feel good about myself, someone comes along and make me feel "abnormal" again. Thanks in advance for your comments.

 

[God is good]

Hello all again...I know a posted a post similar to the one I posted a few months ago, but I just want to share about a recent similar experience..Ok, as I stated in my previous post, I have always had issues with people comparing me to others and telling me, "You are too quiet." Well, the other day I attended an event and a lady told me, "You better start talking." She told me that she heard that I was a quiet person who never speaks from my brother's friend. Now, that was my first time meeting her and I know nothing about her and she knows nothing about me, so I was thinking to myself,"Who are you to tell me these things"?. She then called me "lame" and told me that she is going to take me out someday. Also, at one point she got in my face and said, "Talk!"... I just get tired of some people telling me I am quiet, as if I am a weirdo. I never judge others based on their personality, so why do people do this to me? I became slightly upset on the inside when the lady told me this the other day. Am I wrong for getting upset internally? Of course, I never say anything to others when they tell me this, that is why I like to share my feelings with others online. I sometimes feel worthless, "different", and as though I am not understood. I feel like I always give others the benefit of the doubt because I am a humble person (as I have been told) and feel bad if I were to tell them to leave me alone or that I did not like their comment, but it is like they do not show any restraint when they tell me such things. If I were to tell people that they are loud and talk too much, I would be considered rude, so why do people feel the need to tell me that I am "too quiet" or never talk. I consider it equally as rude, but maybe that is just me. I feel as though I can think clearly and am more attuned and intuitive when I am not chattering all the time. I feel as though some people just talk unnecessarily, whereas I speak when spoken to or when I feel the need to. What do you guys think? Am I justified for feeling this way? Just when I start to feel good about myself, someone comes along and make me feel "abnormal" again. Thanks in advance for your comments.

Just to let you know, you're very special and God loves you very much. It's hard when other people are mean to you but remember at the end of the day God's opinion is the only one that matters. God bless you and Jesus is Lord. You can pm me anytime.

 

[~Anastasia~]

Hello all again...I know a posted a post similar to the one I posted a few months ago, but I just want to share about a recent similar experience..Ok, as I stated in my previous post, I have always had issues with people comparing me to others and telling me, "You are too quiet." Well, the other day I attended an event and a lady told me, "You better start talking." She told me that she heard that I was a quiet person who never speaks from my brother's friend. Now, that was my first time meeting her and I know nothing about her and she knows nothing about me, so I was thinking to myself,"Who are you to tell me these things"?. She then called me "lame" and told me that she is going to take me out someday. Also, at one point she got in my face and said, "Talk!"... I just get tired of some people telling me I am quiet, as if I am a weirdo. I never judge others based on their personality, so why do people do this to me? I became slightly upset on the inside when the lady told me this the other day. Am I wrong for getting upset internally? Of course, I never say anything to others when they tell me this, that is why I like to share my feelings with others online. I sometimes feel worthless, "different", and as though I am not understood. I feel like I always give others the benefit of the doubt because I am a humble person (as I have been told) and feel bad if I were to tell them to leave me alone or that I did not like their comment, but it is like they do not show any restraint when they tell me such things. If I were to tell people that they are loud and talk too much, I would be considered rude, so why do people feel the need to tell me that I am "too quiet" or never talk. I consider it equally as rude, but maybe that is just me. I feel as though I can think clearly and am more attuned and intuitive when I am not chattering all the time. I feel as though some people just talk unnecessarily, whereas I speak when spoken to or when I feel the need to. What do you guys think? Am I justified for feeling this way? Just when I start to feel good about myself, someone comes along and make me feel "abnormal" again. Thanks in advance for your comments.

Hello and welcome (back) to CF.

I find it very inappropriate for anyone to threaten to "take someone out" and to get in their face and demand they talk. Some people are strange though.

 

[d taylor]

I am a quiet person and have had people ask me do i ever talk.

Used to have an older man (now deceased) come by a studio i have (for art) and he would just want to get out and a lot of times during his visit 30 to 40 (give or take) minutes just sit there and between us 5 words were not spoken during his visit

 

[Johan_1988]

Hello all again...I know a posted a post similar to the one I posted a few months ago, but I just want to share about a recent similar experience..Ok, as I stated in my previous post, I have always had issues with people comparing me to others and telling me, "You are too quiet." Well, the other day I attended an event and a lady told me, "You better start talking." She told me that she heard that I was a quiet person who never speaks from my brother's friend. Now, that was my first time meeting her and I know nothing about her and she knows nothing about me, so I was thinking to myself,"Who are you to tell me these things"?. She then called me "lame" and told me that she is going to take me out someday. Also, at one point she got in my face and said, "Talk!"... I just get tired of some people telling me I am quiet, as if I am a weirdo. I never judge others based on their personality, so why do people do this to me? I became slightly upset on the inside when the lady told me this the other day. Am I wrong for getting upset internally? Of course, I never say anything to others when they tell me this, that is why I like to share my feelings with others online. I sometimes feel worthless, "different", and as though I am not understood. I feel like I always give others the benefit of the doubt because I am a humble person (as I have been told) and feel bad if I were to tell them to leave me alone or that I did not like their comment, but it is like they do not show any restraint when they tell me such things. If I were to tell people that they are loud and talk too much, I would be considered rude, so why do people feel the need to tell me that I am "too quiet" or never talk. I consider it equally as rude, but maybe that is just me. I feel as though I can think clearly and am more attuned and intuitive when I am not chattering all the time. I feel as though some people just talk unnecessarily, whereas I speak when spoken to or when I feel the need to. What do you guys think? Am I justified for feeling this way? Just when I start to feel good about myself, someone comes along and make me feel "abnormal" again. Thanks in advance for your comments.

I know where you are. Me naturally am a relatively quiet person whom only speaks much to people I know and trust and that's it. The woman that you talked about is just a bully. I have been bullied, rather severely at time ,because I was shy and quiet. The would constantly try to provoke me just to see me get angry and laugh at my response. It's entirely right to feel offended. You wouldn't be normal if you didn't. Such people look down on others to make themselves feel better about themselves. I generally would ignore such stupidity since it's not based on any fact ,but is only the opinion of a foolish person.
I have a thick skin now and couldn't be bothered, but if they were to get in my face I'm wise enough to show them the foolishness and irrationality of what they are saying and walk away. You should learn just to stay calm and react calmly. Once they see they can't make you angry they will walk away frustrated.

Just pray for the wisdom and confidence to say and do the right thing in such circumstances.

May the Lord Jesus Christ keep, uphold and strengthen you. In his name I pray. Amen...

 

[WESTOZZIE]

Hi Princess,
Dont worry, you are in good company. Jesus Himself understands.

Isa 53:7 & Acts 8:32

Ecc 5:3 For a dream comes through much activity, And a fool's voice is known by his many words.
Ecc 5:7 For in the multitude of dreams and many words there is also vanity. But fear God.
Ecc 3:7 A time to tear, And a time to sew; A time to keep silence, And a time to speak;

 

[mnorian]

Mod hat on

this thread has been moved from
Introduce Yourself
to
Christian Advice
for a better fit and responses.
Carry on. ​

 

[Sketcher]

Introvert here.

Many extroverts do not know how to handle introverts without being rude. She sounds like one of them. To make it worse, there's the pressure to say something, even if you don't really have anything to say, which leads to saying the wrong thing which either makes you seem rude, foolish, or just weird.

First of all, if you have not yet memorized the instructions Proverbs has on what to say, read through that whole book, and do it. The worst social mistakes usually come from running afoul of one of those. One of the bigger challenges for me as an introvert was the timely word (Proverbs 15:23). I would be afraid to say what I needed to say in the moment and it still needed to be said later, but the waiting made it many times more awkward. Apologies are the most important to nail down in the moment. Questions are probably the second most important. So is politely standing up for yourself.

That last part is tricky, you need to understand the people you're around to pull that off. Say this rude chick comes at you again to talk in a room full of 12 people. Understand who in that room has the most power. If it's at her house, and she's hosting as opposed to a roommate, she does. If she's an invited guest and so are you, it's the host. That's the person you need to win, either directly or indirectly (but indirectly is better because it demonstrates that you have greater standing if you can pull it off). The way you respond must win this person over, as most of the 12 people in the room will look to him or her to take action that they can follow. You must do this in a way that does not embarrass them, or give them a problem that they have to deal with. Most people also don't like outbursts either, so don't do that. Your goal is to make yourself look good to most of those 12 people in the manner that you stand up for yourself. There's assertiveness to that, but there's also mercy. Rude Chick may deserve a scathing insult, but since you're being merciful, you're not going to give her a scathing insult. You're also not going to work yourself into a circumstance that pits her strength against your weakness (in both cases, it's talking). So you need to make your words and your delivery count.

So, if circumstances permit, look her square in the eye and ask:

"Are you trying to be nice to me?"

Pause just long enough for her to give a yes or a no.

If she apologizes, accept it. If she seems to need further clarification, tell her directly and calmly:

"If you are, I can appreciate the intent, but you're not succeeding. I do not appreciate being talked to like that."

Now she has to backpedal, or go full-on into bully mode. But the way you've delivered this hopefully will have won most of the room to your side already, so she's fighting an uphill battle and she's alienating herself if she chooses to fight it. Ultimately what you want to do though, is win her, while correcting the way she addresses you to what you know you deserve. That's why you're being merciful. If she's highly extroverted, you want her as an asset rather than an opponent.

Be strong and courageous, be firm, and be graceful. (Joshua 1:9, Micah 6:8)

 

[Andrew77]

Hello all again...I know a posted a post similar to the one I posted a few months ago, but I just want to share about a recent similar experience..Ok, as I stated in my previous post, I have always had issues with people comparing me to others and telling me, "You are too quiet." Well, the other day I attended an event and a lady told me, "You better start talking." She told me that she heard that I was a quiet person who never speaks from my brother's friend. Now, that was my first time meeting her and I know nothing about her and she knows nothing about me, so I was thinking to myself,"Who are you to tell me these things"?. She then called me "lame" and told me that she is going to take me out someday. Also, at one point she got in my face and said, "Talk!"... I just get tired of some people telling me I am quiet, as if I am a weirdo. I never judge others based on their personality, so why do people do this to me? I became slightly upset on the inside when the lady told me this the other day. Am I wrong for getting upset internally? Of course, I never say anything to others when they tell me this, that is why I like to share my feelings with others online. I sometimes feel worthless, "different", and as though I am not understood. I feel like I always give others the benefit of the doubt because I am a humble person (as I have been told) and feel bad if I were to tell them to leave me alone or that I did not like their comment, but it is like they do not show any restraint when they tell me such things. If I were to tell people that they are loud and talk too much, I would be considered rude, so why do people feel the need to tell me that I am "too quiet" or never talk. I consider it equally as rude, but maybe that is just me. I feel as though I can think clearly and am more attuned and intuitive when I am not chattering all the time. I feel as though some people just talk unnecessarily, whereas I speak when spoken to or when I feel the need to. What do you guys think? Am I justified for feeling this way? Just when I start to feel good about myself, someone comes along and make me feel "abnormal" again. Thanks in advance for your comments.

Yes, you are abnormal. That is not the problem. The problem is.... who told you that was a problem?

Yes, being silent all the time is not normal. Why do you care? Since when do you have to be normal?
You see my avatar? That's exactly what I am like. I'm not normal. So what?

When you read your Bible, do you only normal people? Are there normal people? Sure. Many people in the Bible were just normal people. Dozens.

Ester was a normal woman. She just ended up in a crazy situation.

But then you see King David. Check out that dudes resume. Sheppard, Warrior, Musician/Song Writer, Leader of a band of raiders, King over a nation? How do you go from keeping sheep "baaaaaaa" to taking on the elite special forces of an enemy nation?

Not normal.

John the Baptist.... NOT NORMAL. Normal people don't sit out in the wilderness eating grasshoppers, and wearing camel's hair. And you generally don't just start dunking people in a river.

Nothing normal about that guy. But was a great profit.

You want better example?

Ruth. That girl was NOT NORMAL. Think about this. You meet some people from another country far away. You fall in love with this guy, and get married. Then his father dies. His brothers all die, and he dies. You mother-in-law says she's leaving, and your sister-in-law goes back to her family.

What do you do? Oh I know... lets stay with the mother-in-law because she's proven herself to be a lucky rabbit's foot of happiness.... and we'll follow her back to her country, where you know NO ONE... and have NO FRIENDS... and have NO FAMILY... and they have a completely different culture, different religions... and you'll be a foreign widow in a foreign land, with little hope of finding a husband, assuming anyone would want a widow from another country.

And then if that isn't enough, you're going to do this 007 Super Spy thing, where you sneak into a barn, hide in some wheat, and then lay down next to a guy's feet, who you just met, and ask him to marry you.

NORMAL....... right? lol.... yeah total normal. Happens every Thursday.

Yet this abnormal woman, ended up in the line of Jesus Christ the Lord.

So do you need to be normal? No. And should you care? NO! Nothing wrong with you at all.

Now this is what you need to understand when dealing with other people.

Everyone believes that the best way to live, is the way that they live. The way that they live, makes sense to them.

People who work out, are constantly telling everyone else that they should work out. Because that's the best way to live, in their mind. That's why they live that way. I constantly get this "but don't you feel great after you have worked out?!?" ... um no. That's why I don't work out. I've never gotten off the elliptical and thought "wow, sweaty worn out, and ready to puke... man this is great!".

But they do feel great, which is why they work out all the time, and why they keep telling everyone to work out.

Similarly, quiet people think loud people should be more quiet. And loud people think quiet people should be more loud. Because both live the way the makes sense to them.

So here's the takeaway. This other girl, likely is trying to get you to talk more... because she thinks it's best for you. Because that is what is best for her, so obviously it's best for you too.

We both know that isn't the case, but she does not.

So just tell her that. You appreciate her concern, but you are fine being quiet. Be firm... be polite. Let her know.... thanks... but you're fine with who you are.

 

[~Anastasia~]

I'm always tempted to reply "better to keep silent and be thought a fool, than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt!"

Of course that could antagonize someone. And isn't a very Christian response. But it's one that's been tucked in back there for too many years and I haven't "forgotten" it yet.

 

[Joined2krist]

I think you're being bullied. People feel the need to intimidate you because you're not only quiet but gentle too. These are good qualities and if they come naturally to you then these are part of your strength. What you need to do when you're being bullied in this way is to plan your responses beforehand. You'll find that if you plan for such things, you'll have a ready response when it occurs.

There are times when you need to remain silent, times when you give an appropriate response and times when you should leave toxic environments. God bless

 

[princess34]

Hello all again,

Thanks for your replies. I have truly learned and gained valuable advice from each one of you!! I feel understood and as if I have gained real Christian friends on this site again with whom I feel safe to express my feelings. I just do not like worldly people who try to make me be like them or change me. I noticed that the world always remind us to "embrace and be ourselves," but do they really mean it? Also, I do not know if this is relevant or not, but my mother and I share the same birthday, so sometimes I wonder if this plays a role in who I am lol.

 

[Heavenhome]

Remember Princess that you are fearfully and wonderfully made by God and most precious to Him exactly how you are.

From another "quiet person" I would like to say, don't allow this person to ever make you question yourself simply because you are a quiet person. She sounds like a bully and just plain rude and I would steer clear of her or anyone else who is like this.

The important thing is that you are a child of God and that is all that really matters.

 

[princess34]

Hello! Thanks for your input!

That is exactly what I do: Steer clear of people like that. People do not realize that once they tell me I am quiet, I tend to withdraw from them even more-it only takes one time with me! Recently, at work I was told by co-workers in a jokingly manner that they are "waiting for me to come out more," indicating that they are waiting for me to talk more. I just wish people would realize that I refuse to try and fit in their box.

 

[princess34]

Hello all again! I know I keep posting about my issue with others always labeling me as "quiet" but I just want input on if you all think I handled a recent situation appropriately. Okay, yesterday was my birthday (yaay!) and at work there were two women telling me I need to loosen up more. Now the one who actually started the whole thing actually got the other woman to chime in by asking the woman what she thought about me. She then told me that I all I do is smile and then continue working when they try to include me in conversations. Of course, I became internally upset and even told them that I felt like I was being called abnormal and that I felt insulted. I definitely did not want to hear those comments on my birthday, just as I was enjoying it then I hear those comments. And as I mentioned in previous posts, people do not realize that when they tell me such things it only makes me withdraw from them even more because they have already labeled and judged me. And the one who asked the lady what she thought about me always wonder why I am always short on words with her. It is because she is always constantly pointing out to others that she thinks I am quiet and even sarcastically always says to me,"You make so much noise." Sometimes I just ignore her or just be short on words with her and just communicate with her when something is work related.She also mentioned that she does not like gospel music and sometimes calls herself a "devil". I realize the devil comes in many forms but this particular co-worker just irks me because I never know what she may say or do. She has a lot of negative energy as well, which other co-workers seem to not be aware of as well. She along with the other co-workers constantly chatter and are playful all day with another. I just do not get it. It is like I am being condemned for not acting and behaving the way they do. I only speak when spoken to or when I have something meaningful to say, not just speak just to speak. Neither do I feel I should act like others just to fit in. I struggle to remain confident in myself because of such words by others. How should I deal with this issue at work and do you all think I handled this situation correctly? I would appreciate your comments again. Thanks in advance.