Having Close Friendships with Unbelievers

[npw11]

***** Possible ROCD/Scrupulosity Trigger: Do not read if you have ROCD/Scrupulosity *****

Hello, I have frequently come across this issue of whether or not having close friendships with unbelievers is unbiblical or wrong. For me, there are two arguments to this issue, and I will provide several sources which support each argument.

Argument 1: As a Christian, it is unbiblical or wrong to have close friendships with unbelievers.

In an Ask Dr. Stanley episode titled "Can I hang out with unbelievers and be a good witness?", Dr. Charles Stanley quoted Proverbs 13:20 (NKJV), which says, "Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm." Now, the Bible defines a fool in Psalms 53:1 (NKJV), which says, "The fool has said in his heart, 'There is no God.' They are corrupt, and have done abominable iniquity; There is none who does good." In other words, a fool is associated with wickedness and a direct denial of God; an unbeliever. Now, Dr. Charles Stanley's argument to the fact that Jesus was regularly hanging out with sinners and even called "a friend of tax collectors and sinners" was that Jesus was holy and certainly could not be tempted in ways that we are.

Furthermore, Got Questions Ministries, in an article titled "Is it good to have close friendships with unbelievers?", states that "Many people have been saved because of the prayers and service of Christians, so don’t turn your back on unbelievers, but having any kind of intimate relationship with an unbeliever can quickly and easily turn into something that is a hindrance to your walk with Christ. We are called to evangelize the lost, not be intimate with them. There is nothing wrong with building quality friendships with unbelievers – but the primary focus of such a relationship should be to win them to Christ by sharing the Gospel with them and demonstrating God’s saving power in our own lives."

Or, some sources such as Answers From The Book, in an article titled "Is it okay for Christians to have close friendships with unbelievers?", states that a Christian should not have close friendships with unbelievers as we are not to be "unequally yoked together with unbelievers" as stated in 2 Corinthians 6:14 (NKJV).

Therefore, do you think that it is unbiblical, or even a sin, to pursue close friendships with unbelievers if the end goal is to win them to Christ? If not, is it unbiblical to retain your close friendship with unbelievers if they have resisted Christ in the past, with the hope that they may still be saved one day?

Argument 2: As long as you are not dragged into worldly behavior, having close friendships with unbelievers are okay - or may even be beneficial as you can understand them at a deeper level and lead them to Christ more effectively.

In an Ask Pastor John episode titled "Wisdom in Friendships with Non-Christians" by DesiringGod.org, Pastor John Piper outlined two sets of admonitions:

1. Which way is the transforming influence flowing? When you are with someone, are they being transformed, or are you being transformed? Are you being drawn to minimize the value of holiness? Have your standards been compromised? Are you being made callous and hard toward things in, say, movies or on television or in language that you weren’t once hard to, but sensitive to? That is the first question.
2. And the second question is, are we loving these people for their sake — that is, that they would come to faith and they would become godly — or do we really love them because we love what they enjoy and really just like being with them in their worldliness?

Or, CompellingTruth.org, in an article titled "Should Christians have close friendships with unbelievers?", concluded that "What is the proper balance of these biblical principles? It is clear we are to build friendships with unbelievers. It would be extremely difficult to share Christ with others and show the love of God without building some level of friendship with an unbeliever. Yet, we must be cautious in our friendships with unbelievers. In our attempts to share the love of God with others, we can find ourselves falling to sinful desires if we are around certain people or situations for a long period of time. We must pray for wisdom regarding which unbelievers we can best reach and how to best reach them. Overall, our goal must be to both live a godly life while also sharing our faith with those who have yet to believe."

Now, to me, both of these sources support the argument that it is okay to pursue close friendships with unbelievers as long as you are not dragged into their worldly behavior and that your goal for the friendship should be leading them to Christ.

I am certainly careful with the unbelievers that I choose to be with in my close circle of friends and the influence they have on me. However, I am concerned that having them in my close circle of friends in and of itself is unbiblical, wrong, or even a sin. Just as a note, I have been diagnosed with Religious OCD or Scrupulosity, and this may be the reason I am excessively careful with the dos and don'ts in the Bible. However, it would be comforting to know a clear perspective from other fellow Christians on this issue. Thanks for reading, and have a nice day!

Note: I have excluded some points from the articles/episodes/podcasts of both arguments. It is not my intention to make these sources seem adamant to the argument they are under. I only want to know what other fellow Christians think about these arguments solely as they have been troubling me lately. In fact, I encourage you to click on the hyperlinks attached to the titles to watch/read/listen to them in full if you are interested.

 

[Monksailor]

Welcome to the site NPW11, Did you look at your argument as you presented both arguments? It is quite revealing of something. In your own words, you share several Scripture in the argument against having close friendships and absolutely none supporting them.

You should clearly recognize and admit your distinction of CLOSE friends as you lay out this argument. Jesus, we are shown, had 12, less one, close friends. After His ministry begins we do not even see Him hanging out with family on a regular basis or at all. And all of the friendships you mention Jesus had were not the regular, close ones He had with His 12. They were NOT close, just instantaneous and fleeting ones of very short duration.

Another case in point to think about is how the majority of mixed (faith-wise) marriages end up in divorce. Many times people are deluded into thinking that they can change the other over time and over and over it just does not happen and the relationship becomes destructive and is terminated with great pain.

 

[disciple Clint]

***** Possible ROCD/Scrupulosity Trigger: Do not read if you have ROCD/Scrupulosity *****

Hello, I have frequently come across this issue of whether or not having close friendships with unbelievers is unbiblical or wrong. For me, there are two arguments to this issue, and I will provide several sources which support each argument.

Argument 1: As a Christian, it is unbiblical or wrong to have close friendships with unbelievers.

In an Ask Dr. Stanley episode titled "Can I hang out with unbelievers and be a good witness?", Dr. Charles Stanley quoted Proverbs 13:20 (NKJV), which says, "Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm." Now, the Bible defines a fool in Psalms 53:1 (NKJV), which says, "The fool has said in his heart, 'There is no God.' They are corrupt, and have done abominable iniquity; There is none who does good." In other words, a fool is associated with wickedness and a direct denial of God; an unbeliever. Now, Dr. Charles Stanley's argument to the fact that Jesus was regularly hanging out with sinners and even called "a friend of tax collectors and sinners" was that Jesus was holy and certainly could not be tempted in ways that we are.

Furthermore, Got Questions Ministries, in an article titled "Is it good to have close friendships with unbelievers?", states that "Many people have been saved because of the prayers and service of Christians, so don’t turn your back on unbelievers, but having any kind of intimate relationship with an unbeliever can quickly and easily turn into something that is a hindrance to your walk with Christ. We are called to evangelize the lost, not be intimate with them. There is nothing wrong with building quality friendships with unbelievers – but the primary focus of such a relationship should be to win them to Christ by sharing the Gospel with them and demonstrating God’s saving power in our own lives."

Or, some sources such as Answers From The Book, in an article titled "Is it okay for Christians to have close friendships with unbelievers?", states that a Christian should not have close friendships with unbelievers as we are not to be "unequally yoked together with unbelievers" as stated in 2 Corinthians 6:14 (NKJV).

Therefore, do you think that it is unbiblical, or even a sin, to pursue close friendships with unbelievers if the end goal is to win them to Christ? If not, is it unbiblical to retain your close friendship with unbelievers if they have resisted Christ in the past, with the hope that they may still be saved one day?

Argument 2: As long as you are not dragged into worldly behavior, having close friendships with unbelievers are okay - or may even be beneficial as you can understand them at a deeper level and lead them to Christ more effectively.

In an Ask Pastor John episode titled "Wisdom in Friendships with Non-Christians" by DesiringGod.org, Pastor John Piper outlined two sets of admonitions:

1. Which way is the transforming influence flowing? When you are with someone, are they being transformed, or are you being transformed? Are you being drawn to minimize the value of holiness? Have your standards been compromised? Are you being made callous and hard toward things in, say, movies or on television or in language that you weren’t once hard to, but sensitive to? That is the first question.
2. And the second question is, are we loving these people for their sake — that is, that they would come to faith and they would become godly — or do we really love them because we love what they enjoy and really just like being with them in their worldliness?

Or, CompellingTruth.org, in an article titled "Should Christians have close friendships with unbelievers?", concluded that "What is the proper balance of these biblical principles? It is clear we are to build friendships with unbelievers. It would be extremely difficult to share Christ with others and show the love of God without building some level of friendship with an unbeliever. Yet, we must be cautious in our friendships with unbelievers. In our attempts to share the love of God with others, we can find ourselves falling to sinful desires if we are around certain people or situations for a long period of time. We must pray for wisdom regarding which unbelievers we can best reach and how to best reach them. Overall, our goal must be to both live a godly life while also sharing our faith with those who have yet to believe."

Now, to me, both of these sources support the argument that it is okay to pursue close friendships with unbelievers as long as you are not dragged into their worldly behavior and that your goal for the friendship should be leading them to Christ.

I am certainly careful with the unbelievers that I choose to be with in my close circle of friends and the influence they have on me. However, I am concerned that having them in my close circle of friends in and of itself is unbiblical, wrong, or even a sin. Just as a note, I have been diagnosed with Religious OCD or Scrupulosity, and this may be the reason I am excessively careful with the dos and don'ts in the Bible. However, it would be comforting to know a clear perspective from other fellow Christians on this issue. Thanks for reading, and have a nice day!

Note: I have excluded some points from the articles/episodes/podcasts of both arguments. It is not my intention to make these sources seem adamant to the argument they are under. I only want to know what other fellow Christians think about these arguments solely as they have been troubling me lately. In fact, I encourage you to click on the hyperlinks attached to the titles to watch/read/listen to them in full if you are interested.

I will share my opinion and it should be considered nothing more than that, if you are confident in the strength of your relationship with Jesus and certain that you would not compromise your Christian beliefs then reaching out to unbelievers and keeping them as close friends is not a risk. It can be a very effective way of showing them what being a Christian is all about, if you are living the life everyday in front of them sooner or later they are going to see that you have joy in your life that they do not have and they are going to start asking you questions because they are going to want that joy in their life also.

 

[Aussie Pete]

***** Possible ROCD/Scrupulosity Trigger: Do not read if you have ROCD/Scrupulosity *****

Hello, I have frequently come across this issue of whether or not having close friendships with unbelievers is unbiblical or wrong. For me, there are two arguments to this issue, and I will provide several sources which support each argument.

Argument 1: As a Christian, it is unbiblical or wrong to have close friendships with unbelievers.

In an Ask Dr. Stanley episode titled "Can I hang out with unbelievers and be a good witness?", Dr. Charles Stanley quoted Proverbs 13:20 (NKJV), which says, "Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm." Now, the Bible defines a fool in Psalms 53:1 (NKJV), which says, "The fool has said in his heart, 'There is no God.' They are corrupt, and have done abominable iniquity; There is none who does good." In other words, a fool is associated with wickedness and a direct denial of God; an unbeliever. Now, Dr. Charles Stanley's argument to the fact that Jesus was regularly hanging out with sinners and even called "a friend of tax collectors and sinners" was that Jesus was holy and certainly could not be tempted in ways that we are.

Furthermore, Got Questions Ministries, in an article titled "Is it good to have close friendships with unbelievers?", states that "Many people have been saved because of the prayers and service of Christians, so don’t turn your back on unbelievers, but having any kind of intimate relationship with an unbeliever can quickly and easily turn into something that is a hindrance to your walk with Christ. We are called to evangelize the lost, not be intimate with them. There is nothing wrong with building quality friendships with unbelievers – but the primary focus of such a relationship should be to win them to Christ by sharing the Gospel with them and demonstrating God’s saving power in our own lives."

Or, some sources such as Answers From The Book, in an article titled "Is it okay for Christians to have close friendships with unbelievers?", states that a Christian should not have close friendships with unbelievers as we are not to be "unequally yoked together with unbelievers" as stated in 2 Corinthians 6:14 (NKJV).

Therefore, do you think that it is unbiblical, or even a sin, to pursue close friendships with unbelievers if the end goal is to win them to Christ? If not, is it unbiblical to retain your close friendship with unbelievers if they have resisted Christ in the past, with the hope that they may still be saved one day?

Argument 2: As long as you are not dragged into worldly behavior, having close friendships with unbelievers are okay - or may even be beneficial as you can understand them at a deeper level and lead them to Christ more effectively.

In an Ask Pastor John episode titled "Wisdom in Friendships with Non-Christians" by DesiringGod.org, Pastor John Piper outlined two sets of admonitions:

1. Which way is the transforming influence flowing? When you are with someone, are they being transformed, or are you being transformed? Are you being drawn to minimize the value of holiness? Have your standards been compromised? Are you being made callous and hard toward things in, say, movies or on television or in language that you weren’t once hard to, but sensitive to? That is the first question.
2. And the second question is, are we loving these people for their sake — that is, that they would come to faith and they would become godly — or do we really love them because we love what they enjoy and really just like being with them in their worldliness?

Or, CompellingTruth.org, in an article titled "Should Christians have close friendships with unbelievers?", concluded that "What is the proper balance of these biblical principles? It is clear we are to build friendships with unbelievers. It would be extremely difficult to share Christ with others and show the love of God without building some level of friendship with an unbeliever. Yet, we must be cautious in our friendships with unbelievers. In our attempts to share the love of God with others, we can find ourselves falling to sinful desires if we are around certain people or situations for a long period of time. We must pray for wisdom regarding which unbelievers we can best reach and how to best reach them. Overall, our goal must be to both live a godly life while also sharing our faith with those who have yet to believe."

Now, to me, both of these sources support the argument that it is okay to pursue close friendships with unbelievers as long as you are not dragged into their worldly behavior and that your goal for the friendship should be leading them to Christ.

I am certainly careful with the unbelievers that I choose to be with in my close circle of friends and the influence they have on me. However, I am concerned that having them in my close circle of friends in and of itself is unbiblical, wrong, or even a sin. Just as a note, I have been diagnosed with Religious OCD or Scrupulosity, and this may be the reason I am excessively careful with the dos and don'ts in the Bible. However, it would be comforting to know a clear perspective from other fellow Christians on this issue. Thanks for reading, and have a nice day!

Note: I have excluded some points from the articles/episodes/podcasts of both arguments. It is not my intention to make these sources seem adamant to the argument they are under. I only want to know what other fellow Christians think about these arguments solely as they have been troubling me lately. In fact, I encourage you to click on the hyperlinks attached to the titles to watch/read/listen to them in full if you are interested.

A good test is whether or not the relationship is bringing you closer to God or leading you away. I suppose it depends on what is meant by close. I've found that the safest way is to ask God to cut off any friendship that might be damaging to your walk. It will also depend on how strong you are in Christ. It's far easier for someone to pull you down than for you to lift them up. Also ask God for wisdom.

 

[bèlla]

I relinquished my close connections after my deliverance. They were knee deep in the waters He pulled me from. Maintaining the ties would have subjected me to more spiritual harassment. I laid them on the altar and allowed Him to determine what He'd redeem. He returned one from the bunch and has never added another from the group.

Susceptibility is an important factor. It's imprudent to foster bonds with people involved in sin areas where I struggle. That's a recipe for disaster. Influence can't be ignored. Friends rub off on one another. How are they affecting me?

Overall, I look for the Lord's input. It's very clear when He's forging an alignment. Thus far, they're all believers. But acquaintanceship is okay to some degree. I won't bring anyone to my bosom without His okay. Christian or otherwise.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

 

[npw11]

Hi! Thanks for your kind reply and greeting!

In your own words, you share several Scripture in the argument against having close friendships and absolutely none supporting them.

In my opinion, I did mention several Scriptures which are supporting Argument 1. In Proverbs 13:20, I italicized "for a companion of fools suffers harm" and provided another scripture from Psalms to define a "fool": an unbeliever. Both combined would show that being friends with unbelievers is unbiblical. Furthermore, another supporting source said that "We are called to ... not be intimate with them [unbelievers]." The third source, which has another Scripture from 2 Corinthians 6:14, also supported Argument 1 in that it argues that Christians should not have close friendships with unbelievers.

However, there is a different source that indicates that 2 Corinthians 6:14 is often misinterpreted. That source argues that "Paul is not telling us not to have unbelieving friends, but not to join together with unbelievers in their practices and worldview. In other words, the yoking together means to join with them in their lifestyle and belief system, and, therefore, becoming like them. This does not mean that we are not to have unbelieving friends. Christians should have unbelieving friends." Personally, I think that this source makes much more sense.

You should clearly recognize and admit your distinction of CLOSE friends as you lay out this argument. Jesus, we are shown, had 12, less one, close friends. After His ministry begins we do not even see Him hanging out with family on a regular basis or at all. And all of the friendships you mention Jesus had were not the regular, close ones He had with His 12. They were NOT close, just instantaneous and fleeting ones of very short duration.

For this, I honestly didn't realize that the friendships Jesus had with "tax collectors and sinners" weren't close friendships, and mixed it to support the argument that Jesus had unbelievers as close friends. I apologize for this, but thank you for making me realize my mistake.

Welcome to the site NPW11, Did you look at your argument as you presented both arguments? It is quite revealing of something.

I still do not quite get what you are trying to say here. So, in your opinion, is it unbiblical to have close friendships with unbelievers? Considering the very first Scripture I quoted for Argument 1, it is unbiblical. However, according to the last source for Argument 2, it is okay for us to have close friendships with unbelievers provided that we are careful and also considering our purpose for the friendship. Thanks once again!

 

[npw11]

Everyone: please keep in mind here that I am not referring to friends with very bad influences (drunkards, fornicators, slanderers, etc.) - to such people I would not even consider them to be in my close friends circle - but rather relatively well-mannered, respectful unbelievers.

 

[Daniel Marsh]

***** Possible ROCD/Scrupulosity Trigger: Do not read if you have ROCD/Scrupulosity *****

Hello, I have frequently come across this issue of whether or not having close friendships with unbelievers is unbiblical or wrong. For me, there are two arguments to this issue, and I will provide several sources which support each argument.

Argument 1: As a Christian, it is unbiblical or wrong to have close friendships with unbelievers.

In an Ask Dr. Stanley episode titled "Can I hang out with unbelievers and be a good witness?", Dr. Charles Stanley quoted Proverbs 13:20 (NKJV), which says, "Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm." Now, the Bible defines a fool in Psalms 53:1 (NKJV), which says, "The fool has said in his heart, 'There is no God.' They are corrupt, and have done abominable iniquity; There is none who does good." In other words, a fool is associated with wickedness and a direct denial of God; an unbeliever. Now, Dr. Charles Stanley's argument to the fact that Jesus was regularly hanging out with sinners and even called "a friend of tax collectors and sinners" was that Jesus was holy and certainly could not be tempted in ways that we are.

Furthermore, Got Questions Ministries, in an article titled "Is it good to have close friendships with unbelievers?", states that "Many people have been saved because of the prayers and service of Christians, so don’t turn your back on unbelievers, but having any kind of intimate relationship with an unbeliever can quickly and easily turn into something that is a hindrance to your walk with Christ. We are called to evangelize the lost, not be intimate with them. There is nothing wrong with building quality friendships with unbelievers – but the primary focus of such a relationship should be to win them to Christ by sharing the Gospel with them and demonstrating God’s saving power in our own lives."

Or, some sources such as Answers From The Book, in an article titled "Is it okay for Christians to have close friendships with unbelievers?", states that a Christian should not have close friendships with unbelievers as we are not to be "unequally yoked together with unbelievers" as stated in 2 Corinthians 6:14 (NKJV).

Therefore, do you think that it is unbiblical, or even a sin, to pursue close friendships with unbelievers if the end goal is to win them to Christ? If not, is it unbiblical to retain your close friendship with unbelievers if they have resisted Christ in the past, with the hope that they may still be saved one day?

Argument 2: As long as you are not dragged into worldly behavior, having close friendships with unbelievers are okay - or may even be beneficial as you can understand them at a deeper level and lead them to Christ more effectively.

In an Ask Pastor John episode titled "Wisdom in Friendships with Non-Christians" by DesiringGod.org, Pastor John Piper outlined two sets of admonitions:

1. Which way is the transforming influence flowing? When you are with someone, are they being transformed, or are you being transformed? Are you being drawn to minimize the value of holiness? Have your standards been compromised? Are you being made callous and hard toward things in, say, movies or on television or in language that you weren’t once hard to, but sensitive to? That is the first question.
2. And the second question is, are we loving these people for their sake — that is, that they would come to faith and they would become godly — or do we really love them because we love what they enjoy and really just like being with them in their worldliness?

Or, CompellingTruth.org, in an article titled "Should Christians have close friendships with unbelievers?", concluded that "What is the proper balance of these biblical principles? It is clear we are to build friendships with unbelievers. It would be extremely difficult to share Christ with others and show the love of God without building some level of friendship with an unbeliever. Yet, we must be cautious in our friendships with unbelievers. In our attempts to share the love of God with others, we can find ourselves falling to sinful desires if we are around certain people or situations for a long period of time. We must pray for wisdom regarding which unbelievers we can best reach and how to best reach them. Overall, our goal must be to both live a godly life while also sharing our faith with those who have yet to believe."

Now, to me, both of these sources support the argument that it is okay to pursue close friendships with unbelievers as long as you are not dragged into their worldly behavior and that your goal for the friendship should be leading them to Christ.

I am certainly careful with the unbelievers that I choose to be with in my close circle of friends and the influence they have on me. However, I am concerned that having them in my close circle of friends in and of itself is unbiblical, wrong, or even a sin. Just as a note, I have been diagnosed with Religious OCD or Scrupulosity, and this may be the reason I am excessively careful with the dos and don'ts in the Bible. However, it would be comforting to know a clear perspective from other fellow Christians on this issue. Thanks for reading, and have a nice day!

Note: I have excluded some points from the articles/episodes/podcasts of both arguments. It is not my intention to make these sources seem adamant to the argument they are under. I only want to know what other fellow Christians think about these arguments solely as they have been troubling me lately. In fact, I encourage you to click on the hyperlinks attached to the titles to watch/read/listen to them in full if you are interested.

Jesus ate with sinners thus he must have been friends with some.

Matthew 9:10
King James Version
10 And it came to pass, as Jesus sat at meat in the house, behold, many publicans and sinners came and sat down with him and his disciples.

As long as your friends are not leading you into sin or away from God --- there are no problems.

“it is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick" (Matt. 9:12).

Unequally Yoked: A Study in Context (2 Cor 6:14)
"Be Not Unequally Yoked"

Mark 9:40, NIV: "for whoever is not against us is for us."

1 Peter 3:1-6 ESV
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, ...

1 Corinthians 7:13 ESV
If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.

The prooftexts against having unbelievers as friends relate to those who would lead us into sin or those who would lead us away from God.

You can not lead people to Jesus unless they are friends.

1 Corinthians 3:5-8
After all, who is Paul? Who is Apollos? No more than servants through whom you came to believe as the Lord gave each man his opportunity. I may have done the planting and Apollos the watering, but it was God who made the seed grow! The planter and the waterer are nothing compared with him who gives life to the seed. Planter and waterer are alike insignificant, though each shall be rewarded according to his particular work.

 

[Daniel Marsh]

Welcome to the site NPW11, Did you look at your argument as you presented both arguments? It is quite revealing of something. In your own words, you share several Scripture in the argument against having close friendships and absolutely none supporting them.

You should clearly recognize and admit your distinction of CLOSE friends as you lay out this argument. Jesus, we are shown, had 12, less one, close friends. After His ministry begins we do not even see Him hanging out with family on a regular basis or at all. And all of the friendships you mention Jesus had were not the regular, close ones He had with His 12. They were NOT close, just instantaneous and fleeting ones of very short duration.

Another case in point to think about is how the majority of mixed (faith-wise) marriages end up in divorce. Many times people are deluded into thinking that they can change the other over time and over and over it just does not happen and the relationship becomes destructive and is terminated with great pain.

Jesus must have had close friendship with his disciples for them to hang out with him.

 

[Daniel Marsh]

I relinquished my close connections after my deliverance. They were knee deep in the waters He pulled me from. Maintaining the ties would have subjected me to more spiritual harassment. I laid them on the altar and allowed Him to determine what He'd redeem. He returned one from the bunch and has never added another from the group.

Susceptibility is an important factor. It's imprudent to foster bonds with people involved in sin areas where I struggle. That's a recipe for disaster. Influence can't be ignored. Friends rub off on one another. How are they affecting me?

Overall, I look for the Lord's input. It's very clear when He's forging an alignment. Thus far, they're all believers. But acquaintanceship is okay to some degree. I won't bring anyone to my bosom without His okay. Christian or otherwise.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

Bella, we are joining you in prayer for them and their families for salvation in Jesus.

 

[Monksailor]

A marriage is a CLOSE relationship so just insert "close relationship" where you read "marriage" below:

"Vera Lawlor, from The Bergen Record in Hakensack, NJ., wrote that inter-faith marriages have a failure rate that is 50% higher than same-faith marriages. She does not cite a source for this datum. Since the rate for all marriages is on the order of 50%, this would imply an almost 75% failure rate for inter-faith marriages -- 3 chances out of 4." Pasted from: http://www.religioustolerance.org/ifm_divo.htm

"the divorce rate for evangelicals and non-religious spouses is an astounding 61 percent." Pasted from: Interfaith Marriages and Divorce: Truth Versus Fiction | Brown Law Offices

"Interfaith relationships or marriages are rather counterproductive. To elaborate I’ll use an analogy of two Oxen. Oxen, which are used to plow the ground or transport heavy goods, cannot be divided as to the goal they seek to achieve; whether it be which piece of land to plow or the destination they are being driven. Likewise, marriage is a union bringing two people together as one, therefore one person cannot seek to go in one direction whilst the other person goes in a different direction. The inability for both parties to jointly decide the overall path their union will take is why a lot of marriages end in divorce." Pasted from: Christians, Interfaith Marriages Are A Bad Idea.


Do you want God in your relationship?
“For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I amongst them.” Matthew 18:20 ESV

WOW! I just noticed the post #s jumped from #2 to #9. That means that a lot were deleted by staff or someone I have ignored is probably bombarding what I have said. If the later is so, I am not interested in what you have to say.

Also, keep on mind that many unbelievers claim to have no religion when, in fact, they do and do not even realize it. Take, for instance, one of the founding fathers of the THEORY of evolution, a Russian in the late 1800s, I believe, began every chapter of one of his books promoting and actually worshiping the theory started with a short four or so liner prose in italics worshiping the theory and referring to it as "the light." ( I have read this book in the controlled/non-removable books reference section of a famous universities' library (along with an original copy of Darwin's 1849 Origin of the Species.)) And consider that even today even though it still remains merely a theory how it has been taught and regarded as much more, even an established fact, a law of science without using these words. That is EXTREMELY UNSCIENTIFIC; not a scientifically objective position at all but rather a very religiously subjective position having faith in the unproven. It actually requires more faith to believe in evolution as a fact of science than in Jesus, IMO. I will not engage in this more, but I just wanted you to be aware that if your unbelieving friend is one who claims to have no faith and believes in evolution as a scientific fact then they have much faith and they are NOT a blank slate in that area for a conceived more easier conversion. Please remember that I only just cited ONE of many faiths people may unconsciously embrace. Humanism comes disguised with many faces, but the essence is belief/faith in oneself and their abilities and the "godliness" of humanity and in no super-natural creator or designer. A person has faith, regardless. How many people do you see tipping over a chair and examining it for any compromise of structural integrity every time before they sit in it? One's position in life, whatever it is, is grounded in faith. Faith in people, things, properties, and laws around them and to come, faith that their knowledge is sufficient to meet the day, faith that they will be around another day (savings accts, retirement plans, scheduled appts and meetings, and etc give evidence of this faith), but the faith they have pertaining to their personal essence and position in life is crucial to them, whatever it is; hence, the problem of differing faiths trying to coexist in a CLOSE relationship.

 

[Greengardener]

Here's another opinion to consider, since you already have several proof texts to mull on. And like the prior post, it's a humble opinion just given because you asked for you to consider and then do the best you see to do.

For the most part I agree with the folks above who have brought out good points. Susceptibility is a key concern. Influence is important, and you'll either influence your friend or your friend will influence you - or both. Two can't walk together unless they be agreed, as Amos 3.3 implies. Is your primary concern that you are walking with GOD (not man) and walking in the way that God walks? That would seem to be the necessity if you are loving God first and foremost.

If we are friends of the world the love of God isn't in us, John says. But if we are totally removed from the world, how are we going to harvest in those fields where Jesus sends us?

I remember from experience how one very spiritually minded acquaintance and I had a situation that required about 1.5 hours daily of chat time, and I wasn't in a strong state of commitment then, wasn't really doing anything but flying on auto-pilot with my previous commitment, although I had experienced a wonderful conversion. That was a very unsafe situation, and the acquaintance's influence was not godly. From my experience, I'd recommend against that. As an older person, I have many long-term friendships and stay close with family, so I have lots of friends with all kinds of spiritual beliefs ranging from none to solid to outside what Christianity accepts. I find that I have to keep solid in what God says to guard against the subtle deceptions that those other philosophies promote. I know I can trust what God says and I spend a lot of time reading what He said and trusting it above any other source and I recommend that course of action as beneficial.

In thinking why we are here in the proximity of people of all persuasions, I offer this example. Someone I knew was in a similar imposed situation with a very openly distressed individual and although there was much dislike between them, my acquaintance acknowledged a continued internal prompting and finally shared the good news of God's amazing love for us showed in Jesus Christ, and the other person had an amazing transformation, the one most Christendom called a true "born again" experience. It created a situation where a friendship was born, but that previously distressed individual was making radical changes (not imposed by any outsiders) into effective and godly behaviors. God's still in the business of bringing people out of the mud and putting them on a good path. If there hadn't been proximity between those two people, there wouldn't have been the opportunity to share the good news, and thinking back on it, it reminds me of the scripture that says God's word doesn't return void but accomplishes what He sent it to do. And similarly, we are called to shine the light and not hide it, much as Israel was called to shine their sensible God-given lifestyle and system of justice to the nations (other than those closest nations who were so far lost there was no redeeming them by influence) and were warned not to take on the religious observations those pagan nations were promoting because God didn't want us acting like that.

In conclusion, you've got an adventure here. I understand wanting to hear how Christians in general look at this issue. In a multitude of counselors there is safety. In this, as in most things, the bottom line is that you have the opportunity to either walk the way God wants or to behave in some other way. I'm not going to delineate where that line is, but what God say definitely does. You'll find those clues all through the old and new testaments, and as you put together the whole picture, you'll find a clearer path: His word is a lamp and a light to our feet and our path.

Best to you! GG

 

[RDKirk]

"

1 Peter 3:1-6 ESV
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, ...

1 Corinthians 7:13 ESV
If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.

With regard to the cases of believers married to unbelievers, Paul was preaching to a crowd which contained many Gentile women who became believers while their husbands remained pagans. With regard to a believer contemplating marriage with an unbeliever, Paul instructed:

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. -- 1 Corinthians 6

 

[Joined2krist]

God was angry with the Israelites whenever they married people of other tribes because He knew that those people would negatively influence them and cause them to worship their idols and this happened several times. You might feel that your well mannered unbelieving friends would have little or no influence on you but there's a good chance that they will. It's always subtle, suggestions, ideas, arguments that they bring to you, trying to convince you to view things their way, this is the reason it's best to keep them at arms length but always remember them in your prayers so that God will lead them to Him

 

[npw11]

Thank you all for your kind replies! Indeed, as Greengardener said, in the multitude of counselors there is safety. However, I plead for patience from all of you as I tend to misinterpret, or rather catastrophize, Scripture and advice from others as a result of my condition.

I would like to clarify to all of you what an "unbelieving close friend" meant for me. Being the youngest in the family, I have always longed to have a little brother of my own. And these "unbelieving close friends" are often my younger coworkers, I often consider them as my own little brothers or sisters. I cared for them and tried to love them as Christ loved me. I disciplined them when they do wrong whenever I see appropriate - I was in a position to do so. However, I certainly do not seek for important life advice or counsel from them. Nevertheless, I admittedly may have been affected by them subtly in the past.

You might feel that your well mannered unbelieving friends would have little or no influence on you but there's a good chance that they will. It's always subtle, suggestions, ideas, arguments that they bring to you, trying to convince you to view things their way, this is the reason it's best to keep them at arms length but always remember them in your prayers so that God will lead them to Him

I really appreciate your honest and kind advice, thank you! However, can you explain in much more detail, or even give examples, what you meant by "keep them at arm's length"? How does the balance look like in keeping them at arm's length? Do I still love them as Christ loved me? What do you advise I should not do with them? And I certainly do remember them in my prayers (oh, and please pray for me and my "unbelieving close friends" as well)!

 

[bèlla]

There are instances when the Lord directs us to minister to someone or lays them on our hearts as a burden. I did so in the past and spent 7 years laboring for his salvation in close company (with the appropriate boundaries in place).

It wasn’t easy and there were numerous instances when I was instructed to turn the other cheek on his behalf. But I made a vow to help him upon my deliverance. Whether that was wholly on my own or with the Lord’s involvement is unknown.

I stood on these words: And have mercy on those who doubt; save others by snatching them out of the fire; to others show mercy with fear, hating even the garment stained by the flesh. —Jude 1:22-23

I endured a lengthy period of vexation. It was very traumatic. I was compelled by the gravity of his circumstances. He was ensnared and couldn’t free himself. I offered to help.

In hindsight, it’s crazy. I suffered immense warfare on his behalf. But I wasn’t afraid. That’s the difference between a holy assignment and flesh. The Lord was with me through it all.

10 years from the vow and labor have passed. He’s exhibiting signs of spiritual awakening and speaking openly about God, quoting the bible, and standing against injustices. It wasn’t for naught. God wills it.

Before I’d form a close connection with an unbeliever, I’d need to know the Lord’s intentions. What am I meant to do? There’s many layers to ministry. Sometimes what’s needed most is love and support or a godly example.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

 

[RDKirk]

I really appreciate your honest and kind advice, thank you! However, can you explain in much more detail, or even give examples, what you meant by "keep them at arm's length"? How does the balance look like in keeping them at arm's length? Do I still love them as Christ loved me? What do you advise I should not do with them? And I certainly do remember them in my prayers (oh, and please pray for me and my "unbelieving close friends" as well)!

I think the answer to that lies in how scripture shows us Christians bonding with other Christians:

All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. -- Acts 2

All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had. -- Acts 4

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. -- Galatians 6

The unfortunate fact surrounding many Christians today is that we aren't close enough with other Christians to see how dramatic the difference should be with unbelievers.

I remember when I was a kid my father bringing a strange man into the house to live a couple of days. His reason why: The man was a fraternity brother who was down on his luck and needed a place to stay for a few days. Although the man was a personal stranger...he was a frater.

That's how it ought to be between Christians, and when it is not that way, Christians have a hard time distinguishing between an unbeliever as a "friend" and another Christians as a brother or sister.

We should be willing to share the undue burden of a Christian brother, but the burdens of unbelievers are all "due" burdens that Christians should not share. That's the deeper meaning of "Do not yoke yourselves to unbelievers. "(There are "due" burdens and "undue" burdens...a discussion for a different topic thread.)

 

[Monksailor]

Well, I opened up the 6 posts which were hid from me, #3-#8, for some reason. Never had this in my past yrs here. Huh? Anyway, I do not think ANY of them were from the few I have had to ignore on this site and they are all there so they were not removed by staff, only hid for some weird reason. I am going to have to investigate this. I have an associate who can help me with this.
Anyway, now that I see your response in post#6, npw11, I was referring to the fact that when you proposed your arguments, 1 & 2, you were presenting them from the perspective of yourself, your own argument through both of the presented ones. And as I said, you did give three verses for NOT having such CLOSE friends, but you gave no Scripture in the 2nd argument for having them. Interesting.

Advise is NOT telling one what to do but rather giving one requested information pertinent to a choice or dilemma they seek in order to make the best choice for themselves. At least, that is my understanding.

If I tell you what I would do, esp. in an advice forum, I am concerned that it might hinder you for making the best choice for you. I think it best for you to be not seeking what we would do but what Jesus would have you do and that is in Scripture and the Holy Spirit in you, if you are saved. Romans ch 14 tells us that each person should do what they deem best for them to bring glory and honor to God in their individual actions and thoughts. It tells us that we do not have to do the same thing or agree to worship God in the same manner. God created us and knows that our hearts and ways are different. He does not judge by our actions nearly as much as the motives and intentions behind those actions (and thoughts.) This perceived need to be a "mentor" and/or "protector" to younger ones could be disrupting and/or interfering with your own needs as in an obsession, but I am not saying that this is the case here, only suggesting a consideration. The fact that you desire to be a Christian mentor and your own confession of an inability to understand Scripture concerns me.

 

[Monksailor]

Jesus must have had close friendship with his disciples for them to hang out with him.

You must not be reading my posts. That is EXACTLY what I already said.

 

[Monksailor]

Another thought, are they REALLY a close friend??? A true CLOSE friendship is not known UNTIL it is tried in the crucible of you two socially interacting in and with a group of healthy and/or mature people. Are they loyal to you? Or do they distance themselves from you in distance and/or spatial positioning and body language or in the discussion of the group how do they regard you, not your position, as friends can have differing opinions, but how do they relate to you as a person in the group??? Do they include you by their behavior and words or do they exclude you? Do they confer to you? If they are ashamed of you or really don't like you as a person that much or are more loyal to others, and such, it will probably come out loud and clear. A lot of so-called "friendships" are nothing than two individual associates forming a symbiotic relationship for merely the satisfying of needs which "harmonize" with each other till one is all bled out or till another better "host" comes along and, POOF, instantly gone, or never was.