Having a hard time

[DarkLegend28]

I doubt it to be neccessary to explain everything that's been going on but I would like to have prayers.. hopefully it will help me keep the wisdom and strength that I have not to give into the darkness that has always and continues to haunt my life. I just don't know how much longer I have until it's finally over. It only grows... and I only become weaker.. I suppose it's only a matter of time.. I need your support.. I can't do this by myself any longer... not if I want to survive. I thought it was over with, but I guess I was wrong.

 

[Bamboo_Chicken]

Sayrah, I don't know what's going on, but I truly am praying for you. My PM box is always open too if you want to talk or vent or anything at all. You've got my support in any way I can give it Hun

 

[tapero]

Praying for you Dark Legend. The hope He gives us sustains us. May you find comfort and peace. I will pray for you. Love, Tapero

 

[everlast]

Hi DarkLegend28, sorry to hear about you ongoing struggle, I will definately pray for God to bless you with some much needed strength and positive energy to make you feel good, I too struggle with my life all the time, keep writing and exploring art..it will be what makes you different from everyone else..so your value is great...do not give in to the darkness, stay lively and let us know how you are doing. God Bless.

 

[Anti Existance]

A problem that isn't discussed cannot be solved. So spit it out what is bugging you.

 

[If Not For Grace]

I suppose it's only a matter of time..

It will be if you quit.....

Resist the devil and he will flee...

Realize you are a child of God (Christian).

God is God--all powerful..

Your Father will help you and so will the people here and others--but You must do your part--get rid of that negative..even if its just a little at the time. We must grow day by day and you must strive for the sunshine and not turn toward the shade.

Come and receive comfort. As you request I
have prayed for you, now use your faith and receive your answer.

 

[HoneyComb Son]

Yes Dark Legand..i will pray for you.be positive.it isnt over at all..because God will never give up on you..nor leave nor forsake you..He wants you free..and He wants to help you.look to His word..and lean on His word..never give up...be strong...start to think positive that you can make it..that you will..that all is possible for those in Christ..because Christ gives the strength you need to do what you need to do.

Trust God...dont listen to the devil..he always lies..but God always tells the truth..and leads into the truth in love

Father in heaven..you see your child here..i ask that you in your mighty strength come down and rescue your child..Father give hope and encouragement..bring healing and the light..bring holyness and hope..in Jesus name amen

 

[jesusxchick]

I'll be praying for you Dark Legend and I hope that things get better for you soon.

Just remember that God is on your side and that he'll never give you anything too big that you can't deal with.

God Bless

 

[DarkLegend28]

A problem that isn't discussed cannot be solved. So spit it out what is bugging you.

If you are dying to know.. I'll tell. It left for a few days, but I feel it creeping back. It's just a darkness.. and a lust for evil. It gets to the point where I can't control it anymore and it takes every ounce of self control and discipline to keep from going loose and attacking someone. It turns into blind rage against the world and all humanity.. And as things get worse.. thats when I part from God and get involved with these different demons.. until I just dont care anymore.. though I have never gotten as far as apathy but each time I get like this, I only grow closer to it.. and I dont want this. I hate this. I can't keep the thoughts out. i can't help but think how imperfect the human race is and it angers me, the pathetic things that people often do or obsess in. and then I feel different than everyone else. I feel apart. I feel like maybe I'm the only one that matters... and then I just go balistic and think about death and world domination and torture all of the time. And because of this, I never smile.. rarely do i ever do. I'm never really happy at any point. I'm always concerned in something else... so I play military games online so that I can keep my mind off of it.. and I write in a journal about my violent thoughts. So I try to keep myself busy with associates online devising war strategies with wars on other clans.. and I try my best to keep my feelings under control.. but they only get worse each time.. and my faith only grows weaker. It is like I keep forgetting what is so great about being righteous.. I remember a time when that was my dream.. to be unworldy and wise and righteous.. and I persued it... and then I ended up here. the knowledge has corrupted me.. and all I can dream of is power and to be able to control the world and see fear on other people's faces and to torture them.. It's a nightmare. Knowing that all of this happened over just one year... it terrifies me... but this is how I am now and I need help.. you can continue to pray for me... though I doubt they do any good at all because nothing has changed.. Maybe God wills me to be like this..

 

[Onlythingavailable]

While your thoughts are quite dark, I think there's a less sinister explanation for them. Note that this is based on my personal experiences so it may or may not be true! How is life at school and at home? Are you treated with respect and love or do you feel ignored or shunned? Sometimes when I feel ignored, I turn to thoughts and fantasies where I am something "more", where everyone has to respect me. These thoughts aren't really productive, but in a way they provide an alternative to just feeling crap. What I mean is that these dark thoughts come to your head not because you want to dominate the world or torture people, but because you want people to respect you, notice you and love you. Fortunately, you won't need to dominate or torture for that to happen. Everyone can get respected, noticed and loved, and you will too. God already loves you and, while you may not feel like it, is constantly watching over you. You are unique and your value is unquestionable, you don't need to be someone else, you are fine just as you are.

Today's entertainment and culture makes it seem like everyone is living exciting lives and holding important positions. Don't let this fool you into thinking your life will be unimportant. God has things planned out for you, you're very important and your walk with Him is important too. The sin sometimes gets overwhelming when you look at humanity, but remember that God has a plan. He doesn't need people to start acting like judge, jury and executioner for Him. This, of course, doesn't mean one shouldn't try to free people from their sins by bringing them to Jesus nor does it mean we should accept evil.

I will pray for you. May you feel God's love for you and may He fill you with joy.

 

[DarkLegend28]

Unfortunately, I was forced to raise myself and even now. All humans ar ethe same. It is not judgement, it is fact. Love is no longer my greatest desire.. Twisted by newer knowledge that I have been enlightened with has caused me to desire hatred and power. I have not yet met anyone that is just like me in this scenario.. Only one really.. but his thoughts are weaker than mine being totally apathetic instead of being driven by a faith. He is athiest.. Anyways, even though you seem to have gone to have experienced something similar, unfortunately for me, it isn't the same. Has anyone felt like this before? I feel superior like I have a special gift.. I detest the words fantasies or delusions.. I feel like I just know it.. especially now.. I just feel that I was meant to be here. That I will have a great purpose in this world.. and so will my children... In idle thought I listen to the others and then everything is so clear to me... I can't help but think sometimes that maybe I am destined to be a great leader? My fate was determined before I was born. God sent an angel as a messenger to my mother about everything. When she told me, I could not help but think. Maybe these feelings are the calling? That I should act on them? What if me and others like me are destined for something in the near future.. everyday it grows stronger... What if it means something for this generation? I can hardly stand the suspense that keeps me from knowing.