Hating Physical Contact

[.Sabre.]

I was wondering if anyone else has this problem....

I just don't like any physical contact. I'm better than I was, but still don't feel comfortable with people touching or hugging me. I hate being so....cold. I just want to be able to not feel awkward when someone wants to hug me or shake my hand. Of course I accept this contact but I feel weird and nervous....

Any advice on how to get better?

 

[saray]

I have disliked touch since i was a baby and I actually had to be desensitizd to it. it got better and i could actually stand to be touched. however almost seven years ago "this" happened.after that I just couldnt trust being hugged or even being around men. with time it does get better. its just a long healing process. I would suggest just letting very close friends or family hug you for the time being. you may be more comfortable with that. I still get nervous going out on a date but that nervousness is slowly going away too. just give yourself some time. eventually you will start to be more comfortable around others.

 

[VioletLady]

Hey sweetie xxxx

I agree with Saray, and for myself, I only ever feel comfortable with my kids hugging me, and even then, my daughter. She is only seven. My son is a teenager now and I am sad to say I find that a little more difficult, gentle giant though he is...how awful is that?

 

[.Sabre.]

Thanks.

 

[Nienor]

I don't mind hugs generally, but most other means of being touched I don't like. I hate sitting close to people, being touched by feet, holding hands all that...

Last year my dorm had us do a roomies date, where your roommate finds a date for you and I let myself be dragged there. They made us hold hands while going through the haunted corn maze...it was awful, not because it was scary, but because there wasn't a way to get out of it...I would have problems doing that with a good friend, let alone a stranger that was a guy...

 

[EbonNelumbo]

I have severe issues with this. Not ANYTHING like it used to be. I used to be a hugger, then due to a series of unfortunate events, I hated all touch, etc.

When my adopted dad initially tried to pray for me, I was terrified of what might come, and afraid of the past. Eventually I explained to him why I had such a "bad attitude" and shrugged him off, and he was awesome at receiving that news.

{{{sabre}}}

 

[.Sabre.]

OddBeani, that sounds really difficult.


Nienor: ughh, that's gotta be horrible. I have had to slowdance at parties a few times, and just felt really freaked out afterwards.

 

[Nienor]

I was so awkward at my senior prom....my poor date thought I didn't like him...

I enjoy swing dancing even though I suck at it, but slow dancing has too much touching...

 

[quietheart]

I have always been a huggy person, it's like this urgent need to be shown I'm lovable and loved. I have had issues though when at the bottom of my "roller coaster". Some of my writing would probably freak some people out, but don't worry, I'm in a good place right now. I totally understand about the feeling like doodoo for not being able to hug your kids or those you care about. I'm really lucky that I have great kids that are really understanding. I know when I'm in that "mode" the best thing for me to do is simply say "I can't handle being touched, held, or whatever else right now.", Usually people are pretty understanding about it. I hope you have people around you that are like that. *hugs*
Es

 

[GradualMetamorphosis]

My mom still doesn't understand why I don't want to be touched sometimes. She gets angry with me and acts like I'm being weird or stupid.

She knows about the sexual assault but she still doesn't understand why sometimes I'm ok with physical contact and other times I'm not...

I think it's just something that you have to work through.... I dunno, really. I can just say that I relate ... I despise shaking hands with strangers... at least with male strangers.

 

[Johnnz]

Abuse does oversensitise many to touch. Yet touch is so basic to us as human beings. Relearning touch and affection with really safe people is just so helpful. Some counseling to work on underlying issues can be very helpful too.

John
NZ

 

[guitarinliv]

I completely agree with Johnnz on the issue of "relearning touch and affection with safe people". It's incredibly difficult to do, but that's why it's so important to work on this issue with someone who understands and can be empathic and supportive.

 

[bubblefish]

I have always been a huggy person, it's like this urgent need to be shown I'm lovable and loved. I have had issues though when at the bottom of my "roller coaster". Some of my writing would probably freak some people out, but don't worry, I'm in a good place right now. I totally understand about the feeling like doodoo for not being able to hug your kids or those you care about. I'm really lucky that I have great kids that are really understanding. I know when I'm in that "mode" the best thing for me to do is simply say "I can't handle being touched, held, or whatever else right now.", Usually people are pretty understanding about it. I hope you have people around you that are like that. *hugs*
Es

That is a lot like me. I used to be quite a huggy person until all of this happened and then no-one could come near me.

. Slowly, I have been able to let people hug me again if I know them well and trust them, but there are still times when I can't let them hug me or even be anywhere close to me without panicking. Luckily they usually understand that and will leave me alone if I need it.

I still can't let strangers or people I don't know well get anywhere near me though, even to touch my arm or leg and I freak. That is the same with most of my guy friends.

For me, it was trust. The people I can now hug are the people that I have started to trust and who know at least part of what happened. I know and believe that they are not going to hurt me.

 

[shakenfruit]

I have had a lot of problems with physical contact, especially sexual contact. I was completely asexual as a reaction to my past for several years, refused to date at all. And even things as platonic as a hug or a pat on the back felt nervewracking to me. I wish I could tell you how to change it, but I'm not sure. I slowly got more comfortable with physical contact over time, but I'm still a bit nervous about it.

 

[gentlefire]

i'm like that still, but it's getting better
but there's an older man at church who is bothering me at the moment, so far he's touched my waist, given me a hug for a long time, touched my hands (that was just yesterday) he knows i'm uncomfortable and it makes me sick that he's doing this. and he just comes over and smiles at me then goes away then comes up next to me calls me dear. some woman said to me yesterday why is he coming over and grinning at you like that. i said i don't know and she told me to be careful around him, as if i'm not already aware he's creepy
sigh
my intention was to tell him to not to touch me but he took me by surprise when he touched my hand yesterday
feel sick about it
if it wasn't for God i wouldn't go to church but i'm not going to let some man with issues stop me going, i've fought too hard for that
i'm sorry if this is the wrong place to post this it's just i have issues anyway with being touched because of being molested as a kid which was getting better with safe people, and seriously relearning like johnnz said helps but this man is irritating the heck out of me at the moment

 

[Johnnz]

Get him to back off. He will set you back hugely. It must only be with really trusted people who you give your permission to that you can begin to unwind your past.

John
NZ

 

[gentlefire]

thanks
i'll try, i hate how i feel aye, like you say he doesn't have my permission and i hate that, i do know he's not safe and i don't trust him with relearning i was meaning safe people that are trusted sorry if not clear just quite rattled about having to deal with this man. there is fear too in saying something to him,a lot of fear but yeah i'll try and get him to back off

what gives people the right to do this &$%# and at church of all places.
very angry

 

[Johnnz]

Speak to one of your church leaders and get them to speak to him. It's a big call for you to do that, and he may not really listen to you.

John
NZ

 

[LelaGracia]

I don't like physical contact either. I'm more 'touchy-feely' than I used to be, as some of my friends have observed, but still not as huggy as I was before what happened. I think that it just takes time, but maybe talking to someone about it would help too?

 

[GradualMetamorphosis]

thanks
i'll try, i hate how i feel aye, like you say he doesn't have my permission and i hate that, i do know he's not safe and i don't trust him with relearning i was meaning safe people that are trusted sorry if not clear just quite rattled about having to deal with this man. there is fear too in saying something to him,a lot of fear but yeah i'll try and get him to back off

what gives people the right to do this &$%# and at church of all places.
very angry

Next time he does it, tell him loudly 'stop it!' It should get someone else's attention. In any case, I think that you should tell someone that he's bothering you, especially someone who goes to your church so that they can keep an eye out for him and help you out.