Happy with your social skills?

[Smileyill]

I've been to Chi-town many times. I could get there easy by just hopping on the south shore. Right now I live just outside of South Bend, IN but I'm originally from LaPorte, IN and went to college and lived for 4 1/2 years in Valparaiso Indiana.

BTW I don't like Chicago much. I may have to live there in the end but I would prefer not to.

haha!

I'm leaving in 6 weeks or so for a position about 2hrs west of Chicago...I didn't even apply in Chicago. I'm sick of the transportation times. I hate standing at the bus stop in the rain, sleet, snow, wind, and humidity. But I don't want to pay for parking nor sit in traffic. I also miss seeing stars at night & going to my Grandma's farm, wakeboarding and a whole host of fun things I can do back home where I have a position.

 

[Luther073082]

haha!

I'm leaving in 6 weeks or so for a position about 2hrs west of Chicago...I didn't even apply in Chicago. I'm sick of the transportation times. I hate standing at the bus stop in the rain, sleet, snow, wind, and humidity. But I don't want to pay for parking nor sit in traffic. I also miss seeing stars at night & going to my Grandma's farm, wakeboarding and a whole host of fun things I can do back home where I have a position.

Let me know if they have any openings for people with Finance degree's. I'm stuck with a crap job in South Bend that has nothing to do with my degree and pays next to nothing.

 

[BoarderDave]

..I also miss seeing stars at night & going to my Grandma's farm, wakeboarding and a whole host of fun things I can do back home where I have a position.

I love wakeboarding.. only been once, but MAN, what I would give to do it again.. lots of fun.

 

[Smileyill]

Let me know if they have any openings for people with Finance degree's. I'm stuck with a crap job in South Bend that has nothing to do with my degree and pays next to nothing.

Send me your resume and I'll give it to a my friend's father who owns a financial advising firm in the city I'll be working in. I have no idea if he needs anybody, but it couldn't hurt.

And I intend to wakeboard a few times this summer, but with studying for the BAR exam, I probably won't have much time.

 

[joyouspirit]

Thats in your past hon. Accept that your human and do stupid things and move on. It sounds to me like you where married to a boy and not a man. A boy runs off and does those things when he has a family at home, a man does not.

Now you can go find yourself the real man that you deserve and accept nothing less.

He speaks the truth!

Thanks, guys, and God bless!!!

 

[Peacemonger]

Actually I was thinking about it and I have really good social skills. Reason being ~ I am comfortable being the center of attention or sitting back while someone else gets all the attention. Plus I am comfortable talking in front of large groups of strangers, although that did take a while.

I was thinking the same way re: being comfortable being the center of attention but also very good with sitting back. A lot of the times I'm really, really quiet and observant. I love listening, and people are always like "you need to stop talking so much" (sarcasm, lol).


I think my social skills have gotten considerably better year after year. I consciously tell myself, "Hey, I wanna be more outgoing. I want people to know the real me. I want to make more friends. I want to be able to deal with every type of person." I've taken a few psychology courses and think about it and analyze human behavior a lot and really pay attention to minute details.

I still feel like there are lots of games being played in a sinful world, and these are things that are out of my control. Sometimes even when I am being friendly and open, people will still be violent (knives/weapons in the ghetto) or even in everyday situations, will be so full of ego, pride, and arrogance that they turn every social interaction into some kind of "competition" or "game" or something. And that confuses me hardcore... so I think that even though I can understand what's going on around me really well, the only control I have is over myself. I can lead by example and hope others follow (as in being calm or positive or happy or funny), but it's not always that way.

I like being humble and still striving to gain wisdom. But I've been called a smart person my whole life -- I don't know what that means, but I guess it's a blessing. But sometimes when I confidently speak my mind, other people act angry or are quick to interrupt or somehow misunderstand me: they think I'm "showing off my knowledge" when really, I'm not. Just because I look young doesn't mean I am just "a child that is to be seen but not heard."

One of my favorite quotes is from Einstein (also a Godly man):

"Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence."
- Albert Einstein

This explains to me that it's not my fault... assuming I am humble, patient, and loving, if I open my mouth in a normal conversation or offer a solution to a problem that other people couldn't solve, it doesn't mean I'm showing off or being boastful! I'm just being selfless and trying to help people instead of staying quiet and keeping all the answers to myself.


Anyway, a big area in my social skills I'd like to improve is nonverbal and paralinguistic communication. I think even talking about this stuff makes people REALLY uncomfortable (in fact, they even lie straight to my face about it or look down on me like I'm not "picking up on the game" and then change the subject or pretend that such a level of communication does not even exist in the first place). I dunno... I want to be able to spot a liar or a manipulative person faster and more accurately so that I don't waste my time or get hurt or used. I want to be able to spot an arrogant person faster. I want to be able to spot a potential good girlfriend from a wolf in sheep's clothing girlfriend. I feel like my voice tone is sometimes too "low and serious and domineering" and people interpret that as MEAN when I am really nice...and that gets me into trouble. Also, I like to face people with my whole body or make good eye contact or whatever, and sometimes people interpret my open legs or eye contact or smiling or flirting as me "offering myself sexually" to a girl, when in reality I'm not even interested in her! So many games people play...and I'm sick of being misunderstood.

I have a lot to learn, but I think I've really taken care of the confidence area, the flirting area, and handling all types of people and scenarios very well! I find that if I ask God first to speak through me before I even open my mouth, more people look up to me instead of look down on me. I hope this continues to improve, since I have so much more to learn...

 

[Smileyill]

I was thinking the same way re: being comfortable being the center of attention but also very good with sitting back. A lot of the times I'm really, really quiet and observant. I love listening, and people are always like "you need to stop talking so much" (sarcasm, lol).


I think my social skills have gotten considerably better year after year. I consciously tell myself, "Hey, I wanna be more outgoing. I want people to know the real me. I want to make more friends. I want to be able to deal with every type of person." I've taken a few psychology courses and think about it and analyze human behavior a lot and really pay attention to minute details.

I still feel like there are lots of games being played in a sinful world, and these are things that are out of my control. Sometimes even when I am being friendly and open, people will still be violent (knives/weapons in the ghetto) or even in everyday situations, will be so full of ego, pride, and arrogance that they turn every social interaction into some kind of "competition" or "game" or something. And that confuses me hardcore... so I think that even though I can understand what's going on around me really well, the only control I have is over myself. I can lead by example and hope others follow (as in being calm or positive or happy or funny), but it's not always that way.

I like being humble and still striving to gain wisdom. But I've been called a smart person my whole life -- I don't know what that means, but I guess it's a blessing. But sometimes when I confidently speak my mind, other people act angry or are quick to interrupt or somehow misunderstand me: they think I'm "showing off my knowledge" when really, I'm not. Just because I look young doesn't mean I am just "a child that is to be seen but not heard."

One of my favorite quotes is from Einstein (also a Godly man):

"Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence."
- Albert Einstein

This explains to me that it's not my fault... assuming I am humble, patient, and loving, if I open my mouth in a normal conversation or offer a solution to a problem that other people couldn't solve, it doesn't mean I'm showing off or being boastful! I'm just being selfless and trying to help people instead of staying quiet and keeping all the answers to myself.


Anyway, a big area in my social skills I'd like to improve is nonverbal and paralinguistic communication. I think even talking about this stuff makes people REALLY uncomfortable (in fact, they even lie straight to my face about it or look down on me like I'm not "picking up on the game" and then change the subject or pretend that such a level of communication does not even exist in the first place). I dunno... I want to be able to spot a liar or a manipulative person faster and more accurately so that I don't waste my time or get hurt or used. I want to be able to spot an arrogant person faster. I want to be able to spot a potential good girlfriend from a wolf in sheep's clothing girlfriend. I feel like my voice tone is sometimes too "low and serious and domineering" and people interpret that as MEAN when I am really nice...and that gets me into trouble. Also, I like to face people with my whole body or make good eye contact or whatever, and sometimes people interpret my open legs or eye contact or smiling or flirting as me "offering myself sexually" to a girl, when in reality I'm not even interested in her! So many games people play...and I'm sick of being misunderstood.

I have a lot to learn, but I think I've really taken care of the confidence area, the flirting area, and handling all types of people and scenarios very well! I find that if I ask God first to speak through me before I even open my mouth, more people look up to me instead of look down on me. I hope this continues to improve, since I have so much more to learn...

I think that's my biggest problem, I don't take the split second to ask God to help me before talking. And just recently, I trusted somebody I shouldn't have and that really irritated me because I should've known. I saw a couple signs, but chose to ignore them. It bit me - hard.

 

[Jenster]

I was thinking the same way re: being comfortable being the center of attention but also very good with sitting back. A lot of the times I'm really, really quiet and observant. I love listening, and people are always like "you need to stop talking so much" (sarcasm, lol).

I think my social skills have gotten considerably better year after year. I consciously tell myself, "Hey, I wanna be more outgoing. I want people to know the real me..."

You've hit the nail on the head for me, Peacemonger. I want people to know the real me, and it baffles me that people don't. I ask myself: Am I not communicating about myself enough? Is what I'm communicating too negative or uninteresting for people to hear? Am I only showing people a certain side of myself, one they can't really relate to?? Or, like you, is my smartness putting people off because they *think* I'm showing off -- or being critical?

I don't have any answers. It could be, too, that only God will ever really know me the way I hope people would know me.

 

[Smileyill]

You've hit the nail on the head for me, Peacemonger. I want people to know the real me, and it baffles me that people don't. I ask myself: Am I not communicating about myself enough? Is what I'm communicating too negative or uninteresting for people to hear? Am I only showing people a certain side of myself, one they can't really relate to?? Or, like you, is my smartness putting people off because they *think* I'm showing off -- or being critical?

I don't have any answers. It could be, too, that only God will ever really know me the way I hope people would know me.

Relating well to people takes a different kind of intelligence than book smarts or even common sense.

Sounding too smart is, well, not smart The best way to start is asking simple non-personal or political questions about them.

I ate with 2 attorneys yesterday - very smart guys - yet we got along fine. I questioned them about their most interesting case. What they liked and what they disliked about their jobs...etc. topics they like to talk about. I didn't ask them questions constantly, I waited while they ate and contributed to the conversation when I had something to contribute or simply a follow-up question.

If I thought I knew something - some fact that they didn't and thought they'd like to hear it, then I'd say something to the effect. "From what I understand ....."

 

[Blank123]

yes, very much so.

 

[GoodNewsJim]

It's not my social skills that need worked on, its everyone else's.(jk)