Grenade forming

[iambren]

I have this compressed nugget in my brain such that when my hand goes to message someone on Plenty of Fish it freezes. That nugget is a reluctant residue of affection for my ex-wife.(Can't return,sorry,long story)

The bite is(and I don't know why) but my sex-drive is back with a passion. I feel like an adolescent again and it's actually scary. Feel like I'm about to explode!!! With my divorce of 4 years,and my unemployment last 6 months(just found work) I say "God,how much can a guy take"? Any thoughts?,this is sheer misery.

 

[dayhiker]

Well, iambren ... goes to show you are healthy.
Also the idea that our sex drive dies as we don't use it and grow old isn't very true.

A very that had new meaning for me when I last got in your situation was Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Matthew 7:12
12Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets. Luke 6:31
31And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.

I wonder if there has ever been a preacher who has dared to quote those verses in that context. I did to my pastor once .... he just said, "Oh, M" Amazing how we are only allowed to use certain verses in a limited number of situations.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I can't really comment on the sex drive thing but I will say that GOD knows you inside and out. He knows your struggles. We all have our crosses to bear so to speak. For you it's your sex drive, for someone else it's something different.
And if it's not enough to battle our own flesh, we have Satan and his minions right there whenever you DO give in to say SEE! God doesn't love you, you can't control yourself or whatever.
I know most of your story, so I get that a relationship with your ex is not possible and probably not healthy either.

Have you thought about doing some meetup.org things like dayhiker does. That way you can slowly move on and still meet people that like to do whatever it is you like to do and it won't be one on one which might be a bigger battle for you at the moment?

 

[Doctor Strangelove]

You just went through a prolonged, stressful period. Probably your energy was sapped in a lot of ways. Now that you have a job, your energy is less sapped by anxiety and being discouraged about work, right? Have you thought about counselling to help you leave the past behind? Maybe use your energy in doing hobbies or whatever. Is there some hobby or sport you have wanted to try but never had the time? Don't get into a situation where you work and then go home and you are mostly thinking about how lonely you are.

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

I have this compressed nugget in my brain such that when my hand goes to message someone on Plenty of Fish it freezes. That nugget is a reluctant residue of affection for my ex-wife.(Can't return,sorry,long story)

The bite is(and I don't know why) but my sex-drive is back with a passion. I feel like an adolescent again and it's actually scary. Feel like I'm about to explode!!! With my divorce of 4 years,and my unemployment last 6 months(just found work) I say "God,how much can a guy take"? Any thoughts?,this is sheer misery.

Thanks for sharing. I have no doubt that you are greatly missing the sexual part of your Being that God gave you to enjoy with another in the context of marriage ; it is all part of the hardship and pain that comes as a result of a marriage going very bad / divorce . Im sure a great deal of this sexual energy you are realizing also involves the longing to have affection and emotional connection with a person of the opposite sex too ; would that be a fair statement to make ?

I went thru all this when i got divorced some 21 years ago. What i did to gain control over my sexual appetite was to attend a S.A. (sexaholic anonymous) class that are offered in churches nationwide in conjunction with Celebrate Recovery that is a christian based 12 step program for virtually any struggle including addiction. So, you may want to check these two things out so you can introduce a level of moral accountability while at the same time asking God to reduce your level of sexual arousiveness ; ive run across people where God has actually done this and he did it for me upon sincerely asking him to.

One other thought ; youll need to fight the urge to be taken in by our out of control sex saturated mass media via movies, radio, tv, billboards, magazines and the like . And you should obtain a good book on remaining sexually pure , such as Every Mans Battle thru www.newlife.com or www.amazon.com .

Lastly, you are part of a huge population of Men who struggle with their sexuality , especially when you come out of a marriage . Ill lift you up in prayer my Friend.

 

[MorkandMindy]

... We all have our crosses to bear so to speak. For you it's your sex drive, for someone else it's something different.

No, for other males between 15 and 50 it is also the sex drive.

For women it might be shoes, but I'm not completely sure about that.

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

No, for other males between 15 and 50 it is also the sex drive.

For women it might be shoes, but I'm not completely sure about that.

lol....

 

[iambren]

Thank you all for your great,thoughtful responses. More than I expected,I thought I'd be preached at more. Today sex drive was a little bit less but it all is so far out from left field;took me by surprise.

My thought coming home from work today was that women should just give us men sex whenever we want it--to help us deal with it. Then I said duh,not a good Christian thought. I've lived a pretty sanctified life these last few years(have even turned down a woman that wanted to please me) but now I'm so vulnerable I would certainly cave.

I pray "Lord,see my plight,help me in my weakness". It's like I've been living in this cloud of post-divorce depression and this "ME" is emerging,a lost identity rediscovered and hungry! I'm a fun-loving guy but I repeat-this is scary. Why does my life have to be so perplexing? Why am I brought to see my raw need for intimacy,closeness,and my soul to be touched now? Yuck,this is all so embarrassing(sorry guys).

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

No, for other males between 15 and 50 it is also the sex drive.

For women it might be shoes, but I'm not completely sure about that.

LOL true that! I have too many shoes, but I'm not like most women who go gaga for shoes. These days I want comfortable shoes to work in, that's it.
But what I meant it, that some men are able to keep their selves in check sexually moreso than others and maybe for those men they have other issues like shoes.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

iambren I was worried you would be preached at too

 

[MorkandMindy]

...

But what I meant it, that some men are able to keep their selves in check sexually moreso than others and maybe for those men they have other issues like shoes.

The male sex drive can punch holes in a 2 inch thick concrete slab at 5 yards. The best will power can do is redirect it.

iambren I was worried you would be preached at too

I think we are old enough here to accept reality instead of hiding behind hypocrisy and playing 'holier than thou'.

 

[Doctor Strangelove]

I am thinking it is a good thing to have a good number of activities and interests. Not so much to channel energy away from the sex drive. It's more to have as full a life as possible whether one is in a relationship or not.

 

[iambren]

Mork/Mindy

"The male sex drive can punch holes in a 2 inch thick concrete slab at 5 yards. The best will power can do is redirect it."

Yup,that's what it's feeling like. It was worse yesterday and I was more active yesterday;don't see a big correlation.

Idea that I THINK is going on--for about 15 years I've endured a lot of sexual rejection,mostly from my ex-wife. I've been boo-hooing for about 4 years,my primary focus associated with her. BUT,now I am coming into the realization that there will be no love/sex with her and the WHOLE world is opening up. I now can see the possibilities relationally outside of her.

This is just surmising but when the drive is strong it's like I have to breathe deep and not get a panic attack. Like a male menopause in reverse. I feel more alive but scary too. Leaning on His grace.
BTW,I don't think women have a clue how awful this can be.

 

[MorkandMindy]

Hi aimbren


1 Cor 7
8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I.
9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.



That's reality. An old person may say 'it is better to be single', but to a younger person that is not an option, and being around females and female hormones at work and at church makes it even more of a problem.

I'm not sure that 'marry' means the same thing now as it did then. I know someone who was married for two weeks and then his wife left and got half of his wealth. The rules keep changing but they can totally ruin any chance of a stable relationship.



The most crucial thing I would say is to be consistent. A good warning about inconsistency is given in 2 Sam 13.

Amnon could have had exactly what he wanted, so why did it all end in disaster?

He should have dealt with his sexual desire earlier in a better way,

or if it went as far as being infatuated with his half sister he should have said so, evidently a marriage would have been arranged.

Even when it went as far as raping her if he had continued to be infatuated with her and wanted the best for her it would still have worked out: 16 “No!” she said to him. “Sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me.”

 

[MorkandMindy]

I'm guessing that Amnon was appalled by his show of weakness and dishonourable behaviour, so he switched from falling to his desires

to then falling to his pride. And he totally lacked empathy.


Is sexual desire from Satan?

Again I'm going to await some better responses from Christians,

but in the mean time I will suggest that sexual desire is mainly evil to the extent that people believe it is evil. Sometimes it is, but declaring all sexual desire to be evil isn't helping matters.


My rationale is pretty much anything can go badly wrong. Sexual desire can be the push needed to bring two people together to overcome their loneliness and build a life together. It can be a big power for good and it usually is.

 

[Purge187]

I have this compressed nugget in my brain such that when my hand goes to message someone on Plenty of Fish it freezes. That nugget is a reluctant residue of affection for my ex-wife.(Can't return,sorry,long story)

The bite is(and I don't know why) but my sex-drive is back with a passion. I feel like an adolescent again and it's actually scary. Feel like I'm about to explode!!! With my divorce of 4 years,and my unemployment last 6 months(just found work) I say "God,how much can a guy take"? Any thoughts?,this is sheer misery.

You can ask God to take your "urges" away. He did it for me.

 

[Doctor Strangelove]

No, the sex drive is not from Satan. But I have sometimes heard people on the extreme fringe talk as if it is evil or at least try to spiritualize it away. God did command, "be fruitful and multiply" and I don't think He was just talking to creatures like amoebae - who some folks on the fringe might deem more spiritual than wicked humans because amoebae reproduce without sex. Of course sexuality is powerful and it has physical, mental and spiritual dimensions and can be misused. I think the idea that sexuality is a good thing, although there are rules, is quite different from the idea that sex is a bad thing that God grudgingly permits in order for people to reproduce. Someone of the former view is apt to see life as a good thing while someone with the latter view is apt to see life as an evil thing that God allows for some reason.

 

[iambren]

Sex drive is not evil,rather a life-force that God has built into living things. The one day this week I was in panic mode,but following came a tamer,warm simmer. I've still not solved the need but the last couple of days are at least manageable.

Interesting,a thought has come to me. I have some large limbs I have to chainsaw out of my front maple. I read about how to cut limbs and they warned about the tension that can be hidden in the limb which is released in unanticipated ways. The limbs could have been crossed or pinched and could kick back.

I see sex-drive in a similar way. People can have hurts,pressures,sins,molestations of the past which distort the very normal sex drive. I'm sure I am like the limb that's affected,but I'm fairly sure part of that pressure has come from my former marriage where I was rejected over and over. To have my righteous desire aflame only to be thwarted again and again. As she is removed the unrequited desire springs forth and the torrential flood runs everywhere!

This is why I can never understand the sexually-rejecting spouse. What a mess that it eventually leads to. I've been hurt (actually defrauded) so I think I'll have to prayerfully seek a normal wife to live in grace...the sexual grace that God's provided.

 

[Purge187]

Sorry for your troubles, I. Yes, withholding sex in a marriage was something Paul spoke against in Corinthians, and if you wound up married to someone who perhaps had a low/lack of libido, she was obligated to mention it to you beforehand.

The sex drive does indeed come from God and there's nothing inherently sinful about it. But when you don't have the opportunity to get married, or if you've pretty much shrugged off the prospect the way I have in recent times, it's a lot harder to view it as a gift. I asked Him to just take away the desire for intimacy and marriage and He seems to have done it. There's a clarity and peace that comes with not having sex on the mind all the time.

 

[dayhiker]

Purge ... when your one of the few that has had their sexual drive reduced or removed beyond the effects of growing old. That hasn't happened to me for sure and I prayed that way many times over the years. I finally had to study the scriptures for myself and not listen to what I heard others say but get a hold of God, for I knew that only God could meet my need. It has been amazing what God has done for me.

iambren ... you know I've extended my heart towards you a number of times as you have done thru this struggle. Its good to see you getting past the last stage, but looks like your entering a new one. I've seen that happen quite a few times in my life. So again your not alone with what you are now going thru.