Since people are asking I suppose I will go into a deeper explanation of how I have come to this point and what I actually have come to believe. I will start by saying that I have been studying religion with an intensity that only an extremely depressed, frustrated individual can have. I have read hundreds of books on Church History, Greek Philosophy with its developments and origins, Gnosticism, Hermeticism, Sumerian Babylonian and Egyptian mythologies and architecture as well as language. I have well studied most of the monastic fathers, especially when I was trying to become a monk, and I have a passion for pre flood archaeology and science, as well as studies related to DMT, psychic abilities within the brain, and potential telepathic abilities of early man. This is not to brag but merely to show that I have one passion, and one passion only- truth.
It started ironically as I was converting into Orthodoxy and doing an intense study on the lives of the early saints when I started to see that much of the writings about the early fathers and saints (especially their martyrdom's) have been embellished, likely to secure the faith of those under persecution and encourage them. I read on the development of the liturgy, and its relationship to early greco/egyptian mystery cults. Christianity is unique in a way that it was the first mystery cult to open up its knowledge to the common man, it was a philosophy for all. However historically it falls pale to the earlier mythologies that paint a very different picture than what the Old Testament interprets as history.
There was a flood, every mythology records it. Yet every mythology also records that there were multiple beings inhabiting the Earth, creating different species and basically ruling mankind. The Bible seems to imply that it was demons taking human women as wives, yet earlier Sumerian myths call them the Annunaki, a paint a very interesting picture of these other worldly beings creation of man. What is further interesting is that the Annunaki are present in different forms throughout the most early civilizations responsible for the most advanced, explainable architecture around the world. They are also the inspiration for the Goetic Demonology and Enochian Magic (listing the names of various angels).
All across the World from Machu Picchu to the pyramids, we see extremely advanced structures the further we go down time wise. The structures were built to resonate to certain musical frequencies and were all aligned with constellations, and for the most part still are. Tesla believed that the Obelisks present in Egypt were created to conduct certain forms of energy due to the fact that the Egyptians took stone from sometimes thousands of miles away in order to create conductive structures similar to Tesla coils. All these structures are made of the same kinds of Rock, and are cut with laser like precision. On the map they triangulate and some sites within these triangles look like they have been blown up. (I recommend watching Brian Foester on youtube. He is a megalithic archaeologist who does on site tours of these locations). Now I do not deny the supernatural qualities of the Christian Faith, however they are hardly unique. Faith healings are present across all cultures, as well as communication with entities, often with the use of psychedelics and higher meditation/ astral projection. Christians believe in the airy realm, which is equivalent to the hermetic "astral plane" where demons are said to reside.
My study into Demonology led me into studying the distinctly different personalities of different demons (I know many people who have contacted both angels and demons through use of sigils in meditation and it seems to be actually effective). Some demons (the word demon itself has been corrupted to have a negative connotation from monotheistic religion), are evil, some seem to help men, and some even seem good. Both Angels and Demons can be contacted with these methods and I find it interesting that the Bible strictly bans worship and communication with Angels. But why would Angels help a person summoning them in the first place? I've heard many people who claim that communicating with Raphael helped them be healed and so fourth. This is what I believe Christ's not so unique power came from. His interaction with demons, and many of his miracles, are directly in line with Goetic methods of binding and working. I realize many will be offended by this, but these are merely my interpretations. I have no ill will against Christianity or Christ because I don't see it as inherently evil to contact these beings. Why would Christ pick 12 apostles? Why pick the same number as the sum of the Zodiac. Even the apostles saw the importance of maintaining this number. Why?
My main interest is from here further studying the relationship between the annunaki, the prophets of old, the megalithic structures, and mythologies of the one world civilization that once was across the globe.
What is further interesting is that the Sumerians account for 2 more planets then we currently have in our solar system. They were ridiculously accurate about all things astronomy, yet made diagrams of a solar system with two more planets. I have heard theories that perhaps the Annunaki were in fact ETs from one of these planets, and this explains the head binding cultures found throughout the globe in early culture. Later on perhaps the two collided. Eitehr way Sumerian mythology describes them as going back into the heavens before the great cataclysm.
It is interesting that after the flood there were always legendary bringers of civilization- heros and magicians who brought higher technology and founded the early civilizations. Who were these men? What about the Giants and other creatures mentioned throughout the mythologies of the entire world. Why so many similarities?
Right now we are finding structures in Turkey tens of thousands of years old, and DNA study further shows that early man crossbred with at least 3 other hominid species. All this is yet left out of the Bible. Why? Perhaps because as many scholars believe, the OT was written by Daniel in the Babylonian captivity.
Furthermore throughout scripture is the usage of the word EL, and Queen of Heaven, as I am sure many of you are familiar with. These are references to ancient Canaanite deities yet are used in reference to the One God.
There are too many questions to be asked in all this and I cannot settle on one answer right now. My plan is to focus on DMT usage with a group I am forming, in order to scientifically and academically study these said topics. I already am attempting to get in contact with some experts in these fields, mostly the outsiders to the mainstream community. I won't go in anymore as this could go on for pages upon pages (I am beginning the writing of a book). I merely wish to give a general premise of some of the reasons I cannot commit to Christianity at the moment.
I thank you all for your kindness, and perhaps we can have further discussion in the future, but I encourage you all to further study the world and its faiths and histories without fear- for I feel more at peace and free then I ever have.
I've given Christianity a 22 year chance at making some impact on my life, yet little has been accomplished except further bringing me into confusion and depression. I cannot give it any more time. I hold no malice, and if there is a God I hope he will save me- yet I feel I have tried to find truth to the best of my ability and this is where it has led me.
This is meant to be a summary