God-talk

[Jim B]

Christianese: “evangelist” as in “I wonder where that evangelist buys his suits.”

English: Evangelists are the itinerant celebrities of the church. They travel in style from city to city, usually in airplanes, and stay in posh hotels with room service and Jacuzzis. They can usually be identified by the well-pressed business suit they wear along with certain tasteless accessories like bright ties, highly polished shoes, and a big gaudy gold wristwatch. They are called to conduct widely promoted revivals (see “revival”) in local churches and in the evenings will preach colorful and energetic sermons which they have preached hundreds of times for years in other locales and crack inane preacher jokes, sell tapes and books, raise money for their next “missionary” trip to Borneo, and generally make people feel guilty for not doing enough for Jesus. They also speak with gravely voices and say “doc” a lot.

The more successful evangelists have “TV ministries” which air on “Christian networks” over which they spend a lot of time talking about their need for money “to stay on this fine TV station” and to “get this message out to the world.”​

©2004 Jim B. Miller

(Share your favorite Christianese term with us)​

 

[Jim B]

Christianese: “thus saith the Lord.”

English: This is a phrase that frequently precedes a “word from the Lord” and is often used by prophets who sometimes really do have a word from the Lord. Too often, however, it is used by would-be (can you say, “false”?) prophets to add some authority to something they want to declare in order to get someone to do something they want them to do (can you say, “manipulation”?).

When this phrase is used to precede a statement, that statement is immune from appraisal or evaluation and must be taken at face value, no questions asked. When questions are asked you will probably here something like, “Don’t ask me. Hey, I am only the messenger.”​

©2004 Jim B. Miller

(Share your favorite Christianese term with us)​

 

[Jim B]

Christianese: “touch not the Lord’s anointed” as in “Why do you want to see a financial statement? Touch not the Lord’s anointed!”

English: This strange sounding phrase is actually from the Bible (see 1 Chronicles 16:22). As it was originally meant, it was King David simply recounting in song how God had protected Israel (the Lord’s anointed) in their wandering in the wilderness during the Exodus from Egypt. As modern interpreters, most commonly insecure ministers, apply it it has come to serve as a caution to challengers that a minister’s decisions and beliefs are never to be questioned, much less confronted. Such insolent behavior on the part of church members is, in effect, “touching the Lord’s anointed (translated: ‘preachers’)” and doing the prophet (i.e., ‘preacher’) harm. In modern usage, it is never applied to protect church members (who are also the Lord’s anointed) from spiritually or emotionally abusive ministers. This scripture, when misused properly, is one of the best at suppressing opposition from laity and shutting them up especially when a leader fears losing influence, control, privilege, or money. It is a favorite scripture among televangelists and ministers who otherwise shun accountability.

The phrase is sometimes interpreted, “Touch not the Lord’s ANNOYING and do his PROFIT$ no harm” since it can be irritatingly construed as clerically self-serving and because it usually has something to do with money.​

©2004 Jim B. Miller

(Share your favorite Christianese term with us)​

 

[Jim B]

Christianese: “word of prayer” sometimes “Shall we pray.”

English: This one can be deceptive. You need to be aware that it is more than just a “word” of prayer; it is generally several hundred words of prayer. This phrase is usually spoken by pastors at the beginning of a public prayer that can go on for quite a while. Such prayers generally ask for “the anointing” (see “anointing”), attentive hearts, blessings on missionaries, government officials, church leaders, the sick, the building fund, the Republican party, revival (see “revival”), and any number of things that comes to the pastor’s mind at the time. It is not over until the preacher says, “in the name of Jesus Christ we pray, Amen” or something similar. By this time you should have tomorrow's shopping list planned.​

©2004 Jim B. Miller

(Share your favorite Christianese term with us)​

 

[shout2thelord]

oh i thought of another one :-

"and all of Gods people said"

its said at the end of a prayer and you can be sure everyone will shout amen no matter what has just been prayed.

 

[Jim B]

Christianese: “hundredfold blessing” sometimes “thirtyfold” or “sixtyfold” blessing.

English: This is a theory not actually proven in fact that if you send an evangelist money it will come back to you with an amazing return on your investment. It is often presented as being fail-safe. When it does fail, it is simply charged back to the giver as not having “given in faith.” The theory is seldom questioned because it is based on a peculiar (some would say self-serving) interpretation of the a statement in a story (parable) told by Jesus. If you do not believe Jesus is simply using hyperbole in a story, you will expect every $10 will return you $1,000 and any gift of $1,000 will return $100,000. You could then get a loan for $100,000 and be a millionaire in no time at all.

Huge returns on tiny investments do work for some people, though, particularly prominent evangelists who have spent years cultivating a credulous network of fans and compiling an extensive mailing list. These preachers teach that those who give little money to their ministry will receive a "thirtyfold" increase in finances; but if you give more, you will receive the "sixtyfold" blessing,; but, if you will just dare to give what the preacher asks or more, you will get the 'hundredfold" increase in money. Most people, however, do not have a mailing list nor a naive donor base fail to achieve this level of return. But it works well on paper.​

©2004 Jim B. Miller

(Share your favorite Christianese term with us)​

 

[Svt4Him]

Christianese: “touch not the Lord’s anointed” as in “Why do you want to see a financial statement? Touch not the Lord’s anointed!”

English: This strange sounding phrase is actually from the Bible (see 1 Chronicles 16:22). As it was originally meant, it was King David simply recounting in song how God had protected Israel (the Lord’s anointed) in their wandering in the wilderness during the Exodus from Egypt. As modern interpreters, most commonly insecure ministers, apply it it has come to serve as a caution to challengers that a minister’s decisions and beliefs are never to be questioned, much less confronted. Such insolent behavior on the part of church members is, in effect, “touching the Lord’s anointed (translated: ‘preachers’)” and doing the prophet (i.e., ‘preacher’) harm. In modern usage, it is never applied to protect church members (who are also the Lord’s anointed) from spiritually or emotionally abusive ministers. This scripture, when misused properly, is one of the best at suppressing opposition from laity and shutting them up especially when a leader fears losing influence, control, privilege, or money. It is a favorite scripture among televangelists and ministers who otherwise shun accountability.


The phrase is sometimes interpreted, “Touch not the Lord’s ANNOYING and do his PROFIT$ no harm” since it can be irritatingly construed as clerically self-serving and because it usually has something to do with money.
​

©2004 Jim B. Miller

(Share your favorite Christianese term with us)​

Actually I see it more in line with this:

6And he said to his men, “The Lord forbid that I should do this thing to my master, the Lord’S anointed, to stretch out my hand against him, seeing he is the anointed of the Lord.”

And if you actually study that, you will know that Saul no longer had the Spirit of God on him, yet David would not raise his hand against him.

 

[LynneClomina]

Actually I see it more in line with this:

6And he said to his men, “The Lord forbid that I should do this thing to my master, the Lord’S anointed, to stretch out my hand against him, seeing he is the anointed of the Lord.”

And if you actually study that, you will know that Saul no longer had the Spirit of God on him, yet David would not raise his hand against him.

YESS! my pastor taught on that just last night and i was trying to think of a way to post it. thanks Svt4Him

 

[SpiritPsalmist]

Actually I see it more in line with this:

6And he said to his men, “The Lord forbid that I should do this thing to my master, the Lord’S anointed, to stretch out my hand against him, seeing he is the anointed of the Lord.”

And if you actually study that, you will know that Saul no longer had the Spirit of God on him, yet David would not raise his hand against him.

Good point. ..very good point

 

[Jim B]

Christianese: “slain in the Spirit” sometimes “falling under the power.”

English: When you first hear this term, you will probably start looking for the church “Exit.” But not to worry, no one is going to be killed, it’s just a term to describe what happens when someone unexpectedly falls down in a church service. Usually this happens in a “prayer line” when a minister will place his hand on a person’s forehead and shout something into their face. They react by falling into a swoon and collapsing into the waiting arms of official “catchers” positioned behind them to keep them from cracking their head on the front pew. It is akin to “fainting” and in some instances may be accompanied by what appears to be an epileptic seizure. Some who experience this phenomenon claim to see visions and hear voices.​

©2004 Jim B. Miller

(Share your favorite Christianese term with us)​

​

 

[Jim B]

Christianese: “fleece” as in “I need to put out a fleece before I help you pull your car out of that ditch” sometimes referred to as “receive confirmation.”

English: When a Christian loses faith or prefers to “walk by sight” and not by faith he may “put out a fleece” to see if something is God’s will or not or she may want to “receive confirmation” that a decision she made was the correct one. “Putting out a fleece” is stipulating that God inform you of His will before you act in faith. This helps you avoid the scary feat of trusting Him completely. The practice follows the biblical example of Gideon in the Bible who was so lacking in trust that he not only put out a fleece, he put out two fleeces (see Judges 6), refusing even to believe God when the Almighty complied with Gideon’s desire for proof of His protection, requiring Him to prove it again.

“Receiving confirmation” is a relatively recent phrase along the same lines as the fleece. Someone having done something in faith will begin to doubt their actions and so will need to “receive confirmation” (i.e., assurance) from God by some miraculous coincidence or sign that they did indeed make the right decision. Like the fleece, confirmations are reflections of one’s unwillingness to walk strictly by faith.​

©2004 Jim B. Miller

(Share your favorite Christianese term with us)​

 

[Jim B]

Christianese: “refuse to receive it” as when you come down with the flu and have a fever of 104º and you say “I refuse to receive it.” Your temperature should then, at least theoretically, immediately return to normal.

English: Often a sanctified form of denial. The phrase is supposed to make a bad situation good by denying the situation is bad. Sometimes called a “positive confession.” Though similar in usage and purpose, do not confuse this with superstitious incantations used by pagans to ward off evil. This is different. But be careful, though. When the man comes to repossess your new Lexus because you "confessed" a car beyond your ability to pay for it and now you are, like, four months behind in your payments and you say (presumably to the devil), “I refuse to receive it,” your creditor probably will not let you off the hook.​

©2004 Jim B. Miller

(Share your favorite Christianese term with us)​

 

[Svt4Him]

“Receiving confirmation” is a relatively recent phrase along the same lines as the fleece. Someone having done something in faith will begin to doubt their actions and so will need to “receive confirmation” (i.e., assurance) from God by some miraculous coincidence or sign that they did indeed make the right decision. Like the fleece, confirmations are reflections of one’s unwillingness to walk strictly by faith.


©2004 Jim B. Miller

(Share your favorite Christianese term with us)​

Sorry, although I like the first one, confirmation from two or three is not a lack of wisdom. If you run with everything you think God is telling you to do, you will get nothing done. Wisdom is found in council, and I have found that if I feel God is telling me something, and my wife disagrees, then that to me is confirmation that it's either not the right time, or not God.

Then I have to add:

Faith: what we call doing something that doesn't make sense, so we cover ourselves by saying we're walking in faith.

Common verse mistranslation:

Faith is the evidence of things hoped for or Faith comes by wanting, and wanting by the will of man.

 

[enoch son]

WHAT A BIG PILE OF ROCK YOU HAVE JIM! KEEP ON THROWING THEM BROTHER! I'M SURE THERE IS SOME YOUNG FULL OF GOD CHILD YOU HAVE NOT HIT YET. I FORGOT MYSELF YOU ARE THE TRUTH ON ALL THESE MATTERS!

 

[Jim B]

WHAT A BIG PILE OF ROCK YOU HAVE JIM! KEEP ON THROWING THEM BROTHER! I'M SURE THERE IS SOME YOUNG FULL OF GOD CHILD YOU HAVE NOT HIT YET. I FORGOT MYSELF YOU ARE THE TRUTH ON ALL THESE MATTERS!

And what big teeth you have, grandpa.

Hey es, You barely missed me with that rock.

If you don't like my posts, you don't have to read them. That's the great thing about freedom of speech - I can say what I want and you can listen to what you want. No one's forcing you to read my posts. God bless America.

\o/

 

[enoch son]

The title of this thead tells it all doesn't it!

 

[Jim B]

The title of this thead tells it all doesn't it!

I repeat, if you don't like them you don't have to read them.

It's always painful when someone shoots one of our sacred cows,

\o/

 

[enoch son]

Let's look at one of them cows, that a interesting way to speak about the word.
ALL IN ALL
1.1 Cor. 15-28 "And when all things are subject to Him, then the Son HIMSELF also will be subjected to the ONE who subjected all things to Him, that GOD may be ALL IN ALL.
That read like a major spiritual event to come. BUT LET'S JUST LAUGH AT IT NOW. NO! I think I will hit the ground and go to my face!
2. Eph. 1-22-23 "And He put all things in subjection under His feet, and gave Him as head over all things to the chruch,which is His body,the fullness of HIM who fills ALL IN ALL.
Make fun of me that cool, MAKE FUN OF MY LORD THE "ALL IN ALL" I DON'T THINK SO.

 

[Jim B]

Let's look at one of them cows, that a interesting way to speak about the word.
ALL IN ALL
1.1 Cor. 15-28 "And when all things are subject to Him, then the Son HIMSELF also will be subjected to the ONE who subjected all things to Him, that GOD may be ALL IN ALL.
That read like a major spiritual event to come. BUT LET'S JUST LAUGH AT IT NOW. NO! I think I will hit the ground and go to my face!
2. Eph. 1-22-23 "And He put all things in subjection under His feet, and gave Him as head over all things to the chruch,which is His body,the fullness of HIM who fills ALL IN ALL.
Make fun of me that cool, MAKE FUN OF MY LORD THE "ALL IN ALL" I DON'T THINK SO.

What the heck has that got to do with what we are talking about, e.?

Sorry, but I am having trouble following your logic.

I know, it's probably me.

\o/

 

[enoch son]

It one of your joke phases in your post. You just throw it out there Jim like it's something to poke fun at. So maybe someone who read it doesn't know the root of the word's ALL IN ALL. I think that many of the things you have listed don't fit your doctrine. And so let's make fun of them. If you are going to slap something at lest enlighten us from where it come from in the word? LIKE ALL IN ALL!