Give "Bad" Advice (2)

[Woman of Faith]

Ignore the temperature gauge's rising. Ignore the pinging and knocking noises. Totally ignore the smoke coming out from under the hood until there is a loud bang and your car does not run at all. NOW the fun part! Get two horses to pull your car for you. No need to put oil in it EVER again! Best part? Take the engine out and you have another whole trunk! What storage space!

I am trying save money for a new nook, but am having trouble. Any ideas?

 

[4Everloved]

Rob a 24 hour service station and have your new nook built immediately before they can catch you.

I have a flat tire. What should I do?

 

[KWCrazy]

I have a flat tire. What should I do?

Fill it with concrete. The ride is terrible, but your tires last longer.

What excuse can i give my boss to get a day off?

 

[lucypevensie]

Tell your boss that Days of Our Children is getting really good these days - Reed and Gage are fighting over Cissy, and Heather and Willow are fighting over Coltraine, but Cissy and Coltraine are secretly already married to each other and Cissy is expectinig triplets, and it's all about to blow up in everyone's faces. Your boss will probably ask to join you.

I need to make a hair appointment for myself. How do I know if the stylist I picked will do a good job or a terrible job?

 

[jsimms615]

Go bald, very easy to keep up with and will cut down on expensive hair treatments


I would like to go do something fun this weekend, but my kids never seem to want to go with me. What should I do?

 

[4Everloved]

Tell them they all get cotton candy any time of the day or night if they will go.

I have $80 left for the rest of the month. How should I spend it?

 

[lucypevensie]

If you don't know what to do with it, then you obviously don't need it. Might as well toss it in the garbage, otherwise it'll just take up space in your wallet.

I don't feel like cooking today. How do I convince my husband that he should take me out?

 

[jsimms615]

Call the power company and tell them your moving and to turn off the power. With no electrical appliance you won't be able to cook and have to go out to eat


My mom always treats me like a child and I'm 46 years old. I hate it. What can I do about it?

 

[lucypevensie]

If she insists on treating you like a child, might as well just go with it and have a little fun. Next time she asks a favor of you, say "No!", run away, turn and stick out your tongue, then push a lamp off the end table - just like a typical 3 year old would do.

A friend is getting married, but I didn't get an invitation. I'm almost positive I was supposed to get one, but ... maybe not. How do I find out?

 

[Woman of Faith]

Wait till the wedding shower then show up late with no gift. Announce to one and all you didn't get a wedding invitation from them so the happy couple will not get a gift from you. If you were supposed to get one, they'll be happy it wasn't sent and you won't be welcome at the wedding. If you weren't sent one, it's a moot point. Either way, problem solved!

My friend has birds inside her wall and the noisy lil chicks keep her up at all hours. What should she do?

 

[ICOCguy]

Grab the cat from inside the stomqch of the little old lady who swallowed a fly and toss it inside he wall to catch the birds.

What should i wear to a rain dance?

 

[Woman of Faith]

I'm from Oklahoma, aka "Native America", so listen to me. Make sure you get a loincloth and some leather leggings, do the war paint and, if you're really white, get some of that spray on tan stuff so you can look more "Indian". Get a black wig of long hair and braid it on both sides then put a beaded headband on over that. Also, and this is very important, get a tomahawk and dance around clapping your hand over your mouth as you shout, "Woo woo woo woo!" Native Americans will truly appreciate your efforts to blend in.

Want to change the channel on the TV, but can't find the remote!

 

[lucypevensie]

Those remotes are so annoying. Always getting lost or the batteries dead or something. Do what we did and get rid of the newfangled modern junk and wheel out the old black and white from the closet. No remote to mess with, and it's like a walk down memory lane.

It's pretty cold in our house, but we're trying to save money on fuel. Suggestions?

 

[MoneyGuy]

Burn the wooden furniture in your living room and huddle around.

Tomorrow is Canadian Thanksgiving. What should we have for dessert?

 

[lucypevensie]

Instead of dipping an apple in caramel, dip an onion instead. Won't you guests be surprised by that first bite!

I have no patience with red traffic lights. How do I learn to accept that sometimes I just have to stop at a red light?

 

[MoneyGuy]

I have no patience with red traffic lights. How do I learn to accept that sometimes I just have to stop at a red light?

Easy. Don't stop. In fact the faster you speed through those intersections the better. If you're in the intersection for three seconds, your chances of a collision are far higher than if you're there for a quarter second. Fly through.

Headache remedy? For my wife, not me.

 

[ICOCguy]

I spoke to Anne Boleyn, she suggested to chop her head off. That happened to Anne and she no longer gets headaches.


I have the flu. And dont like taking modern medicine.

 

[lucypevensie]

Don't like modern medicine? Use old medicine! You might have some on the floor in the corner of a closet or something. Check with grandparents or senior acquaintances to see if they have any expired aspirin or something. Good luck!

We don't want trick or treaters knocking on our door this Halloween. How do we discourage kids from doing that?

 

[ICOCguy]

Put up a sign Trespasses will be shot. And fire some warning shots so they know you`re not kidding.

My tongue is warm, should i put it against the inside freezer to cool off?

 

[Woman of Faith]

Have any of those old metal ice cube trays? No? Put a lead pipe in there then use that once it's nice and cold.

I have to defrost the freezer, what's the best method?