Give "Bad" Advice (2)

[forest flower]

Have a coffee, the caffeine is a great sleeping drug.

How do I give a 'correct' hug?

 

[lucypevensie]

Squeeze as hard as you possibly can. People can't feel the love if they can't feel the pressure.

How do I get to Adam's Toys and Collectibles Store?

 

[forest flower]

Use a French GPS.

How can I glow in the dark?

 

[Rick Otto]

Eat 9 pounds of fireflies give or take a few hundred.
Wash 'em down with a quart of the fluid you can get by breaking open glo-sticks you can buy at Rock concerts.



My teenager just removed all the "DO NOT REMOVE" tags fom pillows & mattress,... how do I handle this?

 

[lucypevensie]

I know it's painful, but if you don't notify the police s/he'll only do it again and again.

My dog is so whiny today! How do I put a stop to it?

 

[star in the sky]

I ve read in a highly sort after book entitled "Caring for your pet" that by putting the dog by a watermelon thats had 100 rubber bands around it will work

Im near a cactus what should I do?

 

[lucypevensie]

Climb it and see what the world looks like atop a cactus.

I smell something bad in the kitchen but can't find anything. what to do...

 

[star in the sky]

Its a blown fuse/wire on the toaster and is sparking use it to light some fireworks indoors you've always wanted to impress the neighbours, why not have a grand display, they'll love the sight (of fireworks)

My cat wont stop meowing.

 

[lucypevensie]

I think he's trying to tell you he wants freshly caught tuna lightly seared on a grill, not the kind in a can. Better get him some.

I have no idea how to rearrange my dining room.

 

[forest flower]

Put the table on one side and the chairs on the other.

Should I eat cake with ice-cream for afternoon tea?

 

[lucypevensie]

I don't see why you cant eat cake an ice cream for all your meals and snacks today. That's what I recommend.

We went to the lake today and now we have sand all throughout the house.

 

[forest flower]

Get buckets and take it back to the lake.

How do I eat an apple?

 

[lucypevensie]

Don't bite into it and possibly break your teeth off. Have a friend bite out chunks for you, and you can.chew them yourself.

I have so many things to do today. How do I know which chores to do first?

 

[forest flower]

Order them easiest to hardest then have your S.O do the hard half.

How can I get to sleep quickly?

 

[lucypevensie]

Take a sleeping pill and wash it down with a double shot espresso. The caffeine will make the sleeping pill take effect faster than usual.

What should we do as a family for LaborDay tomorrow?

 

[WannaWitness]

Take everyone to the automatic car wash and have each individual run themselves through it - clean family fun guaranteed!

Name a good addition to a PB & J sandwich to make it a little less boring.

 

[lucypevensie]

Ranch dressing will give it a little zing.

How do you keep a dog from pulling junk out of the trash can?

 

[Matthew-59]

Get rid of all your trash cans. Problem solved.

How can I make some extra money to help pay the bills each month?

 

[lucypevensie]

Pickpockets do quite well for themselves. Maybe look into that.

I'm not sure my alarm is going to be loud enough to wake me in the morning.

 

[forest flower]

Attach it to a system of pots and pans so that when it vibrates they all bang.

I have difficulty laughing, what helps?