Getting married young

[Aino]

Yeah, the header says it all basically.. Do you guys have an opinion on getting married young (like as in early twenties)? On the other hand, how much does it affect you how far into the relationship the couple is?

 

[FaithPrevails]

I don't subscribe to the idea that there is some "ideal" age to get married. My only concern is that people are mentally/emotionally/spiritually mature enough to marry.

That said, know what you desire to accomplish in life and have a plan for how you will go about accomplishing it - whether single or married.

If you want to travel, doing so before kids is probably wise...unless you want your kids to travel, too. Then, postponing it until they are old enough to travel with minimal assistance is probably a good idea.

If having a career is important, but so is staying home with your children - have the career first then have children later.

If popping out a gaggle of babies and doing the SAHM mom thing is your cup of tea, go for it.

If college is desired, then finish college - one can work while the other goes to school, then vice versa.

You get the idea.

 

[Luther073082]

I usually think 23 or older is best. Give yourself 5 years of adulthood to finish educations and/or just learn to be an adult before you have to learn to be a married person. (both of these have steep learning curves)

While relationship length is a good thing to see especially someone getting married at a younger age, its not a be all end all. Marriage changes a lot that you don't get in just a simple relationship and I want to get the feeling that someone is mature enough to handle those changes.

I also like to know that the person getting married is doing it for the right reasons and has at least a vague idea of what marriage will be about. I worry when someone is too young they will belive that marriage is just about getting into someone's pants. And that when they start to experience difficulties they are not only unprepared for them, but are also very young and tend to call it quits at that point.

I'm really freaked out when someone under 20 wants to get married soon. I've met several people on here who where married at an age younger then 20. A few of them are still married to said spouse. Most of them are divorced from that spouse. Almost all of them said they married too young and that waiting until they are older would have helped.

That having been said that once you start reaching age 23 and you've been in a relationship for a while you aught to start thinking about marriage seriously. I'm not a fan of forever engagments or dating relationships that last years and years into adulthood without making clear moves towards marriage.

 

[twinserk]

Yeah, the header says it all basically.. Do you guys have an opinion on getting married young (like as in early twenties)? On the other hand, how much does it affect you how far into the relationship the couple is?

One of the big things is whether the man is financially prepared to care for a wife and family without debt. You don't want to be scraping by from paycheck to paycheck. The other question is whether you guys are dedicated to staying together. Lots of people think they will have the fairy tale marriage with no problems. Marriage isn't like that, so both parties need to be willing to ride out the many hardships.

 

[Nienna_Lady_of_Tears]

One of the big things is whether the man is financially prepared to care for a wife and family without debt. You don't want to be scraping by from paycheck to paycheck. The other question is whether you guys are dedicated to staying together. Lots of people think they will have the fairy tale marriage with no problems. Marriage isn't like that, so both parties need to be willing to ride out the many hardships.

I would rather be scraping by paycheck to paycheck or even having it run out than be where I was, without my husband.

And yes, that is my situation right now. Yes, living with our money running out IS stressful but it's nowhere near as bad as living as a prisoner literally locked in my bedroom in my family's house.


But I do understand that most people are not in that situation... and yes financial hardship is a strain, but we're doing fine and I don't think it's necessarily a reason NOT to marry.

Oh and the idea that a man HAS to provide is outdated. My husband is disabled. He cannot work. I love him regardless, and I will work to provide when I get a job.

 

[Luther073082]

One of the big things is whether the man is financially prepared to care for a wife and family without debt. You don't want to be scraping by from paycheck to paycheck. The other question is whether you guys are dedicated to staying together. Lots of people think they will have the fairy tale marriage with no problems. Marriage isn't like that, so both parties need to be willing to ride out the many hardships.

While your motives are noble, not even Dave Ramsey would suggest waiting until you are debt free to get married. Now if you are in debt he would suggest a cheap wedding. And scraping by paycheck to paycheck is not an ideal situation at all, but its not a situation where someone should be considered too poor to marry.

 

[PinkSweetart]

My sister married young and is expecting her first child. She just turned 22... everyone tell her she was way too young to get married and start a family. And you know, I believe them. Her husbad is 26 and was pushing her to get married and start a family. But see, every situation is different.

The idea is that people change from adolescence to adulthood. Usually when you're younger you still have a ton of raging hormones going wild in your system, and other times you can be mature enough to control the feeling and know that you're ready for marrige.

I agree 100% with what Faith said. If you are mature enough for marrige then it's okay to get married at a young age. Just go about it wisely and let God guide you ("you" in general) into taking the step towards marrige.

Now, I'm not married nor have I ever been married... I'm just basing this on the relationships that I've seen.
Me? I have a goal to graduate before I think about marrige so right now I do think I'm too young. But that's just me.

 

[Fatally.Yours]

I wouldn't fancy it myself, my mam got married to my dad when she was 22, but I won't even be finishing college until then, so I wouldn't do it. I know a load of people who I went to school with who are engaged and I think it's a bit weird.

 

[Luther073082]

My sister married young and is expecting her first child. She just turned 22... everyone tell her she was way too young to get married and start a family. And you know, I believe them. Her husbad is 26 and was pushing her to get married and start a family. But see, every situation is different.

The idea is that people change from adolescence to adulthood. Usually when you're younger you still have a ton of raging hormones going wild in your system, and other times you can be mature enough to control the feeling and know that you're ready for marrige.

I agree 100% with what Faith said. If you are mature enough for marrige then it's okay to get married at a young age. Just go about it wisely and let God guide you ("you" in general) into taking the step towards marrige.

Now, I'm not married nor have I ever been married... I'm just basing this on the relationships that I've seen.
Me? I have a goal to graduate before I think about marrige so right now I do think I'm too young. But that's just me.

22 isn't really that young to be married. I think 23 is the age where you definatly have to start thinking about if you are in a long term relationship. But I certainly don't freak out over 1 year or anything.

But I don't like the idea of 18 and 19 year olds especially getting married. 20 is a little on the young side too...

Personally I don't get how in the US between the ages of 18 and 20 you can legally get married but arn't allowed to drink alcohol. That just doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I'm not saying we should lower the drinking age necessarily but the drinking age doesn't make a lot of sense.

 

[Vasity]

I think that people marrying earlier is their own choice because some people want to get eternal bliss along quickly and there is nothing wrong with it is my opinion.

 

[jrcarlstrom]

I got married when I was only 19. I already had a stable income to support a family though. As long as you are 100% sure that you are right for each other, why wait?

 

[PDAztec88]

I also got married when I was 19 but I have known my husband for quite some time and dated him for awhile before I knew I would spend the rest of my life with him and now we've been married for 3 1/2 years and added two kids I honestly wouldn't change it for the world. So I think it depends on the person not by their age.

 

[Luther073082]

I think that people marrying earlier is their own choice because some people want to get eternal bliss along quickly and there is nothing wrong with it is my opinion.

There is if their decision leads to a divorce a few years later.

 

[PDAztec88]

There is if their decision leads to a divorce a few years later.

I don't agree. I truly believe it depends on the person and their maturity. I see nothing wrong with getting married young if the couple is mature and puts God first in their marriage. Not all young married couples regret getting married young because they were ready to make that commitment to their spouse and the Lord. Like I said depends on the person.

 

[barefeetonholyground]

I would say age doesn't matter so much as circumstances. When I got married I was 19, the relationship was very up and down, and we didn't even have a wedding. It was just some impulsive thing we did so we wouldn't have to continue doing the long distance thing and it got me three years of neglect and emotional abuse followed by a broken heart cause by abandonment. I'm all for people getting married young as long as they do it right.

 

[Beccafly]

It depends on the two people, some people are ready sooner than ones. I just graduated and several friends are getting married by the end of the year (like 8+!) They're ready for that step and they have everything straight (God first, maturity, financial plans etc.)

 

[chaoticfirefly]

In my opinion, I would say if they have a stable income, and they know for certain that this is the person they want to wake up next to for the rest of their lives, then go for it.

 

[Karpalokuu]

I think it is more about the two persons getting married than the age of them.
Somebody is mature enough to get married straight out of high school, somebody is not mature enough to get marries when she/he is 30.
If the reasons are right and the relationship is stable I do not see any reason not to get married, no matter the age.

 

[If Not For Grace]

Making the most important LIFEONG decision you will ever make--us let's see

How about taking a little time--it's certainlly not wrong to marry young, but what's the hurry?

(even Keith waited till he was 40 to marry, but it takes some of longer to grow up )

 

[Dawn Marie]

In general, the chance of divorce is lowered a great deal if you marry after the age of 25. But I honestly think that it depends on the people. Not everyone is the same. Not everyone is going to have the same issues... so I don't know.

I think it's smart to wait until late twenties though.