Ok, so here is the deal. One year ago my girlfriend of 2 years left me for my "ex" youth pastor. He had moved away 4 months prior and they had continued talking on the phone, and apparently got really close. It worked out in the end because they got married last weekend, so there is a praise. Needless to say, I was devestated...she wanted to be friends still so we were kinda talking, but I was so incredibly hurt and my head was gone. A week after we were talking and she started talking about how much she liked the guy, and I flipped. We were in her car and I shoved her into the door I am sure very violently, although I dont remember; basically there were no marks or anything, but just the fact that I touched her sickens me to this day. Then got out of the car and left, never talking to her again (in person...there was forgiveness...so we have talked online some about God and stuff). I was foolish on multiple levels and I learned from it...not to mention I acted completely out of character. I have always despised people who touch women. With a passion. At the same time I know where I was at mentally...and I was foolish to be around her...I was not a stable person. She told her family and basically all the older people in the church found out thanks to a wonderful system of gossip we have there; but more importantly the ministers knew...because they really had to. So there is some background.
The past year God has really worked. Like crazy. He took me from by far the lowest point I have ever been in (lower than I though imaginable) and reformed me...he built me back up from scratch. I have been serving in my church for the past year, doing as much as I can. I have a leadership role in the youth ministry as a middle school guys teacher / disciple leader. I am a leader in my college group. More importantly, the ministers (youth and college) really know me now. As much as the occurences of last year seemed of my character then, it really does now. I moved on and am in a great Godly relationship, a relationship that blows my mind and a beautiful young lady who blows my mind.
So this is the point of my story. The reason for my frustration. It is based off gossip. So a couple of weeks ago my gf and I were hangin out at my apartment. I live with 2 other guys on campus at my college. Like most couples, we play around, we tickle each other...that kind of stuff. So she was reaching down to get some water from the couch and I was laying down and I nudged her with my foot. She wavered on the side for about 10 seconds and gave up and fell off. She was falling anyways...but I used my foot to mess with her...we play like that. Anyways, I have a job with Dell and got a free laptop. A nice one, it was on the floor open. She landed on it...but we were both way to busy laughing to notice. It was a very humorous moment. Then I was like OH NO she was on my laptop and she got up quickly. I fixed the screen and turned it on and the LCD was ruined. I was frustrated a little, but was able to laugh about it soon. I showed one of my roommates. He decided to talk about it at work as a funny story. However, one of his coworkers is a guy in my college group. He took it as I kicked/ pushed/ did something violent to my gf to make her fall "as a joke"...a clear sign of the first stages of abuse. I am glad he went to the minister, because I would expect him to be concerned. He mentioned as a casual thing...maybe it should be brought up. Anyways, I get a call from the youth minister today and he all of the sudden wants to catch up with me and have lunch...which is not normal for him. I thought it was cool and didnt give much thought to maybe he had alterior motives...etc.
I find out when I get home about my roommate telling him because he heard the negative reaction. Apparently because my college minister knew about my past he freaked out. I was distraught and called my roommates coworker and asked him his interpretation. He went to lunch with the college group leader, told him about it, and he completely freaked...and thought the worst apparently. He stressed two points that I know of so far, the first, given the situation, although I hoped he knew me better, is ok really...just a little disappointing; that being concern about the act (a clear misunderstanding that happens with gossip and hearsay). The second was that as a leader in the youth it wasnt wise to date someone in the youth. That infuriates me on multiple levels.
1) We started dating before I began getting involved with ANY leadership.
2) Why are they just saying it now...9 months after we first started dating?
3) So back to a year ago....a 26 year old mand starts dating a 18 year old who was right out of a 2 year relationship and was his DIRECT student as he focused heavily on 11th and 12th grades. The relationship started while he was hear on an emotional level. THE CHURCH SAID NOTHING!!!! THEY APPROVED. And now they are telling me I cannot date someone less than 2 years younger than me who is not close to the area I am ministering to whatsoever???? They said nothing!
4) I dont think they handled this correctly. I know they are trying to go by the Matthew directed form of reproach...however, they do not know that there is something wrong yet. It is like they have already accused me of a sin. They have judged me based off of gossip. Of fallacy.
So that is all I guess...it sucks being frustrated with your church...I love everyone there so much...
Just pray that I go to God for this...He give me strength to see their good intentions...and pray that they go to God...so they can have righteous intentions. Pray that I do not condemn them for things they have not done...as I am obviously on the verge of or have done already.
The past year God has really worked. Like crazy. He took me from by far the lowest point I have ever been in (lower than I though imaginable) and reformed me...he built me back up from scratch. I have been serving in my church for the past year, doing as much as I can. I have a leadership role in the youth ministry as a middle school guys teacher / disciple leader. I am a leader in my college group. More importantly, the ministers (youth and college) really know me now. As much as the occurences of last year seemed of my character then, it really does now. I moved on and am in a great Godly relationship, a relationship that blows my mind and a beautiful young lady who blows my mind.
So this is the point of my story. The reason for my frustration. It is based off gossip. So a couple of weeks ago my gf and I were hangin out at my apartment. I live with 2 other guys on campus at my college. Like most couples, we play around, we tickle each other...that kind of stuff. So she was reaching down to get some water from the couch and I was laying down and I nudged her with my foot. She wavered on the side for about 10 seconds and gave up and fell off. She was falling anyways...but I used my foot to mess with her...we play like that. Anyways, I have a job with Dell and got a free laptop. A nice one, it was on the floor open. She landed on it...but we were both way to busy laughing to notice. It was a very humorous moment. Then I was like OH NO she was on my laptop and she got up quickly. I fixed the screen and turned it on and the LCD was ruined. I was frustrated a little, but was able to laugh about it soon. I showed one of my roommates. He decided to talk about it at work as a funny story. However, one of his coworkers is a guy in my college group. He took it as I kicked/ pushed/ did something violent to my gf to make her fall "as a joke"...a clear sign of the first stages of abuse. I am glad he went to the minister, because I would expect him to be concerned. He mentioned as a casual thing...maybe it should be brought up. Anyways, I get a call from the youth minister today and he all of the sudden wants to catch up with me and have lunch...which is not normal for him. I thought it was cool and didnt give much thought to maybe he had alterior motives...etc.
I find out when I get home about my roommate telling him because he heard the negative reaction. Apparently because my college minister knew about my past he freaked out. I was distraught and called my roommates coworker and asked him his interpretation. He went to lunch with the college group leader, told him about it, and he completely freaked...and thought the worst apparently. He stressed two points that I know of so far, the first, given the situation, although I hoped he knew me better, is ok really...just a little disappointing; that being concern about the act (a clear misunderstanding that happens with gossip and hearsay). The second was that as a leader in the youth it wasnt wise to date someone in the youth. That infuriates me on multiple levels.
1) We started dating before I began getting involved with ANY leadership.
2) Why are they just saying it now...9 months after we first started dating?
3) So back to a year ago....a 26 year old mand starts dating a 18 year old who was right out of a 2 year relationship and was his DIRECT student as he focused heavily on 11th and 12th grades. The relationship started while he was hear on an emotional level. THE CHURCH SAID NOTHING!!!! THEY APPROVED. And now they are telling me I cannot date someone less than 2 years younger than me who is not close to the area I am ministering to whatsoever???? They said nothing!
4) I dont think they handled this correctly. I know they are trying to go by the Matthew directed form of reproach...however, they do not know that there is something wrong yet. It is like they have already accused me of a sin. They have judged me based off of gossip. Of fallacy.
So that is all I guess...it sucks being frustrated with your church...I love everyone there so much...
Just pray that I go to God for this...He give me strength to see their good intentions...and pray that they go to God...so they can have righteous intentions. Pray that I do not condemn them for things they have not done...as I am obviously on the verge of or have done already.
