Why is forgiveness so hard? I've been going through a process of trying to forgive someone that hurt me deeply. I've prayed to God everyday to help me forgive him and everything he has done. I pray for him and his family, for God to bless them. What else can I do? Why can't I get over this pain already? Spiritually I know why I need to forgive, I also know intellectually. My heart is just so heavy...
Forgiveness
- Thread starter StassiT
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Take a big guy with you and go and ask him for forgiveness for leading him to hurt you (this is to cover you in his head even if it aint on correctly). Then tell him he is forgiven. For me, the feelings involved when released on a physical plain seals the deal. Why ? So when the mind wonders to that video inside your head, it has an ending of you being the brave one to forgive in the face of danger. < thus the big guy lol.
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Alithis
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sounds to me you are wiling to forgive and have forgiven
it is the hurt that takes longer to deal with ,I don't think that means we havnt forgiven ,only that it continues to hurt for a while ..how longs a while ? good question.
if we equate hurt of the heart into a physical sense for example only..
some one smashed us on the arm with a stick and thus wound us .
we forgive them and determine not to bring them to account for that ..as they shall give account to god, except they lay it at the cross and then our redeemer paid for it dearly .
but the welt and bruise they left upon our arm does not immediately vanish .. it heals -a process .
sometimes Unforgiveness can be equated to a person who then tacks another stick and keeps whacking the wound with it to show others what a terrible thing was done to them and keeps bringing it to remembrance by hitting it over and over ..and wonders why it never heals ..only gets worse and festers ,,,,,
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Hmm I can understand that. I guess I felt that if I was still hurting then that meant that I hadn't forgiven. The truth is I wouldn't want him to hurt like I have been, him or anyone.
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Lol, no, not hit you. That's why you take the big guy or guys with you to detour him from such actions. You tell him face to face you forgive him and you hope he can forgive you too for your part in it(this is to cover the craziness in his head "if" he is under the delusion you deserved it for ????) you ask forgiveness with no intent of receiving it and depart with no other agenda . Then in later years when those bad memories surface to unsettle you Spiritually the tape has an end that is pleasing in release/forgiveness.
For me, I found the physical act of planning a day, getting dressed and going to meet an individual to let them know they are forgiven and I hope they can forgive me for my part in it (to cover the chaos in their head in delusion of I deserved that because??).
Scripture fulfilled in physical instead of mental, wear now, you think wishy washey thoughts in the mood you are in at the time. Sometimes in your head you stand fast in ,I forgive him. Other times in your head you feel beat upon mentally and anger surfaces for there is no physical end to that tape but you suffering. So sister, go make an end to that video in your head that "physically" satisfies scripture in forgiveness..
For me, I found the physical act of planning a day, getting dressed and going to meet an individual to let them know they are forgiven and I hope they can forgive me for my part in it (to cover the chaos in their head in delusion of I deserved that because??).
Scripture fulfilled in physical instead of mental, wear now, you think wishy washey thoughts in the mood you are in at the time. Sometimes in your head you stand fast in ,I forgive him. Other times in your head you feel beat upon mentally and anger surfaces for there is no physical end to that tape but you suffering. So sister, go make an end to that video in your head that "physically" satisfies scripture in forgiveness..
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Big guy is violence deterrent. Size really does not account for violence potential . However, the odds state that if this guy is beating a woman then there is a deficiency of confidence of him beating a man. A big guy beats the guy in mentality of size with no need for hands on demonstration. BTW , Stass, make your meeting in a public place, lol. 
Gods Blessings.
Gods Blessings.
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ForJesusChrist
Follower of Christ
No need to intimidate people. StassiT never even said he was abusive. I think she meant hurt feelings not hurts physically. Correct me if I'm wrong.
God Bless
God Bless
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You are correct FJC . Sorry about that Stass . An assumption got placed in this head so now I humbly ask for your forgiveness. I see your confusion in my confusion . The concept of forgiving him physically still applies for all manner of sin and may or maynot be an avenue for you to sooth the mind and free the Spirit in pain. Hope you find what works for you Stass. For me, I had to make an ending to my tape inside head .
. An assumption got placed in this head so now I humbly ask for your forgiveness. I see your confusion in my confusion . The concept of forgiving him physically still applies for all manner of sin and may or maynot be an avenue for you to sooth the mind and free the Spirit in pain. Hope you find what works for you Stass. For me, I had to make an ending to my tape inside head .
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ForJesusChrist
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You are correct FJC . Sorry about that Stass
No need for forgiveness. Just mental error.
God Bless
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M
meinahanna
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Hi Stass, well it's good that you have a good heart, but i think i know why you can't forgive him and it's really in what you wrote
. YOU ARE TRYING!!!!! Our human efforts can achieve things, but when it comes to the HEART of God's commands and what Christ taught, when it comes to AGHAPY LOVE. Forget it!!!. You need to REMEMBER and MEDITATE by FAITH in the CROSS OF CHRIST!!. I'ms aying this cheerfully and not being angry at all btw. Just remember who you are (a sinner who has nothing to offer God and yet Christ forgave and died for you). Look to his love, Pray in the Holy Spirit and do it for HIS glory. He loves you and will help you.
read fast Jude 1:21. God give you strength. Also remember than when you do forgive, you would pass a very hard trial and that will defenatly strengthen you espicially if persecution for the word comes.
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I have one rule regarding forgiving another person: did they harm me intentionally?
I was abused by both my father and brother when I was a child (not sexually) and even after I became a Christian I struggled with forgiving them. Over time I realized that they were both mentally ill (or controlled by sin to put it another way) and they couldn't behave differently. I was simply an object and the abusive behavior was within them. When I realized this I was able to forgive them.
When Jesus was being crucified he said "Father forgive them for they don't know what they are doing."
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M
meinahanna
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Amen! very good point to realize as paul says in Titus 3:3-5
"At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. 4 But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, 5 he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit,"
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You are correct FJC . Sorry about that Stass
Yeah I didn't mean he physically hurt me but he definitely hurt me emotionally. Thanks for the advice
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I just realized that hes a narcissist but I don't know to what extent he knows how much he hurt me. He hurt me in the past and apologized for it, then betrayed me this last time and disappeared. I just want to forgive and move forward.
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Hi Stass, well it's good that you have a good heart, but i think i know why you can't forgive him and it's really in what you wrote
YOU ARE TRYING!!!!! Our human efforts can achieve things, but when it comes to the HEART of God's commands and what Christ taught, when it comes to AGHAPY LOVE. Forget it!!!. You need to REMEMBER and MEDITATE by FAITH in the CROSS OF CHRIST!!. I'ms aying this cheerfully and not being angry at all btw. Just remember who you are (a sinner who has nothing to offer God and yet Christ forgave and died for you). Look to his love, Pray in the Holy Spirit and do it for HIS glory. He loves you and will help you.
read fast Jude 1:21. God give you strength. Also remember than when you do forgive, you would pass a very hard trial and that will defenatly strengthen you espicially if persecution for the word comes.
I do believe that as well, I'm trying hard because I was affected so deeply. I read the entire book of Jude and it helped. Thanks
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Just realize that it's not about you. Just move forward with your own life and think about the blessings that God has given you and will continue to give you. Remember that regardless of the circumstances God's love is always there and he will never leave you or forsake you.
Think of what Paul went through -- if you need a reminder read 2 Corinthians -- yet he always knew that God's love was stronger than whatever he might encounter.
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seeingeyes
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Forgiveness is recognizing the harm done to you and refusing to punish the offender for it (even in your own head).
Yes. It is hard. Can you imagine what it took for Jesus to say "Father forgive them..." about the people who were currently murdering him? That's just, well, that's just superhuman. It's impossible. Yet in Acts 7, we see Stephen doing the exact same thing.
This is the power of God. And that power is already at work in you for even wanting to forgive him (rather than, say, setting his house on fire).
As a practical matter, what has helped me to forgive the unforgivable is to say the truth out loud to my Lord. "Dad in heaven, I recognize this wrong that has been done to me, and I refuse to punish him for it. I would rather be like you".
Now, it may be that five minutes later you start thinking how lovely it would be to burn his house down again. Don't fall to pieces, just say out loud, "Nope. I forgave that already. I'd rather be like my Lord." And five minutes later you say it again if you need to.
Your Father in heaven will take these small and weak attempts at forgiveness and hang them up on His fridge with joy. He sees your heart. He sees the battle, and He's in it with you. The battle is already won.
Don't give up, sister!
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