Forgiveness is recognizing the harm done to you and refusing to punish the offender for it (even in your own head).
Yes. It is hard. Can you imagine what it took for Jesus to say "Father forgive them..." about the people who were currently murdering him? That's just, well, that's just superhuman. It's impossible. Yet in Acts 7, we see Stephen doing the exact same thing.
This is the power of God. And that power is already at work in you for even wanting to forgive him (rather than, say, setting his house on fire).
As a practical matter, what has helped me to forgive the unforgivable is to say the truth out loud to my Lord. "Dad in heaven, I recognize this wrong that has been done to me, and I refuse to punish him for it. I would rather be like you".
Now, it may be that five minutes later you start thinking how lovely it would be to burn his house down again. Don't fall to pieces, just say out loud, "Nope. I forgave that already. I'd rather be like my Lord." And five minutes later you say it again if you need to.
Your Father in heaven will take these small and weak attempts at forgiveness and hang them up on His fridge with joy. He sees your heart. He sees the battle, and He's in it with you. The battle is already won.
Don't give up, sister!
