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Forgive someone who isn't sorry? And Meaning of Forgiveness?

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by GravyTrain2012, Apr 15, 2012.

  1. GravyTrain2012

    GravyTrain2012 Newbie

    How do you forgive someone who doesn't believe they did anything wrong?

    Also is forgiveness forgetting? Trusting? Excusing the wrong doing? Avoiding justice in the situation? Ignoring consequences?

    How do I forgive someone who hurt me that isn't sorry, do I just pretend that it didn't happen? Try to forget about it?
  2. jsimms615

    jsimms615 Well-Known Member Supporter

    forgiving isn't equal to forgetting. Forgiving means your giving up the right to get even and letting go of the resentment and anger that comes with not forigiving.
  3. gideon123

    gideon123 Humble Servant of God

    United States
    How did Jesus forgive the people who nailed him to the cross ... and then mocked him while he suffered in agony?

    That was an incredible demonstration of forgiveness, wasn't it?
    It goes far beyond what most of us could probably manage.

    Forgiveness is important to US personally.
    It is important to our hearts - to prevent us getting swept up with anger, revenge, or hatred. Forgiveness is what allows us to move beyond these very destructive emotions. I think we can only get there - with God's help!

  4. Barricade24

    Barricade24 Spiritually Rational

    Well said Gideon, well said.
  5. Peripatetic

    Peripatetic Restless mind, peaceful soul.

    At its core, forgiveness is not about the other person at all. We forgive when we let go of anger, bitterness, resentment, and especially hatred. But forgiveness does not grant a clean slate or endless second chances. It certainly doesn't guarantee trusting either. It all depends on the severity. Some minor things should be forgotten. The last thing a married couple needs is a photographic memory of all the times we came up short. But major wrongs should not be forgotten, and sometimes distance is the best next step after forgiveness.
  6. setfreeandforgivin

    setfreeandforgivin Newbie

    :priest:I like to use the term preemtive forgivness as it does not require us to have a, "Will you forgive me?" From the offending party.

    Forgiveness is a choice to be free of the offence.

    My dad was pretty abusive and had no love to speak of, and for decades I really hated him and couldn't forgive him.

    What the Spirit of God showed me was by me not being willing to forgive I was holding myself hostage to this as well as him.

    True freedom in Christ cannot be attained while holding on to anger and unforgivness.

    The enemy will lie to you and make it hard to forgive, but if you really want to call yourself a child of the Most High God you have to forgive.

    Mat 6:12 and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who have sinned against us.
    Mat 6:14 Because if you forgive people their offenses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
    Mat 6:15 But if you do not forgive people their offenses, your Father will not forgive your offenses."
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2012
  7. hedrick

    hedrick Senior Veteran Supporter

    I would say there are two types of forgiveness. The preferable kind is forgiveness in the context of reconciliation. But that requires repentance. However even if someone doesn't repent, we still need to forgive, in order to avoid having it cause *us* a spiritual or psychological problem. But that kind of forgiveness doesn't involve forgetting the problem. We may still need to guard against danger from further actions by the offender. It's certainly possible that the second kind of forgiveness will eventually lead to repentance and real reconciliation, but that doesn't always happen.
  8. paul1149

    paul1149 that your faith might rest in the power of God Supporter

    This is essentially to agree the collective Body wisdom already expressed: Forgiveness will go as far as it can toward reconciliation, but no further. It will not force you to reconcile when there is no basis to do so. It basically is a letting go of the offense, and because it adapts appropriately to circumstances, it can be accomplished unilaterally when the perp does not repent, without reconciliation. It does not necessarily preclude seeking justice, especially when justice will be good for an unrepentant offender, and/or will protect others from being victimized. Trust is earned, not automatically deserved, and right relationships are built on trust.

    I go into a little bit of scripture on this in this post.
  9. CounselorForChrist

    CounselorForChrist Senior Veteran

    My mom was raped and abused by her father all the time when she wa a child. She says she forgives him, but forgetting is harder to do. Although in her case she still sometimes spits venom when she talks about him. So I don't think shes really forgiven him.
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2012
  10. ChrisHolland619

    ChrisHolland619 Newbie

    Forgiving someone does NOT mean you trust them, and Christ never says that. Forgiving someone means just that - forgiving. Saying "it's ok, I forgive you. It's ok." That does not mean you be stupid and trust them again. Have your guard up. Having your guard up does not mean you didn't forgive them.

    Be forgiving, not stupid and gullible.
  11. paul1149

    paul1149 that your faith might rest in the power of God Supporter

    Forgiveness is a process. It begins and is completed as we decide to forgive - over and over again, if necessary:

    And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” -Mark 11:25

    All that is in the present tense, and the "-ing" participle is used, denoting continuing action. In the Greek we need to "take our stand" praying, and then "send away" the offense, and whenever denotes repetition as necessary. This is an enormous protection for us. The offenses that really hit us deeply may need to be soaked in this forgiveness process like soaking a frozen bolt in WD40, because despite our efforts to date there may be a residue of bitterness. This is where we need to persist until we have total victory - for our own sakes, even if the perp never repents.

    So she may have forgiven, but she may need to keep at it a little more to make it complete, for her own sake.
  12. Emmy

    Emmy Senior Veteran

    Salvation Army
    Dear GravyTrain2012. The most wonderful knowledge is, God sees our hearts, God knows all our thoughts and wishes. Never worry what others might do, or not do, God will know, and when we forgive God will know, too, and we will be right and loving in God`s sight. We will feel better than the guilty ones, and we may be sure, the guilty ones will reap what he, or she, has sown. That is God`s eternal Law of Justice.
    As for the meaning of forgiveness, God will forgive us our sins, as we will forgive other`s sins. We can never know what really goes on in other people`s minds, but God will Always Know. And God is perfect Love and perfect Justice. I say this with love, GravyTrain. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.
  13. apmercer

    apmercer Awe777

    If you don't forgive all (including yourself) who have sinned against you, you will end up in hell as your sins cannot be forgiven if you don't forgive those who have sinned against you. A consequence of not forgiving is eternal damnation and your prayers on earth won't be answered.

    Mark 11:24-25 (NASB) Therefore I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they will be granted you. 25 Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions.


    Often once you have forgiven someone demons will try to bring back that memory; trying to make you angry at the person who sinned against you (including you for sinning against yourself), trying to make you regret forgiving them. This is, renouncing forgiveness. If you renounce forgiving someone; then in the eye of God you have not forgiven them.

    Guideline I believe that the Holy Spirit gave me:
    I have forgiven (person's name), and I will always forgive (person's name) in Jesus' name. I loose (person's name) from the fruit of this sin in Jesus' name. I declare the power of the blood of Jesus over (person's name) in Jesus' name.

    If anything pops up in your mind; especially anger and bitterness, say to the thought, "What is your name?" Usually God or an angel will tell you the demons name. Occasionally the Holy Spirit will make the demon speak out its name to you.Then kick the demon out, e.g. "Go in Jesus' name!" (or if you want to have some fun command the demon to go to Jesus for punishment). Then ask God to smash all the demons superior's, and declare the blood of Jesus over everything, e.g. "Blood LORD".

    I pray that this will help in Jesus' name,

    God Bless,

  14. PaladinValer

    PaladinValer Traditional Orthodox Anglican

    "..and forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.."

    If we do not forgive, we won't be forgiven by Him.

    Forgetting? No.
    Trusting? No.
    Excusing? Yes.
    Avoiding Justice? That's contradictory unless there's been an actual crime.
    Ignoring Consequences? No.

    What did Jesus teach as I quoted above?
  15. tannicv2

    tannicv2 Member

    I believe forgiving someone is along the lines of letting go of all the stress the other person has caused. I don't think forgetting about it isn't good because they same person might do it again and again and again. And it's an endless cycle of forgiving and you have to leverage the consequences of your their actions. So we have to learn from it.
  16. Ark100

    Ark100 The Lord is my Refuge

    I think that if they think they did not do anything wrong, then you need to enlighten them and let them know what they did. If someone feels they did not wrong you, then they remain blameless, at least in their own eyes. That is why in the scriptures, we are asked to talk about it if someone wrongs us, and if they do it again, confront them, and if they do it again, take another witness with you and confront them, and if they do not stop, leave them be and treat them like you would treat a pagan
    In all of these we still forgive, but we have to set boundaries.
    But you have to point it out to them. If after you let them know, and they apologise, as a christian we should forgive.
    If they do not apologise, forgive them, BUT remember to stay clear of anything that will bring the same thing about.
    If they remain a stumbling block to you, I would really stay clear of them. Staying clear of them does not mean you harbour resentment against them, it simply means you will not let anyone come in between you and your relationship with God.
    If your right hand will cause you to stumble, cut it off is the same meaning as if someone even if its someone close to you is hindering your relationship with God, making you sin, making you feel guilty and devoid of energy and peace, cut them off from you.
    cutting someone off or setting boundaries does not mean you do not forgive them. SO clearly two different things.
    There are some people that like to easily pick fights and nitpick on others even when you have not done anything wrong. These kinds of people are to be avoided at all costs so they do not effect your relationship with God.
    Keep it at the level of "Hi" or 'Hello' when you see them, and move about your business
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2012
  17. cafefan374

    cafefan374 Newbie

    The best way to forgive someone who has no remorse is to just wish them well but cease all contact and communication w/ them b/c they have shown that they have no remorse.
  18. PaladinValer

    PaladinValer Traditional Orthodox Anglican

    2 year old thread resurrected.
  19. cafefan374

    cafefan374 Newbie

    I know I know, but I had been dealing with this in my life and when I saw a thread relating to it, I just had to put my two cents in :D