Healthy Boundaries

[Michelle1]

Looking for advice on healthy boundaries.
1 Cor 13 "...love keeps no record of wrongs". I struggle understanding this verse plus the idea of "forgive & forget."
I need forgiveness and it's better for my own heart to forgive others than to hold a grudge, but the confusion is when someone harms you repeatedly, in purposeful ways. Are we supposed to give that person the same trust and access to our lives as we did before? To hurt us again and again?

The scenarios I'm thinking about are not verbal quarrels with loved ones. But situations where someone steals from you, physically hurts you, encourages you to fornicate and/or abuse substances, generally does not consider your well fare.

Can we act on self-preservation and let some relationships & people go, or keep a distance from them, and leave them in God's hands while also still following 1 Cor 13?

Thank you for your time & thoughts.

 

[sandman]

Can we act on self-preservation and let some relationships & people go, or keep a distance from them, and leave them in God's hands while also still following 1 Cor 13?

Absolutely.

God can forgive and forget … we can forgive (even as) because we know what we have been forgiven for… but forgetting is not the way our brains are set up. We don’t have to think evil of ….but we should do what is necessary to protect ourselves from falling into the same traps…

Col 3:13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

Eph 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

We learn we grow, and we love …

There may be instances where you give certain people a second chance .. “cautiously”. Because trust is a tough thing to regain once it has been violated.

 

[Unqualified]

It sometimes takes longer to forgive than instantly @Michelle1 . But get them out of your life. You don’t have to be their friend. Self preservation is still very important. Remember, “ they will take your soul if you let them, but don’t you let them.” People usually get away from their persecutors. But maybe see again armed with the gospel. Pray for you enemy. Mat 5:44

 

[Richard T]

The bible warns us not to fellowship with immoral or persons given to anger. I would concentrate more on relationships that uplift you in Christ and shun the ones that bring you down. Of course you can forgive them, but you can limit access. You are supposed to love yourself and if you allow abuse, you must realize more of your worth to God, His love and care too. The devil likes to break you down, hurt you so deep that you have little left to give. thus, you need to protect yourself so that you can keep your relationship and walk with God strong. Just my two cents. I pray God's best for you.

 

[Gentle Lamb]

Looking for advice on healthy boundaries.
1 Cor 13 "...love keeps no record of wrongs". I struggle understanding this verse plus the idea of "forgive & forget."
I need forgiveness and it's better for my own heart to forgive others than to hold a grudge, but the confusion is when someone harms you repeatedly, in purposeful ways. Are we supposed to give that person the same trust and access to our lives as we did before? To hurt us again and again?

The scenarios I'm thinking about are not verbal quarrels with loved ones. But situations where someone steals from you, physically hurts you, encourages you to fornicate and/or abuse substances, generally does not consider your well fare.

Can we act on self-preservation and let some relationships & people go, or keep a distance from them, and leave them in God's hands while also still following 1 Cor 13?

Thank you for your time & thoughts.

Jesus kept boundaries. He soundly rebuked the Pharisees for wrong behavior/practices. He never condoned any of it. Notice also that Judas was never part of Jesus inner most circle. Only 3 disciples were - Peter, James, and John. They saw him at the transfiguration, not the other 9. The Bible says that Evil communications corrupt good manners. Develop a closer relationship with God, pray for those who give you bad advice and look for practical ways to limit contact with toxic people.

 

[TPop]

Looking for advice on healthy boundaries.
1 Cor 13 "...love keeps no record of wrongs". I struggle understanding this verse plus the idea of "forgive & forget."
I need forgiveness and it's better for my own heart to forgive others than to hold a grudge, but the confusion is when someone harms you repeatedly, in purposeful ways. Are we supposed to give that person the same trust and access to our lives as we did before? To hurt us again and again?

The scenarios I'm thinking about are not verbal quarrels with loved ones. But situations where someone steals from you, physically hurts you, encourages you to fornicate and/or abuse substances, generally does not consider your well fare.

Can we act on self-preservation and let some relationships & people go, or keep a distance from them, and leave them in God's hands while also still following 1 Cor 13?

Thank you for your time & thoughts.

The only relationship 'you' cannot end is Marriage.
However, if anyone is harming you: physically, emotionally, sexually, or spiritually, you are empowered by God to leave! And do so.
If your spouse abuses you, you may need to leave. That does not mean divorce. But you get out of the way of their tongue, fists, or other forms of abuse!

You do Not need anyone's permission to leave.

There are evil groups like Bill Goddard (IBLT and ATI) that try to control you and prevent you from being safe no matter the circumstances. Leave!

These are not your friends. Be they parents, siblings, spouses, co-workers, cult leaders, etc.

Evil people tell you to stay, work it out, pray, read scripture, figure out what 'you' are doing wrong, what about the kids, what about the family, what about the...etc. Leave.

You can forgive. But that does not mean one stays, is repeatedly or even one more time subject to something evil, or that you trust them. You can forgive and have no trust and be very warrry.

Peace and Blessings

 

[com7fy8]

No, you are not expected by God to trust a wrong person. But yes forgive.

It is possible to get wise to an untrustworthy person and not trust the person, before he or she has a chance to harm or betray you. I mean, with God we can tell the difference. And 1 Timothy 3:1-10 gives examples of how men must be tested first before they are trusted in the church.

We trust God because He already has proven Himself. If someone is not proven, there is no reason to trust the person, except maybe in small ways to see how the person handles being trusted. And my opinion is that a worthy person will welcome you to test him or her and make sure if and how you trust the person.

Trusting should not be blind, then, I would say.