Force him to Break up with me?

[Angeleyes7715]

Hi,

Still dealing with my early pregnancy and baby's father.

He acts unenthusiastic about hearing from me or seeing me. I've asked him 2 times already if he wants a break from me or for me to leave him alone or to end the relationship. He says no.

I'm getting sick of feeling unwanted though. I'm wondering if I should just force him to break up with me and just accept my fate of single motherhood at 25.

 

[Saucy]

Well, it depends on what you really want. You don't seem as interested in him as you do just not wanting to go through single motherhood. Are you in love with him? Do you want him around? Does he want to be a proper father?

Either way, he needs to step up and be a father. If he's not going to do it, then you need to kick him to the curb.

 

[Catherineanne]

Hi,

Still dealing with my early pregnancy and baby's father.

He acts unenthusiastic about hearing from me or seeing me. I've asked him 2 times already if he wants a break from me or for me to leave him alone or to end the relationship. He says no.

I'm getting sick of feeling unwanted though. I'm wondering if I should just force him to break up with me and just accept my fate of single motherhood at 25.

It sounds as if you have already broken up.

Block his number; move on. You have some wonderful times ahead of you; it is his loss if he does not share them with you.

 

[Sketcher]

Do you want him to be a father to your child rather than just a sperm donor? Or is a sperm donor good enough for you for the rest of your life and your child's?

 

[Angeleyes7715]

He keeps saying we'll discuss it once we get the full result back from my doctor's office, but I got a faint line on a pregnancy test, I've been cramping, I spotted, feeling hot instead of cold, I already know I'm pregnant. It's obvious. He doesn't want to talk about it until I get the full result.

Don't feel like I can block his number and move on. Isn't that illegal cause it would be his kid too.

Definitely don't feel like o have wonderful moments ahead of me. I'm not ready to give up my youthful lifestyle. I honestly came from a place on deciding whether to get my tubes tied permanently since I've been bitter about not finding a guy to marry me despite going on plenty of casual dates.

Feels like the worst thing in the world since I wanted so badly to be successful in life. I took the hardest major I could in school, I graduated with a nice gpa, took internships, considered grad school, trying to save money, look into investing, etc. go on dates to find a husband and get married. I've never been much of the one that wanted a kid, maybe for a very small percentage of my life, but it's always been a desire for a spouse not a child. Even thought of marrying someone who doesn't want children either. I wish this never happened to me, that I never made the choice to be with this person sexually.

In every way having a kid feels like failure especially when I'm not married. I always wanted to be one of those women that got married as a virgin and her boyfriend/ husband loved her and would do anything for her. No man ever cared about me that much, men are only interested in sex and they leave you once they get it. Not sure why those type of women get what they want but it's not so for me.


I keep going back and forth trying to decide whether I'm going to terminate my pregnancy. I don't want to and know it's a sin against God, but I don't want to be a failure single mother like my mom. And a baby would keep me from ever getting married.

 

[GeorgeJ]

-__-

 

[com7fy8]

He acts unenthusiastic about hearing from me or seeing me. I've asked him 2 times already if he wants a break from me or for me to leave him alone or to end the relationship. He says no.

I'm getting sick of feeling unwanted though.

Well, if he's not right with God, he can't be expected to do what is right with you. And this could be part of why he did what he did with you. While he is able to only use a woman, how can he have the character to truly care for you and a child?

And, likewise, if you do not have caring in your heart for a child, so you can tenderly care for your baby . . . how can you expect to be able to do what is really caring for you and your child, and for him?

We all need our Father's correction, so we can become able to truly love and care for other people, including ones not our own family and friends > Hebrews 12:4-11 shows us about how our loving Father corrects us who are His children. We need to actively seek God for Himself, and for His success in how He is able to correct us.

And learn how to love, so our decisions can be loving and caring.

 

[mina]

You should take another pregnancy test. Getting a faint line on one test does not always mean that you are for sure pregnant. Symptoms can sometimes manifest when it's constantly on your mind. Call the doctor and ask for the results.

If you are not pregnant, you really really need to become educated on birth control- either permanent or non-hormonal barrier methods. Schedule an appointment with your doctor and discuss your options. Especially if you are not sure that you are able to resist sex. There is no need to kill or harm a baby or be resentful of a baby stealing your youthful endeavours and wanting to take it out on the child; it is senseless. That is a tremendously unhealthy attitude when there is a very real possibility of getting pregnant and impacting a defenseless child when you can not handle it. Get educated and use knowledge to prevent.

 

[com7fy8]

Don't feel like I can block his number and move on. Isn't that illegal cause it would be his kid too.

Well, you have not said he is obviously abusive or anything that could mean it is legal to put a restraining order on him. But I think you have the legal right to block him, but this could depend on a given state's rules. But even if you can block his number, technically it still could be legally required that he have at least visitation rights.

But I think we need to deal with how God wants us to love, not only what is legal and what our rights are. Do we first desire to please God, or not????

I think he would be legally required to support your child. But you might have a legal choice about if you accept his support.

My opinion is God would change you to be caring for your baby and also caring for him . . . even if he is not caring for you two. Jesus wants us Christians to love others, even though they do not love us (Matthew 5:46); and have hope for people . . . like how Jesus on the cross had hope for any evil person, at all > love "hopes all things" (in 1 Corinthians 13:7). Still be a good example, in case this can help him. God is able to use your good example.

But while you are bitter, you are not benefitting from how God is able, the way you could.

 

[Phil 1:21]

Assuming you are pregnant (and by your own account it has not been confirmed), understand that him being in your life is not a requirement for him being a father to his child. One of the worst things a custodial parent can do is use a child to manipulate the other parent.

 

[com7fy8]

I'm not ready to give up my youthful lifestyle.

No man ever cared about me that much, men are only interested in sex and they leave you once they get it.

Well, how you are as a person and what you are looking for can have a lot to do with which men you are able to connect with. And in case you get interested in finding a really caring man, you will need to be able to pray and make sure with God, so you can't be fooled by the acting of some guy who wants to use you but knows how to act nurturing and godly. There are guys who have been brought up in Christian homes, and they have learned to fit in by putting on the manner of their parents. And they can use this ability to get with women they want to use.

Not sure why those type of women get what they want but it's not so for me.

The bait you use can be what is choosing the fish you catch.

With my lady friend, I have discovered that because I love her it is easy to have self control. And if I'm window shopping for eye candy in the store, this can interfere with me really loving her.

Lust does not give me self control. Lust is dominating and controlling and nagging; yet, youths who feel nagged by parents can be very ready to go along with the nagging abuse and bossing of lusts.

And in our weakness to give in to pleasure, we stay weak so we can also suffer in pain of boredom and loneliness and frustration and bitterness and nasty anger and arguing and complaining . . . and blaming someone else.

So, if you feel it is more enjoyable to go out after excitement, instead of putting God first, it could be you have not experienced how it really is to put God first. If we put God first, we can find out how to love, with Him >

"learn from Me," Jesus says, "for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." (in Matthew 11:28-30).

Yes, Jesus is the One who really cares for you So, if you look elsewhere to men who are willing to settle for less, you will be disappointed.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

Assuming you are pregnant (and by your own account it has not been confirmed), understand that him being in your life is not a requirement for him being a father to his child. One of the worst things a custodial parent can do is use a child to manipulate the other parent.

I'm not trying to manipulate him. My question was do I force him to break up with me for acting this way. I feel like he's trying to force himself to care about me out of guilt and I don't want that, would rather tell him to leave me be than be with someone who feels forced to love me.

Him being a father without being with me is not relevant to my question. That's not an option I've elected. Its either we stay together as a family or I don't want to have the baby because I don't want to be a single mother and can't be a single mother.

But I don't want him to be with me and the baby if he doesn't want to therefore I'm wondering if I should make him break up with me and not have the baby and not tell him about it.

I'd really hate to do that, trust me I don't want to give up a baby or abort, but single motherhood is something I'm not willing to do at all. I made up my mind about that.

As a man he gets perks that I don't get. Men can leave, they can date, continue their lives. Women who get stuck with single motherhood are stuck. They have no dating life, can't do anything, they carry the baby for 9 months. I'm not willing to take on all the responsibility alone and let him simply 'be in the child's life' I'm just not. Some women are okay with that and say oh I'll raise my kids alone. That's not me, either I have a man in our lives or no child at all.

 

[Phil 1:21]

I'm not trying to manipulate him. My question was do I force him to break up with me for acting this way.

Please re-read the second sentence and ask yourself if the first is true.

Its either we stay together as a family or I don't want to have the baby because I don't want to be a single mother and can't be a single mother.

Killing an unborn child because the father doesn't want to be with you is something for which I am at a loss for words to accurately describe. Please seek the counsel of a pastor immediately and pray for the Lord's guidance.

 

[fliperacci901]

Ask yourself this. Do you LOVE him. Does he LOVE you.

He keeps saying we'll discuss it once we get the full result back from my doctor's office, but I got a faint line on a pregnancy test, I've been cramping, I spotted, feeling hot instead of cold, I already know I'm pregnant. It's obvious. He doesn't want to talk about it until I get the full result.

Don't feel like I can block his number and move on. Isn't that illegal cause it would be his kid too.

Definitely don't feel like o have wonderful moments ahead of me. I'm not ready to give up my youthful lifestyle. I honestly came from a place on deciding whether to get my tubes tied permanently since I've been bitter about not finding a guy to marry me despite going on plenty of casual dates.

Feels like the worst thing in the world since I wanted so badly to be successful in life. I took the hardest major I could in school, I graduated with a nice gpa, took internships, considered grad school, trying to save money, look into investing, etc. go on dates to find a husband and get married. I've never been much of the one that wanted a kid, maybe for a very small percentage of my life, but it's always been a desire for a spouse not a child. Even thought of marrying someone who doesn't want children either. I wish this never happened to me, that I never made the choice to be with this person sexually.

In every way having a kid feels like failure especially when I'm not married. I always wanted to be one of those women that got married as a virgin and her boyfriend/ husband loved her and would do anything for her. No man ever cared about me that much, men are only interested in sex and they leave you once they get it. Not sure why those type of women get what they want but it's not so for me.


I keep going back and forth trying to decide whether I'm going to terminate my pregnancy. I don't want to and know it's a sin against God, but I don't want to be a failure single mother like my mom. And a baby would keep me from ever getting married.

I'm a single guy myself no kids, so maybe no one will take my advice seriously but the way I see it is that Paul gave relationship advice too and he was single soooo. But I am not expert on relationships but I will give my point of view. First of all, don't be bitter that you are not married yet. My opinion is you should let the Lord complete you and feel whole as a single before you are ready to get married. It sounds like to me if you are bitter because you aren't married yet, then you want marriage for the sake of marriage. I do not think people should get married just for the sake of getting married. I believe you should find the right one before you get married. Somoene you have a deep love and respect for and that has a deep love and respect for you also. I do not believe marriage should be taken lightly. If you get married because you feel like a failure if you don't get married then you are basically marrying because you are insecure. I don't think that is a good reason to get married. The bible says Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church. What did Christ do for the Church? He died for the church. So in my opinion marriage isn't just something you do because you are scared to be alone, or you feel insecure because you are single. Marriage is a giant step you take when you truly love someone and would even die for them. John 3:16 says that God so LOVED the world that He gave His only son...... God loved the world so much that He died for it. Love is about self sacrifice. Ask yourself this.....if your not willing to die for someone do you really love them enough to marry them? Marinate on that for a second.

 

[fliperacci901]

I'm not trying to manipulate him. My question was do I force him to break up with me for acting this way. I feel like he's trying to force himself to care about me out of guilt and I don't want that, would rather tell him to leave me be than be with someone who feels forced to love me.

Him being a father without being with me is not relevant to my question. That's not an option I've elected. Its either we stay together as a family or I don't want to have the baby because I don't want to be a single mother and can't be a single mother.

But I don't want him to be with me and the baby if he doesn't want to therefore I'm wondering if I should make him break up with me and not have the baby and not tell him about it.

I'd really hate to do that, trust me I don't want to give up a baby or abort, but single motherhood is something I'm not willing to do at all. I made up my mind about that.

As a man he gets perks that I don't get. Men can leave, they can date, continue their lives. Women who get stuck with single motherhood are stuck. They have no dating life, can't do anything, they carry the baby for 9 months. I'm not willing to take on all the responsibility alone and let him simply 'be in the child's life' I'm just not. Some women are okay with that and say oh I'll raise my kids alone. That's not me, either I have a man in our lives or no child at all.

I also want to say that you need to take responsibility for the decision you made to have relations with someone and have a baby. I know you DONT WANT TO BE A SINGLE MOTHER, but if you are no one made you do what you did it was your decision. So, with that said. Accept responsibility for your actions and raise your child. Whats done is done and there is no turning back if you are pregnant. That would be a detestable thing to do to abandon a child also irresponsible. No one made you open your legs. So just deal with the consequences of your actions.

 

[Poppyseed78]

I'm sorry you find yourself in a difficult position. Even married women who had been trying to get pregnant often get mixed feelings once they find out they are pregnant. It's a very complicated and emotional thing. It's okay to feel however you feel. However, I would strongly urge you to carry the baby rather than terminate.

Your relationship with your bf is secondary at this point. Once you find out if you are pregnant for sure, you need to focus on your health and making sure you get prenatal care. I think you should be up front with your doctor about being overwhelmed, because often OBGYN offices have resources, like nurse lines and counselors, that are very helpful.

Next, you can still enjoy life. Sometimes life takes a turn, and our plans don't pan out, but that doesn't mean you can't find happiness with your life going in a new direction. And you can definitely still marry. My college roommate actually recently got married, and she was a single mother for a few years before that. So it does happen.

I recommend a lot of prayer for strength and guidance in navigating this. A baby is a blessing, even if the circumstances are not ideal. You had the dedication to do well in school, so that means you are capable and competent. You can handle this too. I wish you all the best.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

I feel for you so much angel...just know whatever decision you make I'm here to listen. Having a child is a big responsibility but. I also think you'd make a great mother. And having a kid could help fill that loneliness.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

I still might not be pregnant issues with the pregnancy tests. If I am I can't keep the baby. I've made up my mind.

We broke up tonight. He told me how he was feeling forced to love me and he just didn't know if he felt that way. I told him it's okay. We broke up and I told him I was okay.

I blocked him from everything. And drove home crying and hyperventilating ready to cut myself.

I'm laying in bed alone thinking that my life is hell and God is punishing me for existing. Nothing will make this better. Tomorrow is a whole day of mindless work and I'm dying inside. How is this life even right? If God hates me and wants to see me suffer then this is the perfect life full of misery. I hope I don't wake up.

 

[Catherineanne]

He keeps saying we'll discuss it once we get the full result back from my doctor's office, but I got a faint line on a pregnancy test, I've been cramping, I spotted, feeling hot instead of cold, I already know I'm pregnant. It's obvious. He doesn't want to talk about it until I get the full result.

Don't feel like I can block his number and move on. Isn't that illegal cause it would be his kid too.

No, it would not be illegal. You get to choose who is in your life and who is not.

Definitely don't feel like o have wonderful moments ahead of me. I'm not ready to give up my youthful lifestyle. I honestly came from a place on deciding whether to get my tubes tied permanently since I've been bitter about not finding a guy to marry me despite going on plenty of casual dates.

Feels like the worst thing in the world since I wanted so badly to be successful in life. I took the hardest major I could in school, I graduated with a nice gpa, took internships, considered grad school, trying to save money, look into investing, etc. go on dates to find a husband and get married. I've never been much of the one that wanted a kid, maybe for a very small percentage of my life, but it's always been a desire for a spouse not a child. Even thought of marrying someone who doesn't want children either. I wish this never happened to me, that I never made the choice to be with this person sexually.

In every way having a kid feels like failure especially when I'm not married. I always wanted to be one of those women that got married as a virgin and her boyfriend/ husband loved her and would do anything for her. No man ever cared about me that much, men are only interested in sex and they leave you once they get it. Not sure why those type of women get what they want but it's not so for me.

Having a child is not a failure. It is the very greatest blessing you could ever wish for.

However, pregnancy hormones are not fun. If you really are pregnant they might be confusing you and making you fearful when there really is no need.

I keep going back and forth trying to decide whether I'm going to terminate my pregnancy. I don't want to and know it's a sin against God, but I don't want to be a failure single mother like my mom. And a baby would keep me from ever getting married.

You are not your mother, and your baby would not stop you from getting married.

Wait and see what the result is. Wait and see whether your bf decides to be a man instead of a baby himself. You can do this!

God be with you.

 

[Catherineanne]

I still might not be pregnant issues with the pregnancy tests. If I am I can't keep the baby. I've made up my mind.

We broke up tonight. He told me how he was feeling forced to love me and he just didn't know if he felt that way. I told him it's okay. We broke up and I told him I was okay.

I blocked him from everything. And drove home crying and hyperventilating ready to cut myself.

I'm laying in bed alone thinking that my life is hell and God is punishing me for existing. Nothing will make this better. Tomorrow is a whole day of mindless work and I'm dying inside. How is this life even right? If God hates me and wants to see me suffer then this is the perfect life full of misery. I hope I don't wake up.

I think you need to see your doctor. This level of anxiety and depression are not right.

Don't make any final decisions until you have the anxiety under control.

Lord have mercy.