For those that waited until marriage to do the you know what

[tall73]

This is women over thirty, and stable marriages means they had been in the marriage for five years. That sounds like cherry picking, and setting a low (and irrelevant) bar for 'stable marriages.' Teachman's (1990) study showed a link between number of sexual partners and lack of marital disruption. But the measures used for this particular chart you posted seem rather meaningless. Maybe they cut the data until they could get an impressive-looking chart.

Since they don't spell out why they used that particular data, I am not certain as to the decision. While I agree that 5 years is a low mark, I think that in this case the lesson is found in looking at the number who have not been able to maintain a stable marriage for at least five years. The over 30 is likely because people sometimes delay marriage, and you would have to have been married by 25 to be in a marriage for at least five years.

I agree I would rather see the chart across all women, rather than limited.

 

[songz777]

I have a very tiny sample size that I'm judging this on but it seems to me that Christians who wait for marriage before sex are more likely to marry their eventual partner quicker than a couple whos already doing it. Does this sound about right? And if it is true then doesn't this lead to all kinds of issues and wrong intentions for marriage? I think waiting for marriage is a good thing but if you marry someone after a month or year just so you can do the deed then it seems counterproductive to the point of marriage. Perhaps people have experiences themselves or of others who waited a very long time but it doesn't seem likely from what I've seen around me.

Hi there,
Actually there is no correlation between waiting and receiving. I had to wait 26 years for my wife, yes 26 years no sex! Very hard for an aggressive ( desires) active fit chap. It was worth waiting for though!

The time is all depending on God there is no formula

 

[Dave-W]

I had to wait 26 years for my wife, yes 26 years no sex! Very hard for an aggressive ( desires) active fit chap. It was worth waiting for though!

26 years after puberty, or 26 years after wanting her as your wife?

Did you have to wait for her first husband to die or something?

 

[songz777]

26 years after puberty, or 26 years after wanting her as your wife?

Did you have to wait for her first husband to die or something?

Hi Dave.
My wife was born in 1986 the very year the Lord made me a promise of a wife. I was 23 years old at the time. I had to wait for the fullness of time before meeting her online on my 49th birthday! All the waiting and trials were used of the Lord to create a youtube site for singles and to encourage them not to give up on their dreams. Its MrDevon777 if you think anyone would be helped by it feel free to post it on. Take care John

 

[DZoolander]

Okay, so I'm confused...lol

Did you forego sex as part of a born-again thing when you were 23...? Or were you a 49 year old virgin?

 

[songz777]

Okay, so I'm confused...lol

Did you forego sex as part of a born-again thing when you were 23...? Or were you a 49 year old virgin?

I gave up those great desires mate .. very hard! So yes indeed a rare case I may be.. virgin at 49! But well worth the wait as my wife was also & she was looking for a man who was likewise. Many times I was tempted to give up and sleep with some woman to be a "normal" man.. but my love for Jesus and His promise prevented me in giving in.

 

[DZoolander]

lol k makes sense then. Didn’t understand what you meant by how you waited 26 years if you were 49

 

[Tropical Wilds]

I never wanted to wait until marriage, just until I was 18, which I did. I don’t regret not waiting, I don’t regret that neither of my husbands were virgins either. In the grand scheme of things, it’s just such a non-issue.

 

[mama2one]

everyone I dated (that wanted to with me) told them I was waiting for marriage, so I rarely had more than a few dates with anyone
when met husband, he asked me to marry after two months and we got married 4 mos later

 

[Mayflower1]

My husband and I waited. We got married a little over a year, but not because of sex. I actually was abused as a child, so I was very nervous even holding hands. The fact that my husband did wait with me, when he was not a virgin, showed me even more what a good, patient man he was

 

[PeachieKeen]

We waited. Dated for 2.5 years. Only engaged 6 months.

If the desire for sex is at all a factor in wanting to marry someone, really check your heart. Sex is GREAT... But it's not enough to keep a relationship together forever.

 

[OK Jeff]

We waited. Dated for 2.5 years. Only engaged 6 months.

If the desire for sex is at all a factor in wanting to marry someone, really check your heart. Sex is GREAT... But it's not enough to keep a relationship together forever.

I agree 100%. But convincing a young person who isn’t getting it regularly if this is a tougher order.

 

[PeachieKeen]

I agree 100%. But convincing a young person who isn’t getting it regularly if this is a tougher order.

Well one of the awesome things about waiting is it helps not knowing how good it is. You may have an idea, but without actually experiencing it you just don't know for sure.

But yes, definitely hard to be discerning when your body wants what it does, but maybe if one finds he/she is having that much trouble discerning they could then realize they probably arent mature enough for marriage.

 

[OK Jeff]

Well one of the awesome things about waiting is it helps not knowing how good it is. You may have an idea, but without actually experiencing it you just don't know for sure.

But yes, definitely hard to be discerning when your body wants what it does, but maybe if one finds he/she is having that much trouble discerning they could then realize they probably arent mature enough for marriage.

Another true statement. But the problem with immaturity is the immature doesn’t know he’s immature. I certainly didn’t.

 

[DZoolander]

TBH I think that Christianity makes too much of the "purity" issue.

 

[mama2one]

TBH I think that Christianity makes too much of the "purity" issue.

don't think so

plus there are chemicals involved like oxytocin, dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin
besides morals, think it's practical not to have sex with anyone before marriage

one of the chemicals sears the experience in your brain
other chemicals draw the couple closer

it's best not to have those memories in your brain once you're married
better to wait and bond with your spouse

 

[PeachieKeen]

TBH I think that Christianity makes too much of the "purity" issue.

I agree with this.

Don't get me wrong, we are told to wait for marriage and that's what we should aim for. But i think we go way too extreme with elevating this sin above all others and acting like virginity should be our greatest pride. When i was in the singles forum it was actually insane how much everybody obsessed over both achieving this themselves and only accepting a partner who had done this also. If we made those standards with any other sin save murder, it would be obviously nuts. (Ie- I will only date someone who has never lied before. I will only date someone who has never envied before)

 

[Guy Incognito]

TBH I think that Christianity makes too much of the "purity" issue.

I agree with this and PeachieKeen's comment. Yes, purity is important, but at times we can make it almost a salvation issue - and it's not. People can get way too firm with the 'never had any sexual sin' (for those who have found significant others like that, praise God). If my wife was like that though? I wouldn't be blessed with her hand in marriage, because I stumbled in the past.

I'd say purity is important, but especially purity *now*. If the person your with has past sin, but is showing that they're working on it and striving to be pure now (even if they still struggle with this, it which shows repentance and a walk with Jesus) that is more important in my book. We all have sinned, but if someone is showing they're striving not to sin still - that's a good work happening. If the person doesn't give a crap about purity and is actively sinning in that area, then don't pursue that individual.

I hope this made sense.

 

[DZoolander]

Makes perfect sense.

It's always seemed to me that pretty much 95% of all the moral focus of the Church goes toward sexual issues. I mean can you really think of more than 2-3 issues (at most) that the Church really takes seriously that don't have something to do with sex? lol

Then you get all of these things like thousands of people getting into stadiums to make pledges that they won't have sex before marriage... I'd rather see thousands of people get together to promise to be charitable to their neighbor, not be a jerk, etc. But it's the purity thing that really drives them.

...and other weird things like "purity balls" - where dads take their little daughters and have mock ceremonies and things where the little girls promise their chastity to their dads until they get married... meh...I find it creepy.

 

[mama2one]

still think it's the right thing to wait and will teach my daughter to wait, also

just because 95% of people don't wait, doesn't make it ok

know too many people who've had kids out of wedlock because they didn't wait

one was a neighbor's daughter
she had to move back in with her parents, and having a baby threw her college education off as she was in a program and she had to lose a whole year

she struggled being a single parent
and the boyfriend no longer had any interest once she became pregnant so he didn't even stay in the child's life