For those that waited until marriage to do the you know what

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

I have a very tiny sample size that I'm judging this on but it seems to me that Christians who wait for marriage before sex are more likely to marry their eventual partner quicker than a couple whos already doing it. Does this sound about right? And if it is true then doesn't this lead to all kinds of issues and wrong intentions for marriage? I think waiting for marriage is a good thing but if you marry someone after a month or year just so you can do the deed then it seems counterproductive to the point of marriage. Perhaps people have experiences themselves or of others who waited a very long time but it doesn't seem likely from what I've seen around me.

 

[AvgJoe]

I don't know but Paul says it's better to marry then to burn with lusts in 1 Corinthians 7:8-9;

8) So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. 9) But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.​

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

I don't know but Paul says it's better to marry then to burn with lusts in 1 Corinthians 7:8-9;

8) So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. 9) But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.​

But just imagine this hilarious hypothetical of young adults getting married over 1000 times in their life every time they want to get it on with someone they like. It's like well paul said we should wait so lets get married bink bink, alright time for a divorce.

 

[chevyontheriver]

But just imagine this hilarious hypothetical of young adults getting married over 1000 times in their life every time they want to get it on with someone they like. It's like well paul said we should wait so lets get married bink bink, alright time for a divorce.

Divorce is more common among co-habitators who eventually marry.

 

[AvgJoe]

But just imagine this hilarious hypothetical of young adults getting married over 1000 times in their life every time they want to get it on with someone they like. It's like well paul said we should wait so lets get married bink bink, alright time for a divorce.

But then, a Christian looking from a biblical perspective wouldn't do that. If that be the plan, might as well and skip the married part, as that person would be committing the same sin, either way.

31) “You have heard the law that says, ‘A man can divorce his wife by merely giving her a written notice of divorce.’ 32) But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman also commits adultery. (Matthew 5:31-32 (NLT)​

 

[Grandpa2390]

I have a very tiny sample size that I'm judging this on but it seems to me that Christians who wait for marriage before sex are more likely to marry their eventual partner quicker than a couple whos already doing it. Does this sound about right? And if it is true then doesn't this lead to all kinds of issues and wrong intentions for marriage? I think waiting for marriage is a good thing but if you marry someone after a month or year just so you can do the deed then it seems counterproductive to the point of marriage. Perhaps people have experiences themselves or of others who waited a very long time but it doesn't seem likely from what I've seen around me.

Yeah I guess I have noticed it too. but not because they are eager to have relations. Paul said it is better to marry than to burn, and a person who is abstaining till marriage is probably not going to want to marry and divorce just to do it.

 

[Dave-W]

eah I guess I have noticed it too. but not because they are eager to have relations. Paul said it is better to marry than to burn, and a person who is abstaining till marriage is probably not going to want to marry and divorce just to do it.

I read a commentator on 1 Cor 7 once (sorry I do not remember who he was) that put forth the idea that the congregation in Corinth had taken on the idea that it was better to be single to serve the Lord than married; but then most of them found out they could not go without sex so they re-married to other partners, got satisfied and then divorced again; and the cycle went over and over.

So Paul agrees that it is easier to be single - especially in light of the "present distress," a wave of persecution. But he calls being single permanently a charismatic gift like healings and miracles. (1 Cor 12) So each person is told to have their own spouse, and to not abstain from sex in the marriage, "except by mutual agreement." How long would that have been? IT was a matter of discussion in the previous century between Rabbis Hillel and Shammai. Gamaliel was Paul's mentor and the grandson of Hillel.
Hillel allowed 1 week maximum.
Shammai allowed 2 weeks maximum.

So no matter which option Paul went with, it is only a week or 2.

BTW - in the Greek "better to marry than to burn" is addressed to female widows. English neuters almost every word so it is lost in translation.

 

[Grandpa2390]

I read a commentator on 1 Cor 7 once (sorry I do not remember who he was) that put forth the idea that the congregation in Corinth had taken on the idea that it was better to be single to serve the Lord than married; but then most of them found out they could not go without sex so they re-married to other partners, got satisfied and then divorced again; and the cycle went over and over.

... I don't know about that. This is what I have been taught. John MacArthur is an easy source to access off the top of my head.

In the 1st Corinthian Church men and women were leaving their spouses in their Zeal for serving Christ. Many times they would leave unbelieving spouses because they were unbelievers. or they would leave their believing spouse to "dedicate" their lives to Christ. Or they would take vows of celibacy from their spouses in their Zeal. We see these groups addressed.

So Paul agrees that it is easier to be single - especially in light of the "present distress," a wave of persecution.

quite the contrary. Paul says it is good/better to be single - especially in the present distress. but not easier. He says it is a sin to have premarital sex and because being celibate is so difficult for people, then it is better for most to marry except those who have the gift of singleness.
Now this does not mean that it is impossible for everyone to be single, but it is for many. and for the rest it is impossible to live without having to battle thoughts/longings for a relationship. In those people remaining single is weighing them down rather than freeing them up for the service of Christ.

So each person is told to have their own spouse, and to not abstain from sex in the marriage, "except by mutual agreement." How long would that have been? IT was a matter of discussion in the previous century between Rabbis Hillel and Shammai. Gamaliel was Paul's mentor and the grandson of Hillel.
Hillel allowed 1 week maximum.
Shammai allowed 2 weeks maximum.

So no matter which option Paul went with, it is only a week or 2.

BTW - in the Greek "better to marry than to burn" is addressed to female widows. English neuters almost every word so it is lost in translation.

Right, I am pretty sure he say that when addressing the widows in the English as well. But I believe it is implied that it goes for everyone in the chapter who he addresses.
Such as the virgin daughter who he commands the father to break the vow he made and allow her to marry. why? because it is better marry than to burn.

 

[Poppyseed78]

My husband and I were together for 20 months before we married - 16 months of dating and 4 months of engagement. We had been friends for a year before we started dating. I consider this a reasonable length of time by any standard.

 

[*LILAC]

Hubby and I were kinda friends for about a year. More like acquaintances. Had no idea he was interested in me until he really made an effort and made it obvious. Dated for 4 months and were engaged for 4 months. Seemed about right for "tradition".

 

[evoeth]

Divorce is more common among co-habitators who eventually marry.

Incorrect.
The Science of Cohabitation: A Step Toward Marriage, Not a Rebellion

 

[chevyontheriver]

I wrote:

Divorce is more common among co-habitators who eventually marry.

And you retorted:

Incorrect.
The Science of Cohabitation: A Step Toward Marriage, Not a Rebellion

Now The Atlantic may be used by some as a fine journal of the science of sociology but I'm not likely to accept it's findings as authoritative. Sorry. Looks like a 'feel good' piece to boost the spirits of cohabitators.

 

[evoeth]

I wrote:

And you retorted:

Now The Atlantic may be used by some as a fine journal of the science of sociology but I'm not likely to accept it's findings as authoritative. Sorry. Looks like a 'feel good' piece to boost the spirits of cohabitators.

And if you'd read a scant 3 paragraphs you'd realize the source isnt the Atlantic. It's the Journal of Marriage and Family.

But hey, conflate the report with the source why dontcha.

 

[chevyontheriver]

And if you'd read a scant 3 paragraphs you'd realize the source isnt the Atlantic. It's the Journal of Marriage and Family.

But hey, conflate the report with the source why dontcha.

It's still The Atlantic, or actually a story writer who The Atlantic published, quoting what they think they understood from somewhere else. So no, it's The Atlantic, or actually just Lauren Fox, trying to make cohabitors feel good. Reality might differ.

 

[RedPonyDriver]

You all do know that atheists have the lowest divorce rates, right?

 

[Dave-W]

As for marrying fast for sex, I don't really agree with that notion necessarily, I myself courted my hubby for probably a year before we got married. Yes I wanted to know him but we loved each other beyond just physically, and true love waits, anything else isn't love it's just lust.

What do you think of a congregation that has a policy and teaching that you should court and marry ONLY someone you have absolutely NO sexual chemistry and attraction to? Only a romantic emotional connection?

A LOT of those marriages ended up in divorce at about 5 years on.

 

[DarthNeo]

I have a very tiny sample size that I'm judging this on but it seems to me that Christians who wait for marriage before sex are more likely to marry their eventual partner quicker than a couple whos already doing it. Does this sound about right? And if it is true then doesn't this lead to all kinds of issues and wrong intentions for marriage? I think waiting for marriage is a good thing but if you marry someone after a month or year just so you can do the deed then it seems counterproductive to the point of marriage. Perhaps people have experiences themselves or of others who waited a very long time but it doesn't seem likely from what I've seen around me.

It IS quite a dilemma. Statistics say even Christian marriages end over money issues or sex issues. If you do as Christians should and wait for sex until married, how will you know that you are sexually compatible? I am not using this as a rationalization, because I did wait with my wife to have sex until married (though I was not a virgin prior).

I get along very well with my wife on 90% of all issues but...even after 26 years of marriage, sex is an issue (I won't go into the details here).

So, while prior to marriage, I do not condone having sex, I DO recommend having some VERY candid, blunt, no holds barred conversations about sex...

 

[Dave-W]

I think that sexual feelings are normal, but relationships are not well should not be solely based on those feelings.

The leaders of that congregation would ask the guy if he had any sexual attraction toward his fiancee. If he answered yes they would put him in for counseling, exorcism, or dissolve the engagement. In one case they shipped the guy off to another city several hundred miles away.

 

[evoeth]

You all do know that atheists have the lowest divorce rates, right?

Well. Atheists are not getting married obscenely young so that they have permission from the Christian community to have sex. So there's that.

 

[Dave-W]

That is a cult, the Church has NO business meddling in those things, then again I wouldn't even call that a Church.

Actually, the church in general in the US has abdicated its role in "meddling in those things," and has succumbed to the "American Independence" mindset that treasures "privacy" and no accountability above all else; when Hebrews 13.17 says that congregational leaders will give an account to God for the successes and FAILINGS of their congregants.