Fighting for toxic?

[DZoolander]

Just chalk this up to random meandering thoughts...

A few years ago some friends of ours split up and got a divorce. Truth was, IMHO it was a long time coming. They were a miserable couple. They fought constantly, didn't support each other, were always fighting, constant threats of abandonment, etc. She didn't like him and he didn't really seem to like her.

In the midst of all of this dysfunction, she decided to get herself sober (she drank quite a bit during this time), and I guess while she was doing the whole AA thing discovered the 13th step and found some other guy.

I'm sure you can imagine how well that went over. The new guy she picked is a pretty big guy - thick as heck. Not really tall, but solid and pretty built. Her ex-husband was probably 90 lbs soaking wet with his clothes on. When she went to go pick up her stuff - the ex husband picked a fight with the guy - and it didn't go too well for him.

After that it became this period of even more dysfunction, with the ex hubby doing things like doxxing the guy on the web, letting it be known that the guy was a homewrecker, etc.

During that time, the hubby came to me to ask me for my opinion. I told him that I thought they were a miserable couple and he ought let it go...that while he felt that way at the moment he would not feel that way in a few months. That he ought knock all that stuff off and just bide the time until he eventually came to realize what a blessing it was to be apart from her. Told him my own experience with divorce, how it had ebbs and flows, but ultimately there would come a day when he said "Good riddance."

Well, that went over like a wet blanket, and I think it kinda damaged our friendship for a while...lol We still don't talk nearly that much any more.

But the thing is - what I predicted came to be. She's still with that other guy, and they're planning on getting married and seem to be much better suited for each other. The ex hubby went through a period of time of being alone, and now seems to have found someone that fits him really well.

But it makes me wonder.... When you see these people out there fighting for what are arguably garbage relationships once one person is about to leave...what exactly is it they're fighting for? Is it really because they want to salvage the relationship? Or is it because they don't want the blow to their ego that they were the one left?

Do you know anyone like that?

 

[WESTOZZIE]

The latter reason seems to be the most frequent....but God can do miracles in hard hearts...we must be willing though.

 

[snoochface]

I've known lots of people like that. I get the impression it's less that they are trying to hold on to something good, than that they hate the idea of loss and, most especially, change.

 

[akaDaScribe]

Just chalk this up to random meandering thoughts...

A few years ago some friends of ours split up and got a divorce. Truth was, IMHO it was a long time coming. They were a miserable couple. They fought constantly, didn't support each other, were always fighting, constant threats of abandonment, etc. She didn't like him and he didn't really seem to like her.

In the midst of all of this dysfunction, she decided to get herself sober (she drank quite a bit during this time), and I guess while she was doing the whole AA thing discovered the 13th step and found some other guy.

I'm sure you can imagine how well that went over. The new guy she picked is a pretty big guy - thick as heck. Not really tall, but solid and pretty built. Her ex-husband was probably 90 lbs soaking wet with his clothes on. When she went to go pick up her stuff - the ex husband picked a fight with the guy - and it didn't go too well for him.

After that it became this period of even more dysfunction, with the ex hubby doing things like doxxing the guy on the web, letting it be known that the guy was a homewrecker, etc.

During that time, the hubby came to me to ask me for my opinion. I told him that I thought they were a miserable couple and he ought let it go...that while he felt that way at the moment he would not feel that way in a few months. That he ought knock all that stuff off and just bide the time until he eventually came to realize what a blessing it was to be apart from her. Told him my own experience with divorce, how it had ebbs and flows, but ultimately there would come a day when he said "Good riddance."

Well, that went over like a wet blanket, and I think it kinda damaged our friendship for a while...lol We still don't talk nearly that much any more.

But the thing is - what I predicted came to be. She's still with that other guy, and they're planning on getting married and seem to be much better suited for each other. The ex hubby went through a period of time of being alone, and now seems to have found someone that fits him really well.

But it makes me wonder.... When you see these people out there fighting for what are arguably garbage relationships once one person is about to leave...what exactly is it they're fighting for? Is it really because they want to salvage the relationship? Or is it because they don't want the blow to their ego that they were the one left?

Do you know anyone like that?

I think it's painful to watch something you believed in or once held dear, die. We tend to cling to what was even when we know the moment has passed and it frustrates us that there is nothing we can do about it.

 

[Deidre32]

Pride. And likely, they grew up like that so it’s all they know. They think love should feel toxic. Jesus could change it all if they would let Him.