Feeling really down...

[NoddaProbBob]

hi there.
well im not all too sure where to start....but I guess first I'll start out by saying that I suffer from depression.
I've only tested into a mild depression category, but I personally think that it varies from day to day in worseness, and well. I dunno, I think its more severe than mild...but anyways
I am just so under the weather. I feel bad a lot of the time, and I hide it from most people so that I don't hurt anyone. And...Im so lost. I am not suicidal, but I wish I could just die right now. I feel quite unloved and unwanted by everyone. and there is just no where to go with anything that's going on in my life right now.
I don't like to talk to my parents so much because they don't understand and take things out of proportion. and I've distanced myself away from friends....
A lot of what is going on right now has to do with SI.
And I'm just stuck right now....and I just feel so alone and I don't know what to do with myself anymore.
I know that there are people who love me. and I know that there are some people who care. But saying one thing, and believing it are two total separate things. And I just can't get myself to believe it right now...
And I just don't know what to do....

 

[Jeshu]

Hi sufferer.

Your story touched me as a typical story of someone going into severe depression. Been there very often myself so I know the symptoms very well.
You didn't mention medications that is the first line of defense against depression. Secondly this constant hiding away from others, though it is seen as a symptom, can be broken by nobody else than yourself. It is good to share your depression with loved ones even if they don't understand you very well. Please don't believe your depressed feelings and thoughts rather struggle against them in the light of scripture - it is your only hope.

God's blessing in your time of trial.


Gerry

 

[NoddaProbBob]

hi jeshu

I didn't mention anything about medicines because I don't take any. I do see a therapist, but we have never talked about that, and I had only tested as mild.
I have thought about wether or not I might need some....but Im scared to suggest it. I know not all meds are bad but I've heard some things about them, and I would be scared of the ridicule brought upon by my family, my dad mostly.
I don't think that there's anything wrong with people who take meds, but Im sure if I started taking them, that things would probably get worse because of things my parents might say.
And also. I don't have a problem with sharing this with my friends, but I do have a problem when it starts to bug them. I just....It feels like I've hurt a lot of people because they worry about me, and the last thing I want to do is worry people, or make them feel like I'm going to do something.

thanks for replying back

 

[Mask]

Hi NoddaProbBob,

Sorry to hear that you are feeling low right now. Even though it is hard...try not to isolate yourself..that only makes things worst! It's nobody's business, if you need medication....how would they know anyway? If you required medication for some other health ailment...you would get it, so don't worry so much about that...it's worth a try, it might make you feel better. I hope you feel better soon !

 

[AWorkInProgress]

hi there.
well im not all too sure where to start....but I guess first I'll start out by saying that I suffer from depression.
I've only tested into a mild depression category, but I personally think that it varies from day to day in worseness, and well. I dunno, I think its more severe than mild...but anyways
I am just so under the weather. I feel bad a lot of the time, and I hide it from most people so that I don't hurt anyone. And...Im so lost. I am not suicidal, but I wish I could just die right now. I feel quite unloved and unwanted by everyone. and there is just no where to go with anything that's going on in my life right now.
I don't like to talk to my parents so much because they don't understand and take things out of proportion. and I've distanced myself away from friends....
A lot of what is going on right now has to do with SI.
And I'm just stuck right now....and I just feel so alone and I don't know what to do with myself anymore.
I know that there are people who love me. and I know that there are some people who care. But saying one thing, and believing it are two total separate things. And I just can't get myself to believe it right now...
And I just don't know what to do....

G'morning Sister,

Ultimately your recovery falls on your hands. Problem is that with lack of wisdom and understanding thru most of your life. You believe in something that is not true. Which is that you are unwanted and unloved.

Just going to point out what I mean.

"I am not suicidal, but I wish I could just die right now"

I am going give you some starting tools to combat this. Ultimately I can not rescue you, but be a meer tool for you to use. Please meditate on my words.

First let me build your understanding of your spirit and sinful nature.

Galatians 5:16-26
Living by the Spirit’s Power

16 So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. 17 The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions. 18 But when you are directed by the Spirit, you are not under obligation to the law of Moses.

19 When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, 21 envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.
22 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. 25 Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. 26 Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another.

Spirit is the good in us, gives up good intentions. If you close your eyes, and just search for it. It is like a whisper compared to the screams of your sinful nature. You will know when you found it, for it will be the opposite of the screams. Once you do, learn to listen to it as offen as possible.

Balance of the rational mind and emotional mind, both are required for balance. Any extreme of one can be dangerious thou. Right now your sinful nature taken the reigns of your emotions. Give the rational thought process to your spirit, let it use that thin thread of reason to go against the tsanami of negitive emotions.

Realize who your true enemy is, it is yourself. Or as what Paul described as the sinful nature. It is a part of us, and when the spirit is crushed. It will use it's tools of pain, despair, fear, worry, etc to either bring you down or do harm to others.

I always refer to this passage in describing what our sinful nature intends to do.

Luke 8:30-33

Jesus demanded, “What is your name?”

“Legion,” he replied, for he was filled with many demons. 31 The demons kept begging Jesus not to send them into the bottomless pit.[e]
32 There happened to be a large herd of pigs feeding on the hillside nearby, and the demons begged him to let them enter into the pigs. So Jesus gave them permission. 33 Then the demons came out of the man and entered the pigs, and the entire herd plunged down the steep hillside into the lake and drowned.

You said it yourself as I quoted earlier. Learn how to take the tools out of the hands of your sinful nature. Realize that you are a beautiful child of God, just never given the understanding on how overcome the enemy from within. You have a great life ahead of you, just going to need time to reclaim it.

As I mentioned many times now, allow your mind to grow. Pray to our Great Father for guidance, understanding and strength to overcome this challenge. Take up a bible study and learn the great wisdom as given by our Lord Jesus. Also learn to use all the tools availible from theorpist, to us here, to free online tools such as http://www.coping.org/growth/burnout.htm . NEVER lose hope and keep faith in our Great Father and his Son. It will be tough, but you can win.

 

[Nobility]

Aww sweetheart... Having been there myself more than once, I understand where you are coming from. Firstly, have you been honest with your therapist as to where you are at? With the depression, self-esteem and SI? If not, that'd be a really good place to start. Secondly, can you take Anti-Depressants without your parents finding out? If you can (i.e. is allowed by your therapist/doc) then it'd be great to talk to the therapist about it and whether it is an option...

I'm always here if you are needing to PM someone hun

 

[Jeshu]

hi jeshu

I didn't mention anything about medicines because I don't take any. I do see a therapist, but we have never talked about that, and I had only tested as mild.
I have thought about wether or not I might need some....but Im scared to suggest it. I know not all meds are bad but I've heard some things about them, and I would be scared of the ridicule brought upon by my family, my dad mostly.
I don't think that there's anything wrong with people who take meds, but Im sure if I started taking them, that things would probably get worse because of things my parents might say.
And also. I don't have a problem with sharing this with my friends, but I do have a problem when it starts to bug them. I just....It feels like I've hurt a lot of people because they worry about me, and the last thing I want to do is worry people, or make them feel like I'm going to do something.

thanks for replying back

hi again.

Depression, in my experience can be compared to a ferocious animal of extraordinary brute force, ravaging our souls at will.

SI = equally is a beast of great force!!

Now you can't hope to overcome this on your own.

I advise Jesus as first solution so His love in truth can fix the spiritual side of your
dilemma. E.g your hurt, frustrations, fears, anger, disappointments, loneliness and isolations. Jesus is great and He will lift you out of even the deepest pits especially when we are in our 'deepest depressions' His loving truth will set us free.
Secondly I come back to the meds. Though your situation is somewhat different I didn't want to go on meds either and for many years I was medication free. How I struggled, how I fought to stay on top of it. How I tried to convince my friends and loved ones that I was right (that faith in God would make me better.) I suffered 4 major psychosis', wrecked my social status and my family life time and again, before I agreed to meds. They sure have made and are making the difference. Indeed God provided these tablets - however imperfect - so that we who are depressed and/or manic can benefit from them.
I hear you about your family but please don't let their uninformed perspective hinder you from getting better. Depression is a dangerous beast as I said at the beginning and how would your family react if you are destroyed by that?

Do something radical be there for yourself.

Love

Gerry

 

[cardfan1]

I feel your pain. I'm sick and tired inside of feeling like this. I go about my daily routine trying to muster enough energy to keep up my "everything is ok" facade. I have talked with a couple family members and friends I trust, and although it helps temporarily, eventually I slide back down into the depths again. Nothing in my life is wrong. I've got Christ as my saviour, and He's been pretty good to me over the years, but something is definitely wrong with me right now. I feel like I'll never get through it.

And here's where I might be able to provide a little advice. I have been talking with a counselor for the last 2 weeks or so. I went to a good Christian counselor at a church i trust, and although I still am down in the dumps, it helps to talk to him and he is starting to understand my situation better. He has now recommended me for medication.

For a long time I didn't want to take medication for multiple reasons. 1. i didn't want to 'sidestep' whatever God was working on me in seeking help through worldly medicine 2. I was a little embarrassed, 3. How could a physical medication help a mental problem,

...and i can also relate to having a father who doesn't really believe in me taking medication. I could tell his disapproval when i would mention it, and I just told him this week i was going to be taking it. He still didn't jump for joy, but at least he knows and understands i'm trying to get help.

Finally, think about this. I struggled with thinking I was taking the easy way out with medication until my fiance made a pretty good point. Isn't God big enough to work on your problems whether your on medication or not? Whether I'm seeing a psychologist, counselor, or taking medication, the Lord is still capable of healing you and leading you through your troubles if you are truly seeking His will. I've just started taking medicine yesterday. I'm still a little scared of it, but if I didn't tell anyone, no one would know about it either. It's not so bad.

I still feel pretty terrible today. It's tough. I know words and comforting cliches only go so far when your going through this, so i'll just say a prayer for you. I truly hope you get through this, because every one i talk to that has gotten through deppression gives a little more hope for me. God bless you.

Jesus said, "I will not leave you comfortless; I will come to you" -John 14:18