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Feeling Hopeless

Discussion in 'Requests for Christian Advice' started by Lisa114, Dec 6, 2021.

  1. Lisa114

    Lisa114 New Member

    United States
    I don't know if this is the right forum because I'm new here but I'm feeling lost. I have been dealing with a lot of depression lately and doubting my future. I'm about to turn 37, I'm single, no kids, mediocre job (with a master's degree) that I don't love, I have gained over 150 pounds in the last few years, I have a lot of financial troubles, no siblings, and my extended family does nothing to support me. I'm a believer but lately I feel like God has forgotten about me. I have a few supportive friends but they're all moving on with their lives and I feel bad always counting on them to suppress my fears when they have more important things to deal with. I'm not very happy in my current life and I see none of it getting better. I always wanted to get married and have children but as I get older that doesn't seem like it's going to happen. Despite being 37, I have never been asked on a date. I feel like no one is going to want to date me, let alone marry me. I have told myself that if I don't feel happy in 3-5 years I might just kill myself. I can't believe that God would actually want me to do that but I don't see another way. I worry about being alone and not cared for. I don't want to live in a world where I talk to no one all day and have nothing to live for. I have seen in other posts that members mention living for Jesus, but I don't know if that's enough for me. Wouldn't he want me to be happy? I have been working on losing weight and have seen some difference. It's just not enough for me. I don't see myself being a better/happier person if I do lose the weight.
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2021
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  2. Tigger45

    Tigger45 Well-Known Member Supporter

    United States
    Generic Orthodox Christian
    God’s blessings Lisa. May the joy of the Lord be your strength.
  3. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

    Much of this sounds familiar to me, though I'm on the male side.

    I'm pretty sure that God cares more about my holiness than I do, and that I care more about my earthly happiness than God does.

    I was in more of a tailspin a few years ago, I had to discipline myself to eat better and handle the mornings better. When I actually do the things that the doctor and the dentist tell me to do, my body feels better. God stayed with me and blessed me. Not getting-me-all-the-way-to-where-I-would-like-to-be blessed, but I've still had blessings.

    The only good decision to make is to do what you can to improve your life, in a way that you can do it consistently. You need to find good motivation rooted in truth, not wishful thinking. If it's rooted in truth, deep down you can't deny it. Wishful thinking is far easier to dismiss, then you're in a worse place than you were before.

    Pay down the financial issues one small debt at a time. Lose the excess weight that you're not happy about by making one or two permanent improvements to your eating habits that you can live with, and give that months to work. Don't be discouraged if you put on water weight after eating something salty (it happens). The gains don't have to be impressive on paper as long as they are real.

    Maybe you'll meet someone, maybe you won't. This is about becoming a better version of yourself, which will be better for you and the guy if you do meet someone. But even if you don't, you'll still be in a better place than you are now.
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  4. pdudgeon

    pdudgeon Traditional Catholic Supporter

    United States
    Lisa, this is the right place!
    You've found it, and we're glad to meet you. :hug:
    From what you have told us you do have some good things in your resume, like perseverance, ( Master's degrees don't come easily)
    Good observation and evaluation talents, and a desire to achieve something good in your life.
    Those are good things!!
    And it sounds like you are bored with what life has delt you so far.
    That's actually a good place AND a good time to be where you are in your life.
    And this is a prime time to get started organizing and seeking a brand new life in the New Year.
    Where to start? With a list.
    1. What are you good at doing?
    2. What is it that motivates you?
    3. Pray, and ask for God's leading, and write down what He says.
    Best wishes for you on your search for a brand new life! :hug:
  5. dqhall

    dqhall Well-Known Member Supporter

    United States
    When I was 57 I wrote to probably over 100 women in online dating. Few wrote back. I got some responses, exchanged text and sometimes phone numbers. I met some in restaurants, a food court or coffee shop. We did not fornicate. I was not able to marry, but was able to learn from women I met. One was into health food. She was new to the area moving here after her husband died. She had a friend in the area. She rented an apartment while having a house built for her and her three children. I took her to see the Boca Grande lighthouse. I showed her Fisherman’s Village decorated for Christmas. She grabbed my hand and I walked in amazement holding her hand. I gave her a stock tip she made money off of. She was healthy and strong for her age. I was sick scheduled for bladder stone surgery. She started dating someone else as I no longer attracted her. I called her occasionally for a few more months then split.

    Recently I was in a serious bicycle accident and hired female temporary workers to do cooking, cleaning, take me to appointments etc. while I try to recover. It is only business with them, these are married.

    I regret living alone, but at 62 I am not likely to marry. Jesus, Paul and John the Baptist were probably celibate. Peter and the other apostles were married according to one of Paul’s epistles. I worried about living with a woman in sin as most of the women I met online confessed lustful desire, if we stayed in communication for a length of time. Most were divorced or widowed. There were too many rules and too many doubts, thus I did not so much as find a roommate. The lady who lived in an RV park and wrote to me maybe a year ago I did not trust. Did not invite her to have lunch at my place. I put up barriers when I should have shown hospitality. Recently I was calling a widow across the street and talking to her for companionship. It did not work as she already has a close male friend she went places with and she cut me off. Now I am lame, unable to drive my compact car after hip surgery. Instacart drivers delivered my groceries once a week. If I were to start writing to women, I do not think many would write back. In addition to this, fewer older women have personal ads in online dating. If they find I have assets, they might want to marry me and try to outlive me to inherit it, or divorce me, take the money and run.

    My uncle Dale was a Vietnam veteran and an attorney. He was married twice and had two live in girl friends over the course of years. His last girlfriend let him move into her house in Santa Fe. Bonny spent his retirement savings, pension and SSI checks. Dale got Alzheimer’s and Bonny cared for him. She got cancer and died. She left her house to him and her investments to others. The will was contested. Our family got a lawyer and got possession of the house to pay for Dale’s long term care. He died in a memory loss unit.

    Some seniors in my 55+ complex remarried or shared homes as unmarried couples late in life. About 15 percent live alone. I found this by studying the HOA phone book and conversations with the few people I met at the pool or other activities.

    Seek first the Kingdom of God. I used to visit homeless people in a park and took food or money to them. Sometimes I was able say, “Jesus loves you.” Jesus recommended giving to those who could not pay back. I was of the opinion Jesus taught we should try to help the poor. Even a sinful person might find some purpose in serving others.
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  6. Freth

    Freth Well-Known Member Supporter

    United States
    Hello Lisa, and welcome to the forums.

    You are not alone. I have experience with every one of the things you're struggling with. Even though I've been through these things myself, I can't begin to know your personal situation, and the various factors involved.

    I have no doubt you can find happiness in your life, but it may require a lot of work to get there (job, debt, health). Set goals for yourself, stay the course, and persevere until they are achieved.

    I too have never been married, and I have no kids. I'm fifty years old. There are some things, like finding love, which are beyond our control. I don't let myself get discouraged.

    Nurturing a personal relationship with Jesus daily will go a long way toward bringing peace, joy and happiness to your life. The message of Jesus is one of hope.

    Happiness is found in the simplest things in life.
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2021

    SANTOSO Well-Known Member

    Beloved one, let us consider what we have heard:

    “Therefore, from now on, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, yet now we know Him thus no longer.”
    ‭‭II Corinthians‬ ‭5:16‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

    Beloved one, we are not to regard ourselves according to the flesh but we are to regard ourselves according to the Spirit.

    Beloved one, don’t take offense at what I have said. Beloved one, let us consider how we should REGARD ourselves, for we heard what apostle Paul also said:

    Follow the pattern of the sound words that you have heard from me, in the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. -2 Timothy 1:13

    Beloved one, let us regard ourselves according to the Spirit, that is, in the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.

    Beloved one, I was also depressed once, that I hated who I became then. Could anybody ever like me? Seriously then, I can’t even pray or sing ! I was then hopeless ! But my Lord is gracious, that He have compassion on me and rescue me.

    I did have thoughts about the future but much brought me worry, sorrow, anxiety and fear. Now, I perceived and understood not conforming to the world and be transformed by renewing my mind, that our Lord meant for my good.

    Beloved one, we should not concern ourselves or we should not regard ourselves according to the flesh but we should concern ourselves more to regard according to the Spirit.

    Let us say age. There were much causes to bring griefs to Moses that he can’t deliver his people out of bondage of Egypt. Despite his political influence, as son of the daughter of Pharaoh, despite his wealth, despite his status, despite his education, despite his youthful strength, despite many things, that he could be concerned about. But with God, nothing is impossible!

    Single ? John the Baptist we heard only that he was the only one born from Zechariah and Elizabeth. We have heard that he has not been married. Yet, this is what we have heard our Lord said about him:

    ““Assuredly, I say to you, among those born of women there has not risen one greater than John the Baptist; but he who is least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he.”
    ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭11:11‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

    What a testimony that John the Baptist have !

    No kids ? This is what we have heard our Lord said:
    ““Sing, O barren, You who have not borne! Break forth into singing, and cry aloud, You who have not labored with child! For more are the children of the desolate Than the children of the married woman,” says the Lord.”
    ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭54:1‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

    Beloved one, consider the Lord’s loving kindness, that He gives His strength the barren to sing, and promises them more children!

    About jobs ? This is what we have heard:
    “And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work.”
    ‭‭II Corinthians‬ ‭9:8‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

    Beloved one, let us consider that we may have abundance for every good work.

    About weight?
    For we heard:
    “Dishonest scales are an abomination to the Lord, But a just weight is His delight.”
    ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭11:1‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

    Beloved one, our body weights are not the expressions of who we are ! Let us not be dishonest to ourselves about that. So what is a just weight ?

    For we heard:
    “For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.”
    ‭‭II Corinthians‬ ‭4:17-18‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

    So our body weights are temporary not eternal. A just weight is weight of glory which are not seen are eternal.

    Financial troubles ? This is what we have heard:
    This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. -Psalms 34:6

    Beloved one, let us cry to the Lord and believe that our Lord heard us and save us out of all our troubles.

    You are right that extended family should provide support.

    Beloved one, don’t put aside the love that your supportive friends have provided for you. For love cast out fear. Why you put aside the love and embrace the fear yourself and consider that your friends have more important things to deal with ? You get it wrong. Beloved one, put aside the fear and cast out that thoughts that “ your supportive friends have more important things to deal with.” For nothing is more important than love.

    For we heard :
    If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. -1 Corinthians 13:3

    So if we have love, we have everything.

    Beloved one, don’t kill yourself. Honor those who have supported you and love you. Honor our Lord who loved you and gave Himself for you.

    Beloved one, the concept “happy” you have to review again. Consider from the perspective of the One who loves you and gave Himself for you. Yes, the Lord Jesus Christ.
    For we heard:
    These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. -John 15:11

    Beloved one, let us consider these things the Lord have spoken to us, that the joy of the Lord be in us and that our joy be full.

    Beloved one, let us be delighted to hear reminder. For we heard:
    “Beloved, I now write to you this second epistle (in both of which I stir up your pure minds by way of reminder),”
    ‭‭II Peter‬ ‭3:1‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

    Beloved one, let us remind ourselves or stir up our minds by way of reminder, that we should regard ourselves according to the Spirit.

    May God’s peace be multiplied to you in every way. To God the Father be thanksgiving through Christ. Amen.
  8. Lost4words

    Lost4words Jesus I Trust In You Supporter

    United Kingdom
    Trust in God.

    Be strong. Take that first step to the new you with God in your heart.

    Go for it!

    God bless you
  9. Aussie Pete

    Aussie Pete Well-Known Member Supporter

    If you are seeking fulfillment apart from God, you will be disappointed. Many people have their natural desires met but still yearn for more. I know a man I used to work with. He's now one of the high flyers in a multinational corporation. He phones me very now and again to tell me how dissatisfied he is.

    If you put God first and foremost in your life, He can turn things around. But first He will change you. When you start to see how blessed you are and how good God is to you, joy will rise up and you will be content. Joyful people are good to be around. Others will enjoy your company more.

    There is an old hymn, "Count your blessings". Start thanking God for everything that you have, even the small things. And always keep in mind that you will be in heaven when you leave this life. I'm 70. I can assure you that 37 was about yesterday for me. Time is way too short for worrying and complaining. I keep saying to myself, "How did I get to be 70??" Let Jesus take control of your life. You have tried your best. Let Him take over now. He's been transforming lives for a very long time. I was a suicidal drunk with serious health issues when I got born again. It's not been easy, but Lord Jesus has transformed me over the last 50 years. He can do the same for you.
  10. angelsaroundme

    angelsaroundme Well-Known Member

    United States
    I guess the question is how much more confident or more energy will you have if you lose weight. However, you can't really know until you do it. Not even saying "Well I when was this weight at that age..." amounts to much because as you get older you exist in a new context. Being a certain weight in your 20s is less of an accomplishment than being that weight in your 30s or 40s.

    The main reason I'd recommend losing weight is the sense of accomplishment itself. I do feel a lot better having lost weight even if I'm not really anymore social than I was before.

    I do understand what you mean about not having enough of a purpose or wanting more of one. Trying to find some way to make the world a better place is about all I can recommend other than meeting people and sharing your life with them.
  11. Cbgrace1980

    Cbgrace1980 New Member

    United States
    Lisa, thank you so much for sharing. I am sorry that you are feeling so down. I know you'd like to feel better as you indicated in your post. I am praying for you right now that you would feel the love of God in a tremendous way. That He would comfort you and uplift and encourage you. That you would feel just a little bit better every day. That you would know that you are loved and worthy of love. You are important and you are making the world better even though you may not feel that way. I have been married (twice) and both of my spouses left me for affairs. This is certainly not how I wanted my life to turn out but all I can do is try to find the best that God has for me. It may be better to have not been married than to have suffered the pain that I've had to go through from losing my spouses. I know that may not sound like much, but I am here for you.
  12. Brenda Blakely

    Brenda Blakely Member

    United States

    Dear Lisa,

    Sounds like you may be experiencing the symptoms of a mid life crisis. There are times in each of our lives we have to take inventory and determine if we are on course. It has been my experience that until we value ourselves, as a child of God, losing weight or single life adjustments don’t solve the problem. I personally find that as I grow spiritually thru fellowship with other believers, prayer and communication with my Father, and seeking spiritual maturity thru God's word and instruction in the Bible, that I began to know myself.

    One of the things that helped me was to begin to take inventory of my blessings. When I discovered what I had to be thankful for it helped me to realize I had more than I thought. Once that was established my outlook began to change so that I could see the things that needed to change at this time of my life. I became able to set reasonable goals, with guidance from my heavenly Father. One of the things that helped me most was to become involved in some volunteer work. It helped me to be a part of something bigger than myself and see things from a different perspective.

    Those two steps were the beginning of a turnaround. Sometimes we need to have a support group or individual to help us to do a turn around so here are a list of numbers for resources. Today is the first day of the rest of your life and there is a better day out there waiting for you to find it. God has a plan and He will help you to find it if you look. God bless you as you begin your own personal great adventure into finding all that life has to offer you personally.
  13. aiki

    aiki Regular Member

    Could it be that you've forgotten God? He made you to have Him at the center of your life, seated on the throne of your heart. Is He there? Or are you occupying the throne? The unhappiness you describe is not consistent with a life surrendered to, and centered upon, God.

    And God? Is He not the God of All Comfort? The Bible says He is. And far better in this role than any human could ever be. What would happen if all you had to rely upon was God? Would He be enough for you? Is the Creator and Sustainer of All Things insufficient to meet your needs? How could this possibly be?

    None of us were made to function well apart from God. He made us to live with Himself as our core, our Lord and Master. When we do, our lives fulfill their created purpose and take on meaning and value they can't when we are simply seeking to live the lives we choose for ourselves.

    I didn't marry 'til I was 39. Never had anything close to a serious relationship with any woman but my wife. And she was something of a surprise, entering my life as a romantic interest after I had settled into life as a confirmed bachelor, finally content just with God rather than all the culturally-derived expectations I had taken on that had been making me incredibly miserable.

    It's pretty clear at this point in what you've written, that God is not in the place in your life in which He should be. And this, I believe, has a HUGE bearing on how you're feeling about your life. Again, your life was not created to serve you but Him. When it does, joy, peace and fulfillment result. It is the vicious rule of Self that leads some to suicide and many others to varying states of deep fear and depression. This is the problem with Self: It is not self-regulating but remains chronically hungry and dissatisfied, pushing for greater and greater gratification, even when doing so is destructive. This is what happens, though, when we live in a way God never intended for us to live.

    This is where Self always leads us: Deep into darkness, self-pitying, blind to the rest and peace God promises us in humble submission to His will and way. You have, in reality, much to live for - but not in serving yourself.

    Happy? No. Not really. Happiness is ephemeral, fleeting, circumstance-reliant. God offers you joy, instead. Joy that is anchored in Him and so does not fade away, or dissolve in the midst of difficulty.

    Happiness is a selfish goal, too, superficial and impossible to maintain for any significant length of time. As such it is never really satisfying which is why people are always searching so desperately for the next moment of happiness. God holds many other things as far more vital, far more important: Truth, justice, courage, integrity, faith, love, and so on. Often, the pursuit of these things requires the sacrifice of personal happiness. Jesus is a prime example.

    God wants us to be good stewards of the bodies He's given us, but He never tells us in His word, the Bible, that being fit will lead to happiness. No, satisfaction, fulfillment and joy are found in living in daily submission to Him. But you won't seek such a life until you grow smaller in your own thinking and God grows larger in it.
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2021